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| Topic: Real Love Doesn't Hurt | |
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I have always LOVE THIS ONE ABOVE,,,oh yeahhhhhhh A true song for the survivors! |
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I have always LOVE THIS ONE ABOVE,,,oh yeahhhhhhh A true song for the survivors! Very true 
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Safety Planning
Whatever else you may decide to do, one thing that many victims of domestic violence find helpful is making a safety plan. You can make one yourself or you can call your local domestic violence program and ask them to help you think through a plan. If you decide to write out a safety plan, be sure to keep it in a place where your partner can't find it. Safety plans can be made for a variety of different situations - for dealing with an emergency such as when a physical assault occurs, for continuing to live with a partner who has been abusive, for continuing to date a partner who has been abusive, or for protecting yourself after you have ended a relationship with an abusive partner. Whether you are with your partner or have ended the relationship, whether or not you have used the court system whether or not you have ever called the police, there are certain things that are helpful to consider in planning for your future safety. * Where can you keep important phone numbers (police, hot-line, friends, shelter) for yourself and your children? * Is there anyone you can ask to call the police it they hear suspicious noises coming from your house or apartment? * If you need to get out of your house or apartment in a hurry, what door, window, elevator or stairwell will you be able to use in order to get out safely? * If you need a place to stay for a while, where can you go? Can you arrange to stay with family or friends in a crisis? Do you know how to contact the local domestic violence program in order to arrange for emergency shelter? * Where can you keep your purse, car keys and some change to make a phone call so that you can grab them quickly? * Do your children know how to use the telephone to contact the police? * Is there a code word you can use with friends, family and/or your children to alert them to call for help? * Can you keep some money, some changes of clothes and important papers hidden somewhere your partner doesn't know about, but that you can get to quickly? Can you keep the "escape bag" with a neighbor or in the trunk of the car? * If you think you and your partner are about to have an argument, how can you get to a room where there are fewer things that can be used as weapons? How can you avoid getting trapped in the kitchen, bathroom, basement or garage? |
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Excellent info and a lot to think about. Thanks again, HS!!!
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... ... Hi Sis 
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... ... Hi Sis ...  ... Hey, babay ... 
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Excellent info and a lot to think about. Thanks again, HS!!! You're welcome
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Domestic Violence: Healing the Wounds
Millions of people are in abusive relationships, or directly affected by one. After living in an abusive relationship, problems don’t end when victims escape the nightmare. The abuser’s psychological and physical attacks leave deep wounds that are difficult to heal unless carefully attended to in the aftermath of such trauma. There is hope for survivors of domestic violence. Although difficult and painful, recovery from abuse is possible. The healing process starts with recognizing how domestic violence impacts its survivors. The impact of abuse on survivors Survivors of domestic violence recount stories of put-downs, public humiliation, name-calling, mind games and manipulations by the abuser. Psychological scars left by emotional and verbal abuse are often more difficult to recover from than physical injuries. They often have lasting effects even after the relationship has ended. The survivor’s self-esteem is trampled in the course of being told repeatedly that she is worthless, stupid, untrustworthy, ugly or despised. It is common for an abuser to be extremely jealous and controlling, and insist that the victim not see friends or family members. The victim may be forbidden to work or leave the house without the abuser. If the victim is employed, she often loses her job due to the chaos created by such relationships. This isolation increases the abuser’s control over the victim and results in the victim losing any emotional, social or financial support from the outside world. This increases the victim’s dependence upon the abuser, making it more difficult to leave the relationship. If she does leave, she often finds herself totally alone and unable to support herself and her children. A traumatic experience Domestic violence is a traumatic experience for its victims. Traumatic experiences produce emotional shock and other psychological problems. The American Psychiatric Association has identified a specific type of mental distress common to survivors of trauma called post-traumatic stress disorder or PTSD. Common reactions to trauma include: * Fear and anxiety — While normal responses to dangerous situations, fear and anxiety can become a permanent emotional state without professional help. Memories of the trauma can trigger intense anxiety and immobilize the survivor. Children may express their fears by becoming hyperactive, aggressive, develop phobias or revert to infantile behavior. * Nightmares and flashbacks — Because the trauma is so shocking and different from normal everyday experiences, the mind cannot rid itself of unwanted and intrusive thoughts and images. Nightmares are especially common in children. * Being in “danger mode” — Jitteriness, being easily startled or distracted, concentration problems, impatience and irritability are all common to being in a “heightened state of alert” and are part of one’s survival instinct. Children’s reactions tend to be expressed physically because they are less able to verbalize their feelings. * Guilt, shame and blame — Survivors often blame themselves for allowing the abuse to occur and continue for as long as it did. Survivors feel guilty for allowing their children to be victimized. Sometimes others blame the survivors for allowing themselves to be victims. These emotions increase the survivor’s negative self-image and distrustful view of the world. * Grief and depression — Feelings of loss, sadness and hopelessness are signs of depression. Crying spells, social withdrawal and suicidal thoughts are common when grieving over the loss and disappointment of a disastrous relationship. Recovery To recover from domestic violence, the survivor must: * Stop blaming herself for what has happened — take responsibility for present and future choices. * Stop isolating herself — reconnect with people in order to build a support network. * Stop denying and minimizing feelings — she should learn how to understand and express herself with the help of a therapist. * Stop identifying herself as a victim— take control of her life by joining a survivors’ support group. * Stop the cycle of abuse — get herself and her children counseling to help heal psychological wounds and to learn healthy ways to function in the world. Recovery from domestic violence is a step-by-step process; a journey no one should take alone. The first step toward becoming a survivor is taken when victims call for help. The National Domestic Violence Hotline is (800) 799-SAFE. By Karen S. Dickason, LCSW, CEAP © 2003-2004 Achieve Solutions http://www.valueoptions.com/suicide_prev/html%20pages/Domestic%20Violence%20Healing%20the%20Wounds.htm |
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Na i dnt blive in love my ex i waz with 4 yrs cheatd on me il never get that close 2 sum1 agen
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The first stage of healing from Domestic Violence is forgiveness..................
Forgiving yourself .....................
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Coping with the effects of Domestic Violence and how to heal both yourself and your children.
Surviving an abusive relationship, be it a physical or emotionally abusive relationship is a feat unto itself. But finally garnering the courage to leave the abuser and begin anew is a move worthy of adulation. It is excessively difficult to make the break with the abuser, in spite of the fact that in many cases we have grown to despise them. Generally the abused partner will have such a low self esteem that they will think they cannot cope without the abuser to make important decisions (‘I am too stupid’), that they will not find someone else to love them (‘I am too fat/ugly/etc.’), or that they won’t be able to survive (‘I am alone because I am too useless, and my family hates me’). All these, are psychological power games that the abuser plays, some are conscious and some are not, but the game is still played. If you are reading this I am going on the assumption that you have already left the abuser and are starting on your life anew. I found when I left my abuser that the only way I could describe what I had gone through, and begin to deal with it, instead of ignoring the abuse and it’s effects was to write. You don’t need to make sense, just write down incidents that come to mind. Things the abuser said to you, that made you feel so incredibly bad, as well as things they may have done, times you felt alone, isolated and afraid. Writing can be cathartic, especially when you look back in a year or two’s time, and you will be able to say that you had the courage and strength to live through that! Surround yourself with friends. You will probably find that you didn’t talk much to people around you when you were being abused, and in fact you probably withdrew as much as possible from those in your life. Now is the time to talk. Tell the people in your life what you went through, and allow them to share in your pain as well as the triumph of having finally left. It can make people uncomfortable to hear about certain instances, in which case find a good support network, whether it is a friend, relative or counseling group. Your local shelter will be able to help you find a decent counselor or support group. Talking heals, but at the same time a professional counselor will be able to help you build your self esteem as well as build your new life. Friends are very close to the situation, and as such their advice is often jaundiced by personal beliefs and frames of reference, so get a professional to help you deal with your past, and its effects on your future. Get angry. How dare the swine have treated you like that? How dare you have let him? Remember that it is all right and perfectly natural to want to punch the abusers lights out, however only in theory; in practice you can’t do it as you may hurt your fist! Punch pillows, shout, scream, but work the anger out, and NEVER ever blame yourself for what happened. In fact quite the opposite, begin congratulating yourself on having survived and finally gotten yourself, and if you have children, them, out of a potentially fatal situation. Start doing things that you enjoy, and that you are good at. This will help build your confidence in yourself as well as your self-esteem. Your children, no matter how small, will have been affected by the abuse. This does not mean that you are a bad parent, in just means that they will need help dealing with their anger at you, the abuser, and the situation. Professional play therapy or counseling, depending on the age, is advised. Do not for one moment think your kids didn’t realize what was going on, they are not stupid, and children tend to hear and see a lot more than we think they do. Talk to your children, let them know that their anger is acceptable and justified, and help them deal with it as well as the separation from that person. Remember that no matter what that person did to you, the chances are good that your child still loves the abuser dearly and is battling with feelings of guilt and betrayal because they do not want to hurt you. Try not to rush into a new relationship, even though suddenly having a new person on the scene, flattering you and paying positive attention to you can be heady, try and give yourself time to adjust to life as a single person, before tying your identity to a new person. Learn to love yourself, for yourself before you love yourself because someone else does too! Read Patricia Evans books, as they will help you gain more insight into yourself as well as the reasons you may have fallen for an abuser. Most survivors of abuse break all contact with the abuser. This, obviously is recommended, however if you have children with them and need to still be in contact there are a few safety precautions you should take: Get an Officer of the Court to set up regular weekends if they are in the agreement. Specify a time and place to exchange the children and make it away from your home. Do not let the abuser fetch the children from your home if at all possible. Do not be alone with the abuser at any time, even if your children are around. Train your kids to use the emergency numbers and help them learn your home address and phone number. Do not let family and friends pressurize you into returning to the abuser. Some may, their parents for example might try to minimize the damage the abuser did to you, or justify their actions. There is no justification so do not be browbeaten into returning to a hopeless situation. You are a strong person, worth more than anything the abuser could possibly offer you, so don’t return to them for any reason, the next time they hit you, could be your last. Written by Philippa Rose - © 2002 Pagewise http://www.essortment.com/all/domesticviolenc_rber.htm |
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Amen. God bless all my fellow survivors. You are in my thoughts and in my prayers today and everyday.
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Amen. God bless all my fellow survivors. You are in my thoughts and in my prayers today and everyday.
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Edited by
heartSoul
on
Sat 03/13/10 04:40 PM
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Domestic violence, custody & visitation
The degree to which domestic violence affects the outcome of custody and visitation determinations depends on the state law and an individual judge’s view of the case. Some states consider domestic violence a central issue in custody and visitation; others view it as just one of many factors in the best interests of the child. Courts often consider-sometimes heavily- how long a child has been living away from the parent seeking custody. If a battered woman has fled without her children to secure her own safety, or the abuser has temporary custody for any other reason, the woman will need to take immediate steps to ensure that any time spent away from her children will not hurt her long-term custody chances. Consult a family law attorney with domestic violence expertise for help taking the right steps. To learn more about custody/visitation laws in your state, visit WomensLaw.org www.womenslaw.org/ and scroll down to your state. There is no question that domestic violence is a hot-button issue in child custody, and that many women without seasoned family lawyers on their side must fight an uphill custody battle- too often a losing one - against abusers and/or attorneys. Victims and attorneys alike must understand that judges have varying degrees of knowledge and empathy for abused victims. The judge may not be empathetic or may even be hostile toward victims. In those cases victims will need to rely on other facts to make the case for custody (e.g. who is the children’s primary caregiver). By the same token, don’t assume that an empathetic judge will automatically grant custody to the victim. Facts and state law will determine how much weight the issue of domestic violence carries in each case, but above all judges look at the credibility of both the victim and the abuser, and evidence of their parenting skills. Victims in the throes of crisis must be well prepared to testify so judges don’t draw the wrong conclusions about character based on court demeanor. Don't believe that the judge or lawyers have your best interests at heart. Document ALL ABUSE!!!!!!! |
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