Thanks Dancere. I'm working on that. My writing is helping me. That, and convincing myself that some things are just what they are, and I can't change them, nor should I really try to.

silly cow

I should be reading the programming book I ordered instead of wasting time thinking about stupid **** that I cannot change.

I’ve had two guys tell me hindsight is 20/20
As an excuse for why I wasn’t their perfect
10 I’m not one for clichés but I just had
To quote that to emphasize my point

I used to mull over what that meant in-
Retrospect if I had it to do over again, which
Is it? In polite terms, you’re not what I want
I wasn’t thinking when I tried to commit to
You and now I’m over it and I’d like you to
Leave, quietly, if you could?

I think I told you I was the shy girl in the
Corner? That little nerd I learned to hate?
The one who was afraid of her own shadow
So much she’d rather take the punch than
Stand up for herself? Yeah that one.

Well, that ***** is dead, but a part of me wishes
She wasn’t. Part of me would rather take the
Hits than dish them out because that seems to
Be all I do now. **** you before you ****
Me and then we hate each other but at least
I Won. Or at least that what I tell myself.

I’m over here in my black box all wrapped up
In papers and programs and wishing I had
Something to take the edge off even though
That never helps. You might catch me watching
You because I want to know how you do it how
Do you keep yourself so all together? How do
You stop it from making you into one of them?

Maybe they’re right and I really am crazy I
Seem to be, because I don’t want to go along
To get along, that’s what my stepfather said-
Everyone uses someone, it’s only when you
Misuse that it’s a problem.

He’s dead now and I miss him. He wouldn’t
Let me be this way he hated my addiction
Even before I got hooked on what is killing me
He used to tell me stories about the past and
I believed him, but I guess I thought they weren’t
My truth.

They say 7 is a lucky number, I guess from now on
It will be mine, even though I didn’t get what
I thought I wanted, I got a lesson and that’s
Worth more than gold. No one can be more
Than what they are, and if you don’t believe that
The only fool in the equation is the one looking
Back at you.

02/02/10

I'm thinking about failure right now. Wonderful epic failure. My old friend. Embrace me.

Job searching sucks. Hope you find something. And glad you're not getting sick.

Not many people can or would admit that. Good for you.

Glad to hear it. I'm okay I guess. Could be better, but I could be worse, so I'm grateful for that.

I always knew I was special.

Hey bee, hope you're doing better.

Lovely write. We all feel that way at times.

I like them average height and skinny. Sue me.

Most men I see are big, not sure about the tall, because most men are short, for some reason. However, you're right, I do see lots of men with the short, chubby chicks. I think they make them feel powerful. Or something.

Glad you're feeling better.

That's lovely.

Good luck with all of that.

I wish my dvd would stop skipping...

Could be worse, you could be feeling cynical and homicidal.

I can look at them and tell I have no interest in getting to know them. Or I can read their posts on here and come to the same conclusion. Also, if you get in the habit of answering every single email, you run the risk of encountering "the man who can't be rejected." He's the one who doesn't take no for an answer, and feels that any response is a sign that you want to meet, date, and get married. That's one reason I don't answer emails, a polite no turns into "you uptight b!tch" and then no one is happy.

You'd do better to get to know men from the forums, rather than the ones who send random emails, you can see what kind of person they are to a certain extent.