Topic: Does he love you or not?
SparklingCrystal 💖💎's photo
Mon 06/26/17 04:59 AM
This is such a valuable piece of information, that I felt like sharing it here since many women pull their hair out over this when they find someone.

It is not my own, source is added underneath. Credit's due where it's due after all.
Enjoy!
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There are many ways to determine if a man loves
you. There are obvious ones, like him coming right out
and saying it, and more subtle ones, like the fact that
he can be open and vulnerable with you.

However when you get right down to it, there is one
guaranteed way to know for sure and that is....

....if he remembers things about you.

If a guy is really into you, he will pay close attention to
everything you say. He will especially hone in on what
you like and will do his darndest to give it to you. Love
really is in the details.


Giving a woman a bouquet of roses is a great way to
show you care. Giving a woman her favorite flowers,
in her favorite color, wrapped up in the sparkly paper
that only she likes is a demonstration of love.

When we love someone, we can't get enough. We ask
questions, we check them out on Facebook, we hone
in on their style, we try to put as many pieces together
as possible, and even still, we want more.

I fell in love for the first time about 9 years ago and I
can remember everything about that relationship in
vivid detail. If I really summon up those memories, I
can literally feel the emotions I felt back then. And yet,
I can hardly remember if I stayed in or went out last
weekend.

Love does crazy things to people. It takes you out of
your body and into another reality that is focused
solely on another person.

When a guy shows a genuine interest in who you are
and what you like, he is invested.
And when he takes
the information gathered about what you like and
goes out of his way to give it to you, he is in love.


So stop torturing yourself with guessing games that will
give you as much information as plucking petals off a
rose. And stop waiting to hear the words.

Instead, look at the actions. Look at what he does,
how he treats you, how he tries to make you happy.
He may not always get it right, but that's not what
matters. What matters is the intention.

When it comes to love, the rule I live by is never allow
yourself to care for someone who hasn't shown he
cares about making you happy.
This is why it's best to
keep relationships slow and steady in the beginning,
it'll give you a better sense of who you're dealing with.

flowerforyou

Source: www.anewmode.com

no photo
Mon 06/26/17 05:18 AM
I love the way her jaw clicks when she chews her food...sad2
Or the way she waits till the last cigarette
to ask me to go to the store for a pack...:angry:

no photo
Mon 06/26/17 05:31 AM
Thanks Crystal for posting that. Actions really do speak louder than words. What is mentioned here is what I look for when I'm in a relationship, and is the kind of relationship I desire.

SparklingCrystal 💖💎's photo
Mon 06/26/17 06:08 AM

Thanks Crystal for posting that. Actions really do speak louder than words. What is mentioned here is what I look for when I'm in a relationship, and is the kind of relationship I desire.

Yes, it is what you should be looking for! It is truly wonderful when you get all that!
I know, cos he does all those things smooched
Made an effort to get me the right (colour) flowers and card for my birthday, bought me a ring for a pressie... is interested in my past, asked to see photos of me as a girly too tongue2 The other day he wanted to drive past the house where I'd lived for 10 yrs, is interested in the things I do and so on. He makes an effort with a great many other things too.
On top of all the actions he also says he loves me. Not every day, but that's all right. I don't either. If every day was Christmas it wouldn't be Christmas anymore. But I do need a man to say those words to me too.

Just to illustrate it does exist. And for me to consciously see these things again.
I feel blessed for sure! :heart:

no photo
Mon 06/26/17 06:32 AM
there is one
guaranteed way to know for sure and that is....

....if he remembers things about you.

That has more to do with the stages of attraction and the amount of dopamine in the brain.
That helps you focus on details and remember.

Kind of like rats in a maze.
You put a happy brain button at the end of the maze, rats remember that maze better than others.

Focus and attention to detail, remembering details, is not a sign of love it's a sign of interacting with a potentially high reward, the best immediate possible mate for children, and certain brain chemicals being released.


A better "guaranteed way to know for sure!" that they are about as close to "loving" you as possible is if they keep telling and showing you that you keep popping into their head.
That's the next stage of attraction.
That they've taken all those "things about you" and worked that into their mind, so things they do, no matter how small or meaningless, reminds them of you, which influences their behavior.

There is a difference, although in practical communication they can appear the same, and it can be easily missed.
"I remembered you like cookies, so I bought you a cookie."
vs.
"I'm really horny, I really need to see you. Be there in 10, I stopped by circle K for some cookies, guess I need the energy for later wink wink."
or
"How's your aunt? Brenda at work brought in cookies today and for some reason I just remembered you telling me that story about your aunt having problems."


When a guy shows a genuine interest in who you are
and what you like, he is invested

That "genuine" seems to be the important word in that sentence.
How do you determine "genuine?"
PUA and "players" seem to be able to fake "genuine" consistently.

no photo
Mon 06/26/17 06:37 AM


Thanks Crystal for posting that. Actions really do speak louder than words. What is mentioned here is what I look for when I'm in a relationship, and is the kind of relationship I desire.

Yes, it is what you should be looking for! It is truly wonderful when you get all that!
I know, cos he does all those things smooched
Made an effort to get me the right (colour) flowers and card for my birthday, bought me a ring for a pressie... is interested in my past, asked to see photos of me as a girly too tongue2 The other day he wanted to drive past the house where I'd lived for 10 yrs, is interested in the things I do and so on. He makes an effort with a great many other things too.
On top of all the actions he also says he loves me. Not every day, but that's all right. I don't either. If every day was Christmas it wouldn't be Christmas anymore. But I do need a man to say those words to me too.

Just to illustrate it does exist. And for me to consciously see these things again.
I feel blessed for sure! :heart:



That's awesome Crystal, I'm happy for you.

One reason I am single now is because I'm no longer willing to settle. Yes, there was a time I settled for less, it's taken a long time for me to build my self worth and not allow my upbringing or others to define who I am.

I remember getting really tired of my last boyfriend always asking when my day off was, after I had told him a couple times and even texted him when it was slaphead That, amongst other things is why he's now my ex. If they can't remember even the simple things like when you have a day off, that's not a good sign that you matter to them.

It's very important to me that I know I matter to them, and even though hearing it is nice, if their actions don't show it then I have no faith in their words.


SparklingCrystal 💖💎's photo
Mon 06/26/17 07:03 AM
Edited by SparklingCrystal 💖💎 on Mon 06/26/17 07:04 AM
I hear you... It also took me time to get to the point that I wasn't willing to settle anymore. It's a learning curve, isn't it.
I've been treated like chit for a decade, I learnt my lesson, hihi. Yet, still took me time to get clear what it was I did want and need.
All the stuff I regularly post about here has to do with the things I've learnt in the 4 yr as a single woman.
To be honest, I'm almost certain most ppl don't know what it is they really want and need until they're our age. You just need life's lessons to get there. Maybe it could be done at a younger age, but then you also have to be aware of what you need at a younger age.
If you remember my thread from a while back where I asked ppl what they actively do to grow and learn what they need... most answered along the vein of "I am who I am". In other words "I can't be bothered."
So ppl knowing at a younger age... I doubt that will happen any time soon.
But you'll find him, or he you, I'm sure of it! You're a wonderful person, open to learning and growing.
And remember, maybe he isn't ready yet... That's the peculiar thing sometimes... Divine timing.
For instance, I was ready for a relationship by mid 2015, but he wasn't available yet. Had I settled for less before I met him in 2016, I would never have met him, and we both would've missed out on an important soul connection.
Have you ever done cards on this?

Oh, and thank you!! I really am happy as a lark! flowerforyou
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no photo
Mon 06/26/17 07:08 AM
You're welcome, and Thank You Crystal flowerforyou

soufiehere's photo
Mon 06/26/17 08:55 AM
I dunno.
We are talking about men here.
One is lucky if they know where you live.
After a few years.