I will drink to this

Oh even if I was in drama mode ma'am I meant what I said.
Every word of it.
I just presented it always with drama, but at least I am
as honest as I can be.
And I thought the thread is about what traits and attitude I want from a man:)

Good decision maker.
Good judge of character.
Consistent.
Not violent.

The girls get it sir.
That I always do it with drama, which men hates and despise most of the time.
My way of saying who I am.

This is how genuine as I can be.
With all the drama and
as transparent as I can be in
all my theatrics.

Me too sweetheart. I have to learn how to post without the dramatics:)

I think I am ma'am. the word is theatrical:)

I want a man that is good in decision making.

I want a man to see me as I am. Not a shadow of a do-goeder degree holder Psychologist.

I want a man who can diffirentiate me from Ms. God-fearing Psychologist.
(though I can understand at some point why he got confused, I would expect at least
he would hold back judgement and check properly before he judged me harshly)

I want a man who can see me as woman who does not embrace faith and God but believes in goodness and accountability.

I want a man who can identify me that I HAVE NEVER BEEN A PSYCHOLOGIST.I did not even finish College.
That I always have been who I have presented myself to be.

I want a man who is objective enough to CHECK my IP address if it is even the same as Ms. God fearing Psychologist,
if he has means. And if he doesnt have, will hold back being harsh and let time tell.


I want a man who is objective enough to CHECK the IP addresses of those newbies who sounded pathetically like me and COMPARE it with
my IP address, if he has means to check it. CHECK EACH AT LEAST BEFORE JUDGING ME.
If he does not have a way to check it, I would at least hope that he will not make harsh comments.

I want a man to at least be objective while I am still figuring out,
why there is a MUDSLINGING.
what have i done to deserve it.because as far as I know it was just a petty disagreeement (i still cant figure out what's the cause)
I even reached out in the forum- but no..
Price of reaching out in the forum-MUDSLINGING.

I want a man who does NOT see me as a victim of any manipulation but as someone just misunderstood.

I want a man who knows at least that I NEVER NEVER lead on anyone.

I want a man who knows at least that every time I read a post and it is obvious it is for me,
I ran in the opposite direction and NEVER COMMENTED on it, even if all the good-intentioned women,
flock and praise that post. BECAUSE I DONT WANT TO LEAD ON ANYONE.

I want a man who knows at least by now that when I have a Mingle crush, I go to his thread, ask him if his songs
are for me. Even if I am rejected, at least it was clear. it happened in the forum.

I want a man to hold his judgement AND NOT CONFUSED ME ALWAYS with a God-fearing Psychologist.

I want a man to see that I have PRACTICALLY DONE everything to tell Mingle that I ALWAYS HAVE ONLY 1 ACCOUNT 1 USERNAME.

I want a man who believes me that I am Jane.

(Guess that is too much to ask)

Happy Birthday Ms. Kristi:)

This quote reminds me Ms. Rains of the void and emptiness that I have chosen inside me, because I choose not to embrace faith and God. I choose to believe in goodness, justice and accountability.

It was and is a choice. I have to live with it.

You will always be an inspiration:)

My quote of the day:

It's the action, not the fruit of the action, that's important. You have to do the right thing. It may not be in your power, may not be in your time, that there'll be any fruit. But that doesn't mean you stop doing the right thing. You may never know what results come from your action. But if you do nothing, there will be no result.


― Mahatma Gandhi

My answer is mental exhaustion is worst.
Why?

Physical Exhaustion is heavenly to other people.
If it is not everyday.
It makes you focus on something that can be achieved immediately.
Rewarding and fulfilling especially if you see the results of your labor.
When your body is too tired, you can relax a bit and then you can have a long rest and sleep.
Induced by physical exhaustion.

Mental Exhaustion is a warning for me..to take things easily from that point that I feel mental fatigue.

People who prefers Psychological approach would always see it, equating it to - "how do u mentally cope"

People who prefers God-centered approach would always see it, that you need faith for you to cope mentally & spiritually.

People who just see it as mental exhaustion will just stop dwelling on it for a while.
Relax the mind.
Remove your emotions from the equation.
It is always the emotions that complicate things.
Then take up the issue when you are well rested and relax.
I think it is healthier.

BTW, with your ex wife issue, I think it is not about physical and mental exhaustion..
It is about what you can do for each other.
what you can do to take care for each other.
What you have taken for granted to each other.
If I may say this, you and your wife are both to be
blamed of what happen to your relationship.

My Take:



1. Postive Stress -

What is your stress response: It normally challenges me.
Especially if there is a deadline involved or my career is on the line.
I normally give my all.
Meet the goal on time.
Learn from the experience.

How has this affected you? Given that I did not finish College,
it makes me want to prove myself that I can do it and achieve things
even if my educational attainment is not at par with others.
It makes me study more.
It makes me diligent.It makes me read more books.

2.Tolerable Stress -

What is your stress response: My initial response is fear.
My 2nd response is to berate myself for putting myself in that situation.
My 3rd response is to always get up and choose the right thing - conquer the fear.


How has this affected you? Wary. Distrustful.
Caution is no longer a necessary.
It now becomes a necessity.
Learn from the experience.
I vow not to become jaded.
There is always hope.

3.Toxic Stress -

What is your stress response: It makes me appreciate and grateful with what I have right now.
My 2nd response is to ask myself if it is more prudent to walk away or take it head on.
My 3rd response is to take courage and act what I do is best for the situation.


How has this affected you? It always gives me headache. It makes me hate both Psychology and Religion perspectives.
It makes me always ask, what is healthier to fight back ( make a stand) or just to play dumb like the majority does?
It hurts me, that people misinterprets or conclude hastily.
It hurts more that people choose to misinterpret because of a motive I haven't figured out yet.
It makes me work out more and play video games more.
It makes me want to go home immediately to my hometown province:)

My take:

Outside Mingle:

Since I enjoy outdoors on weekends most of the time,
Rivertrekking in particular,I hang out with buddies.
There are times when you reached out for their hands to reach a
cluster of rock, or touch their hips for balance.
I am very strict on friendship.
If you like me as a woman, Dont be my friend.Dont be my buddy.
You dont need sexual tension on dangerous treks.
It will kill you or your friend.

If you like me. court me. But never be my friend.

It is insulting when males, flirt insincerely or just
for "airs".
-chances are, the one recipient of those flirting tactics gets
dislike by females who are interested on the flirt guy.
- most of the time, the one recipient of those flirting tactics gets
the brunt of the kick.

What is really more unfair is when the guy is not even flirting, but just being
a gentleman.. and not even remotely interested on the person, but other
females would conclude that he is "hitting on her" and YES ,it is the girl's fault.
Go figure.

Friendship with a guy is dangerous.
So it is best from the start, if you will set the proper expectations.
I say, jump straight into it-and let the guy take it from there.

In mingle:

My strict rule: No matter what! never be a friend to a guy.
Remember every guy has woman admirers.
And it is never the fault of their admired men that he flirted
insincerely or say nice things insensitively.
It is always the fault of the girl receiving the "flirting".

What is more unfair is when the man is not even flirting with you.
He was just really being a gentleman, and the ladies would think that
"he is hitting on her" and yes of course the fault is with the girl.

Friendship. No. If I am interested base on the guy's post,
I will chase him in the forum. But until then, stay away from me,
because I dont like being recipient of nasty stuff just because you
like flirting.

It is tiresome.Petty and very immature.
And for someone checking seriously on the God they claimed they represented, it is very discouraging.

I refuse to be jaded, no matter what.

so choose the guy.. and choose well. Hold back.
And no friendship..jump into it.
He will take it from there.

That is just me though.. maybe it will be different with you.

^^ I do these only with elderly women and pregnant women or women with babies though :)

My take:

Mike give the girl a break.
If she is excited on the Xbox and enjoy playing, then maybe that's just it.
Shy? maybe cautious.She plays xbox remember? Far from passive.


Guarded?

When a girl teases and laugh while playing video games with you or hanging out with you,
it means she feel safe and NOT expecting anything from you.Buddies.
The word is platonic.


But when the girl is guarded and sensitive after you drop hints on her that you like her more than a friend-
It means for me:
She does not want to get hurt.
It means you can actually hurt her.
It means that your comment can affect her.
It means that she is watching and gauging you of your effort.

Now this would depend on your feelings on the girl.
If you are good with her being friends, drop the flirting and move on.

If you are not contented with being friends.
Stop being a friend and court her properly.
1. Check her fb, comment on her pictures with her friends, comment on her pictures with her family.
2. Tell her directly you dont want friendship.

Those 2 things will honestly make her open up.That is a 90% guarantee on females who plays video games and Xbox.
Chances are if she values your friendship and see u as that, she will tell you to stop.

But if she is guarded? And you will be direct and clear with your intentions, then maybe that is the only time she will reciprocate and be upfront with you too.

The most important thing Mike is to make sure first of your feelings for the girl.
Then do 1 & 2.

My Take:
Date?
Date her online.
Check her online.
Know her family online.
Get to know her better online.
Check her fb.
Check her friends, her comments on her.
Check if she have an instagram. Check her videos.
But DO NOT travel to meet her until YOU KNOW she is the one for you.

Even then. check if it is possible or within your means.
Set the proper expectations.

My Advice: Travel to meet her ONLY if you are sure it is REALLY love and you are sure and you have confirmed everything that needs to be confirmed. OTHERWISE YOU WILL BE WASTING BOTH YOUR TIME.

Maybe.

You are 66.
It is safe to say that you will be old- fashion.
Believe?
If it is important to you that "girls believe" what you say.
Then you have to be consistent.
You just don't say you are a gentleman, and when things get tough,
you can be compelled to say words, just for the luxury of lashing out.
It is contradicting.
I dont know with other girls.
But with woman who are independent and so much is at stake,
we check how far you could back up your words with actions
on how "gentleman" you really are.



if this is literal:
Chances are you are right.It is not big deal to her.
Does it really matter?



My take:
You are not. And you are not outdated.
More than half of women, if they are honest with themselves,
prefer gentleman.
Old fashion? Romantic? - Still very "in" as far as I know.

What is important sir, if I may be blunt is consistency.
As a man, u have the responsibility to own up your words.
And back it up with action.
If you say you are a gentleman, then be one.
Time have a way of telling, no matter how gentleman you are at first.
Consistency.

On: Being Worthy. Bending Knees.

you can get past a mistake, but it's much harder to get past being a cruel person.

― Jennifer Brown, Thousand Words


All men make mistakes, but a good man yields when he knows his course is wrong, and repairs the evil. The only crime is pride.

― Sophocles, Antigone

At the risk of hijacking this thread, please consider this as a:

Factioless Manifesto
(Words not by Veronica Roth but by a fan)

Why?
1. Because my 2nd posted topic in my entire mingle experience was deleted, because I broke rules to defend 2 people I put on the spot,
just because I make assumptions base on my emotions.
Result: I fu@k it more up.

2. I need to let people know that I deserved to be disciplined because I broke the rules.
And I am not afraid to post another topic just because my 2nd posted topic was a disaster.
My way of saying I always choose to do the right thing and conquer my fear.


Why Divergent Book? Why Veronica Roth's Words?

While majority of people here in mingle have faith, The Bible, People they are Hooked up with, long time friends and God, -

I have my music (some people brand me a satanist because of my music choices), my books, my personal set of standards, principles and myself.

Yesterday after reading through the forum .. I finally understand in a way "why" majority of the people reacted that way.
What leads to the confusion? And why I can't blame them for arriving into that conclusion.

After reading the last chapters of Divergent, there are bonus materials : The Faction Manifesto
I like it very much. It reminded me of Mingle personalities.

It helps me in deciphering people in Mingle, instead of lumping them as bad intentioned or good intentioned.
I was hoping in a way, that by sharing it in the forum, that in a technical level, it will encourage people to hold judgement
base on what is presented and would give time for other people to present themselves correctly.

RESULT? (My basis on this opinion is after reading threads right now here in the forum)

Too many newbies..new accounts who sounded so familiar.

At the risk of sounding self -righteous right now..
While I understand and even admire people who have 2, and both accounts compliment well with each other,
I know my limits and I will just be confusing myself more.

I am very glad and proud that I only have ONE.
LET ME REPEAT THAT ONE (1) ACCOUNT EVER SINCE I STUMBLED ON MINGLE.
I POSTED ONLY UNDER THIS USERNAME EVER SINCE JULY 25, 2015.
Prior to that date I never posted in any dating website.
Either people believe it or not.
It is up to them.

I do not know anymore how many of you BOTH bad intentions and good intentions will flatter me to the extent
of putting me on a spot by registering as a newbie or an a different name..WASTING YOUR VALUABLE TIME WHEN IT IS REALLY PATHETIC,
DISGUSTINGLY OBVIOUS AND VINDICTIVE. No. I will not give you the satisfaction of saying that you are mental. Because my gut says that
YOU KNEW WHAT YOU ARE DOING.MY QUESTION IS..IS IT REALLY WORTH IT???

Amity: The Peaceful (Faction Manifesto)

Self-Sufficiency
A daughter says to her Father: "Father, today I fought with my friend."
Her Father says: "Why did you fight with your friend?"
"Because she insulted me, and I was angry."
"Why were you angry?"
"Because she lied about me." (In some versions: Because I was hurt by her words.")
"My daughter, did your friend's words change who you are?"
'No."
"Then do not be angry. The opinions of others cannot damage you."


Forgiveness
A Husband says to his Wife: "Wife, today I fought with my enemy."
His Wife says:"Why did you fight with your enemy?'
"Because I hate him."
"My husband, why do you hate him?"
"Because he wronged me."
"The wrong is past. You must let it rest where it lies."

Kindness
A Wife says to her Husband: " Husband, today I fought with my enemy."
Her husband says: "Why did you fight with your enemy?"
"Because I spoke cruel words to her?"
"Because I believed them to be true."
Then you must no longer think cruel thoughts. Cruel thoughts lead to cruel words,
and hurt you as much as they hurt their target."



( I took the liberty of removing Trust Manifesto & Involvement Manifesto
All words are from Veronica Roth the author)

Candor: The Honest (Faction Manifesto)

1. Dishonesty is rampant. Dishonesty is temporary. Dishonesty makes evil possible.

2. Dishonesty leads to suspicion. Suspicion leads to conflict. Honestly leads to peace.

3. Truth makes us transparent. Truth makes us strong. Truth makes us inextricable.


Abnegation: The Selfless (Faction Manifesto)


I will be my undoing
If I become my obsession.

I will forget the ones I love
If I do not serve them.

I will war with others
If I refuse to see them.

Therefore I choose to turn away
From my reflection,
To rely no on myself
But on my brothers and sisters,
To project always outward
Until I disappear.


Dauntless: The Brave (Faction Manifesto)

We believe that cowardice is to blame for the world's injustices.

We believe that the peace is hard-won, that sometimes it is necessary to fight
for peace..

But more than that:

We believe that justice is more than peace.

We believe in freedom from fear, in denying fear the powers to influence our decisions.

We believe in ordinary acts of bravery, in the courage that drives one person to stand up for another.
We believe in acknowledging fear and the extent to which it rules us.

We believe in facing that fear no matter what the cost to our comfort, our happiness, or even our sanity.

We believe in shouting for those who can only whisper, in defending those who cannot defend themselves.

We believe not just in words but in bold deeds to match them.

- (not relevant)

We do not believe that silence is useful.

We do not believe in good manners.

We do not believe in limiting the fullness of life.

We do not believe on empty heads, empty mouths, or empty hands.

We do not believe that learning to master violence encourages unnecessary violence.

We do not believe that we should be allowed to stand idly by.

we do not believe that any other virtue is more important than bravery.