Most of us have this crazy idea about relationships which we get from Hollywood movies. We picture a perfect romantic relationship. Subconsciously, we build certain expectations in our minds about dating. Well, it turns out that life is a lot more different in reality. Unfortunately, some of us refuse to let go of this idealistic love that only exists in fantasies. Therefore, we find that we can’t get it right in our relationships. It just keeps going wrong over and over again like a merry-go-round. Well, it is time you reevaluate some of your beliefs and expectations of dating.
His/Her whole world must revolve around me
Well, this is how Hollywood portrays it. You may expect that he places you at the center of your partner’s universe. However, in reality, it doesn’t always turn out that way. Both of you each had a life, associations, jobs, relationships, and family before you met. Although, you are very important to each other, it is okay to live out other aspects of your lives.
Relationships will make you happy
Expectation:
I feel bored and incomplete. There is definitely something missing from my life. I am not really satisfied with how things are going in my life. Oh I know, what I need is love, someone to cherish me, and bring happiness to my life.
Reality:
For a relationship to last, both parties have to be happy independently. You must be full of love and happiness within yourself first. You don’t get happiness in relationships, rather you share happiness. This way, you choose to date someone simply because you want to, not as a necessity. Relying on your partner for fulfillment puts the other person in a difficult position. It also leads you to an unhealthy level of dependency. Often times, when it doesn’t work out, the outcome is resentment and disappointment.
You can change for the one you love
Expectation:
If there is love, he won’t mind changing in order to adapt to the image in my mind. She has to drop all her flaws to adapt to my desires. The point of it all is that we both must do all it takes to make it work, even at the expense of our dreams.
Reality:
Yes, relationships demand commitment, and a lot of effort to make work. But it should not get to the point of having to be someone else just to please your partner. Else chances are, it is not a relationship in which you will be happy. Though sometimes, compromises are necessary to get off a difficult time. However, it doesn’t have to be one party making sacrifices all the time.
Further, if you are always the one having to make some big changes for the good of your relationship, without appropriate gratitude and reciprocation from the other party, then I guess it’s time you stop listening to your heart and start listening to your head.
It should be an epic romantic love story
We know the likes, Jack and Rose, Romeo and Juliet, etc. Where you find love and there is a lot of drama. Yet love defeats all, and stands out to be the ultimate, amidst all the tragic happenings. As epic as it sounds, life works a lot more differently. You can’t find an idealistic romance in the real world.
First and foremost, love is not really found in this part called reality, it is built. Also, there mustn’t be pain, tragedy, and drama in your relationship before it exudes passion.
He/She should know how I am feeling
Now, this is just a really misplaced expectation but is rather common. Your partner is no psychic. They may be clueless about what you feel at any given time. You shouldn’t expect him/her to know when you need something, or feel some kind of way. This is where communication should bridge. If you need something, say it. If you feel depressed, unhappy, etc, let him know. Don’t make a fuss because he doesn’t notice your mood or cannot read your thoughts.
We must always have an agreement in everything
Some people expect that in relationships, couples must always agree with each other in everything. Every decision and every action taken in the relationship must go down well with both parties. However, that is not always the case. As I pointed out earlier, you both are distinct individuals with different personalities. It is okay to disagree every once in a while.
Also, the whole idea of having to seek approval from your partner before you take every decision is so not really as well. Sometimes you have to follow your path on personal decisions.
My partner will love my friends and family because they love me
Even in Hollywood, this doesn’t always turn out to be true. It is wrong to expect this of your partner. Don’t feel hurt when it doesn’t turn out as you had imagined. You have to give them time with your friends and family. Patience is the key here. There might be some friction once in a while between your partner and your friends. It is usually better you try not to pick sides, just stay neutral. With time, they should get along just fine.
Relationships are beautiful when approached with an open mind, and a happy heart. You are in it to share, not to take alone. So, the sooner you ditch the idea of having to benefit happiness, financial support, love, and care from your partner without having much to give back, the better. Although, I buy the idea of ‘You’ and ‘I’ becoming ‘We’ but it is very important not to lose yourself. Remember you are both distinct persona. Also, sacrifices should be made by both parties to make it work. Yet, you don’t have to turn into someone else you are not. Be flexible in your expectations and you will get disappointed less often.
