Hey Shadow..welcome back, I have not seen you for a bit!

I think you should just take all the time you need. IF you did not take time after the relationship then I don't think you got rid of the old baggage. I know when I got my divorce, it took me over 2 years to even LOOK at another man and not think OMG I HATE GUYS! LOL I had a lot of baggage with my marriage and I did not want to bring it into a new relationship.
I now have not dated for about 4 years but that is due to my health issues. I just don't want to bring anyone into my life right now.

I feel the same way. There are plenty of men in my area that want to take me out, but as I'm not really interested in them, why waste my time and theirs by letting them think there's something there when I already know there's not. Relationships aren't something you can negotiate; you either have those types of feelings for someone, or you don't. I don't want to be with somebody just to SAY that I have someone. I want THE one, not just ANY one.

Don't think there's any standard or "normal" when it comes to being ready for a new relationship again. Depends on what you've been through, how it ended, how strong you are and so on.
You just got to take the time you need, which can be anything from half a year to 15 years or whatever.
I do think anything within a year is too soon. Often people get involved straight away, which is usually not THE relationship, but just A relationship to feel wanted, still attractive etc. THere's a word for such a relationship, can't for the love of god think of it now :S

I agree with Shadow that it isn't right to get involved, only to hurt these men by rejected them in the end. But this was probably part of your learning curve and a means to survive. From your story I gather that now you have grown stronger, strong enough to learn to stand on your own two feet and face the music (=> deal with the past). You simply needed those partners to get to this point.

Take your time, don't let ppl push you (you're still not over him?????!!!) Sometimes family/friends expect you to be over a relationship within 2 months. Totally unrealistic. It takes as long as it takes.

It's just good that you're at least admitting to the world that you're not ready, instead of hiding it and pretending all is good. I don't like fronts. Never have. I think you're doing the right thing, by taking time out for yourself. Only YOU will know when the break is over. No friend or relative can tell you when that is. It's kind of tantamount that you listen to what you want right now. If you weren't doing this for yourself, you may have felt unsatisfied.

What we fail to realize is a breakup is another obstacle in life which is put in-front of us as to test our strength, Sometimes its not about that person, its about the memories cherish with that person and hey if that person decides to walk away then hey pick your head up because they didn't own you in the first place.

Think back before you met that person who you were... sometimes we let love blind us so badly that we forget the real meaning about love "Family and friends" that are always by your side.

This is so true.

are you reading my mind??? lol

this is exactly what I would say also. It didn;t take me 12 years, but the part about what I am thinking on a date is right on.

I'm into my 3rd (I think) year of after break up time out....I will know I am ready when the right person gives me that idea. I am really not attracted to anyone in particular just now. Big cities are not good places to find partners in my opinion