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Topic:
how does one "date"?
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Yes, it sounds like a ridiculous question, but honestly, I'm clueless. I went from a 3-year relationship with someone who started out as a good friend, straight into a 4.5-year relationship with someone who I thought was my best friend... who subsequently cheated on me numerous times. Never married... and never really 'dated'! And now I find myself feeling empowered to be single, and clueless at the same time. I look upon women who meet lots of people & go out on numerous dates with both admiration & envy. How do I become one of them? Dont be fooled, it's not the quantity of men, it's the quality of men Word. I tend to be very picky about who I'll date, but generally, the men I date are REALLY good people. My recent ex is one of my best friends for exactly that reason. |
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Topic:
What would you do . . .
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Ask.
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Ok So after 4 yrs my bf decides to end it, then tells me that I have a chance later down the road at us again, and that if I dont go looking for anyone he wont go looking for anyone and blah blah. So here it is a year later and we are still talking but, he seems to get mad when I talk about going to go out he says well you moved on fast or do what you gotta do I mean hey I cant stop you. Now keep in mind this is a guy I gave my heart and soul to and spent every minute i had making sure he knew i loved him and that he was my only one. I am not sure what another chance down the road means espically when he said if i dont look he wont, am I suppose to sit and wait for him to make up his mind or is this just his way of saying he wanted time and that now I am not sitting here waiting for him he is getting mad at me? Someone tell me something please I am so confused!! Well, are you willing to sit and wait for him to make up his mind, or do you believe that you're worth more than that? Honestly, it sounds like you might do well to take a break from him and cut contact for a while, while you figure out who you are without him and what you want from life. Don't put your life on hold for a man, especially if he won't commit to you. |
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Topic:
how does one "date"?
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I always offer to pay for my own dinner/drinks/etc, unless my date has specifically asked "Can I buy you a [drink/dinner]?" It's nice if they refuse, but I always offer.
I'd say, just be yourself. Remember to think about whether you like your date, and not just worry about what they think of you. Be honest and communicate openly. If you have difficulties in the first month, it'll be nothing but drama. The most important: ALWAYS trust your gut! |
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Topic:
Ya, I know I think too much
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However.... it is not so much a matter of being desperate. It is how much effort you put forth and what your expectations are. If you expect every date to be the one? That might make things hard. [I know you don't, btw] That's what I am saying though, i'm so content in my life that I don't feel the need to put forth any effort. Honestly, I think that's the best way to be noticed by someone looking for a secure, happy woman to date. You're not looking for someone to complete you or help yo combat your loneliness, and the people who want more genuine relationships are going to pick up on that and notice you. |
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Have you tried being alone for a while, figuring out who you are when you're not with someone else? I think single time of that nature is seriously undervalued in our society. You could take a break, get the divorce settled, and take some time to figure out what patterns you fall into that enable you to pick out men with similar issues.
Basically, work on yourself and making yourself happy. This also seems to be the best way to find an actual healthy relationship. |
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Topic:
Ex Boyfriend
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You say that you love him, but another important question that you should ask yourself is, "Do I trust him?" I suspect that the answer is probably no because you are conflicted about this situation. It is a mistake to believe that love is sufficient. Your love can not make him change. If you do not trust that he's changed by his own will, then loving him will not make the relationship work. EDIT: The question is, do you trust him? Heh. Great minds think alike. If I'm ever in Maryland, want to go out for a burger? Good advice. And sure, as long as the burger doesn't actually contain any meat! |
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Topic:
i dont get it
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There's a difference between "can't make the first move" and a girl knowing what she wants and going for it. Personally, I DON'T want to be chased. If I said no, I meant no, and anyone who continues to pursue me at that point is clearly a creep. A lot of guys know this and do not want to be considered creepy, or a stalker, because there are a lot of girls who would not give some of us the time a day(Not saying anyone on here). So because of this they tend to either, talk to the girl and even if there is interest they believe there is not so nothing happens, or they automatically assume there is no interest. Asking once isn't creepy--it's direct and to the point, and then you can both move forward in whatever direction you'd like. Not asking at all is likely to lead to a lot fewer apportunities and disappointment all around. |
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Topic:
How do you go about...
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Just tell him. You're friends, right? As I see it, it's much easier to be told that he's not interested than to set up a romantic evening and risk blind-siding someone who may not be interested in more than a friendship with you.
And if he says he's interested as well, THEN set up the romantic evening! |
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Topic:
Ex Boyfriend
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The question is, do you trust him?
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Topic:
Why is it so ****ing hard
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yeah i generally know with in a few minutes if a guy can be more than just a friend, but unlike most girls, I'll tell him straight out, I'll be like, ok, ur cool and all but i dont see us going anywhere, is it cool to just be friends??? Theres no point in teasing and leading some one on, it only leads to problems and hurt down the road. That's interesting. I tend to assume friendship unless someone brings up something more. I actually get really irked if a friend is making moves on me in a way that allows for plausible deniability and won't just come out and ask if I'm interested so we can all just move on. (This may be the next area where I need to work on my awesomely developing super-direct communication.) |
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Topic:
Why is it so ****ing hard
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to find someone on here that will email you back and isnt just looking for friendship  1) On e-mailing back: I don't respond to people with whom I clearly have nothing in common, or who haven't filled out their profiles, or who haven't given me something to respond to in their e-mails. I also tend not to respond to people with atrocious grammar and spelling. Just because someone sent me a message doesn't obligate me to respond to it. 2) I say I'm primarily looking for friendship. I actually am interested in finding someone else to date, but since I have chemistry with a small percentage of people I meet, I'm not willing to meet someone specifically for dating: I'd rather meet them, figure out if we like each other, and then ask for a date if I'm feeling those vibes. Otherwise I feel like I have expectations to meet, so I don't put myself in positions where I feel that awkward if I can help it. |
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Topic:
Helpless in Baltimore
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Have you told him that you're wondering if you're giving up on something that could be good? If he doesn't want to put his energy into a relationship right now, then you have your answer, but you could always bring up the idea and see how he reacts to it. If you're going to regret not having done so, then ask him about it.
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Topic:
i dont get it
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When a girl makes the first move she loses a lot. Girls like to be "chased" or whatever you want to call it. If a guy can't make the first move then he is pretty much a ***** and thats so not attractive. There's a difference between "can't make the first move" and a girl knowing what she wants and going for it. Personally, I DON'T want to be chased. If I said no, I meant no, and anyone who continues to pursue me at that point is clearly a creep. |
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Topic:
Feeling pressured...
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I did indeed return the call and he had a "room reserved', hence, the apprehension and the decision to not meet. I just thought that expectations were FAR beyond the inicial meet and chose NOT to 'go there' as a booty call was not the directive. So now I am too much a prude? A prude according to whom, the overzealous idiot pressuring you with unrealistic expectations? I'd like to submit that his opinion is worth less than you paid for it. |
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Topic:
Feeling pressured...
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Was supposed to have met someone this evening but balked as it did not feel right. Too much going on in my life and SO much pressure for the meet without regard of my needs at the moment. Am I being too picky? Should I have met him anyway...in spite of things coming up in my life? Why would you meet someone you aren't interested in, who's pressuring you at a time when you can't deal with meeting him? |
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Topic:
for the men only
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I would be upset at not having been told earlier. If I were attracted to them, it wouldn't matter to me if they were born a different sex, but I would be upset at the lie by omission (especially since I'm interested in gender theory, and it doesn't take much to figure out that it wouldn't bother me).
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Topic:
First Date Tips
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Don't be pushy with physical affection. If you go in for a kiss, it can be polite to ask first; if you're not going to do that, be prepared for a pulling back if s/he's not ready, and DON'T PUSH FOR IT.
(I had a recent date who felt pushy to me. Fastest way to turn me off.) |
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Topic:
The levels of a relationship
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2. Figure out whether you like each other so far.
3. Figure out whether you're looking for fairly compatible things. If one of you is hoping for a marriage partner and the other wants something casual and short, best to part ways now or simply be friends. 4. Spend time together, discover sexual compatibility, etc. The fun stuff! |
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In my experience, I am less likely to be interested in people actively seeking involvements. Why? Because these people tend to place some of their self-worth on whether they are dating someone, or to be effectively seeking someone to fill a place in their lives. If someone is feeling that there's something missing, it's not my job to fill that hole.
I think it can be healthier to refocus on yourself for a while. Find ways to make your life more fulfilling for yourself. Find some additional hobbies, make some new friends. If you're feeling good about yourself and your life, you're less likely to be lonely, and people will notice your newfound confidence. |
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