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| Topic: How early... | |
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do you start talking about exactly what you're looking for with someone new? If you're looking to settle down, get married and have children, do you tell them in your first email to them? Do you wait until you get to know them a bit?
I can understand letting people know right up front if you are not looking to get married or have kids. But, I do think it's a bit strange to get a first email from someone where they're talking about how they're searching for "the one" and are ready to settle down. Perhaps most don't mind it, though. |
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There is no set time line for me.
Things will come up in conversation. |
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I've gotten those types emails quite often. I think it depends on how it's said tho. Better than the guy who emails you for a bootycall!
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do you start talking about exactly what you're looking for with someone new? If you're looking to settle down, get married and have children, do you tell them in your first email to them? Do you wait until you get to know them a bit? I can understand letting people know right up front if you are not looking to get married or have kids. But, I do think it's a bit strange to get a first email from someone where they're talking about how they're searching for "the one" and are ready to settle down. Perhaps most don't mind it, though. We are not talking about the scammers who think you may be the one on their first mail to you are we? I think during the first few conversations it usually comes up. But you can have those who think they are ready for a relationship and find out they are not later too. I am guilty of that one. I am still working through my stuff. |
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Edited by
MelodyGirl
on
Sun 04/25/10 07:05 PM
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do you start talking about exactly what you're looking for with someone new? If you're looking to settle down, get married and have children, do you tell them in your first email to them? Do you wait until you get to know them a bit? I can understand letting people know right up front if you are not looking to get married or have kids. But, I do think it's a bit strange to get a first email from someone where they're talking about how they're searching for "the one" and are ready to settle down. Perhaps most don't mind it, though. I agree with you that getting an email stating an exact plan from someone is a bit disconcerting. I feel as though “anyone” will do, that their mind is set on one thing, and the final piece of their puzzle is finding just any ‘ol girl that cooperates. I am upfront about not wanting kids (his or ours) simply because I don’t want to waste my time or their time by disclosing 3 months down the road that kids are a deal breaker. If a guy catches my eye, or he seems interested in me, but his “wants kids” option is checked ‘YES’, I immediately open that up for discussion. I have found that some guys say they put ‘YES’ because they think that’s what girls want to hear - when in reality they don’t want kids. That is a red flag in it of itself because he is not thinking for himself – and is simply conforming for the sake of meeting someone. I don't date men with kids but they should know that by reading my profile. Wait? I don't think anyone reads profiles!  Having the same life goals should be n high priority but not so in depth that we are picking out a china pattern and booking the band in the first email. As far as my plan for marriage, I don’t even know if I will get married. Meeting the person that inspires those feelings is the only way I will know – and that may take 6 months or longer. |
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I myself would think that the first person I might date after my divorce probably would scare the living (Shiet) out of me if they stated talking about marriage or settling down. Slow down, let me get to know you first, your lifes dreams and goals, how you got to be who you are and where your going, your likes and dislikes. There is time down the road to find out what your looking for in life and what the perfect match to you are and if you want to get married again or not.
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Nah, not talking about scammers. Not the ones who tell you they love you right away
 . Just the ones who are pretty serious right from the start. One guy emailed me earlier, talking about how he was looking for something long term and if I wasn't into that, not to waste his time. That seems a bit too serious for me for a first email. |
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Nah, not talking about scammers. Not the ones who tell you they love you right away . Just the ones who are pretty serious right from the start. One guy emailed me earlier, talking about how he was looking for something long term and if I wasn't into that, not to waste his time. That seems a bit too serious for me for a first email. Maybe if she got my name right in the email and it was the first email, LOL   
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do you start talking about exactly what you're looking for with someone new? If you're looking to settle down, get married and have children, do you tell them in your first email to them? Do you wait until you get to know them a bit? I can understand letting people know right up front if you are not looking to get married or have kids. But, I do think it's a bit strange to get a first email from someone where they're talking about how they're searching for "the one" and are ready to settle down. Perhaps most don't mind it, though. I agree with you that getting an email stating an exact plan from someone is a bit disconcerting. I feel as though “anyone” will do, that their mind is set on one thing, and the final piece of their puzzle is finding just any ‘ol girl that cooperates. I am upfront about not wanting kids (his or ours) simply because I don’t want to waste my time or their time by disclosing 3 months down the road that kids are a deal breaker. If a guy catches my eye, or he seems interested in me, but his “wants kids” option is checked ‘YES’, I immediately open that up for discussion. I have found that some guys say they put ‘YES’ because they think that’s what girls want to hear - when in reality they don’t want kids. That is a red flag in it of itself because he is not thinking for himself – and is simply conforming for the sake of meeting someone. I don't date men with kids but they should know that by reading my profile. Wait? I don't think anyone reads profiles! Having the same life goals should be n high priority but not so in depth that we are picking out a china pattern and booking the band in the first email. As far as my plan for marriage, I don’t even know if I will get married. Meeting the person that inspires those feelings is the only way I will know – and that may take 6 months or longer. Yeah, I can understand putting it out there right away that you don't want kids. That makes sense. For me, with the right person, it could happen. But, obviously, I am not going to know that right away. Same for marriage. If someone is talking about how they want kids and want to get married in the first email, that puts me off a bit. It's like that's all they're focused on, rather than focusing on getting to know someone first. |
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I myself would think that the first person I might date after my divorce probably would scare the living (Shiet) out of me if they stated talking about marriage or settling down. Slow down, let me get to know you first, your lifes dreams and goals, how you got to be who you are and where your going, your likes and dislikes. There is time down the road to find out what your looking for in life and what the perfect match to you are and if you want to get married again or not. But what if several months down the road this gal really falls for you & starts talking marriage/kids. Then what happens when you tell her it's not in your plans? If a guys interested in marriage I would rather know now than later because I don't want marriage at this point & wouldn't want to hurt someone later down the road them not knowing this. It's one of those hard questions to really answer. Not sure there is a correct answer to it!! |
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I myself would think that the first person I might date after my divorce probably would scare the living (Shiet) out of me if they stated talking about marriage or settling down. Slow down, let me get to know you first, your lifes dreams and goals, how you got to be who you are and where your going, your likes and dislikes. There is time down the road to find out what your looking for in life and what the perfect match to you are and if you want to get married again or not. But what if several months down the road this gal really falls for you & starts talking marriage/kids. Then what happens when you tell her it's not in your plans? If a guys interested in marriage I would rather know now than later because I don't want marriage at this point & wouldn't want to hurt someone later down the road them not knowing this. It's one of those hard questions to really answer. Not sure there is a correct answer to it!! Well a couple months down the road, i would know more about her and if marriage to her was an option for myself. |
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I myself would think that the first person I might date after my divorce probably would scare the living (Shiet) out of me if they stated talking about marriage or settling down. Slow down, let me get to know you first, your lifes dreams and goals, how you got to be who you are and where your going, your likes and dislikes. There is time down the road to find out what your looking for in life and what the perfect match to you are and if you want to get married again or not. But what if several months down the road this gal really falls for you & starts talking marriage/kids. Then what happens when you tell her it's not in your plans? If a guys interested in marriage I would rather know now than later because I don't want marriage at this point & wouldn't want to hurt someone later down the road them not knowing this. It's one of those hard questions to really answer. Not sure there is a correct answer to it!! I think that if someone definitely does not want to get married or have children, there's no problem with bringing it up fairly quickly. That way no one wastes their time. However, bringing up how you do want to get married and have kids fairly quickly is too much. It makes me wonder why there's a rush to get serious. |
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I had some foreign guy want to get married & me have his children!! Me thinks he wanted his greencard!!
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I myself would think that the first person I might date after my divorce probably would scare the living (Shiet) out of me if they stated talking about marriage or settling down. Slow down, let me get to know you first, your lifes dreams and goals, how you got to be who you are and where your going, your likes and dislikes. There is time down the road to find out what your looking for in life and what the perfect match to you are and if you want to get married again or not. But what if several months down the road this gal really falls for you & starts talking marriage/kids. Then what happens when you tell her it's not in your plans? If a guys interested in marriage I would rather know now than later because I don't want marriage at this point & wouldn't want to hurt someone later down the road them not knowing this. It's one of those hard questions to really answer. Not sure there is a correct answer to it!! I think that if someone definitely does not want to get married or have children, there's no problem with bringing it up fairly quickly. That way no one wastes their time. However, bringing up how you do want to get married and have kids fairly quickly is too much. It makes me wonder why there's a rush to get serious. Rushing is not a good thing, and I am not the type who is looking for best friends with benefits. Maybe it wouldn't be a bad idea if it was brought out early. But then again, I would hope everyone was looking for that special someone to live lifes up, downs and curves that it is so fond of throwing your way. |
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I just let the conversation flow wherever it goes.Sooner or later all things will come up.There is such a thing as coming on too strong-a guy wouldn't walk up to a girl in real life for the first time ever and tell her he wanted something serious,or never wanted to get married again or whatever else he thinks is a priority.In a first message to someone it can be overpowering as well.Everyone is different of course,but that is too much information from someone I have never even talked to.
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Hummm well I'm pretty up front what I'm looking for since I'm not looking to get married unless it just happens and not looking to have kids it is pretty basic just looking for a one on one relationship and see where it goes from there. It is really hard to expect anything long term till you actually get to know them and have been around them for a while. Then one never knows where it may go..
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I was e-mailing, iming, and we never said I love you right away, but we did say we are looking for long term. He finally called me after 2 months of chatting here, and we spoke on the phone since this past February, and he came out here last week for the very first time, and he wants to come back next month!!
 I really believe this is the One for me!! We have so much in common!! He and I 'hit it off' right from the start!!
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Way to go redfox, I am happy for you!!!
 I hope it works out for you and hes that one who you can share all your lofes dreams and hopes with. |
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Way to go redfox, I am happy for you!!! I hope it works out for you and hes that one who you can share all your lofes dreams and hopes with.
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My bad, I apologize, almost forty and I guess the eyes are going. LOL
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