Why would you want to get involved with a woman who can't communicate or express her interest?

I disagree with Troublemaker in this: you are the common denominator in all these relationships. People seem to form relationship patterns, which can be hard to break; if these are the women you're attracting, there must be something about them that attracts you, and/or something about you that attracts them to you. If you can figure out what you're doing that attracts that sort of woman, you can work on breaking that pattern and dating less clingy and controlling women.

One thing you could try is to bring up early on, on the first or second date, that you're looking to take things more slowly. That might clue people in that you're not looking for what they are. If you haven't learned to set boundaries when women you date request things of you that you don't want to do, that's also an incredibly useful and necessary skill that you could work on.

Good luck!

I'm single because I'm new to my area and haven't met a lot of people, and am also extremely picky. I have a lot of deal-breakers because I have a good idea what I want, and I'm not willing to settle. It may mean I'm single longer, but once I find someone I like, that relationship will really be worth my time and energy.

The secrecy would be the problem for me, and I would probably be unable to trust him again and wind up ending the relationship.

That depends on how he's reacted to it. If he's interested in a friendship, then great. If he's not interested in pursuing continued contact with you, then you need to let it go, hard though that may be.

I think that's simplistic. It's entirely possible that he really loves her but will feel completely betrayed by being lied to, or isn't ready to have children in his life, or wouldn't be able to trust her after that. He may be able to work through, he may not; but to say that is he really loved her he'd understand is creating a false dichotomy.

OP: I think you should fess up and see what happens, basically say what you said here, give him however much space he needs, and go from there. Best of luck.

Sure, as long as the more interested party is respectful of the fact that the other person doesn't want more.

I'm with Claudette. I've learned something from all my relationships. Some of those were painful, some were not. I wouldn't necessarily consider a relationship a failure just because it didn't last. I've made some great friends from people I've dated where we don't have the long-term compatibility we'd have needed to continue our romantic relationship, and I've learned an awful lot about myself and how I relate to other people from those experiences. That's an awful lot of what makes an experience successful, no?

I don't feel it really makes it harder for me to open up. Somewhat more cautious, sure, and picky in ways that I consider healthier. But once I find someone who is what I'm looking for, I can open up without to much problem.

. . . Or with several partners at once, if you're into that sort of thing. . .

Silly site. ^Rhymes with "witches".

The Heartless *****es International site has a wonderful page of rants on "Nice Guys" (TM).

1) Violence.
2) Dishonesty.
3) Passive-agression. If you can't communicate clearly and openly like a grown-up, I don't need you in my life.
4) Cheating. If you develop serious interest in someone else, we can talk about whether opening the relationship might be good. Given my openness to those types of discussions, there is NO excuse for cheating and lying and endangering my sexual health.
5) Lack of consideration. If you're running late, call/text. If you can't make it, call/text.
6) Insecurity.
7) Demands that I end friendships with people I used to date. (See also: insecurity.)
8) Pressuring me not to use condoms, not seeing the need for discussions of sexual health and mutual testing, etc.
9) Sexual selfishness. Knowing what you want (and being willing and able to communicate that) is awesome. Not caring what I want means I won't want it at all from you.
10) Being mean to the waitstaff shows your true colors and means you're not really a kind person.
11) Refusing to cuddle me after sex or generally.
12) Making me feel like I'm not a priority in your life.

I have lots of deal-breakers. I'm perfectly happy with this.

It depends how important marriage is to you. If you feel like it's something you don't need because you feel fulfilled enough in your relationship, then stay. If you're always going to feel like something is missing without marriage, then it might be time to move along.

I like the direct route. I tend to discuss these things really early in a relationship (or sometimes, before it hits "relationship" status)--if we're looking for completely different things, I'd rather know early on so we can both look for more compatible people. So personally, I'd just ask what he's hoping for from the relationship, if he sees a future for it, what that future might be, etc.

It does indeed. But you'll find the people who are worth your time.

Lulz.

As I am stating mine.

Interesting that you feel you need the last word here when you claim to mean no offense.

Loving and caring are requisites in all my relationships.

No, that would be sexual, which is generally involved in romantic relationships, but is hardly the only characteristic of them. I do know the difference between romance and sex. Polyamorous people have multiple romantic relationships; these relationships work much like traditional relationships in what they entail (loving support, romance, mutual respect and caring, etc), we just happen to have more than one of them at a time with everyone's full knowledge and consent.