No one catches my eye or draws my attention. I’m fixated on things not said, not done. Something feels unfinished. Like my body won’t react to new sensations until this is out of the way.
My mind and my heart are in a place I am nowhere near and not likely to come to again for a long time. Being alone is something I’ve done for so long that I worry if I can be with someone other than you.
You pop in and out of my life just like I do in yours. We both know this. We both see what it does to the other person. But knowing all that, it still is always the same.
There are brief stolen moments where we reveal more and more about our inner selves. No one has bothered with getting passed my defense except for the one I cannot have.
You called it out the first time we were alone. Saying my sarcasm and blunt words were nothing but a mask. Asking me to not hide from you was so easy, but not as easy as it was to stop hiding. I’ve never felt so free with anyone.
Knowing where you came from and where I belonged didn’t seem to matter then. Nothing truly did, until we both realized how deep we were and how impossible it all was.
Crashing isn’t how I’d describe it. It was more of an explosion, one you caused out of fear, and I allowed out of guilt. But I guess you really can never see things for what they are after an explosion. Waiting until the dust settles, you can finally see the casualties where they lay.

While I dont know the whole story I do feel your pain. It's hard to stay away from the one you want to be with even if they aren't the right one for you. My situation is similar, we still talk and see each other but its just not the same and I don't know if it ever will be.

Yea Myka, it's been bugging me a lot lately. I had some crazy stuff happen last week and he just happened to get in touch right in the middle of it. It was awesome, because I really needed him then. But it still sucks because I miss the big dork
Ah well, I'm a trooper. You too hun

Don't know the story, but it is pretty much layed out here. Going into reading this my initial thought was on structure, but I quickly threw that out as the piece has too much power to bother breaking apart with small quirks I have about writing. I've been writing for going on 11 years, and it is unfair of me to really place critique down for what people use as an escape and an alter reality or even as a outlet for feelings. Therefore I do not critique, I simply write and read a few things...too be honest, the only reason I'm writing this is because I respect you enough to lay all of this out. Again, this piece is powerful, you use your words well and play with the mind with the imagery.

I fear I'm far too technical to put down an honest critique, so I will leave this be with a simple few words...you have friends.

That's exactly how I use writing. I write what I cannot say. I really wouldn't mind a critique Fear. I purposely leave some things jumbled because, well, I FEEL jumbled about this. I appreciate the respect fella, and any advice.

The only real advice would be to clean it up, seperate it into paragraphs if that is what you are going for (short story, prose type of writing). If you wanted to form it into poetry you would have to do a bit more work to the structure (most poetry follows a 4-4-4-4 measure); for example:

Red duck flys across the road
The road slides underneat the duck
The gravel is the guide for flight
This duck has a direction already set

Duck, duck, etc...

So on and so forth for poetry so in end you would get: 4 lines such as above, double space and another four lines.

However I would just stick to short story form or prose, so seperate the entire thing into another paragraph (mid-point of story, foothold to the second part).

Good start, just a bit of cleaning up is all.

You're right. I guess it's easier to read and understand if I at least separate things.
I'm more inclined to go with the short story outline. I find I have an easy time explaining and building it out that way. I've done a couple others lately. It's a great outlet for me.
http://mingle2.com/topic/show/225084

Thanks Fear

It all depends on your direction, if you write for yourself there is no reason to clean it up, but where you are writing for other people to read it like here it is helpful to clean it up a bit. Anytime Sunny.

you've written something many of us can relate to

well, you described that incredibly well......to the point that i felt it, and it hurt like that.........so long ago, but feelings rushing back to now.....

((((((Owl)))))

Wow, thank you so much. Really,