It works on the ones i tell

You're right; I used the word "clingy". I summarized from your description of your girlfriend's agitation of your "caring questions". I also read more of your comments of her losing her job- Men are not asked to "fix" things nor does a woman want to come up with all the answers to her dilemmas. Sometimes life is just difficult and through those "life-valleys”, we (men and women) develop a stronger "grit" to move fwd. In addition, nothing is more confident and inspiring than to have someone beside us who is setting by example. Your action of being steadfast could have been an opportunity for her to have taken an escape from "being bummed" and take solace in your strength of you having your life together. Your confidence would have been your act of cuddling her with emotional support by just being there- NO questions asked!

Learn pushups from chuck norris. Move the world.

JMO but I'd have to say the low self confidence came much earlier than the chicks fleeing the nest so to speak. That's engrained much earlier in life than the age one would be dating. Not to say you can't gain it if you lack it but usually it's a product of your parents level of attention to you as a child. It not only matters how often they interacted with you but also whether that interaction was positive or negative. Certain combinations tend to yield low self confidence in individuals.

Can you change it? Absolutely! It just takes effort, like anything else in life that's worth having! How? This is going to sound stupid but you have to look in the mirror and say OUT LOUD positive things about yourself even if you don't really believe them yet. Everyday, the same spiel, until you start believing it yourself. When you can look in the mirror and smile and like what you see, you have self confidence.

And others will then see that too. You won't need that constant validation from your significant other. Caring is one thing; asking her if she's okay when she's obviously upset about something is expected, asking her every time you see her implies "Are you okay WITH ME?" Again, JMHO but you seem to be the type that thinks you need somebody to "complete you". Once you figure out you're already complete you'll find someone that will compliment you, which in my bizarre mind is the best that one can hope for in this messed up world of ours. Best of luck to you in that regard!

Thanks to everyone for the input... it helps alot to know where to start working once again.

Hey big guy, tough stuff here. I have been in this situation before, although probably a lot more intense. My X was always having bad days, and mostly because she put herself through the same ******** day after day even though she knew it was bad. I'd ask her if she was ok and she'd say yeah, but she was lying. If I kept asking,even with different queries, she'd blow up about me not believing her and to stop bugging her when all I wanted was to find the problem and solution, but she wouldnt give it. If I didnt try to ask her after the first, she'd blow up much later saying I didnt care and wasnt talking to her enough. She was always saying how she's a strong independent woman and she can take care of herself, but then say I never did anything for her. She was the type to lie to protect this image, and yet completely freak out days later with so much pain built up and blame me for her state.

I do agree there are better ways to ask somebody if they're ok... and the problem with most people and communication is they translate words without telling you their confusion or misunderstanding. Sometimes people dont get the hints at a second meaning and sometimes there's not one and they try to find one! most people just dont take the time to actually talk things out and listen, even if its something they dont want to hear or discuss... love must always keep the willingness to face problems together and sacrifice personal agenda to fully understand and support somebody. This was always the problem for me... I'd try to comfort her but she'd hear something negative so she could vent her anger n energy, and no matter how many times i tried to explain what I meant, it wasnt wanted, so it wasnt believed.

If somebody doesnt talk to you about something until you're broken up, they were not somebody worth being with. I think she let her personal issues rub off on you... not to say you aren't low in confidence... i dont know you enough. You may have come off that way, but without her communicating to you and listening to what you were attempting, it was her problems that created her decisions.

I feel like a lot of what you said is true in my case, and I do now have doubts as to why I keep ending up by myself when all I ever did was care. I never cheated, lied or anything like that. I was concearn I was showing, and I'm guessing she took it as fear of losing her.

It may not be your fault, but it is your responsibility

There is a thin line between confidence, insecurity, and arrogance.

It may just be the approach you take

But again, I dont think that's somebody worth it if they wont even take the time to appreciate this care or acknowledge your attempts. The fact she didnt tell you about this until you were broken up gives me good thought that she just wasnt putting in as much as you and probably is too focused on herself to see what a good man you are.

There is a good book I think you could really really benefit from, it changed my life for sure.

http://www.miguelruiz.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=6:the-four-agreements&catid=13:books&Itemid=7

The whole book takes you through many different views on these issues and I think will help you see yourself clearly along with others.

Thanks I'll look into that book...

You're a good man Griff, and thats all you need to be at the end of the day. It takes two afterall, does it not?

Yep, and I know i'm not as down on myself as it seems, but still there is some wondering why there.

My fav reptile-
Confidence in a man is very appealing and I find it very attractive.
I think you have confidence to a degree but could use more!!
And why do you care what an ex says?

HIya BG, I only care at all because it makes me think... kinda like you never think about something that can be wrong till someone brings it up, then it's in your head.

P.S. Nice pic

OMG!!! Nothing drives me bugshit more than when I am just sitting there letting my mind go blank ( it's how I unwind ) and a woman asks " What are you thinking " and when I tell them nothing they simply cannot accept it and get pissed at me for " not wanting to talk ".

See how the question "how are you doing?" works much better? It's all wordplay, "how are you doing?" sounds and comes off a lot better than implying someone has a problem or asking what someone is thinking...honestly, I'd rather know how they are doing than what they are thinking, as a matter of fact I've never really understood the question and from my point of view...you probably don't want to know anyway...

If this sketch sounds familiar you might have a problem. Otherwise, I wouldn't worry about caring too much. Of all the problems a person can have that one doesn't even belong on the list.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0aUbGGFySdU&feature=related

Well confidence is important, and awesome, but she could of at least helped you along with your gaining confidence if she was really nice.

all for herself I guess.

OK, this is totally twofold for me.

One, YES you need more self-confidence. I know this cuz I do too. I'm learning just how extremley important it is.

Two, DON'T do that to a woman again. Seriously. My ex boyfriend kept telling me he KNEW I was hiding someting from him. This mutated into me having some secret double life he knew nothing about. (Of course, I have children, which he knew, but somehow he thought I had enough free time to be a mom, have a job, and be with him AND have a secret side life. Ok...) Now, yours isn't so drastic (he was a cokehead... BAD idea on my part), but my roommate does that to me, too. We're not even dating, and he drives me batshit CRAZY with it. Every time I BREATHE a bit heavy he asks me if I'm OK. It's crazy!

So... yeah... to sum it up? Don't do that. Just... don't.