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Topic: Need advice on dating
ladywolf9653's photo
Thu 04/02/09 09:20 AM

i thought when going out on a date its suppose to be in a neutral area and kinda not near where one lives, i could be wrong and if so its okay lol


I've had first dates at my place, if I was comfortable with the person. My thought process was: I have a huge dog, and if it comes to that, I know where all the weapons are hidden :) (hehe)

I was clear that the fact that we were at my place didn't imply anything other than hanging out, and it was only offered if I truly was comfortable with the idea of having them there and with the fact that they wouldn't try to push the envelope.

ladywolf9653's photo
Thu 04/02/09 09:24 AM

Or, if you serial date.... you teach your kids you'll not bring people into their lives they can count on. They will learn to not trust you or the "dates".... they will be taught relationships are not permanent, that it's okay to go in and out of others lives....

I can't help but think there is something wrong with the fact that these potentials even have to be explained, and that you wouldn't prevent the mere possibility of your kids getting hurt. Not to mention that dating is private and personal and none of your kids business.


I agree....and it's the last lesson I want my daughter to learn. As for the second - I'll stay celibate and dateless before I risk her life. It could be an overreaction, but I've never felt like it was.

Queene123's photo
Thu 04/02/09 09:25 AM

queene123, i guess it kind of depends on the situation, the people involved but not everyone rolls that way. diffrent strokes for diffrent folks as they say. and i guess its safe to say a large part that problem is that the date should be about you and the person you are dating. the dating is suppose to be about getting to know some one to the point that you feel comfortable maybe showing them where you live,your neighborhood,etc. now its one thing if maybe the date picks you up at home and theres a quick introduction to other family meembers but to be on your date with those family members/ kid....some people just don't like that.

speaking of which also on the first date she showed me where she lived,what street address its on, her mom's car, her window,what stores she goes, where she drops her son off for school too and i'm kind of thinking to myself should i really being seeing all this on a first date? i thought when going out on a date its suppose to be in a neutral area and kinda not near where one lives, i could be wrong and if so its okay lol


on my first date with my guy, my mom had insisted for him to meet me at her house(he had no problem with that.. it was funny before we met he told his sister about me and she said make sure she not a psycho,LOL!! my sisters and my mom said the same thing about him.. in fact the reason she wanted him to meet me at her house was so she could get his license plate number (LOL) i never told him that. but her giving you all that other info that part was not correct(especially about her son school)

lilith401's photo
Thu 04/02/09 09:28 AM

my mom said the same thing about him.. in fact the reason she wanted him to meet me at her house was so she could get his license plate number


So your mother then went to the BMV and paid for his plate to be searched?

Mine's blocked, by the way. My plate. Only law enforcement can search mine.

Queene123's photo
Thu 04/02/09 09:41 AM


my mom said the same thing about him.. in fact the reason she wanted him to meet me at her house was so she could get his license plate number


So your mother then went to the BMV and paid for his plate to be searched?

Mine's blocked, by the way. My plate. Only law enforcement can search mine.


no my mom didnt go to dmv... if she had any questions or concerns about, all she had to do was ask my sister neighbor for hes a cop and we have known him for about 27yrs (smile)

lilith401's photo
Thu 04/02/09 09:51 AM

no my mom didnt go to dmv... if she had any questions or concerns about, all she had to do was ask my sister neighbor for hes a cop and we have known him for about 27yrs (smile)


So why did she get the plate number then?



....your sister's neighbor can get fired for misuse of law enforcement equipment and access.

I have access to NCIC, do you think I have ever used it to run a date?

no photo
Thu 04/02/09 09:53 AM
yes???? if it progressed to the point of introducing your child to him.....



no my mom didnt go to dmv... if she had any questions or concerns about, all she had to do was ask my sister neighbor for hes a cop and we have known him for about 27yrs (smile)


So why did she get the plate number then?



....your sister's neighbor can get fired for misuse of law enforcement equipment and access.

I have access to NCIC, do you think I have ever used it to run a date?

lilith401's photo
Thu 04/02/09 10:00 AM
Fvck no.

Getting fired and then criminally prosecuted for miuse of NCIC access is not worth a date. I can use other resources to check someone out. Misuse of restricted information is NOT OKAY.

no photo
Thu 04/02/09 10:03 AM
ok... just checking.... I should have never doubted(not that I,really, did) your ethics....:wink:


Fvck no.

Getting fired and then criminally prosecuted for miuse of NCIC access is not worth a date. I can use other resources to check someone out. Misuse of restricted information is NOT OKAY.

MirrorMirror's photo
Thu 04/02/09 10:07 AM

okay i wasn't sure where to put this question so i'll just put it on here. idk but the past 2 women i have tried to hook up with off this website it just seemed like didn't go so well. the first woman i came across, we hit if off well as we shared a lot of the same intrest,goals,etc. we talked on the phone everyday as well as text,email and talk on the computer but when it came time to hook up with her she would pull a no call and no show and then would hardly remember that we had a date when i asked her what had happen to her the next day. after about 2 months of this i decided to move on. this woman was in her early 20's by the way.

after that experience i decided maybe what i needed was a woman who was perhaps older than i was,seemed more passionate about what it was she wanted and wasn't about head games or what have you so i ended up talking to a woman in her late 30's. we kicked it off good talking on the phone,email,text,etc. i expressed to her how i was really feeling her as a person, as a individual and just how i was really trying to get to know her. she was feeling the same way about me. we hooked up on our first date after about a month and a half of talking and it went very well. the subject was brought up of hooking up again and she told me that her son would be with her cause she didn't wanna leave him home alone easter weekend. my being a uncle to a baby boy i was like hey its all good, no problem even though deep down i felt that it was a little too soon to be seeing her kid. yesterday she sends me a message via text saying she can't wait to see me next week, how she misses me but by 5pm the same day she dumps me! i'm like, whoa what the heck happen? i asked her did i do something wrong and she tells me we just aren't compatable and i show her heartfelt messages she sent me, most of which she talked about how compatable we were, how she likes me alot and she really had no defense for it. she even had the nerve to say me and her were not committed to one another and that we were only dating however thats not what she told me when she asked me about how she felt about us possibly being a couple just days after our first date as she told me she would love for us to be girlfriend and boyfriend and i said to her i guess i'm off limits then and she said yes. oh and keep in mind this woman asked me the weirdest question now that i'm thinking about it, she asked me if i ever wanna get married. not sure if that was a red flag at the time but now i think it is looking back.

i'm glad that we didn't have sex though some of the things we did on our date we might as well should have but i feel as though i was used,very confused. i'm not really the type that likes to sit up and date multiple women as i just focus on one woman only as well as not make out on a first date unless there is some serious chemistry and we both feel the same way for one another to go that route. it seems there's some new trend going on that i'm not aware of. i'm not really sure how to handle myself in future dates to avoid being hurt like this so any advice,dating tips would be appreciated. i've never had this problem before but then again its been a while now since i've dated and apprarently times have changed. thanks for replying in advance






:smile: Just let the woman do all the thinking about the relationship.:smile: If a woman wants to be around you then that means you are doing everything right.:smile: Its really that simple.:smile:

Baabs's photo
Thu 04/02/09 10:25 AM
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:smile: Just let the woman do all the thinking about the relationship.:smile: If a woman wants to be around you then that means you are doing everything right.:smile: Its really that simple.:smile:



How true!

lilith401's photo
Thu 04/02/09 10:54 AM
Thanks, DDN.... you just like to see me swear, right? laugh

no photo
Thu 04/02/09 02:17 PM
well i just gotta give a big thanks to you all for replying as the advice you all have given has been very helpful. participating in the forums on here is very helpful and fun i see so i'll be sure to particpate in more. again thanks again and you all take care :)

Dragoness's photo
Thu 04/02/09 02:24 PM



You need to find a person you can date regularly, at least twice a month, and talk perhaps twice a week on the phone. Do not invest in statements about feelings until at LEAST 60 days into the situation.

If you invest more than you are prepared to lose based on a romanticized fantasy version of what you think is going on.... you will end up getting hurt.

Boundaries. Boundaries. Boundaries.



Ps, don't meet anyone's kids on a second date. EVER EVER EVER


thank you! you are so right. i mean i wasn't trying to sound mean about it you know? like i said i'm a uncle and hey i'ma big kid at heart myself as i have a lil hobby drawing,painting, collecting and building figures, hiring commision sculpters to build movie or comic book chracters for me but a kid on the first or 2nd date? that shouldn't even be brought up or happen for months! i'm glad i'm not the only one that thought that was weird lol


i dont know what the problem is for a guy to meet your kids.... my guy when i first met him.. he not only met my mom but also my son..


The problem with this is the children's feelings. If they like the person and it doesn't work out, kids tend to internalize the rejection. That is the main reason.

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