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| Topic: Relationship minded | |
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Edited by
I_love_bluegrass
on
Sun 02/03/19 09:00 AM
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The answer to the question is older men who are not looking for a women's definition of a relationship and older women who are demanding a relationship. And so goes the battle of the sexes to never be resolved! It's not complicated. If a guy thinks he might be interested in a woman, then he should state up front what his desires are/ goal is..straight away, not go out several times, *then* get all weird because he percieves her to want "more".. Just be honest and truthful from the beginning. That way, he's more likely to find a woman who wants what he wants...and avoid those looking for more than he is wanting to get involved with.. I realze this might cut down on his chances of getting laid, but, oh well...can't have everything....¯\_(ツ)_/¯ |
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The answer to the question is older men who are not looking for a women's definition of a relationship and older women who are demanding a relationship. And so goes the battle of the sexes to never be resolved! It's not complicated. If a guy thinks he might be interested in a woman, then he should state up front what his desires are/ goal is..straight away, not go out several times, *then* get all weird because he percieves her to want "more".. Just be honest and truthful from the beginning. That way, he's more likely to find a woman who wants what he wants...and avoid those looking for more than he is wanting to get involved with.. I realze this might cut down on his chances of getting laid, but, oh well...can't have everything....¯\_(ツ)_/¯ |
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Edited by
I_love_bluegrass
on
Sun 02/03/19 09:38 AM
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Sorry but it is very complicated!!! The problem is in the elements of a relationship and what each expects and is willing to give within that relationship. I would need several hours of discussion on just that topic to understand where you are at and for you to understand me. Not going to happen in a few dates and easy to be misled! Sorry...I don't get that.. I meet a guy, we chat for a bit online...at some point, I'm going to ask him "so..what are you hoping to get from this/ what is it you are looking for on here?" Or something along those lines.. If he hems and haws......that's a red flag for me.. If he says he doesn't know....I'm leery..but I'll give it a bit longer.. If he says just a FWB or a casual thing...I'll let him know thanks for being honest, but...I'm looking for something more...peace, and good luck on your quest... |
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Edited by
Toodygirl5
on
Sun 02/03/19 09:54 AM
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I ask many questions before and of my meets. No I don't believe every answer I get from men. However, I decided. The men I would meet in person and those I wouldn't. My meets worked out ok. I had nice dates. Every date doesn't work into a relationship. That's why I like a real date, I learn more about the real man.
Men who want a date, usually don't mind a woman asking questions. I dated a retired Marine. He told almost everything.  Hookups don't work that way! They don't care. |
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[ If he says just a FWB or a casual thing...I'll let him know thanks for being honest, but...I'm looking for something more...peace, and good luck on your quest... I do the same thing ! 
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Sorry but it is very complicated!!! The problem is in the elements of a relationship and what each expects and is willing to give within that relationship. I would need several hours of discussion on just that topic to understand where you are at and for you to understand me. Not going to happen in a few dates and easy to be misled! Sorry...I don't get that.. I meet a guy, we chat for a bit online...at some point, I'm going to ask him "so..what are you hoping to get from this/ what is it you are looking for on here?" Or something along those lines.. If he hems and haws......that's a red flag for me.. If he says he doesn't know....I'm leery..but I'll give it a bit longer.. If he says just a FWB or a casual thing...I'll let him know thanks for being honest, but...I'm looking for something more...peace, and good luck on your quest... Assuming we are in a relationship and your birthday is next week, what do you expect from me? It is my grandson's birthday next week and I'm going to stay there overnight at my daughter's; my ex wife will be there, is that an issue? I just booked a flight to Mexico for next week for 2, are you going with? Simple questions with not so simple answers. |
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Sorry but it is very complicated!!! The problem is in the elements of a relationship and what each expects and is willing to give within that relationship. I would need several hours of discussion on just that topic to understand where you are at and for you to understand me. Not going to happen in a few dates and easy to be misled! Sorry...I don't get that.. I meet a guy, we chat for a bit online...at some point, I'm going to ask him "so..what are you hoping to get from this/ what is it you are looking for on here?" Or something along those lines.. If he hems and haws......that's a red flag for me.. If he says he doesn't know....I'm leery..but I'll give it a bit longer.. If he says just a FWB or a casual thing...I'll let him know thanks for being honest, but...I'm looking for something more...peace, and good luck on your quest... Assuming we are in a relationship and your birthday is next week, what do you expect from me? It is my grandson's birthday next week and I'm going to stay there overnight at my daughter's; my ex wife will be there, is that an issue? I just booked a flight to Mexico for next week for 2, are you going with? Simple questions with not so simple answers. Simple for me Your ex wife being there is Not an issue and I was actually in this scenario recently Take me out for dinner for my birthday If I can go to Mexico, I’m going. I like vacations |
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Edited by
I_love_bluegrass
on
Sun 02/03/19 01:00 PM
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Yep..some people want to difficult things up..
 I'm with JustBeHonest.. If *I* am in a relationship with someone, as I don't do casual...I would like a card, and maybe dinner.. Hell, even my male friends do that much..... If we have talked about your ex, and it is true that is is over, done, and all that...no problem. *I* would expect the same courtesy regarding my ex.. (although I camn't imagine why I'd be spending any time with him now, after over 25 years) Regarding the trip "for 2".. If I am in a reltionship with someone, I would assume they would be taking *me*, not some other woman.. If they were going with a male buddy...that's fine...no problem there..enjoy yourselves.... |
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Well, I dated my ex-husband on and off for 3years so I tend to think many people date their ex's for what ever reason.
Statics say that too. So I would have a problem with men meeting up with an ex wife. Especially if they have grown children. That's just me. |
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Well, I dated my ex-husband on and off for 3years so I tend to think many people date their ex's for what ever reason. Statics say that too. So I would have a problem with men meeting up with an ex wife. Especially if they have grown children. That's just me. But the scenario matters. It’s a family function at Christmas so both parents are invited. I’ve NEVER dated an ex! |
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Well, I dated my ex-husband on and off for 3years so I tend to think many people date their ex's for what ever reason. Statics say that too. So I would have a problem with men meeting up with an ex wife. Especially if they have grown children. That's just me. But the scenario matters. It’s a family function at Christmas so both parents are invited. I’ve NEVER dated an ex! I only dated an ex boyfriend once, it only clarified for me why he was an ex. I agree with JBH... different scenarios. My first son had a different father than my other two sons. I was married to my two youngest's father, but on holidays and birthdays my oldest's father attended, as did the grandmother. There was no friction or jealousy... it was about the children, not about us. This past summer I visited my sons, their father came to a couple of family gatherings... There's no animosity between us... just respect and kinship... so maybe that makes a difference as to the comfort level. |
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Edited by
Toodygirl5
on
Sun 02/03/19 02:45 PM
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My ex husband was a good date. Every man that is good for Dating isn't marriage material. He was handsome and had good job, he got plenty of dates!.
He wasn't good at being married. Committing to one woman is difficult for Some men. Some NEVER do. |
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If a person can't communicate clearly I see things a bit differently on this. I see ignorance as a temporary condition as long as I am willing to recitify it and they are willing to learn. Granted, there needs to be a certain degree of aptitude when interacting online. So I agree but then I give considerations to effort and learning. insulting someone This is a character flaw that stops me in my tracks and I abandon that person as not viable. I don't take offense because its not my character flaw, its theirs and I'm just plain not interested in them anymore. The truth is, most people online display their nature and by knowing what I do and don't desire in a personality helps me find potentials that are more in alignment with me. How you express yourself is not as important to me as the self you display. If you are only slightly literate but able to sincerely communicate (even if in a limited way) I will not dismiss you. Be rude, crude or hostile when I ask for clarification is immediate dismissal and I'm not interested at all. I find that most women online have difficulty expressing themselves. I find that many of them get hostile or give up when I ask to say it a different way. The woman I am currently with, had no issue with rewording so I could get a better idea of what she was saying. Once we met, face-to-face, we interact fine. Had she gotten rude in her replies, I certainly wouldn't have agreed to meet her. Here's an example of what i was refering to.. I was talking to a guy on the "fishing" site..we wer goimng well, he was replying with actual replies that shpwed interest, etc.. Until. He'd mentioned something about his military career..and I asked him about it...he did go into some detail..and ended by saying "Its long and convoluted. It would require Geo-Political context. But it was through our State Department." Then..he abruptly quit replying.. Whereas prior to this for 2 days he was all rapid-fire, witty...replying right away.. So, I sent him a message, asking: "Really mystifed why i have heard back from you yet.. You started out very chatty, then just dried up... :-(" His reply? "If you don't know why then I can't help you." Dude, i am not a mind reader, I have no clue what you mean.. I asked him to clarify....he blocked me. Alrighty then... If someone is dismissive without explanation (or purposely obtuse) , then that doesn't bode well for the relationship.. Bullet dodged, probablty.. Sorry so late getting back to you. If someone is dismissive without explanation (or purposely obtuse) , then that doesn't bode well for the relationship.. This is certainly a trait that should be considered. If he is like that in an online message, you can only expect more of the same in face-to-face interactions. Yes, bullet dodged. There are times, especially in certain military or covert operations where you just can't talk about something. Even the correspondence in telling that person you can;t talk about it can jeopardize your integrity. I can understand that but to finalize a message would still be rude. Even if I couldn't talk about it, I could reply with another message with a different focus. If you continued to force an answer, that I can't give, I'd have to end the banter. The thing is, how much was an ultimatum for him to answer your query and how much of it was just him being rude? If I am in the service and doing something highly classified and you ask me about it, I will change the subject. If you persist, I have no choice but to drop you. But, there is no reason to be rude to you. Even replying with a "this isn't going to work" would be better than abrupt silence. There are so many ways he could have handled that situation instead of what you relate. You DID dodge a bullet. |
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If a person can't communicate clearly I see things a bit differently on this. I see ignorance as a temporary condition as long as I am willing to recitify it and they are willing to learn. Granted, there needs to be a certain degree of aptitude when interacting online. So I agree but then I give considerations to effort and learning. insulting someone This is a character flaw that stops me in my tracks and I abandon that person as not viable. I don't take offense because its not my character flaw, its theirs and I'm just plain not interested in them anymore. The truth is, most people online display their nature and by knowing what I do and don't desire in a personality helps me find potentials that are more in alignment with me. How you express yourself is not as important to me as the self you display. If you are only slightly literate but able to sincerely communicate (even if in a limited way) I will not dismiss you. Be rude, crude or hostile when I ask for clarification is immediate dismissal and I'm not interested at all. I find that most women online have difficulty expressing themselves. I find that many of them get hostile or give up when I ask to say it a different way. The woman I am currently with, had no issue with rewording so I could get a better idea of what she was saying. Once we met, face-to-face, we interact fine. Had she gotten rude in her replies, I certainly wouldn't have agreed to meet her. Here's an example of what i was refering to.. I was talking to a guy on the "fishing" site..we wer goimng well, he was replying with actual replies that shpwed interest, etc.. Until. He'd mentioned something about his military career..and I asked him about it...he did go into some detail..and ended by saying "Its long and convoluted. It would require Geo-Political context. But it was through our State Department." Then..he abruptly quit replying.. Whereas prior to this for 2 days he was all rapid-fire, witty...replying right away.. So, I sent him a message, asking: "Really mystifed why i have heard back from you yet.. You started out very chatty, then just dried up... :-(" His reply? "If you don't know why then I can't help you." Dude, i am not a mind reader, I have no clue what you mean.. I asked him to clarify....he blocked me. Alrighty then... If someone is dismissive without explanation (or purposely obtuse) , then that doesn't bode well for the relationship.. Bullet dodged, probablty.. Sorry so late getting back to you. If someone is dismissive without explanation (or purposely obtuse) , then that doesn't bode well for the relationship.. This is certainly a trait that should be considered. If he is like that in an online message, you can only expect more of the same in face-to-face interactions. Yes, bullet dodged. There are times, especially in certain military or covert operations where you just can't talk about something. Even the correspondence in telling that person you can;t talk about it can jeopardize your integrity. I can understand that but to finalize a message would still be rude. Even if I couldn't talk about it, I could reply with another message with a different focus. If you continued to force an answer, that I can't give, I'd have to end the banter. The thing is, how much was an ultimatum for him to answer your query and how much of it was just him being rude? If I am in the service and doing something highly classified and you ask me about it, I will change the subject. If you persist, I have no choice but to drop you. But, there is no reason to be rude to you. Even replying with a "this isn't going to work" would be better than abrupt silence. There are so many ways he could have handled that situation instead of what you relate. You DID dodge a bullet. I did not push him, he mentioned first, I asked him abput it... HAD he said he coudn't talk about it, (Ye Olde Classified), or just didn't want to...OK, I'd be curious, but would not push. Would just hope he might be more open about it whe we got to know each other better. My only concern would be that it wasn't something that might be something *I* wouldn't want to get involved with (meaning be involved with someone who did it)....like undercover work, or something of that nature.. That stuff scares me. |
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Online men are good for Blocking Women. Of course, women Block men too. Communication doesn't go well most times because, many men don't like Emailing. They like talking on the Phone, then meeting up ASAP. In my experience. The only women I have blocked are the scammers - dozens of them! I have never blocked someone who is here for proper reasons. I have however been blocked by a couple of women who I think just got bored with the conversation and were not polite enough to say so. At the moment I am exchanging messages with a few nice ladies who live too far away for meeting to be possible. A sort of modern version of pen-pals. It's not true that men don't like sending e-mails. In my case I prefer that way of communicating and I admit I do write long messages. Talking on the phone is, for me, just a way to make a quick decision, like: "What time are we meeting this evening?" for example. I have always believed it is women who like long conversations on the phone and men who like to be brief and to the point. Maybe that is a difference between the UK and the USA? |
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Edited by
I_love_bluegrass
on
Mon 02/04/19 08:22 AM
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Online men are good for Blocking Women. Of course, women Block men too. Communication doesn't go well most times because, many men don't like Emailing. They like talking on the Phone, then meeting up ASAP. In my experience. It's not true that men don't like sending e-mails. In my case I prefer that way of communicating and I admit I do write long messages. Talking on the phone is, for me, just a way to make a quick decision, like: "What time are we meeting this evening?" for example. I have always believed it is women who like long conversations on the phone and men who like to be brief and to the point. Maybe that is a difference between the UK and the USA? I've LONG said that *I* appreciate a well-written and chatty (long) message/ e-mail.. I love learning about the other person, bouncing the conversation back and forth..there's no end to the things we can talk about in that regard...*IF* they are capable of replying with more than 3-s word replies. In *my* experiences on dating sites (not interested in other's opinions on *my* actaul experience, thanks), those that *claim* they suck t online conversation are no better on the phone, or in person.. If your expereinces are different, fabulous...I am happy for you...that still doesn't change what i experienced with the 3 guys who i refer to. Phone is good too...but, I do appreciate brief and to the point, when it applies.. I can't stand useless small talk ("how's yer momma-n-them"...blah blah..before getting to the *real* point) or idle chit chat. |
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Edited by
Toodygirl5
on
Mon 02/04/19 09:54 AM
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Online men are good for Blocking Women. Of course, women Block men too. Communication doesn't go well most times because, many men don't like Emailing. They like talking on the Phone, then meeting up ASAP. In my experience. The only women I have blocked are the scammers - dozens of them! I have never blocked someone who is here for proper reasons. I have however been blocked by a couple of women who I think just got bored with the conversation and were not polite enough to say so. At the moment I am exchanging messages with a few nice ladies who live too far away for meeting to be possible. A sort of modern version of pen-pals. It's not true that men don't like sending e-mails. In my case I prefer that way of communicating and I admit I do write long messages. Talking on the phone is, for me, just a way to make a quick decision, like: "What time are we meeting this evening?" for example. I have always believed it is women who like long conversations on the phone and men who like to be brief and to the point. Maybe that is a difference between the UK and the USA? Well, I get Messages from Men! I doubt You. do! Most men, don't like emailing for a lengthy time. These are men seeking. A Date. Not playing and posting on Any Forums. I' ve had conversations on the Phone with several Men. Many like talking to a Woman, if they are attracted and interested in Her. Men can talk for hours |
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I've LONG said that *I* appreciate a well-written and chatty (long) message/ e-mail.. I love learning about the other person, bouncing the conversation back and forth..there's no end to the things we can talk about in that regard...*IF* they are capable of replying with more than 3-s word replies. In *my* experiences on dating sites (not interested in other's opinions on *my* actaul experience, thanks), those that *claim* they suck t online conversation are no better on the phone, or in person.. If your expereinces are different, fabulous...I am happy for you...that still doesn't change what i experienced with the 3 guys who i refer to. Phone is good too...but, I do appreciate brief and to the point, when it applies.. I can't stand useless small talk ("how's yer momma-n-them"...blah blah..before getting to the *real* point) or idle chit chat. We must be very different! I've never indulged in idle chit chat or small talk on the phone! If the person I'm chatting with brings up subjects like that I do give polite replies but try to change the subject more interesting as soon as I can. On the other hand I have witnessed many women endlessly chatting on their phones, presumably to other women. I'm glad I'm not most men. A long chat on the phone can be quite expensive, especially from one country to another. By contrast, an e-mail doesn't cost more for a long one than for a short one! But it sometimes takes me quite a long time as I edit it and check it, edit again and check again, until I am happy with it. Of course I *always* find a typo just after hitting the send button! I do agree that if a lady is particularly interesting I can chat and more importantly listen to her for a long time.... BUT, I would rather use the phone to arrange a suitable place where we can sit back chat with each other. Body language can extend even a short conversation to include so much more meaning than is possible on the phone when you can't see the other person. Of course skype is better than the phone but nothing is as good as being in the same room! |
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We must be very different! I've never indulged in idle chit chat or small talk on the phone! If the person I'm chatting with brings up subjects like that I do give polite replies but try to change the subject more interesting as soon as I can. On the other hand I have witnessed many women endlessly chatting on their phones, presumably to other women. I'm glad I'm not most men. A long chat on the phone can be quite expensive, especially from one country to another. By contrast, an e-mail doesn't cost more for a long one than for a short one! But it sometimes takes me quite a long time as I edit it and check it, edit again and check again, until I am happy with it. Of course I *always* find a typo just after hitting the send button! I do agree that if a lady is particularly interesting I can chat and more importantly listen to her for a long time.... BUT, I would rather use the phone to arrange a suitable place where we can sit back chat with each other. Body language can extend even a short conversation to include so much more meaning than is possible on the phone when you can't see the other person. Of course skype is better than the phone but nothing is as good as being in the same room! We're not different at all..I was agreeing with you..  I said I don't like idle chit chat/ small talk... *IF* the conversation is interesting, and of some substance...I'm good..and happy to converse at length. But "making" conversation about the weather, momma-n-them...whatever..nope, get to the point... I agree with you on this as well: " BUT, I would rather use the phone to arrange a suitable place where we can sit back chat with each other" |
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It's nice to have agreement......... now where are all those ladies who want to have a long chat or e-mail with me?
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