I was married for 15 years and 9 months to my best friend. During our marriage we spent little time away from each other. We were lovers, partners, friends, and a team. Through the years there were hard times. Sometime along the way I began to be dishonest. even about the simplest things. This became such a habit especially as we began to drift apart. Reflecting back on my marriage I am faced with what clearly ended my little family. Me being dishonest. it is the ultimate way to kill a. relationship. I learned that dishonesty had engulfed my life. I learned my lessons and learned to forgive myself. Now honesty is my only salvation. never lie to each other, its a death sentence

Great.
What does that mean for your next relationship(s)?

Are you only going to be truly compatible with those who went through the same thing as you?

Became dishonest, killed their relationship, and now...what...overcompensate with brutal honesty? Constantly talk and manipulate perceptions to make sure people can never make the accusation of dishonesty?

Are you going to find difficulty in relationships with "normal" people who tend to lie a little bit?

Are you going to see any potential sign of dishonesty on their part as a microcosm of your entire experience?

Are you going to notice any struggles with dishonesty by them as an excuse to "teach" them? Take control? Feel superior because of your experience?


It's great to say "I've suffered the consequences of dishonesty, and learned the value of being honest..." but what does that really mean in you and your relationships going forward, positive and negative, do you think.

Live your life as you choose, set your own moral compass. You're the only own that has to permanently live with yourself. If you wouldn't admit to an act when queried about it then question why you're doing it. Just because the masses choose to be deceitful you don't need to follow suit. Tell the truth then you'll have little problem remembering what you've said and it won't come back and bite you on the ***.

Well, kind of logical... question is, why did you start being dishonest? Was there no room in the relationship for real honesty and open communication?
I doubt someone would become dishonest out of the blue if they'd never been that way before.
Also peculiar to read that you married your best friend. I'd never marry my best friend. I'd want to marry my dream guy.
A partner is not the same as a friend. A friend is someone you get along with really well, but not the one you want to share your life with, live with, be intimate with etc.
I wonder how she'd feel if she knew you'd refer to her as 'best friend'. I know if my ex did that, it would hurt.
I want to be a man's dream girl, not a friend.

I like this writing style. The admission of it. Lying Sucks.

honest and compassionate communication is key

there is more than one way to say the same thing
and not everything needs to be shared in every moment or situation

All the people I've known who were dishonest, were that way for one reason: greed.

The people who betray their mates, even when they had everything, do it for greed. They want it all, and just a little bit more.

It often starts with something little. A decision to avoid having to apologize for some mistake, by hiding it. That works, and the guilt goes away, and then it's tempting to go just a little further, maybe not mention the small bonus check from work, just to have a well-deserved treat on the side. Then have that short flirty chat with someone good looking, not your mate, just for the little ego boost you've earned, but didn't have forthcoming. Keep giving into those little doses of personal greed, and pretty soon, you'll find that you're an all out lying cheat.

What caused you to start being dishonest?
What brought you hack to realuzing honesty is important?
Is it like a recivering addict where you regress and the progress again?

It's a positive thing that you recognize your mistake. Sad that it took losing someone in the process.

this

honesty is such a lonely word and honesty is hardly ever heard... ( singing that song in my head now )