Funny Apple .

°° Three Donuts °°
Little Johnny hears about 'Mable's adult fun place' in school and asks his father, what it was. His father is quite shocked, and replies, "Well, uh, you go there to, uh, have a good time."

Johnny starts screaming and hollering that he wants to go there, too, but his father insists that he's too young.

Saturday night rolls around. Johnny's dad and a few of his friends head out to Mable's ("Liquor In The Front, Poker In The Rear! – Our Customers Come First!) for a "good time."

Naturally, Little Johnny tags along secretly.

After his dad and his dad's friends have been safely inside for some time, Little Johnny knocks on the door. The madam opens the door. "Yes?" she asks.

"I'm here to have a good time!"

The madam is a little puzzled, but, being a kind-hearted soul, invites Little Johnny inside.
She gives him THREE donuts and then bids him goodbye.

When he gets home, his dad is frantic. (Dad obviously had come and gone at Mabel's.) "Where have you been?"

"I went to the 'Mable's'!" Johnny proudly boasted!

Johnny's dad blanched. "Uhh, you did? Umm, how was it?"

"Well, I managed the first two without any problem, but I just licked the third one!"

Funny Apple .

The pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express praise for answered prayers.
Suzie stood and walked to the podium.
She said, "I have a praise. Two months ago, my husband, Phil, had a terrible bicycle wreck and his scrotum was completely crushed. The pain was excruciating and the doctors didn't know if they could help him."
You could hear a muffled gasp from the men in the congregation as they imagine the pain that poor Phil must have experienced.
"Phil was unable to hold me or the children," she went on, "and every move caused him terrible pain." We prayed as the doctors performed a delicate operation, and it turned out they were able to piece together the crushed remnants of Phil's scrotum, and wrap wire around it to hold it in place."
Again, the men in the congregation cringed and squirmed uncomfortably as they imagined the horrible surgery performed on Phil.
"Now," she announced in a quivering voice, "thank the Lord, Phil is out of the hospital and the doctors say that with time, his scrotum should recover completely."
All the men sighed with unified relief. The pastor rose and tentatively asked if anyone else had something to say.
A man stood up and walked slowly to the podium.
He said, "I'm Phil." The entire congregation held its breath.
"I just want to tell my wife the word is sternum."

Two couples were playing poker one evening. John accidentally dropped some cards on the floor. When he bent down under the table to pick them up, he noticed Bill's wife Sue wasn't wearing any underwear under her dress!

Shocked by this, John upon trying to sit back up again, hit his head on the table and emerged red-faced. Later, John went to the kitchen to get some refreshments. Bill's wife followed and asked, "Did you see anything that you liked under there?"

Surprised by her boldness, John courageously admitted that, well indeed he did. She said, "Well, you can have it but it will cost you $500."

After taking a minute or two to assess the financial and moral costs of this offer, John confirms that he is interested.

She tells him that since her husband Bill works Friday afternoons and John doesn't, John should be at her house around 2 p.m. Friday afternoon.

When Friday rolled around, John showed up at Bill's house at 2 p.m. sharp and after paying Sue the agreed sum of $500 they went to the bedroom and closed their transaction, as agreed. John quickly dresses and left.

As usual, Bill came home from work at 6 p.m. and upon entering the house, asked his wife abruptly. "Did John come by the house this afternoon?"

With a lump in her throat Sue answered "Why yes, he did stop by for a few minutes this afternoon."

Her heart nearly skipped a beat when her husband curtly asked, "And did he give you $500?"

In terror she assumed that somehow he had found out and after mustering her best poker face, replied, "Well, yes, in fact he did give me $500."

Bill, with a satisfied look on his face, surprised his wife by

saying, "Good, I was hoping he did. John came by the office this morning and borrowed $500 from me. He promised me he'd stop by our house this afternoon on his way home and pay me back."

Now THAT, my friends, is a poker player !!!...🤣

A family was having a dinner and one of their daughter started telling a story.
Daughter: on my way back from school, I saw dad with a girl...
Father: Shūt up ! Don't talk with food in your mouth...
Mother: No, no, no, let her talk...
Daughter: Dad went into the bush, I followed them, they started kīssing and he undressed her and then...
Mother: and then what happened baby ? I will get you a box of chocolates.
Daughter: they started doing what you do with uncle Peru when dad is not around.
Mother: Shūt up ! Your dad has told you not to talk with food in your mouth you stupīd child...

Funny Apple .

A lawyer parks his brand new Porsche in front of the office to show it off to his colleagues.

As he's getting out of the car, a semi-trailer comes flying along too close to the curb and takes off the door before speeding off.

Distraught, the lawyer grabs his cell and calls the Police. Five minutes later, the police arrive.

Before the officer has a chance to ask any questions, the lawyer starts screaming hysterically, "My Porsche, my beautiful silver Porsche is ruined! No matter how long it's in the shop, it simply will never be the same again!"

After the lawyer finally finishes his rant, the policeman shakes his head in disgust. "I can't believe how materialistic you bloody lawyers are," he says. "You lot are so focused on your possessions that you don't notice anything else in your life."

"How can you say such a thing at a time like this?" snaps the lawyer.

The policeman replies, "Didn't you notice your arm was torn off?"

The lawyer looks down in horror. He screams, "Oh my God, where's my Rolex?"

A lawyer parks his brand new Porsche in front of the office to show it off to his colleagues.

As he's getting out of the car, a semi-trailer comes flying along too close to the curb and takes off the door before speeding off.

Distraught, the lawyer grabs his cell and calls the Police. Five minutes later, the police arrive.

Before the officer has a chance to ask any questions, the lawyer starts screaming hysterically, "My Porsche, my beautiful silver Porsche is ruined! No matter how long it's in the shop, it simply will never be the same again!"

After the lawyer finally finishes his rant, the policeman shakes his head in disgust. "I can't believe how materialistic you bloody lawyers are," he says. "You lot are so focused on your possessions that you don't notice anything else in your life."

"How can you say such a thing at a time like this?" snaps the lawyer.

The policeman replies, "Didn't you notice your arm was torn off?"

The lawyer looks down in horror. He screams, "Oh my God, where's my Rolex?"

Funny Apple .
Lawyer jokes:
What’s the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?
The lawyer charges more.
A lawyer is writing out a will for a young couple. After he’s through writing it he hands it back to them leaning over his desk with a pen in hand so they can sign it he asks “So, which one of you wants to go first?” (Note: think about the will and you’ll get the pun of the joke).

A small boy named david lived in a small village.
None of his classmates liked him because of his stupidity, especially his teacher, who was always yelling at him "your driving me insane david!!!!!"
One day davids mother came into school to check on how he was doing.
The teacher told his mother honestly, that her son is simply a disaster, getting very low marks and even she had never seen such a dumb boy in her entire teaching career!!!!
The mother was shocked at the feedback and withdrew david from the school & even moved to another town!!!!!
25 years later, the teacher was diagnosed with an incurable cardio disease!
All the doctors strongly advised her to have an open heart operation, which only one surgeon could perform...... Left with no other options, the teacher decided to have the operation, which was successful......
When she opened her eyes after the surgery she saw a handsome doctor smiling down at her! She wanted to thank him, but could not talk. Her face started to turn blue, she raised her hand, trying to tell him something but eventually died!
The doctor was shocked and was trying to work out what went wrong, when he turned around he saw david, working as a cleaner in the clinic, who had unplugged the oxygen equipment to connect his Hoover!!!!

I bet you thought David was the doctor 🤪

Funny .

GOOD

& Appu Jokes too..

David never told me about these....

Old couple having dinner at their favourite tavern.
The husband leans over and asks his wife, 'Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind this village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you.'

'Yes ', she says, 'I remember it well.'

'OK,' he says, 'How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?'

'Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!'

A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks to himself, I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble.. So he follows them and hid behind a bin to watch.

The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks. Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence.. The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in. Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen.

This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming. Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground.
The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn't know.

After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggles to their feet and puts their clothes back on. The policeman is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly amazing. I've got to ask them what their secret is.

So, as the couple passes, he jumps out from behind the bin he says to them, 'Excuse me, but that was something else. You must've had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?'
Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply puts his hand on the policemans shoulder looks up and says,
“son Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence."

Funny Jokes Julie.

Bestie..David doesnt tell everyone..he just do the smartest act he can do. lol

Funny Apple .
One day a boy is in the shower with his mother, he points to her and asks “Mom what is that?” “Oh, that’s my grass” she replies. The next day the boy is in the shower with his father, he points to him and asks “Dad, what is that?” “Oh, that’s my snake” he replies. The next day he barges into their bedroom and catches them having sex so the boy yells “Mommy daddy’s snake is in your grass!”

A professor of mathematics sent a fax to his wife. It read:

“Dear wife,
You must realize that you are 54 years old and I have certain needs which you are no longer able to satisfy.
I am otherwise happy with you as a wife, and I sincerely hope you will not be hurt or offended to learn that by the time you receive this letter, I will be at the Grand Hotel with my 18-year-old teaching assistant.
I’ll be home before midnight. –
Your Husband”

When he arrived at the hotel, there was a faxed letter waiting for him that read as follows:

“Dear Husband.
You too are 54 years old, and by the time you receive this, I will be at the Breakwater Hotel with the 18-year-old pool boy.
Being the brilliant mathematician that you are, you can easily appreciate the fact that 18 goes into 54 a lot more times than 54 goes into 18. Don’t wait up.

FUNNY ‍

🤭NICE🤭