I spent alot of time last spring and summer trying to date (and I say try because out of at least 500 contacts with women online..even with a paying subscription elsewhere..all I had to show for it was 1 date. Otherwise I was ignored). So I developed a cynical attitude and figured whats the point.

I was divorced in 2008, and granted it takes time to get over that kind of mess, but I'd like to think I've long been ready to move on.

Now I still feel alone. I'd like to share myself with another, I'm well aware there are many women who feel the same way and logically there should be no reason why this is next to impossible.

I mean, even putting aside a long term relationship...just having a good friend who is there..I feel like there is this mile high wall between this goal.

Yes, I realize this sounds cynical. It is and I know its not helpful, but I can't be phony and be all happy with what feels like complete failure.

Maybe it is simply not my time yet for a meaningful relationship and I must wait longer. That is possible.

I guess..I know what I'm looking for. Logic tells me there is someone who is looking for someone like me..somewhere. There are millions of single women looking for their own match. Obviously I have to fit someones idea. At least close enough.

So..help me find some answers here. As I said ..last summer I tried contacting hundreds..and all I got was ::crickets::. Yet I know people meet on these sites.

On this site what seems to work best is to get to know people through the forums. Continue posting and getting to know people.

Well, I can't disagree with the notion you're more likely to want to meet up with someone who you've seen posting on a forum for weeks as opposed to a 'hi, how are you doing' email out of the blue.

I will try this tact.

As far as finding good friends is concerned, I'll tell you what worked for me here -- I posted a lot in the forums, got to know people, they started checking out my profile, started sending me e-mails, some of them I've even talked to on the phone and through regular mail.

But it took time -- I found that people have to get to know you, and it takes awhile (and some certain unspecified number of posts!) before they can get an idea of who you are (and for you to get the same perspective of them).

I get LOTS of e-mail here now, and LOTS of profile views.

It wasn't always like that. When I started out here, lo these many years ago, I tried sending out some e-mails to local people and never got a single reply. Not one. I stopped doing that. After I made myself a regular and a presence in the forums, people started writing to me.

As for the other part of your question -- I wish I could help, but I'm clueless. I've been here over three years and have yet to run across anyone even remotely resembling a legitimate girlfriend prospect.

But you never know who might sign up tomorrow....

If you're just sending "hi, how are you doing" emails, you might want to try a different approach. Read their profiles and comment on something there, or ask them questions. Make it more interesting than "hi, how are you doing" and you may have better luck.

I don't believe you can put a time limit on when you are ready to start dating again after a divorce. It may take longer than a couple of years to get back into the dating scene.

If you were married a long time or the breakup was extremely devastating, then please don't rush into a relationship just to ease the loneliness. You would be doing a disservice to yourself and whomever you become involved with.

When it's time for you to find the person that's supposed to be in your life you will know. This woman may not be on a dating site. You may meet her at the grocers or the local convenience store.
You know, in REAL life....

As the song goes...

You can't hurry love
No, you just have to wait
She said love don't come easy
It's a game of give and take

-You Can't Hurry Love

Patience is the key.

just stop trying, cuz you'll come off desperate.

As I indicated above, I did stop trying after summer and developed a cynical view of the entire process believing I failed.

However I do appreciate the comments above, perspectives I hadn't really considered before.

I agree w/Cinder, you're trying way tooooo hard....

Go out to a club, and request they play the Macarena. Once the DJ looks at you like you are crazy, inform him you are. He will then play it, so then proceed to the dance floor. Start doing the Macarena and watch as people join along. You will be looked at weird, but alot of chicks will want your body when they see this side of you. Trust me. This is a proven method. It is flawless. It is Goof Approved!

I may be old fashion but if looking hasn't worked yet how about just letting friendships build and if something sparks from that then you guys have one of the biggest humps compleated which is comunication.. theres someone for everyone. You will know her when you meet her.hugs!

dont think you have failed, thats one of the worst things you can do. you will end up taking that thought into your next relationship and it could become a barrier.. its nothing you have done.

This makes sense, except I'm not good at making friends.

I guess what I've been told before, and its probably true..that I've put up such a tall and thick wall around me. And people notice that. And I'm stuck between wanting to tear it down, and stay inside in the safety.

But yes. It does help to talk about it.

Having done DJ work in several bars....I can vouch for this technique actually working in some cases.

There are times when it takes a person doing something slightly bizarre to make themselves stand out from the herd.

We got a few things in common. is it because you are shy or because you "say the wrong thing" and I say that loosely..

Shyness is part of it. But there's more, in the past 5 years things have happened that I guess I felt a wall was necessary. I don't want to share here on the forum. Privately sure but not publicly.

thats respectable.. and i wont pry into your personal life. things will pan out.. just got to ffind your grove and it will be ok..

1/500 maybe not that bad, i bet some others are 1/1000..or even more...so just triple the contacts to get 2 more dates..

roko

Actually it could not be because your trying too hard but that you just have not come across the right one so far. I have no clue how many I have talked to within the last 3 years here and only a hand full of dates. But then that is fine with me to many times after just a few e-mails they drop off and if we can not keep each others attention within e-mails we surely could not do it within person. And just because you meet them there is no guarantee there will be any chemistry there either.

But then sometimes if we are trying too hard maybe one should step back and enjoy life a bit on their own. At times they will show up when your least expecting them too.