OK here's a silly question to ask I guess, but my ex-gf told me recently I need more self confidence, because I always asked her was anything wrong, are you ok, and stuff like that. Then she breaks up with me and tells me this. Can it be that maybe my self confidence is low because of people like her leaving me? Or are they leaving me because my self confidence is low? Which came first the chicken or the egg? Is caring enough to ask if someone is ok low self confidence?

Opinions please.

Actually, more often at the end, but to my defense on that, She had worked for the same company for 21 years, it was the only job she has since 17 years old, and the company closed down her whse and laid her off, so because of that she was sad and often depressed, so I probably asked quite a bit because of that.

As far as my own issues, I'm not sure how to work on something that I have no control over, such as people deciding I care too much I guess.

You can never control other people. However, you CAN control how you present yourself, whether or not you like yourself, whether or not you are too clingy, needy, dependent, unselfconfident, low self-esteem, that kind of thing. I think perhaps that's what you should focus on.

Honestly, your last statement screams "pity me." I can see how if this is a one-time thing because you just had a breakup it would be perfectly fine. But, and here's the kicker, if you make that kind of statement a lot, it can be difficult to be around. It says you need to get your validation from someone else instead of yourself.

Regardless of the situation, you are in control of your own self-esteem and happiness, it should never be dependent upon another person.

Take some time work on yourself, do things that you love to do, and feel comfortable with yourself .... make yourself happy... and your self-confidence will boost!

Best wishes!

I'm sorry that happened to you; you seem like a caring person and didn't know you were being understood as "clingy". It's sometimes difficult to find that balance of understanding vs neediness. Perhaps instead of asking the person you are involved with to clarify their feelings in words you could "monitor" how the relationship is going simply by watching your significant other’s involvement. If you plan things and your girlfriend is happy by smiling, thanking you and participating- what's left to say. Validation comes in many different ways.

Ok so where is that line between not giving a crap, caring and low self-confidence?

So caring for someone when they are down, is also considered "Clingy"?

I just explained it...asking someone "are you okay?" constantly is annoying, of course they are not okay and you can plainly see that. Now on the other hand asking someone "how are you doing?" opens into a multitude of directions, it is wordplay.

Or you can just continue to do what you keep doing as you don't seem to be all that likely to change, I don't even know why half of you bother asking for help when you obviously won't take it...

You don't ask women out, you tell them