Every day, we are assaulted by stories of stupid people -- many of whom
use their stupidity for personal gain. From time to time, though, we
hear of those who strive to achieve new levels of stupidity *while* also
breaking the law. To these brave men and women -- ooops, "women and men"
-- we present the highest possible honor: entry into the
"Stupid-Criminal Hall of Shame."

Following are their accounts ..

Kentucky (where else?): Two men tried to pull the front off a cash
machine by running a chain from the machine to the bumper of their
pickup truck. Instead of pulling the front panel off the machine,
though, they pulled the bumper off their truck. Scared, they left the
scene and drove home. With the chain still attached to the machine. With
their bumper still attached to the chain. With their vehicle's license
plate still attached to the bumper.

South Carolina: A man walked into a local police station, dropped a bag
of cocaine on the counter, informed the desk sergeant that it was
substandard cut, and asked that the person who sold it to him be
arrested immediately.

Indiana: A man walked up to a cashier at a grocery store and demanded
all the money in the register. When the cashier handed him the loot, he
fled--leaving his wallet on the counter.

England: A German "tourist," supposedly on a golf holiday, showed up at
customs with his golf bag. While making idle chatter about golf, the
customs official realized that the tourist did not know what a
"handicap" was. The customs official asks the tourist to demonstrate his
swing, which he does--backward! A substantial amount of narcotics were
found in the golf bag.

Germany: Oil of Olay no longer turning the trick for her, a woman
decided that she would bathe in the milk of a camel (a modern-day
Cleopatra). So she stole a camel from the local zoo (where *else* can
you find a camel when you need one?) and transported it back to her
house--where she realized that the camel's name was "Otto."

Arizona: A company called "Guns For Hire" stages gunfights for Western
movies, etc. One day, they received a call from a 47-year-old woman who
wanted to have her husband killed. She got 4-1/2 years in jail.

Texas: A man convicted of robbery worked out a deal to pay $9600 in
damages rather than serve a prison sentence. For payment, he provided
the court a check--a *forged* check. He got 10 years.

(Location Unknown): A man went into a drug store, pulled a gun,
announced a robbery, and pulled a Hefty-bag face mask over his head--and
realized that he'd forgotten to cut eyeholes in the mask.

(Location Unknown): A man successfully broke into a bank after hours and
stole--are you ready for this?--the bank's video camera. While it was
recording. Remotely. (That is, the videotape recorder was located
elsewhere in the bank, so he didn't get the videotape of himself
stealing the camera.)

(Location Unknown): A man successfully broke into a bank's basement
through a street-level window, cutting himself up pretty badly in the
process. He then realized that (1) he could not get to the money from
where he was, (2) he could not climb back out the window through which
he had entered, and (3) he was bleeding pretty badly. So he located a
phone and dialed "911" for help..

Virginia: Two men in a pickup truck went to a new home site to steal a
refrigerator. Banging up walls, floors, etc., they snatched a
refrigerator from one of the houses, and loaded it onto the pickup. The
truck promptly got stuck in the mud, so these brain surgeons decided
that the refrigerator was too heavy. Banging up *more* walls, floors,
etc., they put the refrigerator BACK into the house and returned to the
pickup truck only to realize that they locked the keys in the truck--so
they abandoned it.

(Location Unknown): A man walked into a Circle-K (a convenience store
similar to a 7-11), put a $20 bill on the counter and asked for change.
When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked
for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The
man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the
counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer? Fifteen
dollars.

I like those/stupid criminal stories! Funny shit!

Italy. Man with long record for bank robberies from which he never got
more than two blocks away before being arrested wins national lottery.
The total amount of prize money is approx 10 million US. The next day he
tries to rob a bank and is as usual promptly arrested. In court he's
asked by the judge why rob a bank when he's just won national lottery.
Answer: It's the only thing I know how to do.

This one happened where I used to live in Windsor Ontario. Some guy
being short on cash decided that he would rob the Dominos Pizza he used
to work at, since he knew the kind of money that was in the store close
to closing time. And for a quick getaway he took his motorcycle, with
the added extra benefit that his helmet would prevent the staff from
seeing his face and knowing who he was. He made of with a large sum of
cash.
The police were knocking at his door within 30 minutes(no co-incidence).
As it happened, his NAME was stencilled on the back of his helmet, so as
he left, everyone in the store knew who he was

oh wait...my favourite was the guy that stole an entire 5 ton truck that
was delivering to a variety store. He didn't find out until he got
someplace safe to look that the ENTIRE truck was filled with feminine
hygiene products LOL

those are good..