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| Topic: How you feel/talk about your past LTR | |
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A conversation with my girl yesterday got me thinking ...
If you have children with an ex and you feel negative about that relationship now that you broke up.. and you convey that negativity .. You trash your kids' good memories, which often comprised their ENTIRE childhood!!! --> If you as a parent only see the whole thing as bad and negative, then their good memories are based on .. what? Nothing ... You take away their good memories of their childhood, the only time in life they ever had two parents together ... I wonder if anyone actually thinks about that at all when they're ranting & venting? The father of my children is still very negative about our relationship (11 yrs) and I honest to god don't understand why. It's not as if the whole 11 years were bad, we experienced really wonderful and amazing things together, were very happy for a long time.. We created two beautiful children, we had a lot of fun, and yeah, in the end it didn't work out, but we didn't split up arguing and fighting, the love and passion had simply gone. So now both my children are stuck with mixed views on their childhood. Their own views and memories get tainted by their father, that must be SO painful and confusing!! So maybe something to think about if you have kids and still harbour negative feelings about their other parent and/or the entire relationship with that person ... You damage your own flesh and blood if you ventilate those feelings!! 
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well I for one never talk badly about my ex... at least I try never to..
and I certainly don't do it around my boys... ever.... but I have heard a lot of stories... some people .. talks so badly about their ex.... makes me really wonder... was it their ex that was the problem.. or them.. but on the same token... a lot of people have X's.. . that are complete jackasses... pay..little to no child support.. never see their children.... ... makes me wonder what happened.. to all of the good in a relationship.. ... what happened to all the loving memory.s.... now they are just left with bitterness... that they don't even have.. the sense of mind to keep from their children.... but once again two sides to every story.. if my ex was treating myself and my children... poorly.... I might rant about it as well. .. personally. I won't even talk to women on the phone around my children... I will text them.... . but I want my boys.. to know their mother is their mother.... no matter what happens.... and her and I are still good friends... I don't know it's complicated.. but at the end of the day we make it work.. for our boys..  . . . |
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Yeah, you and me seem to be sensible, but some ppl seem to be so incredibly thick!!(NO not going there again, lol)
And sure, if the ex is an a-hole, but I think often the one that is badmouthing the other just never got over the divorce? And dang, does it hurt children!! My dad kept doing it till I was .. 34!! Not kidding! By that time they'd been divorced for some 17 years (!!), un-effing-believable! Not just badmouthing my mom, but her entire family, my grandparents etc. etc... Awful, even when you're an adult. I mean, the ones he was badmouthing is MY family as well, I've got their blood running through my veins. It's soul destroying .. That's the reason I NEVER badmouthed my ex, cos I know how deeply that cuts. Dang, this full moon energy is making me way too serious.. Can we talk thick after all? I think I need some distraction
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Ok.. hope this isn't too thick..
 ...lol
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.. it took me a min to work that one out, lol.. got sucked into the embrace and 'about to get kissed' vibe ..
Thank you for the distraction... not sure if it really helps me though .. think it only made things worse.. in a different kind of way |
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And this is why I am happy my ex-wife and I never had kids. Cause today I can call her a biatch and not feel bad about it.
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A conversation with my girl yesterday got me thinking ... If you have children with an ex and you feel negative about that relationship now that you broke up.. and you convey that negativity .. You trash your kids' good memories, which often comprised their ENTIRE childhood!!! --> If you as a parent only see the whole thing as bad and negative, then their good memories are based on .. what? Nothing ... You take away their good memories of their childhood, the only time in life they ever had two parents together ... I wonder if anyone actually thinks about that at all when they're ranting & venting? The father of my children is still very negative about our relationship (11 yrs) and I honest to god don't understand why. It's not as if the whole 11 years were bad, we experienced really wonderful and amazing things together, were very happy for a long time.. We created two beautiful children, we had a lot of fun, and yeah, in the end it didn't work out, but we didn't split up arguing and fighting, the love and passion had simply gone. So now both my children are stuck with mixed views on their childhood. Their own views and memories get tainted by their father, that must be SO painful and confusing!! So maybe something to think about if you have kids and still harbour negative feelings about their other parent and/or the entire relationship with that person ... You damage your own flesh and blood if you ventilate those feelings!! You are both lucky to be parents for the first great memory you all share. Both parents are responsible for the imprints they make on their children. It generally is never a one-way street. It is not fair to your children, but as they mature and search in there past about their childhood they will remember the good from the bad. Be patient, they will know who treated them well and for what reasons. |
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If we had children...
She probably would have eaten them. 
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Ok.. hope this isn't too thick.. ...lol Who say's you can't teach an old dog new tricks!
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Hello friends Gd mrng
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that which sea beauty create more beauty.
that which see ugly create more ugly. the choice of what the mind shall create be beautifully ugly. |
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Kinda sounds worse than it is but my three adult children all have different fathers...my oldest..I didn't believe abortion was for me...he wasn't ...broke up with him when I was pregnant he wasn't a part of her life...the middle child...her father was around 4years...chose a different path then me...my youngest...his dad was around roughly on and off around 11 years...ended for good when his son was 8...none of the fathers stepped up as a dad...no time for the kids and no child support...I never cut them down to my kids...even tried to say nice things...the kids loved their fathers...and valued any time spent with them...my oldest tracked hers down and they are "Facebook" friends and hope to meet this summer...she just met her half sister last week...as adults my kids thank me for never "dad bashing" and so do their fathers...we all get along great...I'm even friends with all their "ex's"...and honestly the hardest part was when the fathers would bring the kids around "girlfriends"...kids get attached and when they break up the kids didn't get it...but I am glad they have good relationships with their fathers...both parents matter to the children...
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My son does not know his biological dad,not because i didn let them see each other he just never made effort to visit or provide or phone or even write a letter,however i dont have regrets even though it hurt me bad and because my son was only 9 months when i left he does not know his dad so he often use to ask me about him,i can honestly say i have never said anything bad about him as i know when his older he will want to reach out to his biological dad and i dont want his feelings towards that guy to be determined by the little life i had with the guy.when they meet my son will get to know him for who he is......... Parents scare their kids by ill speaking about one another and i was mot going to be one of them,because as a single mom you try even harder to protect your child\ren
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A conversation with my girl yesterday got me thinking ... If you have children with an ex and you feel negative about that relationship now that you broke up.. and you convey that negativity .. You trash your kids' good memories, which often comprised their ENTIRE childhood!!! --> If you as a parent only see the whole thing as bad and negative, then their good memories are based on .. what? Nothing ... You take away their good memories of their childhood, the only time in life they ever had two parents together ... I wonder if anyone actually thinks about that at all when they're ranting & venting? The father of my children is still very negative about our relationship (11 yrs) and I honest to god don't understand why. It's not as if the whole 11 years were bad, we experienced really wonderful and amazing things together, were very happy for a long time.. We created two beautiful children, we had a lot of fun, and yeah, in the end it didn't work out, but we didn't split up arguing and fighting, the love and passion had simply gone. So now both my children are stuck with mixed views on their childhood. Their own views and memories get tainted by their father, that must be SO painful and confusing!! So maybe something to think about if you have kids and still harbour negative feelings about their other parent and/or the entire relationship with that person ... You damage your own flesh and blood if you ventilate those feelings!! You are both lucky to be parents for the first great memory you all share. Both parents are responsible for the imprints they make on their children. It generally is never a one-way street. It is not fair to your children, but as they mature and search in there past about their childhood they will remember the good from the bad. Be patient, they will know who treated them well and for what reasons. Yes, agree. My son is almost 24 and my girl is 21, both are very inquisitive and they both worked out how they feel about it all. But during the teenage years it was very trying because of what their father did (slagging me and going on about how bad our relationship had been etc., even though he had a new partner!) About a year ago my son started asking questions, I realized he was trying to work things out, based on what he'd heard from his father, me and his own memories. So I answered as open and honestly as I could. My daughter came to see her father's shortcomings after she'd moved to the States, they're barely in touch now. It saddens me that my ex still hasn't learnt how to be a dad, but I'm very happy my kids and I are very close again! Emotionally I basically lost touch with both during their teenage years, so I'm ever so grateful we managed to work things out. Doing nothing, just kept loving them regardless. Both turn to me when they need advice or help, cos they know I'm there for them if I can, I try not to judge (that doesn't work anyways) but to guide and I own up when I **** up, which I have done big time as well. So yes, patience does pay off .. but wouldn't it be great if parents could simply avoid this emotional damage by at least trying to respect each other AND the time they've spent together .. |
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I am friends with my ex's husband (whom I didn't know before) and ADORE "their" kids. If you deny the deeper love for a person (even if romance didn't work out) you only deny yourself.
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i am not one to talk badly about an ex and I even think that they are moving on to big and better things in life but my last ex, my thoughts for her are " I hope she finds the right person and i feel sorry for any guy she dates"
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It's been 16 years since my divorce and my ex still talks badly about I can't tell you how it's screwed up my boys. Good topic
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People marry for specific reasons....People divorce for specific reasons...The reasons are personal, private..When children are involved, parents are OBLIGATED to put their well being first..Getting a divorce is hard on couples, but it is even harder on their children...Think about them before you bad mouth your ex...The negative effects can last a lifetime..
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I really do have hard feelings for my kids dad. Im working on it though....He has a lot of problems makes mine seem small. My kids know some things and I'm sure their dad bad mouths me because sometimes they repeat it. Lol but i don't go there And I don't let my family or friends go there. I go out of my way to do the opposite. I pray for all of us to be healthy and happy. Sometimes though.....
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A conversation with my girl yesterday got me thinking ... If you have children with an ex and you feel negative about that relationship now that you broke up.. and you convey that negativity .. You trash your kids' good memories, which often comprised their ENTIRE childhood!!! --> If you as a parent only see the whole thing as bad and negative, then their good memories are based on .. what? Nothing ... You take away their good memories of their childhood, the only time in life they ever had two parents together ... I wonder if anyone actually thinks about that at all when they're ranting & venting? The father of my children is still very negative about our relationship (11 yrs) and I honest to god don't understand why. It's not as if the whole 11 years were bad, we experienced really wonderful and amazing things together, were very happy for a long time.. We created two beautiful children, we had a lot of fun, and yeah, in the end it didn't work out, but we didn't split up arguing and fighting, the love and passion had simply gone. So now both my children are stuck with mixed views on their childhood. Their own views and memories get tainted by their father, that must be SO painful and confusing!! So maybe something to think about if you have kids and still harbour negative feelings about their other parent and/or the entire relationship with that person ... You damage your own flesh and blood if you ventilate those feelings!! You are both lucky to be parents for the first great memory you all share. Both parents are responsible for the imprints they make on their children. It generally is never a one-way street. It is not fair to your children, but as they mature and search in there past about their childhood they will remember the good from the bad. Be patient, they will know who treated them well and for what reasons. Yes, agree. My son is almost 24 and my girl is 21, both are very inquisitive and they both worked out how they feel about it all. But during the teenage years it was very trying because of what their father did (slagging me and going on about how bad our relationship had been etc., even though he had a new partner!) About a year ago my son started asking questions, I realized he was trying to work things out, based on what he'd heard from his father, me and his own memories. So I answered as open and honestly as I could. My daughter came to see her father's shortcomings after she'd moved to the States, they're barely in touch now. It saddens me that my ex still hasn't learnt how to be a dad, but I'm very happy my kids and I are very close again! Emotionally I basically lost touch with both during their teenage years, so I'm ever so grateful we managed to work things out. Doing nothing, just kept loving them regardless. Both turn to me when they need advice or help, cos they know I'm there for them if I can, I try not to judge (that doesn't work anyways) but to guide and I own up when I **** up, which I have done big time as well. So yes, patience does pay off .. but wouldn't it be great if parents could simply avoid this emotional damage by at least trying to respect each other AND the time they've spent together .. I hope you don't take what I am about to say wrong! We need to remember that men and women think differently in today's society. What was once innate in a family is now only found in countries who still practice traditional behaviour. I hope your daughter comes to realize that her father is only a man and human. He is not perfect and he has feelings' also. He had dreams about his life, what he wanted to share with his family, how he cared and loved their mother at one time - before societial conflicts interferred with his family life. People now days lose hope in realtionships. Most of our time is given to support families and ourselves. We have little financial resources to experience life to the fullest and little income to invest in our retirement, or childrens futures. We miss understand what our partner means to us, and also our partner misunderstands what they mean to us. I know nothing about your marriage, or children and what truly happened. But remember it did take small problems in the beginning to create the conflict that ended your future. One can find fault in there partner, but in is not just one person's responsibility to communicate and help understand, resolve the problems that interfer in a relationship. Life is not easy for anyone! |
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