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| Topic: Self-Debating - Shallow Follow-Up? | |
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Wasn't exactly sure where to toss this, though Cats topic is why I ended up putting it here.
Talked to the bf today, and he was going on about having looked at foreclosed homes with land, and land for sale in the area he wants to live at when he gets back. However, that entire area is out-of-their-mind ridiculously expensive. I'm pretty flexible with where to live, East Texas is just fine. However, he mentioned today that he is thinking about buying a half-acre on the lake, and putting up a house, probably one of the metal buildings that are popular here. Then in a year or two, flipping it for some decent cash. I basically left it as we will have to seriously discuss this when he gets home. I'm becoming a bit leery of all of this as I've heard the "start small, and build up" bit before and it never panned out. I personally don't have a problem with a start small, but a lot of the small lots like that comes with restrictions on amount and size and types of animals. And there's still the fact that I live on a farm, and half of the animals on this farm are owned by me. Therefore, I have to look for something of at least 20 acres, and preferably more. I'm rather saddened that he knows that my animals are pets, and he already came across with a "no useless animals" comment, but then to add this to it? So,I'm rather frustrated that I have to feel like I'm compromising my beliefs for us to have a relationship. So, I'm not exactly sure whether that makes it shallow to some, but it's extremely important to me. |
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no, not shallow. compromise should go both ways, otherwise it's not really a compromise is it?
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Well, that's how I would see things. But apparently, I'm not finding guys who really see it that way either. I have always been straightforward, I thought, I what I could and couldn't compromise on, and the biggie was my animals. We started out just fine because his views were so similar. Now it feels like he's done a 180 to me.
And because he's not here, it can't truly be dealt with. |
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There is no law or rule that says that you two have to move in together as soon as he gets back to the area. Let him have his half acre and you stay put. Your pets are an important part of your life and like you said he needs to realize that. That realization wont come when he is not there to see how hard you work to take care of your animals. If after a while if he doesnt get it, ( when he moves back ) then its decision time. Because it comes down to this, either he loves you as you are or he doesnt. If he doesnt, its time for him to move on. And no you are not shallow. Pets are like family. Would he ask you to leave a child or ailing parent behind? And I know pets are not people, but they are more helpless and need just as much care.
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Sit
relax Meditate on it ahwile do whats in your heart Really ya dont have to live together is right Do whats best for you 
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So,I'm rather frustrated that I have to feel like I'm compromising my beliefs for us to have a relationship. So, I'm not exactly sure whether that makes it shallow to some, but it's extremely important to me. My opinion only...no one should have to compromise their beliefs to keep a relationship going. Integrity is living your truth, being true to yourself. You shouldn't feel like you have to lose your integrity... |
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Edited by
Quietman_2009
on
Mon 01/25/10 06:50 AM
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I'm rather saddened that he knows that my animals are pets, and he already came across with a "no useless animals" comment, but then to add this to it? who gets to decide what is useless? it sounds more like he is dictating terms for a surrender |
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This is from your profile:
My animals are extremely important to me. They have been the constant in my life. Therefore, I won't compromise on them. Don't give me an ultimatum, as I will choose them over you. And if you are the type who wants to BS me one way and then do a complete 180, don't even bother to waste my time. Sounds like you two are seeing things a little differently. |
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I dont know the whole story or all the details of your relationship but IF he is disregarding or disrespecting your priorities, perhaps he isnt good enough for your own health and happiness. If you dont feel he is disregarding or disrespecting you,, than the post to stay put and let him move on his own while you continue the relationship seems a reasonable compromise.
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Wasn't exactly sure where to toss this, though Cats topic is why I ended up putting it here. Talked to the bf today, and he was going on about having looked at foreclosed homes with land, and land for sale in the area he wants to live at when he gets back. However, that entire area is out-of-their-mind ridiculously expensive. I'm pretty flexible with where to live, East Texas is just fine. However, he mentioned today that he is thinking about buying a half-acre on the lake, and putting up a house, probably one of the metal buildings that are popular here. Then in a year or two, flipping it for some decent cash. I basically left it as we will have to seriously discuss this when he gets home. I'm becoming a bit leery of all of this as I've heard the "start small, and build up" bit before and it never panned out. I personally don't have a problem with a start small, but a lot of the small lots like that comes with restrictions on amount and size and types of animals. And there's still the fact that I live on a farm, and half of the animals on this farm are owned by me. Therefore, I have to look for something of at least 20 acres, and preferably more. I'm rather saddened that he knows that my animals are pets, and he already came across with a "no useless animals" comment, but then to add this to it? So,I'm rather frustrated that I have to feel like I'm compromising my beliefs for us to have a relationship. So, I'm not exactly sure whether that makes it shallow to some, but it's extremely important to me. The "no useless animals" comments would have done it for me. I mean bye, bye time. |
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..i would keep the animals,after all if he really loved you he would see how important they are to you and not ask you to compromise,perhaps you can have it both ways and just keep the land as an investment ..i find that animals are more loyal than people ..for me it would be a no brainer..i would keep the animals and see where the relationship goes.. ..because if yall wind up breaking up you will have lost all your little buddies ..phuck that..jmo |
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I read your profile and this is a big conflict. It is obvious that you love your animals and won't part with them and he sees it differently. I would have him meet the road
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equus, I don't think it's shallow at all. It's detrimental. You had these animals, and your man wants to all of a sudden rewrite the living arrangement contract? No. He's the one being shallow, not you. And I agree with what tombraider said. It's hard for a relationship of two, to work together efficiently when one person dominates the control aspect of the relationship.
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Hummm I guess my question is where you live now do you own it lease it ect... How long have you been there? And why not stay where you are?
Buying lake property that is small to begin with and adding something small on it does not always turn the profit that some want and if it does it normally is down the road and in the right location. Hummm and who is the one buying the lake property? Myself as someone else said stay where you are let him get the lake property and see how things work out after being around each other more. When I had horses if I had meet someone that told me we were getting together and my horses would not be part of my life at that time. Sorry I would have told them to hit the road. Even though I no longer have them now that was a choice I had to make in the long run not one someone was going to tell me I had to make. 
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Edited by
AGoodGuy1026
on
Mon 01/25/10 12:52 PM
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hmmm, have you considered that he may be in a transitional period in his life, and he is trying to figure it all out. He sounds like he has no solid idea about what he wants to do...
perhaps, consider supporting him - and providing advice when asked --- while at the same time staying true to yourself and your beliefs/needs? Then, if it's meant to be, it's meant to be... why "drive off the cliff" emotionally - perhaps just let it play itself out...??? |
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That's some of the issue. His comment about "useless animals" came after he'd been back training in the military. So I'm trying to see if there was just the hyped up aggression that goes with that sort of thing.
I can understand him not wanting gobs of animals around eating and not being useful, and we'd certainly discussed having chickens and some goats for butchering out, of which he would do, and they'd be kept separate. There'd also be chickens and goats that were strictly pets (minus eggs to eat). But this came totally out of the blue, and even surprised mom, since we were sitting at the dinner table for Thanksgiving. However, ya'll are correct. There is a lot of guesstimating and jumping ahead, rather then anything solid to work with. And I won't be moving in right away, so that will see how things settle down after he gets back. I just hate having it niggle at me, until the time comes to really hash it out. Thanks for the comments! |
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hmmm, have you considered that he may be in a transitional period in his life, and he is trying to figure it all out. He sounds like he has no solid idea about what he wants to do... perhaps, consider supporting him - and providing advice when asked --- while at the same time staying true to yourself and your beliefs/needs? Then, if it's meant to be, it's meant to be... why "drive off the cliff" emotionally - perhaps just let it play itself out...??? You made a good point here. His plans and ideas have flip-flopped all over the place, which is why I've been somewhat leery. And it's also why I've basically let it go at we'll talk when he gets home. |
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I fell in love with a guy from a dating website. What I didn't realize was that he didn't like animals, he tolerated our dog until after we got married. We wound up getting rid of our dog because he made our dog seem like a nuisance and my marriage was more important than the dog. To keep peace I figured it was easier to get rid of the dog. A year ago, my husband walked out of our life and moved back in with his exwife after 3 1/2 years of marriage. I am now divorced, I've lost my family, my home, my financial stability - my finances are in shambles and I've spent more time in court this past year then I haven't. Nor does my son have his dog that he dearly loved and I regret ever meeting this man. He was a very Type "A" person, his way or the highway. Now it's MY way and I am considering getting a new dog for my son. I will never ever be able to replace Bailey but I can make us a dog family again. Maybe I'll visit the local shelter soon. Just think long and hard before you make any decisions you'll regret later. |
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