Sorry, hope you can read this. I was putting it in the wrong forum.

I normally wouldn't post anything like this and I really don't like people knowing my life, but at the same time. I don't have anything to hide either if someone asks me questions. For me, this will explain why I chose to be single right now and have no interest in dating at this point. Also, I take responsibility for my own actions in this relationship.

Some of you kind of know me for what it may be being on the net. For those that don't. I know there is three sides to a story, i'm just telling my side. I will try to keep this short. right!


Almost four years ago I met someone on this site. As we all hope for when beginning a relationship, that the communication grows and the relationship grows. Well, a lot of the time it does't work out. Longer story short. We end up having a beautiful boy. I end up moving from cali to Ut to raise our son only to find out that my ex was getting back with her ex. My worst nightmare became true. Almost three years now I have been fighting for custody for my son because the unsafe, unhealthy violent environmental my ex has been raising our son up in with the man no matter what happens she wont let go.

My ex has been going in and out of jail like her so call bf this last three months. She lost her other two children too, through the court. She doesn't know this at this point. But the judge is going to make them make a choice. One of her sisters is getting full custody of the two children with full rights, and my ex is going to lose her rights weather she gives them up willing or not. If she doesn't give them up wiling, the court is going to find them both as unfit parents. To make matters worst. She is not taking her medication and has talked to me about it, plus her father past away 4 months ago. So now both parent have past and she is still dealing with that emotionally. She is homeless and thats because her uncle kicked her out of her fathers house and has no income what so ever. Have any of you seen that TV show hoarders? enough said on that.

As of yesterday, we sate down and made a document to ask the court to modify the joint custody. My son has been in my care full time since this last August. She is willing to sign the document and give me custody.


I'm not heartless, but I do have a wall up right now. She is the mother of our son and always will be. She has never heart our son and does love him, just she knows our son needs to be out of her situation because she knows it's not over with her bf. At this point She can't take care of our son. A couple days ago she asked to stay with me since she has no place to live. I agreed for a little while. She just got out of jail last week and has another court hearing and might get six months. Her so call bf will be getting out in a couple days. I told her as long as your drama doesn't come back to my house. I have no problem helping her for a bit. No drugs, drinking, and none of her so call friend will be allowed near my house or our son. And our son is not to leave the house what so ever with her. She agreed and I have my roommate and my nephew to help with that.

So, knowing all this. Would you help your ex knowing that they do know they need help, and is willing to give up their rights for the best interest of your child?

Lots would say NO.
I have 2 exes I would do anything for.
If you feel she is worth it and you want a "straight" Mother for your son help her.
Don't just help her because you want her. Help her because she is your friend and your sons Mother.
.....Good Luck

So sorry you have gone through all of this, as well as the baby. I suppose my biggest fear would be having her around him and not knowing what she will do next. I would probably do the same that you are doing, but the first sign of her not abiding by the rule....OUT with her. That child needs to come first and if she is choosing her ex and that lifestyle over the well being of her own child...well...
She needs to grow up and get her life together before she can even THINK of being in his life. It doesn't sound like she is going to put forth the effort to fix herself and is only using you for a place to stay. There are shelters available and I would probably suggest she go to one instead of getting myself mixed up in her mess...I simply don't see how putting her in your home is going to be healthy for you or your son, and THAT is what needs to be focused on....a person should only get so many chances...and unfortunately usually have to lose every friend they have before they wake up. The fact that she chose her ex over her son would be enough for me to send her down the road....but that's just me. Good luck Dude...I know you love that boy and only want what is best for him.

I would definitely help my ex if she was in that situation

If she was to straighten out and be there for the kids we have

There's nothing there for us anymore just our kids.


Good luck Bro on whatever decision you make.

I don't want her back. Not to be rude here, but she makes my feel sick at times and no women has ever done that to me. this is about being a friend. We have had our hard times and that is because of her relationship with her bf. She knows our problems have never been just about her. if all this works out as far as custody goes. ill be moving back to cali in a couple months. This has been a long hall for me. But our son is and will always be worth fighting for to have a chance to live a healthy life.

Then by all means....Help her!
It's the right thing.

P.S.....Didn't mean to sound cold and heartless in my response, it's just that I have been going through this with my room mate and no matter how much I try to help, they simply won't change...and now the lies and deception have begun. Until she WANTS to fix herself....she can't be helped.....experience speaking.

No, I agree with everything you said. I think this is more of keeping the peace between us at this point. My main interest is our son and that is what I have been talking to her about. Keeping her on the same page is what has been working. She told me she knows he needs to be with me and he needs to be out of her life at this point. She said and knows he is unsafe being around her bf knowing how their life is. I'm on edge right now like most would be and keeping my eyes open to what ever might happen. YES! any sign of any trouble, and I told her this. She is out and i'm done with her. She might be using me for a place to live at this point, but I gave her a time limit to stay. She wants to work with me so we don't do a ugly custody battle.

Thanks Romeo.

That is what this is about. Our son

I agree with what HE said ^^^

I agree, and know a lot of what you all are saying. I been around AA for 30 years of my life. It has open my eyes up to a lot of things in life.

At this point knowing we have been talking about this for this last month and a half, and made the document together. Monday we will go to the court and sign this in front of the clerks at the Courts office. So at this point I think she is at least being honest about that. If not, it would be a big mistake knowing the court is taking her rights away from her for the other two little girls. Her sister that has them and her side of the family that don't want to have anything to deal with her right now. Said, they will go to court with me and will bring up the DCF case and all the other arrested between her and her bf in court. I wouldn't have any problem getting my son that way knowing it's the same judge that is taking her rights away from her right now and is ready to condemn her as an unfit mother.

I'm just trying to keep the peace at this point and not wanting to do this the ugly way. I want her to be in our sons life, but she needs help and knows it. Time will tell...

Thank you,

I try to do whats best for my life as i do for our son. See, knowing me and the mother had our problems. it doesn't mean things can't work out as far as us communicating for the best interest for our son. By all means, I have my part in this relationship as she does. So in all, i'm still learning things from this and always will. The good thing at this point is. were learning how to be friends and will see where things will go from there.


Just one more thing. Even though I might be heading the right way and have somewhat of head on my shoulder. I still need to be reminded of thing from time to time.

Mike you know what I think about all this. To me your an Awesome dad & uncle as well....

But...........as far as helping the ex I do understand you want to help her for your son's sake....

But...............I don't feel that letting her move in with you is the best choice. If the courts take in to consideration that you are in fact trying to get custody and in fact you are letting her stay with you with her history it is not going to look good on your part.

Even though she is willing to sign the papers she has no place to stand and no choice on the situation. Due to the fact of the situation with her other two children as soon as those papers are signed yours is a giving. What you could be doing is jeopardizing your parental rights by letting a known drug addict that in fact the courts find as a unfit mother living in your house with a child in the same home. Not a good thing

Regardless who we feel we need to help out at times, if in fact it could jeopardize our kids safety or our reputation as a parent within the courts eyes. Then I'm sorry it is not worth it I'm with klc on this one help her get into a half way house or a program but not in your home............

You know I think the world of you and all you have been through the last few years... Don't let her intentions cloud your thinking and cause you even more heartache.......

I few years ago I would of said that letting her move if to help her out would not be bad, I have let people move in with me to help them out before. But then I let an ex-girlfriend move in after her last boyfriend supposedly was beating her up so she had to leave. There was no connection between us anymore and she had no job or place to go but she had started to go to college so I thought she was trying to straighten out her life. I let her move into my spare bedroom, this is when the troubles started... Since there was no connection between us she thought she could do what ever she wanted and I started to find stuff missing. She was stealing from me and when I confronted her things got even worse, she had no need for anything since I paid for everything at my house anyways so it was just her way now. I know all I lost we material things but some of the things she took had sentimental value to them that can never be replaced....

So to answer your question, I would try to thing of a different way to help her. Find someone else for her to live with or what ever but bringing her into your home might not be a good idea. If you do decide to let her into your home then I hope everything works out for you. Good Luck

She is not living with me. I let her stay a couple days and it wasn't long as I was thinking. She was arrested again 2 days ago, so when she gets out. She will have to bring a officer to get her stuff. from the way she has been acting and how she was arrested. I'm not letting her back in. I gave her a couple days to find a place and in that time she did sign the agreement we have. As I sent a email to you. There is no way I can help anyone that far gone knowing they don't really want help anyway.

Right now I have to agree with everyone as far as letting her live with me. It's not a good idea just the couple days she was here, she was acting weird. I gave her a couple days and that was it.

I can understand you giving her a couple of days you have a kind heart. Sorry to hear that yet once again she has went down the wrong path. She is spiraling down a dark hole and no rope you throw her right now will be enough to stop her...

It is sad but you have done all you can do....she will have to hit rock bottom and want to climb back out or she will forever be lost...

Sounds to me like Meth is involved. Frankly with past experience with people choosing to sniff devil dust once they are on it they degenerate in time to where the drug is the only thing they live for.

Do yourself a favor, watch Squidbillies on Adult Swim and tell me if that is what you want for your child? That is what 98% of Meth addicts become like over time. First and foremost she would have to leave her ex becasue she is a co-dependant by the little I have read so far. It almost seems classic. He is a POS and she won't leave him, why? BECAUSE 99% of the time HE is providing the drugs she is hooked on! Now many drug councilors take a hard stand with addicts. I will bet money she will sneak her friends around and likewise hang out away from you to support her fixes unless you keep a very close eye on her becasue Meth addicts are also very caniving and sneaky!

Helping addicts is very tricky because they bring you into their world if they can. They will fall on buzz phrases and likewise will become 'religious' to cover their inability to walk away from the white stuff. Actually the stuff looks more like broken glass the way the crystals fracture.

The only way an addict will get help is when they help themselves! You me and an army of therapists can't do anything for an addict that does not want help and 90% of them DON'T. The problem is unless you know what you are doing you can actually empower an addict accidentally becasue they feed off of sympathy. You need to do homework. Speak with NA and AA councilors to get the real facts about dealing with addicts. They will gladly talk to you about the realities and facts you will need to know and what to watch out for.

Don't get manipulated. I would bet her ex used Meth to get her to go back to him in the first place. And on top of that he is a jail bird and she is now becoming one? YOU ARE ASKING FOR IT!

That is how I see it. Yes it takes a strong person to want to help but helping can make the problem worst. Are you prepared to either call the police or even shoot someone in the middle of the night because some of her friends plan a robbery of your house? Meth addicts ONLY CARE ABOUT WHERE THEY ARE GETTING THEIR NEXT FIX WHEN THEY ARE NOT HIGH ON THE SHITTE! They will do anything to get their next fix. Hell, I have a Meth soaked EX FRIEND who I seriously suspect sucked coque` for his fix on more than one occasion and I suspect I know who's coque` he sucked to get his high. And my suspicion is shared with those of us who caught this individual acting VERY strange at a particular person's house! He could very well have been whoring her out just to get money for shitte.

There is a lot I am guessing by but I qualify this from past experience with the world of addicts. Granted I am offered too little information here to offer truly definitive advice but again all I can say is WATCH YOUR BACK! DO YOUR HOMEWORK! And a security camera system inside and outside of your domicile would not be a bad idea! Keep her honest if you are going to help her! If she pulls anything come down on her HARD! If you find anything drug related in your house she goes back to Pokey Oaks Adult School of Hard Knocks for an education in behaving! No sympathy!

I know what your saying Andy, She is Bi-polar and has to take for medications just to be somewhat normal. A year and a half ago she was never like this and your right. The speed she does from time to time doesn't help her in anyway. My thing is if I could help and i know i can't, but it would be more on when talk to her to keep things real on how they are at that point. Talking about our son Seems to help a little, but as we all know once they are walk away. it's like you never really talked. If and when she gets clean, the rest might fall into place. But it's like you said. This is where she has to take the action and really want it before anything will change. Until then, I will be a friend, but there is limits to that on this one.