I think this has always been a fulcrum point in the search for relationships of any kind, and it is changed tremendously in this kind of online venue, because we don't have the thousands of instant bits of information we get from face-to face encounters.

I suggest that in addition to adjusting what we are willing to open up about in advance, we also have to work very hard on subtle adjustments to what we are going to react to in advance, both positive and negative.

The many discussions of "red flags" are what that is all about. We are always going to have them, but one of the tricky things about revealing personal information , likes and dislikes, desires and aversions, is that the EXACT ORDER that a person divulges information can itself be what decides whether it is accepted or not.

Obviously, if your opening message to someone is "I like to lick off the edge of the jelly jar before putting the lid back on," you will give a very different impression of yourself to a new acquaintance, than if you wait until there's an immediate reason to talk about such things.

.

I agree with some about opening up in messages ...
sometimes I do if I think I might be interested ...
in them ... I like you Op sometimes ...
just get it out there is best and let them decide...
I do not want them to contact me...
if they are not interested in meeting me...
why go through all that ...
just tell them about your fabulous life

Some interesting points.

Seems like context is often everything when you are exchanging information.

What might be sexy,funny. poignant,or serious in person is way different on line. It is weird once something on line people you don't even want to know are coming to conclusions about you .

How you can cut up with people in real world creates a totally different impression on line.

I find that is very true about personal disclosures. Even in the early dating process.

Example. I was very seriously visually impaired for a very long time. That is not something that is evident on line at all. Well not as much because spell check and Dragon Speaks kept upgrading and improved my typing . Clearly didn't show in photos.

And I have always been very adept at compensating and adapting; worked,traveled, married, raised a family, blah blah blah.

When I went out one first or sometimes several dates I would go with the flow and "the facts" were not obvious.

Did I once consider agreeing to drive my date Porch home when he wanted sober me to be his designated driver after playing grab *** with the waitress? Nope but I was tempted lol.

But there are some people who think if you can't count the stitches on their levi's that maybe there are other things they suddenly have to explain to you. Or do for you.

But if dating has to be this chronic educational process it ceases to be fun fast.

And if you just let things come to light if or when it is necessary then it is all good. A lot of times people like you and don't give a rats behind about things you are sure they are going to write you off for.

I have found people who have a hand full of red flags ready to throw down on the play of life together are too wounded to deal with. You never lnow what life is going to bring tomorrow.

I open up as needed/required. on a need to know basis..

I like the way your mind works

I like the way your mind works

..ummm.. well who
doesn't !!. like to lick the edge of the jelly jar.....
But if thay like licking the edge of the peanut butter jar
.. well after hello!! that better be the next few words out of there mouth..lol

so difficult really, I have no clue on the etiquette, it has been too long

I WISH that people would put their top five flaws right out in the beginning before emotional investment begins,,,,, and so there is really no place to go but UP,,, lol


but that goes against the whole 'first impressions' expectation of putting only the strengths out front,,,

I have an advantage, being that I am not looking, of not caring about the first impressions and getting the difficult stuff out initially, depending entirely on what they ask me,,, weeds out those that don't have much-staying power,,,,,: drinker: