Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance -- particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5 and then installed undesirable programs such as NFL 5.0, NBA 3.0, and Golf Clubs 4.1. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

What can I do?

Signed, Desperate



Dear Desperate,
First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an Operating System.

Please enter the command "! http: I Thought You Loved Me.html" and try to download Tears 6.2 and don't forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.

But remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1. Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta.

Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources). Also, do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program.

These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend! Food 3.0 and HotLingerie 7.7.

Good Luck, Tech Support

Loved reading that, thanks jaish

In other news, scientists have traced an element responsible for lowering female sex drive that also is responsible for female deafness. The element is called "wedding cake."

Women strike back after the above joke. They ask

"Did you hear about the miracle baby?"

You answer that you have not, and the woman replies:

"It was born with a penis AND a brain!"

Hold your breath Rivers, there's more.



Right Nick,
Was the reason I left out rest of the story but since you brought it up here we go.



Rest of the letter was sympathetic with some pathetic advice on how to improve performance which I felt were unsustainable and so stopped recording. I mean what’s the point in “root command C:\APOLOGIZE” – after system hangs?

And more often than not, we men seem to be apologizing for things that have not entered our minds. Remember the misunderstandings! In fact recently I caught myself apologizing to a beauty for a blunder she committed. Haws that!

Finally, when APOLOGIZE no longer works because they are bored with it Tech Support suggests we purchase additional software: Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0
Call me cheap or whatever but nope, sorry, I won’t.

Returning to the Manual there was a secondary warning which I think Mingle Men are already aware of but sometimes overlook.

This last, Secretary 3.3 keeps echoing in my mind.

Heck. what's one more regret.

Now that was some funny chit right there.

But doesn't tech support always suggest, "unplugging and plugging in, and unplugging and plugging in, and unplugging and plugging in", til the problem goes away?

Reminded me of the old story; might as well get it off my chest.

A Cuban, a Russian, an American and an Indian are travelling first class in a train. The Cuban opens his brief and brings out a pack of those cigars and offers to each one of them. After they have lit and the rich aroma of Havana fills the cabin, the Cuban throws out the opened pack out the window. The passengers are amazed. Waving his cigar, the Cuban explains, “Plenty, where I come from”.

The Russian now takes down his bedroll and pulls out bottle of Vodka and offers it in paper cups. After the biting taste relaxes them, the Russian throws out the half full bottle out the window. Passengers are amazed. The Russian pats the bedroll and says, “Plenty, where I come from”

Now the passengers are looking at the Indian who is clearly nervous. The American picks him up and tosses him out of the window. the remaining passengers are amazed but before the American can explain his cell phone rings and he switches it on. A voice says “Our tech support recently called on you. If you are satisfied with his services press 1; else press 2”

“See”, grins the American waving his cell phone; “Plenty, where I come from”

...i actually love learning from the ground up.

ha,ha,ha