walked into a subway and asked for a footlong,
then was hit by a train.

walked into subway and said footlong,
then said "but enough about me, can i get a sandwich?"

Thanks a lot, it's very funny and I laughed.
Please post another one.

I read this funny story in some place, just like your story setting, hope you haven't read it.
Here goes:
Mouthology:

A Professor was traveling by boat. On his way he asked the sailor:

“Do you know Biology, Ecology, Zoology, Geography, physiology?

The sailor said no to all his questions.

Professor: What the hell do you know on earth. You will die of illiteracy.

After a while the boat started sinking. The Sailor asked the Professor, do you know swiminology & escapology from sharkology?

The professor said no.

Sailor: “Well, sharkology & crocodilogy will eat your assology, headology & you will dieology because of your mouthology.

I can't stop laughing

what is the most diverse animal?

pandas, as they are black, white and asian

funny joke! - A hillbilly walked into an attorney's office wanting to file for divorce.
Attorney: "May I help you?"
Hillbilly: "Yea, I want to get one of those dayvorces".
Attorney: "Well do you have any grounds?" Hillbilly: "Yea, I got about a hundred acres." Attorney: "No, you don't understand, do you have a case?" Hillbilly: "No, I don't have a Case, but I have a John Deere." Attorney: "I mean, do you have a grudge?" Hillbilly: "Yea, I got a grudge. That's where I park my John Deere." Attorney: "No sir, I mean do you have a suit?" Hillbilly: "Yes sir, I got a suit, I wear it to church on Sundays." Attorney: "Well sir, does your wife beat you up or anything?" Hillbilly: "No sir, we both get up about 4:30 in the morning." Attorney: "Well, is she a nagger or anything?!?!?!?" Hillbilly: "No she's a little white gal, but our last child was a nagger. That's why I want this dayvorce."

Let's make a deal. If you use my dick as a shake weight.

I will supply the post workout protein shake.

Let's make a deal. If you use my dick as a shake weight.

I will supply the post workout protein shake.

.....After 15 years of marriage the wife asked her husband to describe her.
The husband looked at her slowly and without blinking an eye, said, "ABCDEFGHIJK."
"What does that mean?" She asked.
"Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant, Fashionable, Gorgeous and Hot!!!" he replied. Wife Smiling asked, "So sweet of you honey. What about IJK?" He replied, "I'm Just Kidding!

Did you hear about the cat who swallowed a ball of yarn?

She gave birth to a litter of mittens.

Doctor,I have a serious problem I can never
remember what I just said.When did u 1st notice
this problem What problem (sunil)

why do scotsmen wear kilts.......







because sheep can hear zippers



what is the difference between the rolling stones and a scotsman?

the rolling stones say "hey you get offa my cloud"
a scotsman says "hey McCloud get off my ewe"

met a prostitute who worked as a brain surgeon;

she blew my mind

whats the difference between a 69er and a car crash................................................................With the 69er you see the C**t cummin

lol, rude but funny

what cums first the chicken or the egg...............well have you tried to jurk an egg

why did the chicken cross the road?



it wasn't wearing it's seat-belt

ontop of spagghhheettii, all covered with cheeeeese,
there sat my meeeeatbaall till somebody sneezed,
it rolled off the taaaaaable and on to the flooooor,
then my pooor meeeeatball, shot out the door,
it the into the gaarrrden and into a bush,
then my pooor meeatball was nothing but muush,
i washed it and driiied it and ate it for tea,
then my pooor meeeatball was inside of meee,
it went dowwwn a looong tuuube and into my tum,
then my poor meeeatbal shot out my bum,
in went down a looong tube and into the sea,
then my poor meeatball never saawww meee.

A big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural Tennessee. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence.
As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked what he was doing. The litigator responded, "I shot a duck and it fell into this field, and now I'm going to retrieve it."
The old farmer responded, "This is my property and you're not coming over here." The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial attorneys in the United States, and if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you for everything you own."
The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently you don't know how we settle things in Tennessee." We settle small disagreements like this with the "three kick rule." The lawyer asked, "What is the three kick rule?"
The farmer replied, "Well, because the dispute occurs on my land, first I kick you three times and then you kick me three times, and so on back and forth until someone gives up."
The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to bide by the local custom.
The farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the attorney. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy steel-toed work boot into the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees. His second kick to the midriff sent the lawyer's last meal gushing from his mouth.
The lawyer was on all fours when the farmer's third kick to the rear end sent him face-first into a fresh cow pile.
The lawyer summoned every bit of his will and managed to get to his feet. Wiping his face with the arm of his jacket, he said, "OK, now it's my turn."
The old farmer smiled and said, "Naw, I give up. You can have the duck."