So I get this e-mail from someone on an unnamed site (actually, it has a name, otherwise it would be kind of hard to use it) and she says, "Your profile is really interesting and you sound like someone I would like to get to know better but I don't meet your qualifications. You're too picky."

OK, I get this a lot.

So I go take a look at her profile, and she's 28, and she says "I'm only interested in talking to guys 27-29."

Well, I'm the first to stand up for anybody's right to have whatever standards they want to have. By God, if you're only interested in dating guys who are 5'4" and weigh 287 pounds and work third shift in a napkin factory, and have a pet hamster named Cletus, I support that. Why? I don't know. It just seems like that's the sort of thing it would be hard to talk someone out of.

But -- "picky." I like to think of it as "selective," because that has more syllables, and it carries a connotation of knowing what's best fior oneself, whereas "picky" just sounds more frivolously or arbitrarily delineated or something.

But if you're only interested in people 27-29, well, that seems a little self-restrictive, doesn't it? I mean, what if the perfect person (this is hypothetical imagery, I know it's not real) is 26 or 30?

The more I think about it, the more I find myself thinking that, in my own situation, it isn't the "pickiness" or "selectiveness" that's the problem anyway. It's the fact that I thought those people, the kind of people who would interest me, might be found on dating sites. They DO exist, in the real world (or they used to -- I'm not sure, anymore -- they could have become extinct sometime in the past five years), they just don't exist on dating sites. Not that I've ever seen, anyway.

So maybe it's not "wrong standards" so much as it is "wrong venue." Or not. I don't know. Just trying to figure it all out.

is this a copy and paste of the email you replied back to her with?

Oh, so she's a friend of yours?? How else could you possibly have known that?

But -- "picky." I like to think of it as "selective," because that has more syllables, and it carries a connotation of knowing what's best fior oneself, whereas "picky" just sounds more frivolously or arbitrarily delineated or something.


You said it all right there my friend

I am picky, as well....I pick this one and I pick that one , and oh look at that one!!!! I pick her , too!!!

otherwise you just want to cut the chase and get down with the nitty gritty with the right person for a change

I might have someone that works at a napkin factory if you are interested

lex, I've come to the conclusion that, on line dating is NOT the place to meet someone. I must say that, no, I have not figured it out, as to where to find a mate. Perhap's, we still need to leave it to chance and, hope for the best.

someone would that would be no friend of mine hehe

It's kind of funny, though -- because I see posts from people saying things like "I couldn't date someone who worked as ______" (fill in the blank) or "I couldn't date someone who smokes" or "I couldn't date someone who had a tattoo of a pelican on his left knee" or whatever.

And people call me picky because of my piddly little 1739 deal-breakers. I mean, where's the consistency?

but who really cares if the person is wearing and orange sock on their right foot on a Tuesday as long as you can be enthralled within some form of conversation with them?

I find it hard to have a conversation with this person because they likely have this etched into their stainless steel counter top at home.



I would love to have a conversation with a Woman who is this specific, it means she knows what she whats... Not really hard to talk her out of it but more of a reason to WANT to talk her out of it and I could always get a hamster named Cletus.

It seems in today's society people are looking for perfection. Then are those who don't claim they are looking for perfection but still are looking for it while in a relationship.

If people can just accept that everyone has one or a few flaws but can get around it then relationships can and will work out.

My gosh today people find a 5 year relationship a miracle. What happened folks? Life isn't about how many relationships one can have, but how good a relationship can last.

Afterall I would love to say to my counterpart, "Do you remember 20 years ago how I was on top of the roof bare naked screaming "I am sorry for being a pain in the ass!"

Of course the many personalities are also a major factor in relationships. Dry Humor is only relished by few, but a combination of personalities is favored by many. Why is that? Then again so many call that personality disorder. How ironic right?

So you go back to day one with just your computer and rahmen noodles wondering what one has to do to have a solid friendship including a relationship.

I fear for most the best relationship they will ever find is their own computer. I tell you computers seem to get better relationships then the average moe joe.

Now this is just an observation on my behalf, I could be totally off beat with the times as I occassional am guilty for sometimes.

I can't date someone that I don't wanna see naked. That's my rule. Call it picky if you wanna but if you're already rather unpleasant for me to look at, I prob don't wanna see you naked. This doesn't mean you have to be hot, you just have to be hot to me.
Also, if everytime you open your mouth to say something, and I just wanna duct tape it shut and walk away... I can't date you.

Personally I think it is a kindness to tell people what your boundries are in the selection process. Why waste either person's time/feelings? If they so choose to take that as a put down then I feel like that is their problem. Hopefully with a little life experience we learn a about ourselves to know what makes us happy and what we have to offer to make someone else happy. Also what will make us miserable fast and what we should avoid. The sure thing to doom a relationship is trying to change another person or have them trying to change you.

Well, I have problems with the whole "leave it to chance" thing. I know I can't MAKE anything happen, but I feel the need to do something (whatever) to FACILITATE it, anyway. Something to improve the odds, I suppose.

On the other hand, I have almost never met anyone except through friends. And the friends I have now are, unfortunately, past the stage where they would know anyone I would be interested in. And I'm living in a place where I don't know ANYBODY, and I'm kind of stymied as to what I CAN do to start the ball rolling, so to speak.

I agree that on line will not be the answer. Outside of the omnipresent distance issue, the real stumbling block is that I have yet to see a dating site that draws a clientele which would incorporate the type of person I'm looking for. There may be such a site; I certainly haven't run across it yet.

I do believe that, you need to start your own site for this matter.

I bet many are behind their computers with a (check list) making sure all requirements are met

Hey whatever you do just make sure to hug your computer one day. Afterall it has provided you with some laughter

I'm never huggin mine.

That may be true, lately i've been doing very well on Facebook, are they my dream girl ,no but i'll go out on some dates & see where it goes