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| Topic: Help Me Understand | |
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honestly if your looking to just hang out tinder is suprisingly good for that I've made a few good freinds with that app that are in my area
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I guess you are right. I'm looking for a "personality" first and then if the personality is halfway there for me it makes up for what a person may lack in looks. I've dated good looking guys that couldn't hold a conversation and it bored me to deatb! By the end of the night I didn't care what they looked like! I had a good looking male stripper friend once who couldn't figure out why I wasn't attracted to him. I told him I liked him more for his personality then I did for his looks. Plus he was shorter than me. We had so much fun as friends. I would shave his back when he had shows to do and run interference when he was trying to escape women. But we always stayed friends. So for me, personality can make or break a man's looks. I've been a "beard" before...and had a lot of fun...and, no way was there anything like physical attraction there, on *either* side... 
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honestly if your looking to just hang out tinder is suprisingly good for that I've made a few good freinds with that app that are in my area Never heard of "tinder". I'll take a look at it, thanks. 
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honestly if your looking to just hang out tinder is suprisingly good for that I've made a few good freinds with that app that are in my area Never heard of "tinder". I'll take a look at it, thanks. Bear in mind, Tinder doesn't really have profiles...their thing is pictures... |
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Here at Mingle, if you are really looking for someone and value personality above all, the best advice is to participate regularly in the FORUMS.
1) You have a better chance of meeting someone real. 2) Forum participants are generally more active and interactive. 3) Many in the forums have been on this site for months, if not years. 4) The forums give you a much better chance to gauge personality prior to private contact. I had a relationship that lasted 2+ years with someone I met on Mingle. |
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Edited by
I_love_bluegrass
on
Sat 09/22/18 03:54 PM
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Here at Mingle, if you are really looking for someone and value personality above all, the best advice is to participate regularly in the FORUMS. 1) You have a better chance of meeting someone real. 2) Forum participants are generally more active and interactive. 3) Many in the forums have been on this site for months, if not years. 4) The forums give you a much better chance to gauge personality prior to private contact. I had a relationship that lasted 2+ years with someone I met on Mingle. You said: " Many in the forums have been on this site for months, if not years. " That doesn't bode well for meeting someone to date..if they've been on here for *years*.. They're either really, really picky....or don't really want to meet someone.. But, you *are* 100% correct in *this*: "The forums give you a much better chance to gauge personality prior to private contact." There are a couple of guys in the forums who, based on their sarcasm/ snide remarks I've read, I wouldn't want to date..  |
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People to take leaves of absence, and then return. Like myself.
I haven't been all that active the last 6 years until just recently. I stopped being active because of someone in the forums whom I repeatedly clashed with. Plus I had already found someone. So I chose to focus on the latter. So being here for years isn't necessarily a bad thing. Now I'm back, and it's beginning to look like lightning might strike twice for me. Too early to tell. I was caught off-guard, to be honest. But hey....yay me! |
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If a man says he is looking for an "honest" woman then why aren't they honest? Honestly! I set my profile up and I am very specific about what I'm looking for but 9/10ths of the responses I've gotten have been from guys in other states, guys looking for marriage, married men, or guys looking for "true love." Am I in the wrong place to just find cool people to hang out with, is my explanation not straightforward enough or is it that no one is reading it? Help me understand this online thing. Some male Humans are desperate, which is why they ignore the limits set by women. |
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Edited by
I_love_bluegrass
on
Sat 09/22/18 04:15 PM
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If a man says he is looking for an "honest" woman then why aren't they honest? Honestly! I set my profile up and I am very specific about what I'm looking for but 9/10ths of the responses I've gotten have been from guys in other states, guys looking for marriage, married men, or guys looking for "true love." Am I in the wrong place to just find cool people to hang out with, is my explanation not straightforward enough or is it that no one is reading it? Help me understand this online thing. Some male Humans are desperate, which is why they ignore the limits set by women. While I am sure it worked for then once (it *must* have, that they keep trying the same BS)...one would think they'd have better results if they focused on women they actually had a *chance* of going out with....i.e: ones that they have things in common with and don't violate their boundaries... It's like...a company advertises for a licensed electricial with 5 years experience. And all these dudes whose *only* "experience" with electricity is changing an occasional light bulb seem to think they should apply, and actually have a chance at getting the job.....then get an attitude when the comapny won't even interview them... It's mind-boggling...
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You place 4 women (or men) in an empty room, one in each corner. You lower a man (or woman) into the center of the room. Nobody says a word. The one in the center will show interest in one of the four over the others. Now, do the same thing but the room is pitch black. Now the four in the corners describe themselves one at a time. The one in the center will prefer one over the others. If you go into a bar, church, roller rink, library, etc, the first thing you do is look at the people that are there. Even if you know nobody, you have preferences based on the way they look. The reason why people (not just men) respond to pictures on profiles is because they are conditioned to be attracted to certain appearance qualities. Some of us can tell a lot about a person by the photo(s) they put up. There have been studies done on appearance. I worked as a service advisor for a new car dealership once. I handled appointments and dealt with people directly. I have talked to women that I imagined looked a certain way but they looked nothing like I imagined when I met them. People value the images they see. It causes us to want to form some type of connection with the person we see. On a dating site, when we see a pretty girl (woman) or a handsom boy (man) we click in to find out more about them to see if they might be interested in us. In a dating profile, the picture is vital if you are here to meet new people. If you don't have a profile photo, I figure you're not interested in attracting anyone by random. No photo, no click in. But...that is the whole point *of* dating sites and a profile...to be able to READ about someone, get a feel if the two of you have anything in common...any basis to start a conversation.. Rather than go up to some random stranger in public and try to chat...only to find out they have one or more things that, had you *known*, you have never initiated the conversation... I can't tell you how many "nice" looking guys on various sites I see, with didly-squat for a profile...("ask me anything"..."Just ask").. They are lazy, and expect the woman do do all the work to find out about them.. Or, worse, the &%$#@! who claim "ask them anything"...when you DO, they say "This ain't no damn job interview..." Oh honey..it kind of *is*.. I don't know the first thing about you...and you were to lazy to make even the slightest effort to describe yourself, so..yeah..I'm going to ask you things to find out about you... I don't care how nice looking he is...I won't message someone with no profile... I agree, its the photo AND the profile that attracts me enough to message them. But, look at the profiles that we don't click on. I'm not saying the photo is more important than the profile. I'm only saying that there has to be some reason to click on that particular profile in the first place. The photo is the initiator many times. (in a general search) I read profiles of women with no photo that have participated in the forums and my initiator is something they wrote that made me interested. But, in a normal search, while scanning the search results I only look at profiles that have pictures that I find pleasing. I don't look at those perfect picture profiles anymore because experience has taught me they are fakes. I actually look for imperfections, I look at the backgrounds. I click on the woman's profile that I am interested in meeting and that interest has a lot to do with how they look in their photo. The appearance qualities I have come to value. The ones that I like to look at. Seriously, how many people do you date that you can't stand to look at? How long will a relationship last if the sight of them turns you off? Sure, you can put a bag on their head and go for it if that's what ya want. I've had friends of the opposite sex that I was not attracted to but were really good people. Quite a few have been really attracted to me. No intimate relationships formed because the attraction was not mutual. Its just how life works, you form bonds with people you like to look at. Its not shallow or discriminating, its normal. We initially do judge a book by its cover, even when we don't realize it. ~~groan~~ "Seriously, how many people do you date that you can't stand to look at? How long will a relationship last if the sight of them turns you off? " There's *quite* a big difference between someone you can't stand to look at / turns you off....and not being someone you would go up to *solely* based on their looks alone...  And, just because someone doesn't intially light my fire/ flip my switch doesn't mean I may not find them *more* attractive and interesting after I talk to them a bit.. I don't care if you don't believe me....don't care if you disgaree with me. *I* know myself.. I have *very* different criteria as far as looks than most women in my age range.. What *they* seem to find attractive/ hot/ drool over leaves me cold... (George Clooney and Dwayne Johnson/ The Rock are two that come to mind that women seem to drool over, but they do *nothing for me) If a guy is hot looking...but dim, or we don't have anything in common, all the talking and want to in the world isn't going to make me interested in him.. OTOH..If he's not much by society's standards (which clesarly isn't *mine*)..or borders on toad-like..? But we have a ****-ton in common, share the same world view and ideology....then i will absoutle date him... I wish we could sort profiles based on what's written..to search for "keywords"..as it were.. The few sites that allow for that, isn't doesn't work a lot of the time.. Because then i wouldn't have to waste my time clicking on profiles that say nothing, or are the opposite of what i want in a partner. Again, don't care if you beileve me or agree with me...  Cheers! Peace, love, and cinnamon rolls to ya. I'm not disagreeing with you, merely making an observation. A very general observation. You have keywords you can search called Interests on the profile. If the person fills out their interests you can click on your interests and you get search results that are related to that interest. But, it depends on whether or not that person has that interest listed and spelled the same. It also matters for your search distance because it is an add on search parameter. Try it, click on one of your interests and see for yourself. People who write sentences for interests will get no matches because someone else in your search parameters needs to write that exact same sentence and spell it the same way you do. Firepits and Campfires is only going to give results for people that write out Firepits and Campfires. If they write Fire pits & Camp fires It will give no results. If you write cooking you will get more results because a lot of people write cooking the same. Think of it as an exact keyword search. People rarely act on first sight. They "notice" the ones that are appealing to them and might watch them for awhile before approaching them. Their "looks" catches their interest right away. That's why I was saying pictures on profiles have importance. They cause you to pause and look deeper. |
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Edited by
I_love_bluegrass
on
Sun 09/23/18 08:16 AM
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Tom4Uhere...
Aside from having interests that are (apparently) not common in my region (here it's mostly sports/ Nascar, grandkids, church...)...I *know* what you mean about the spelling.. I don't know how many times I have wanted to write someone and tell them it is NOT "bomb fire".... (not that I am into bonfires, but..I have seen that egreious misspelling on several profiles) And, on another site I am on...I do a keyword search, and profiles come up..and I search through them only to find there's NO mention of the supposed "keyword".. F****n' waste of time. ~~sigh~~ |
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It needs lots of patience to find love. Weeding out con artists, being disappointed but never giving up. You name it.
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Edited by
Red
on
Sun 09/23/18 10:56 AM
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Love? Who said anything about love? Right now I'll settle for a good friend I can trust to hang out with. I tried the "love" thing and guys start acting weird when that word gets involved. As long as you're friends, everything is copasetic. So friends it is!
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