It starts within you,,forgiving them, and reclaiming YOU.
Knowing ITS NOT YOU NOR EVER WAS, it was them,,they were twisted,tormented,and just plain,,NUTS!
Then,,,life smells better, smiles come easy, depressed thoughts disappear,,,,,as a new birth of YOU blossoms from within...

Amen my friend!!!!

... Blessings

It sounds so right yet when it comes right down to it, it is so much harder to overcome than you'd think. It's like... so hard to reprogram your brain
Beautiful advice though....

It is very hard to over come.

The physical scars may heal, but the emotional scars last a lifetime.

You may forgive, but NEVER forget!

Symptoms of Emotional Abuse



Many women assume that if they're not being physically abused by their partner, then they're not being abused. That's not necessarily true. You may be in a relationship which is draining something from you -- you might not have recognized that your partner has eroded your self-esteem and happiness.


An abusive partner will railroad discussions, so that you don't have time to think about what's right and what's wrong in their behavior.

Take a moment to consider these questions. Your partner might have behaved as though these things were okay, even though it's obvious that they aren't okay...:

Do you feel that you can't discuss with your partner what is bothering you?

Does your partner frequently criticize you, humiliate you, or undermine your self-esteem?

Does your partner ridicule you for expressing yourself?

Does your partner isolate you from friends, family or groups?

Does your partner limit your access to work, money or material resources?

Has your partner ever stolen from you? Or run up debts for you to handle?

Does your relationship swing back and forth between a lot of emotional distance and being very close?

Have you ever felt obligated to have sex, just to avoid an argument about it?

Do you sometimes feel trapped in the relationship?

Has your partner ever thrown away your belongings, destroyed objects or threatened pets?

Are you afraid of your partner?

One aspect of emotional abuse is that it eventually brainwashes the victim.

THE PROCESS OF BRAINWASHING
(MIND CONTROL)

1. The brain-washer keeps the victim unaware of what is going on and what changes are taking place.

Your partner might control your finances, make plans for you, or not tell you what his plans are until the last minute. He may talk about you to others behind your back, to isolate you from them.

2. The brain-washer controls the victim's time and physical environment, and works to suppress much of the victim's old behavior. The victim is slowly, or abruptly, isolated from all supportive persons except the brain-washer.

Your partner might have insisted that you stop certain social, hobby, or work activities. You might have gotten moved to a new location, farther away from your family and friends. Or you may have been asked (or told) to reduce or stop contact with specific supportive people in your life.

3. The brain-washer creates in the victim a sense of powerlessness, fear, and dependency.

Verbal and emotional abuse creates these emotions, and they become stronger and stronger over time.

4. The brain-washer works to instill new behavior and attitudes in the victim.

Your partner trains to you behave in ways that he wants you to behave. He gradually makes you feel differently about yourself, and erodes your confidence in yourself.

5. The brain-washer puts forth a closed system of logic, and allows no real input or criticism.

In other words -- What he says, goes.

To consider whether your partner emotionally abuses you, look at the information available on physical abusers. The patterns are similar:

COMMON CHARACTERISTICS OF ABUSERS
(adapted)

* He was verbally abused as a child, or witnessed it in his own family.

* He has an explosive temper, triggered by minor frustrations and arguments.

* Abusers are extremely possessive and jealous. They experience an intense desire to control their mates.

* His sense of masculinity depends on the woman's dependency upon him. He feels like a man only if his partner is totally submissive and dependent on him.

* Abusers often have superficial relationships with other people. Their primary, if not exclusive, relationship is with their wife/girlfriend.

* He has low self-esteem.

* He has rigid expectations of marriage (or partnership) and will not compromise. He expects her to behave according to his expectations of what a wife should be like; often the way his parents' marriage was, or its opposite. He demands that she change to accommodate his expectations.

* He has a great capacity for self-deception. He projects the blame for his relationship difficulties onto his partner. He would not be drunk if she didn't nag him so much. He wouldn't get angry if only she would do what she's supposed to do. He denies the need for counseling because there's nothing wrong with him. Or he agrees to get counseling and then avoids it or makes excuses to not follow through. He might not want her to get counseling because, he reasons, she wouldn't have any problems if she only turned to him.

* He may be described as having a dual personality -- he is either charming or exceptionally cruel. He is selfish or generous depending on his mood.

* A major characteristic of abusers is their capacity to deceive others. He can be cool, calm, charming and convincing: a con man.

* The mate is usually a symbol. The abuser doesn't relate to his partner as a person in her own right, but as a symbol of a significant other. This is especially true when he's angry. He assumes that she is thinking, feeling, or acting like that significant other -- often his mother.

Heartsoul, your thread has touched me. I was severely beaten by an x not too long ago. I had broken bones in my face. He is barely going to get a slap on the hand for it. I still struggle with the memories of it; being beaten on my head and face with a closed fist. I am a small petite woman and he overpowered me very easily. I have never been through anything so traumatic in my life. But I am a survivor! Sometimes I am sad, sometimes angry, all sorts of emotions come forth. Thank you for sharing. You touched my heart today.

Endless Thanx, Support and Love of YOU and this Thread, AS EVER and ALWAYS!

(((((((C!))))))) ... ...

I am SO SORRY that THIS happened to you,,as to so MANY who have voiced here in this post.

I wish that whoever done ANY HARMS,,was tied and made to suffer the SAME as they GAVE..
But we can't do that

I can only say THIS,,from my heart to all of YOU here.

For EVERY BAD ASSS SCUMBAG HUMAN WHO THINKS HE'S A MAN THROUGH DOING THIS

THAT THERE ARE TEN OTHER MEN TO HIS ONE WHO COULD NEVER ACT THIS WAY!



KNOW THE SIGNS and GET AWAY,,,,,

TO MANY WAIT,,,,, TO LATE..

IT COULD BE YOUR """"LIFE"""" or YOUR CHILDS!!!!!!!

Thank you so much for your heartfelt comments. I left him immediately and yes, I do know there are wonderful men out there who would never do this. Unfortunately my kids were home at the time so it was just bad all the way around. But we are getting through. I am much stronger because of it!!

You have many sistah~survivor~comrades in arms here(((((((Jlove)))))))...

Strength in our love and numbers, on up ... We can ALL do this together! ...

Dancere-thank you. You betcha we WILL do this together. What an awful thing to go through. I loved him deeply. Gave him everything I had to give. It felt like he died after that because I never saw him again. But I had to do what was right for my kids and myself. I just had to look at the photos on my cellphone of my beaten face from time to time to remind myself that "love shouldn't hurt". At least not like that. God bless you.

I GREW through abuse,,and it was LIVING IT,,in which I knew I could NEVER GROW to be one who would ever let that happen, or feel that need..
MANY,,just DON'T have a trigger that flips THEIR MINDS SIGNALS to see IT AS BAD..????
KEEP close to them and try and answer all their questions,wink,
Seek someone to talk with if you relaspe to have fear or depression.
SPEAKOUT TO ALL,,and NEVER HIDE FROM THIS AGAIN...
NO ONE NEEDS TO BE HURT ,,,,,EVER!!!!
GOODBYE,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,SAYS IT ALL!!!!!
I am so happy YOU DID GET OUT AND AWAY!!!!YEAH FOR YOU!! and your children!!!

ALL of you will carry that memory, and ALL will learn through others how
LOVE should be felt and showed.....HUGS!!!!!

It is truly beyond me, how ANY man, who claims to be such, could ever, EVER raise a hand to a woman...or how in his sick, twisted mind, beating a woman makes him so.

Lots of love and hugs sent out from me (Jen) to all you survivors, men and women. May we all stay strong and not let ourselves be treated like that ever again.

Should any of you EVER need to talk or just need some love sent your way, drop me a note because I am here. Anytime. God bless you all. We are survivors!!!!!

This really saddens me to hear

There are many things that you can do to heal. The best would probably be to see if you have a therapist in your area that practices EMDR. Very good results have been shown by those using it.

Remember that negative memories are stored differently than normal memories, which is why you may feel like you do. I used to council women at a rape crisis center, and I have seen and heard the most despicable acts. It would rip my heart out. No person on this planet deserves to be treated this way. Please protect your self-esteem and know that NOTHING that your abuser has said to you was true. Your abuser said those things to control you, but only you can ultimately give them that control. Please take an hour each day and do something just for yourself because you're special. This could be doing anything that YOU enjoy, such as buying something just for yourself, taking a bubble bath, watching a favorite movie, reading a good book, participate in a favorite hobby, anything that brings YOU joy. This is YOUR reward, your treat, your hour EACH DAY for being special. Your self-esteem is so very important, and you need to nurture it.

Several good books for you to read are 'The verbally abusive relationship' by Patricia Evens and 'Dragonslippers' by Rosland Penfeld. Also "Why does he do that" by Lundy Bancroft. Your library should have all of them for you. Don't feel bad if it takes you a while to get your self-esteem back. This will all take some time. Remember, only nuns change their habits overnight