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| Topic: Back to school | |
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That is why I asked the 'question' what would you do! I'm just giving the picture. It's nothing to do with what I think. Dwarfism is the term for the condition. The term 'normal ' is what we all generalise things by. You asked a very valid question.  Shows you have the spine, and the good character to try to learn and understand an unknown. You did something good. You opened discussion, on something many people still only discuss in hushed whispers. About my responses in many threads... Ever see the movie 'Animal House' ? The more stern i appear, The more serious i look, The more indignant i seem... The more you should read my post, with John Blutarsky's (Belushi's) voice... 
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Thanks rock
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Now that I've gotten through the mental block after hearing the word "normal", lol, I can see your question is more about how do we feel and act when we see someone who is noticeably different from the general population, such as a physical and/or developmental challenge or perhaps even some sort of disability. Am I correct?
Having given it some thought, as an adult, it would be difficult to say how I would react or feel if I was one of those other two girls. I can reflect back to when I was a kid but that kid back then was a very insecure kid who got picked on herself for not being "normal", I wasn't into what the other kids/teenagers were into and most of the time felt like I didn't fit anywhere in this world. I imagined I was from another planet who accidentally got left behind, lol. Like I mentioned to you in my PM to you, your question is thought provoking. It raised the question of our motives for interacting with others, specifically those who appear to be different. Having been treated differently I'm more sensitive to those that also appear to be different. When I see them being picked on I feel protective. Whether that has to do with my maternal instinct or having been there, I can't say for sure. Maybe a little of both? I do feel though that to befriend someone out of pity or to help them feel better in some way, is patronizing. Like I said in my other post, if someone did that with me it wouldn't feel good. I remember meeting someone years ago that had a physical disability. People would rush to the door to open it for him. Other's would try to help him with other things like picking something up when he dropped it. Although they were trying to be helpful, it pissed the man off big time, lol. His response to them was, "I'm a cripple, but I'm not incapable of doing things for myself". Or something along those words. That taught me a lot about how our reactions to someone who is noticeable different, even when well intended, can cause another to feel patronized. Okay, I'm rambling, lol. What I'm trying to get at is that your question raises the question of what is the motive behind our interaction or non interaction with those who are noticeable different from the general population? Hopefully if those motives are well intended we're able to stop and consider how those well intended actions might cause the other to feel. In the case of that man I spoke of, rather than assuming he needs help, ask him if he'd like help. Instead of assuming the girl is all alone in the world because she's different, ask her if you can walk with her... but only if you want to get to know her, not because you pity her. |
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if you were the 2 girls following the other girl would you walk with her to try make her happy and more welcome Not unless I wanted to be elected to the "make people happy and more welcome" position in student government. would you pretend she wasn't there? Why would I pretend she wasn't there? Why can't I just accept there's a stranger walking ahead of me and not give too much of a crap about it and go about my day? Is it essential I trigger something in myself? Would it be patronising to walk with her for the sake of your own guilt? Why would I feel guilt? Because I'm not a dwarf, like survivors guilt? Did I cause their dwarfism in some way? I thought this was funny: I remember meeting someone years ago that had a physical disability. People would rush to the door to open it for him. Other's would try to help him with other things like picking something up when he dropped it. Although they were trying to be helpful, it pissed the man off big time, lol. His response to them was, "I'm a cripple, but I'm not incapable of doing things for myself" That's why I no longer open or hold doors open for people. Sometimes I go in a store, turn around and hold the doors closed. I don't want to patronize anyone or make them feel like they can't do something. If they can violently open the doors that I'm holding closed? They can feel a sense of actual accomplishment and overcoming adversity! |
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had you worded your situation this way my response may have been different . ......
It's that time of year here in the UK that kids are going back to school after the summer break. I was driving this morning to my job and noticed a sweet little girl, probably starting big school for the first time. She had all the equipment, new skirt, new blazer, new bag and all the bits and pieces. She was on her own and about 15 - 20 paces behind her were 2 girls going to the same school probably the same age. What I'm asking in this thread is if you were the 2 girls following the other girl would you walk with her to try make her happy and more welcome or would you pretend she wasn't there? Would it be patronising to walk with her for the sake of your own guilt? ...........,,,,, The focus on the girl as a dwarf ., and far from "normal " was what I took offence to and I have already given my reaction to this . There is quite a difference between the way the two scenarios are worded . One implies your thoughts whether intended or not ... the other presents just the scenario . It is no longer acceptable to refer to a little person as not normal .. which is stigmatising and can affect self identity . If nec to use a descriptor is is preferable to say "less than average" height . It would also be difficult to ascertain the young girls age unless she was asked . She may well in fact be older than she appears and not her first day of school . The difficulty with assumptions . They are just that I have already stated my thoughts about the girls walking behind so I won't repeat that   |
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if you were the 2 girls following the other girl would you walk with her to try make her happy and more welcome Not unless I wanted to be elected to the "make people happy and more welcome" position in student government. would you pretend she wasn't there? Why would I pretend she wasn't there? Why can't I just accept there's a stranger walking ahead of me and not give too much of a crap about it and go about my day? Is it essential I trigger something in myself? Would it be patronising to walk with her for the sake of your own guilt? Why would I feel guilt? Because I'm not a dwarf, like survivors guilt? Did I cause their dwarfism in some way? I thought this was funny: I remember meeting someone years ago that had a physical disability. People would rush to the door to open it for him. Other's would try to help him with other things like picking something up when he dropped it. Although they were trying to be helpful, it pissed the man off big time, lol. His response to them was, "I'm a cripple, but I'm not incapable of doing things for myself" That's why I no longer open or hold doors open for people. Sometimes I go in a store, turn around and hold the doors closed. I don't want to patronize anyone or make them feel like they can't do something. If they can violently open the doors that I'm holding closed? They can feel a sense of actual accomplishment and overcoming adversity! Guilty for not consudring she wanted to walk alone ??? Guilty for exclusion or isolation of another pupil wearing the same uniform ??? Guilty of intentional avoidance based on her appearance ???? I am confident I would not be guilty 
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