I am from the Gov't and am here to help you. What's the problem?

Sorry to be a late entry...follows are my humble opions based on talking to large numbers of young people. In particularly young men in the military but women also.
At 19 you are still fairly young to be getting serious about anyone. Focus on your education, career, even getting your own car, or home. Heck forget the drama and travel. Date several people and keep things simple. The best way to do that is to keep your hands and "his" to yourselves and don't let phrases you don't mean pass your lips. That is a lot easier when you keep your dateing life in public places; especially those that don't serve alcohol. Private parties might sound cool but dumb things happen behind closed doors. You didn't say that alcohol contributed to this "slip" but in many cases it does; so, stack the cards in your favor. Also don't believe that majority of what you hear. Hormone induced compliments and "I love You's" mean very little in the long term scheme of true love. And I promise you abstinence will not kill you or keep you out of the running for a partner. Setting a high value on the feelings you do express physically shows maturity and sincerity.
I believe that you kissed a second person is a very good signal that you are not really into the first boyfriend and probably should end the relationship before you find yourself in a dangerous situation.
How would you ever forgive yourself if either young man or even yourself got seriously hurt over a jealous scenario. It happens everyday. And families suffer for a lifetime.
The chances that this secret will be come known is excellent. Guys gossip every bit as much as gals and you can bet someone near but not so dear to your heart will rat you out. At 19 it would also be very easy to slip and say something and the longer the news is delayed the angrier the person is going to feel.
Lies by ommision hurt every bit as much as purposeful lies. If you dump him he may wonder why but he doesn't need his nose rubbed in it. Saving this person's dignity is the least you can do.
Telling You could be hurt and or find yourself on the recieveing end of a "revenge cheat" is also highly likely. Since it is highly likely that he can find something that will top a kiss an STD would be a high price to pay for a stray kiss. Guys who do excuse cheating often do so because it gives them a "freebie".
I also don't believe his forgiveness at 19, give or take a year or so, is going to be all that graceful or complete. He might say he has forgotten but betrayal poisons relationships and you could pretty much count on bickering or worse.
It serves no good purpose to tell the first boyfriend why and will most likely hurt him to hear that he has been betrayed. Not knowing what his feelings are for you he is going to be hurt enough with out being made to feel inadequate or unable to trust people. Simply button up and take your punishment like and adult. You made a choice, maybe carelessly which could be attributed to youth, you still need to live with it and move on.
Reputations are important and you really don't need to shoot yourself down explaining.
While a single kiss is hardly the end of your honor but it will certainly insults it. Hopefully something you will not repeat in future relationships.
I wouldn't put a lot of stock in the spontanous kiss of boyfriend number two. You can be sure that boyfriend number one will figure out what happen if you don't take a respectable "time out" but even if you didn't it is probable you are going to feel pretty bad for a while and you don't want to "goof up" until your thoughts clear.
I think the once a cheat always a cheat remarks are pretty harsh at just 19. However you and only you have the ability not to let this behavior become habitual. At 19 you were old enough to know better and have been for awhile.
I think you probably want to learn from this experience so that no one gets hurt by your actions in the future. Stopping to think about impulses, and how miserable you feel now, hopefully that won't be so difficult.
Sorry this life lesson hasn't been a lot of fun. Try to draw comfort that you are learning it before the person you are involved with really does mean a lot more to you. Breaking vows is no joke. Or that you are hurting and innocent child by setting such a bad example. One thing I have seen about "cheating" is it hurts children in a BIG way.

Cheating is cheating

Kissing is cheating

Once a cheater, always a cheater...

One VERY simple rule of thumb. You should always have enough respect for your significant...Say to yourself before you do something...Would I want this done to me from my partner?

If no, then dont do it!

WOuld you mind him kissing a girl the same way you did and it wouldnt bother you? Survey says?

I JUST FINISHED GOING THROUGH THIS!
the one dude who i was with told me he loved me on the first night, and i didnt love him, but i liked him and i also liked my friend and my friend kissed me and i was like um i like you, and he wass like i like you too
and now im single without either of them, because i broke up with the one to be with the other and the other that i wanted to be with has someone else in mind, but liked me in the past and dadedadeda and so im just single and chillen with a broken heart but oh well its okay.

yeah f u c ak that

is this still going

i have had it done to me more than once and i would have rather not know cause it just made it hard to trust her after. the fact is you screwed up dont do it again and dont for gods sake tell him but pick the one you care for more.

This thread is another fine example of one of the things about Internet forums I find to be both irritating and disturbing.

The disturbing part is when folks ask for advice from a bunch of strangers regarding some extremely personal issues involved in an intimate relationship. We are the best that you've got in your life, to go to for advice? Your first choice?
That is just too sad for words. I think it might be time for you to step away from the keyboard and go outside. Maybe converse with your significant other? Maybe get a life? At the very least? Take these issues to someone(s) you have conversed with, who know a bit about you. People that you have developed a level of trust and respect with. Talk to them in a private venue like a phone call, chat or email.

Should you folks see me open a thread asking advice from the masses regarding my personal relationships? Will one of you please come to Oregon and put a bullet in my head? I shouldn't be hard to find. I'll be the one who is acting all crazy.. Talking to myself, running naked on my hands down the middle of freeways or something... Because I have surely lost my mind at that point!

The irritating part?

That's when 80% of the 'advice' is no advice at all.. It is an opportunity taken to be judgmental and condemning. About a situation that we only have a piece of the story...and we know next to nothing about the people involved. In that we also take an opportunity to toot our own horn.

Rather then offer something constructive, positive and harmless. Like suggest they go talk to their significant other about the interpersonal dynamics of their relationship. Maybe go and sit, be introspective and honestly consider where they went wrong, and how to avoid it in the future... We say things like 'Dump the b!tch (or jerk)! We offer strategies to deal, that are based on our own fears, misgivings and personal bad experiences. We do a great job of inserting ourselves into someplace we are not, know next to nothing about and do not involve us at all!

There is a bit of irony about it though. In our efforts..many of us speak volumes about who we really are, what we actually deeply fear, and just how not ready we are for these elusive relationships we are so desperately seeking.

In this case? Many of you fine folks condemned this young woman. Over a rather insignificant act by a woman who was, by her age... a relative child...not too long ago. While doing that.. You took advantage of the situation by telling us that you are as faithful as the sun coming up every morning.. Always have been and always will be.

If I was in the market? I'd be taking notes right now.. On who to stay away from, in this thread. People who claim Sainthood while judging others are usually the worst offenders, in my experience. They are usually completely incapable of honesty with themselves, let alone anyone else.

So.. in your efforts to impress us by your fidelity and reliability...at this girls expense.
You probably just made several hundred people very aware of what you truly are.

amen Jist, love your perspective on this..

after readin thru this thread, i know exactly who i'd really rather not talk with, and who i wouldn't mind emailing, who offers some pretty decent advice (ice i luv ya girl), and who would rather just degrade, and insult. true colors DO come out thru words alone, you can't hide behind your monitor in your safe home when someone actually asks for advice..

thank you to those that showed their true colors, you saved me (and im sure some others) some time and effort

Thanks ellgee...

I think I'll start keeping a list of these threads handy.. to point back to whenever some woman asks me where and who, the worthwhile guys are in this site. In the very least.. I can give her an idea of who is not.

The written word can be a relatively permanent thing here. Short of a server crash or Admin deciding to conserve space and let old threads drop off the back end.
Something to consider before releasing your hounds?

WAIT!! there's a search dog option on here? ;)

WOOF!