That is hilarious! People seriously do not pay attention, lol.

Aww... come on! What kind of cow did you hit...lol

Carrying in the purse is actually a bad idea. Purses can be stolen and then some criminal has a loaded weapon. I will ONLY carry on my body. Some thief can steal my purse and ID, but that douche is NOT getting my gun. Ever.

Actually, they wouldn't get my DL because it would also be on my person along with my permit just in case some punk tries to steal my purse. MN law - to legally carry have to have DL and permit on you at all times. As a habit, when I carry, I remove the cards from my purse so that in the event I, say, leave my purse with friends in a restaurant booth, I manage to avoid committing a felony just so I can go to the bathroom, lol.

Oh, and... don't start your message with "Hey Gorgeous" or "Hey Beautiful". Don't talk to me like you know me because you don't.

I don't message guys with, "Hey, Studmuffin!" because even if I think they're the hottest guy alive, that's just rude and presumptive.

Respect. It all comes down to basic respect, on AND offline.

First contact should ALWAYS be respectful and one shouldn't come across like a human trafficker looking for another piece of meat to send to the market.

Hey YO! I am long past my prime and I might have an expiration date stamped on my butt, but I can't see it so dust me off because I'm not a creepy Elf on the Shelf clown that haunts your nightmares! (That job was taken by Pennywise).

Oh, Lord Heaven knows, we belong way down below. Oh Lord, tell us so, we belong way down below. Sing it.

I'm only here because "Mr. Right" isn't gonna drop by and fall at my feet, and if he DID, I'd be calling 911 because OBVIOUSLY the guy would be in need of serious medical attention. And so would I because a guy landing on your feet can cause serious breakage and then I wouldn't be able to walk so that would be bad.

Not the best way to pick up a girl, that's for sure....

Hey, all, c'mon, we all have 'em. We've all done stupid things or stupid things have happened to us, and when we're done blushing and wishing the earth could open up and swallow us, we have to admit that it's pretty darn funny.

Amiright??? ;-)

I'll even go first as a show of goodwill and that I'm not looking to laugh AT anyone.

This took place several years ago while I was house sitting for a friend and taking care of the dogs. He was a Firefighter working a 48 hour shift so on my first night there I ordered a pizza so that I wouldn't have to worry about meals that night or the next. The weather was crappy; it was winter and it was sleeting out and the roads were glare ice.

The delivery guy came to the door and we did the business and I took the pizza to the dining room table and opened the box to discover it was not my order. Immediately I closed the box and went back to the door only to find the guy standing there already - I'd somehow short-paid him. We made the exchange, he told me to call in the correct order and he'd bring it back. I apologized both for him having to come back and the short pay and assured I had the right amount for the pizza. I called in the order again and sure enough, the same guy came back. I paid him properly this time and gave extra for the tip for his trouble.

Now...because of the dogs, who would rush the poor guy carrying the wafting scent of pizza and meat, I'd closed the inner door so I was on a screened porch and at the aluminum screen door to make this business transaction.

As I turned to go back inside, that's when I found out the heavy inner door was broken. I turned the knob and all it did was screw apart...the door was essentially locked. I was locked out on a cold screened porch in the middle of winter...with a pizza. I didn't have a jacket, I knew the back door was locked as I'd had the dogs out and locked it when I let them back in and...I had no phone. This was a bad situation.

The delivery guy had been talking on his phone with his kids so I figured, "Hey! He's a Dad...he'll help me even though I'm an idiot and he's been here twice tonight!"

I called out the door to him as he was getting into his car. He came back, anticipating another problem, still talking to his kids on his phone. He hung up and I sheepishly explained that either the dogs had locked me out OR the door was broken and slamming into it had already not worked. I asked for help to get in.

Together we explored the windows to the interior and he managed to find one that was miraculously unnlocked. Well...I had to climb over an old couch which was on the porch for nice days, of course, but the window was hinged at the top so he lifted it as I crawled through, essentially putting my butt in his face. IN the meantime, as I clambered through, the ecstatic dogs were attacking my face with kisses and pawing and begging for attention and I was pretty sure that this entire situation meant that even THEY didn't respect me anymore.

I got through and somehow managed to make my way back to the door, NOT closing it behind me, got it open from the inside (to find the dogs had ALSO hit the deadbolt so even though the knob was broken, I would have been locked out anyway), thanked the guy for his help and grabbed my pizza from the bench I'd set it on. Wished the delivery guy a good night.

I told my friend his front door was broken and that he'd have to replace the doorknob, but I never told him HOW I found out; by asking a pizza delivery guy to help me break into a house I didn't own so that I wouldn't freeze to death on the porch. With nothing but a pizza.

Good times.

Moral of the story: ALWAYS tip delivery drivers well. You never know when you'll have to ask them to bail out out of some stupid predicament!


OK! NEXT!