"I love you" music to your ears, versus nails scraping on a blackboard?

This question is for everyone.

Do you think it's the man's "job" to say "I love you" first?

Men, would you rather a woman wait for your verbal "I love you" cue?

Or

Women, would you rather he tell you first before you say it?

Isn't there some "rule" somewhere that states, basically, that
everything, relationship-wise, is up to the man (as far as making the
first move?)

I mean, don't get me wrong...that's NOT what I believe and I think,
because I don't play by "the rules," that's why I end up not getting
into relationships sometimes.

I've oftentimes heard things like, "But the man is the one who wants to
do the pursuing," "The MAN is the one who should ask you out," "The MAN
is the one who should initiate sex," "The MAN is the one who ...yada
yada yada..."

Well, what if *I* don't like it that way? What if *I* want to pursue,
ask, initiate? Or, what if *I* want to say "I love you" to him --
whether he's "ready" to accept it or not?

I never really did the "traditional dating" thing much.

Are we still living in an era where it's "taboo" for a woman to be
"aggressive" with respect to relationships?

Jean, you raise some good points. There is still a mentality, fading
(albeit all too slowly) that wants to assign men to be the initiators of
everything. Hence, the "male in pursuit" concept.

But -- it's like the posts here that start with "Why do all men....?" or
"Why are all women....?" -- just completely ignoring the reality that
people are (or at least hypothetically, can be) different in different
situations.

I don't think it's anybody's "job," per se, to say "I love you" first.
Or any other combination of words, for that matter. It depends on the
people, the situation, the interaction -- there are too many variables
to have inflexibly-set rules.

I just don't believe it's my "job," either, to pursue anybody. Never
have, never will.

Yeah, there are people who put down women for being "too aggressive"
just for stating their minds, for verbalizing their feelings, for
admitting they have desires that are somehow supposed to be hushed up,
never spoken of. I would like to remind those people that we are not
living in 1640.

I concur with Lex!

I would also add though that women are at times afraid to announce such
emotions first not only because of the pursuit aspect but because a man
may "freak" at such declarations. It is hard to judge when a man is
ready for that step thus women often wait for him to say it first.

It really comes down to swallowing the fear and taking the risk. Nothing
ventured, nothing gained.

Yes, we are, unfortunately.
I'm not sure why that is.
Maybe because we live in
such a sexually repressive
society.

i feel if it's there then share it. rejection is going to happen wether
you say it or not if the relationship is not meant to be you may as well
go out knowing you laid all your cards on the table and you'll never
have to wonder what if in that dept.

I know I am just shy enough and reserved enough to be greatful when a
lady takes the first step sometimes. I am classically an old gentleman
(in my mind set anyway) when I am dating and in these days I never know
when to push for the next level.

It has always been known that there are men that feel in a lady says
those words they feel trapped into saying it back or they will end the
relationship because it has become too serious. So woman have tried not
to utter the words for fear of losing her man. to be fair this can also
be true of men - having such a fear.

I don't feel it is anyone's job to say I love you first. It usually just
happens when the time seems right.

I could never understand what the big deal was! Why are people so afraid
to tell someone they love them. And why do some people panic when they
are told this. Live for the moment, you never know what will happen
tomorrow!

Anyways, I don't say it until I feel the love!

I've only told one girl I that I've ever loved her... granted she said
it back... but she didn't mean it

It's hard to decide because you never know if they really mean it or not

Jean ,you have to do what is right for you.

Thanks for your input, but I wasn't asking for advice, per se...I was
simply wondering what other people thought about the prevailing attitude
that says that men are usually the ones who make the first move.

Me? I ALWAYS do what I feel is the logical thing to do, or, in some
cases, what my heart tells me to do.

I've almost never played by "the rules," (of dating) and wondered,
really, if doing so would really have made a difference in the outcome
of my past relationships. I'm pretty aggressive and that doesn't sit
well with some people sometimes, especially here in "good ol' boy"
country.

I wrote a poem on those three little words. I have said them before,and
it turned out to be a disaster for me.I have been the first to say them
again, and now I can't get enough of her, so it's kind of a D amned if
you do , don't sort of thing. The best thing you can do is test the
waters, say something about the future you may see your self in. If he
receives it positively, then you pretty much have a green light.If he
kind of shuts down a bit then I wouldn't say it until a later date, he
may think your getting a bit pushy.

I have always held those three words very close to NOT ever
saying them unless I was sure I trully felt that away FULLY
Then, it would be on a special time that I would first say it, and then
see if it was felt back to me,,or if it wasn't,,,
And no-one can ever say them for REAL, if they have NEVER really met the
other person in person,,,THATS MY THOUGHTS,,ANYWAY...
There are alot of people here who have said them words to the other
BEFORE meeting them for real and "THAT" would be like saying I LOVE THE
WAY YOU KISS,,,,before ever FEELING that KISS.
HOW???
But I LOVE YOU,,has NEVER been said by me without all of my HEART into
it and HER!!!!!

If a woman tells me she loves me first, or translates it to: "I find U
cute or attractive" or "I want to be U wife. I would not find she did
something bad. I think, If a person man or woman feels to say it,
they should. However, If I have to tell someone that, I will try to
figure out if that person would not like that, before saying it.

or before deciding if to say it.

Humm well as far as saying I love you. Yeah Jean & Lex have very good
points. With society telling others to hold back do not fall too hard.
Watch out for the signs of the ones being to desperate and trying to get
you to marry them. And of course knowing when to actually saying I Love
You to that special one is not easy. For sure it should not be too soon
or you will sound desperate. But when is actually too soon? There are
times you know within the first few times that you have fallen in love
with them.

Myself I don’t wait for the guy to say it and if and when I do it runs
him off. Then it goes to show his feelings was not with mine at all and
sometimes better to get that over with then way later down the road. But
now I have said those words followed by I don’t expect you to say those
words until you are ready to please don’t say them just because I have
said them. I’m not looking to trap anyone or anyone’s pity. I’m one if
you hear me say those three words to you they have come straight from
the heart and I will not say them unless I mean them.

But no matter what I don’t believer it should be left up to either one
just say it when you have those feelings and don’t expect the words
back. Or at least hope if they do say them they actually mean them. As
far as doing what is normal in a relationship hummm what is consider
normal these days? I don’t believe a guy has to pick up the tab each
time or make the first move. But….. now I have meet a few guys that
really gets turned around if the woman seems to make the moves like it
is a sign of don’t know what maybe they think she is easy or something.
Some I have heard voice they want to be the one that does the chasing
and make the first move like they are on a hunt or something. But then
the more you talk the more you will find out what it is they expect and
what they feel more comfortable with.

(((((((((((TEXS))))))))))))))

Ahh, Dane, you said something that "struck a nerve," so to speak.

"He may think you're getting a bit pushy."

Why? Why is it telling someone you love them automatically mean you're
trying to "trap" them (for some people)?

If I say "I love you," it simply means "I love you" and nothing else.
I'm not saying, "I'll love you ...IF..."

I say I love you all the time, and I mean it.

I have galfriends and male friends that I just love to bits...and I
can't wait to tell them, and show them how much I love them...


And with a romantic interest?

I tell him too, when I feel it, if he can't handle my truth, is his
problem, not mine...

Does that make me agressive? Or honest?

yes

and that is all i have to say about that

(in best forrest gump voice)