Why do so many say one thing but their actions show otherwise.

Ah. I have a specific observation to suggest for your consideration concerning this.

A very long time ago now, I noticed that a lot of humans function as small children in certain ways. Mainly, in that they are in such a rush to live their lives from moment to moment, that they take "short cuts" without thinking or observing themselves carefully.

One of the common "shortcuts" many people take, is that rather than thinking through and assembling a comprehensive, internally consistent personal philosophy or morality, they instead gather a collection of phrases and vague "rule" concepts as they go along, and when asked for explanation, they pull one of those memorized phrases off the shelf in the back of their mind closet, and throw it at the person asking.

The number one reason why most people I know, say one thing and do another, is this habit they have of NOT EVER THINKING ABOUT THE ACTUAL MEANING OF THE WORDS THEY"VE LEARNED TO SAY.

When we are all small children, our main daily goals are simple: get the candy or the playtime, without getting yelled at or otherwise punished by the parents. We learn to say "please and thank you," not because we have the slightest comprehension of what gratitude, respect, or cooperation is all about, we just know that if we say "please," our parents are more likely to say "yes," than if we don't.

Lots of people never grow beyond that stage. They gather more complex phrases and cover stories and explanations to rip off to everyone else, but they never advance to the point where they even completely understand what they are saying.

I tried to make up my own "wise saying" about this phenomenon.

Here it is:

"It's not so much that people don't mean what they say, or say what they mean...

as that they do what they WANT, and then say what they've HEARD."

Interesting viewpoint!! Could this also explain why so many people are not receptive to discussing controversial subjects in a logical, intelligent manner? They have their beliefs and canned responses without having ever really thought through the whys of those beliefs. Without understanding why you believe what you do, how can you ever openly discuss those beliefs?

I think people say what you want to hear without actually planning on following through, especially if they get something out of it.

I think partly that, but when it comes to actual arguments, a lot of people mix in other bad habits, and a bit of cheap combat strategy.

Many of the canned responses when people argue, especially about politics, are all about playing to their own "peanut gallery," rather than being about actually arguing anything. They aren't logical, because they aren't trying to BE logical.
They're just performing.

It's similar to the childhood thing, in that people are trying to please someone (fellow smart-mouths, as opposed to parents), and aren't actually thinking or listening to anything that's actually being discussed. They say what they do, especially the stuff that makes no sense at all, because they've seen other people say it, and heard their personal favorite audience laugh.

The places and times where such people apply cheap combat strategy, are such as purposely being rude and aggressive, where there's no call for that; and when they make it brutishly clear that they have no intention of behaving in a manner conducive to ACTUAL debate, and their opponent decides to apply their energies elsewhere, they pretend to themselves that they've "won" the argument.

And of course, if all else fails, they simply resort to a series of memorized "clever" insults, again designed entirely to signal their "comradeship" with fellow fanatics, and not to make ANY logical points of any kind.

It's the same basic idea, that they only care about the "candy," and not the principles or about whether or not their PROCESS makes any sense.