Hey, all, c'mon, we all have 'em. We've all done stupid things or stupid things have happened to us, and when we're done blushing and wishing the earth could open up and swallow us, we have to admit that it's pretty darn funny.

Amiright??? ;-)

I'll even go first as a show of goodwill and that I'm not looking to laugh AT anyone.

This took place several years ago while I was house sitting for a friend and taking care of the dogs. He was a Firefighter working a 48 hour shift so on my first night there I ordered a pizza so that I wouldn't have to worry about meals that night or the next. The weather was crappy; it was winter and it was sleeting out and the roads were glare ice.

The delivery guy came to the door and we did the business and I took the pizza to the dining room table and opened the box to discover it was not my order. Immediately I closed the box and went back to the door only to find the guy standing there already - I'd somehow short-paid him. We made the exchange, he told me to call in the correct order and he'd bring it back. I apologized both for him having to come back and the short pay and assured I had the right amount for the pizza. I called in the order again and sure enough, the same guy came back. I paid him properly this time and gave extra for the tip for his trouble.

Now...because of the dogs, who would rush the poor guy carrying the wafting scent of pizza and meat, I'd closed the inner door so I was on a screened porch and at the aluminum screen door to make this business transaction.

As I turned to go back inside, that's when I found out the heavy inner door was broken. I turned the knob and all it did was screw apart...the door was essentially locked. I was locked out on a cold screened porch in the middle of winter...with a pizza. I didn't have a jacket, I knew the back door was locked as I'd had the dogs out and locked it when I let them back in and...I had no phone. This was a bad situation.

The delivery guy had been talking on his phone with his kids so I figured, "Hey! He's a Dad...he'll help me even though I'm an idiot and he's been here twice tonight!"

I called out the door to him as he was getting into his car. He came back, anticipating another problem, still talking to his kids on his phone. He hung up and I sheepishly explained that either the dogs had locked me out OR the door was broken and slamming into it had already not worked. I asked for help to get in.

Together we explored the windows to the interior and he managed to find one that was miraculously unnlocked. Well...I had to climb over an old couch which was on the porch for nice days, of course, but the window was hinged at the top so he lifted it as I crawled through, essentially putting my butt in his face. IN the meantime, as I clambered through, the ecstatic dogs were attacking my face with kisses and pawing and begging for attention and I was pretty sure that this entire situation meant that even THEY didn't respect me anymore.

I got through and somehow managed to make my way back to the door, NOT closing it behind me, got it open from the inside (to find the dogs had ALSO hit the deadbolt so even though the knob was broken, I would have been locked out anyway), thanked the guy for his help and grabbed my pizza from the bench I'd set it on. Wished the delivery guy a good night.

I told my friend his front door was broken and that he'd have to replace the doorknob, but I never told him HOW I found out; by asking a pizza delivery guy to help me break into a house I didn't own so that I wouldn't freeze to death on the porch. With nothing but a pizza.

Good times.

Moral of the story: ALWAYS tip delivery drivers well. You never know when you'll have to ask them to bail out out of some stupid predicament!


OK! NEXT!

Well...
This one time during winter,
I was traveling along I-35 northbound, in southern 'Sota ...

Oh wait! I'm not telling 'that' story.

Aww... come on! What kind of cow did you hit...lol

"Some Funny Musings Posted to a few Mailing Lists By a Blind Woman":



[She was likely to have been posting them using software with a synthesized voice that audibly reads what it says on the screen, 'invented so blind people can use the computer'.]



As my guide dog [Shadow] and I stood in line at the checkout of the River City Market at 'Hamburg', I asked the cashier what I considered a simple question.



"Where are the napkins please?"



Her response was hurried, but sincere, "over there."




Emerging from the light rail for the first time, I managed to catch the attention of a passer-by. "Please sir, can you tell me where I might catch bus 63?"


A kind voice offered a pleasant response before disappearing into the cacophony of the early afternoon, 'You can catch it, 'Over there.'"




So many things reside over there -- napkins, bus stops, pencils, pens, clothing racks, department stores and even my shoes! A never ending supply of important and indispensable items and locales all reside in this place which is shrouded in mystery and intrigue.




I stand in perplexed silence after learning that something is 'over there'. It is a place I have never been and have no hope of finding on my own.




My guide dog is quite skilled in finding chairs, stairs, elevators, escalators, helping me cross streets, and can even find me the Diet Pepsi display at Food Town; however, when I tell her to find "over there" her little bottom hits the floor and a small whimper tells me that she is as confused as I.




We will not be going "over there" today. 'Over there' has caused me a bit of vexation, a lot of confusion and, on more than one occasion, made my heartbeat 'race'.




I have discovered that "over there" can be a dangerous place. One day, while crossing a street, I heard a driver's irritated voice shout out a warning of a truck bearing down on me from 'over there'. Shadow artfully dodged the oncoming vehicle and pulled me to the safety of the curb.




Our hearts were both racing as we took a few moments to compose ourselves.




Close encounters with over there can be frightening experiences. Although many blind people have wondered as to the exact location of, "over there," few have dared to venture forth in an actual exploration of the mysterious place.




One day, while standing in line at the supermarket, I asked the clerk where I might find the aspirin. With a cheery smile in her voice, she informed me that the aspirin was located, "over there."




With a weary sigh, I decided that I would take the extra step that would unravel the mystery, which had vexed my compatriots since the beginning of time.




Taking a deep breath, and attempting to look 'nonchalant', I smiled at the clerk, "Where," I asked, "is 'over there'?"




I imagined the girl's shocked expression. I felt her sharing condescending and concerned looks with her fellows in the store. The silence grew palpable as they mulled the possibility of allowing a blind person access to the 'forbidden land'. She had no choice; she would have to tell me how to find "over there!"




I had won! Exhilaration swept through me as I waited in breathless anticipation. A victorious smile crept to my lips, my hand tightened on the handle of Shadow's harness, we would eventually be going 'over there'!




The clerk's voice reeked with resignation as the decision was made. "That way," she said.

That is hilarious! People seriously do not pay attention, lol.

Agreed. 'They' really don't. LOL LOL!

The one i can think of which really embarassed me was in the 8th grade in high school with my raging hormones i grabbed a chicks azz that was in class with me & i got slapped for it & a lot of people saw that Lmao. strangely a week later i started dating her

Hi

Hmm? I am not really sure it would count as funny story

Here goes it was Sunday the day that is that we go out go Halloween party. That is to a single dance. Most of everyone was dress up on that day. I was dress as Alice in wonderland.I think my mom was a dress as Flapper and well my step father was a dress as gangster. Well that day end normally I dance a bit and well enjoy myself. We stopped off some other place on that day I had dress I would say taste cross between mouthwash but anyway we got home.And we cross across one problem and that was well my step father could not find the house key in order to get in the house. So we start on the procession of trying to find away into house.

Then well my brother air conditioner that is there was nothing and well he left the window open. First he try to get my mom through the window but she was too heavy and well they both at me liked I was liked one. Well I was pick up to say the least I felt certain butt was hanging in air with alice well the dress was a bit short. First thing I did well trip over my bed and then I walk into my brother in that state of what I drunk. And well I hit head on the fan.

And the door was a moving so I slid across the door in order to grab the doorknob. I stay off to side but they already out to the front door and were wondering was I? But I made it slowly walking there. I know it might been the stupidest thing I could have done. But after I got front door open I went upstairs and went to bed.

I had gotten a long sought and overdue promotion at work. After calling home to let my woman know I would be late but had good news, I stayed a few hours past quitting time to move into my new office and plan out the following day to make the transition as smooth as possible for my staff and me.

Driving home I received a call asking how much longer I might be. I told her 10 more minutes! She whispered into the phone, "Hurry".

Pulling into the driveway I noticed all the lights in the house were out. They are never all off. Grinning to myself as I imagined what she had in store for me I pulled into the garage.

I got out of the car and disrobed completely. I and entered the house and announced, "Honey, I'm home!"

Suddenly the lights came on and a resounding "SURPRISE!" was shouted by all our friends and family gathered there awaiting my arrival!

<~~~ me

<~~~ everyone else

Modern Day Nursery Rhyme...

I was at my cousins wedding reception with my parents. I would have been 8 years old at the time. One of the long tables had an unstable leg which was packed with food. Of course I had to pick that table to just lean on with just a little bit of my weight and table and all food came crashing down!! I'm sure the music stopped with screech as the DJ quickly pulled the needle of it! Every head turned to see a very red faced boy standing wide eyed! The good news was that most of the food was recovered except for that embarrassed boy!

In the early hours if one morning after some overindulgence in mr Johnny walker whiskey ive staggered out of the bar and found the nearest seat and blacked out .Upon being woken by sunlight and the sound of morning shoppers a old homeless man stood over me hand streched out repeatedly saying the word change change change Well I guess if a old homeless guy can see it mayb I should .

JulieNRA's account has been deactivated.

Maybe her husband found this thread. How embarassing

This might sound funny I am not sure. I went to a place called comedy caravan.I never went to a man review. I thought it was comedy act. Where I give out grades liked well you get A for have nice chest. Or B for not hair inside your ears that stick out. But that what I thought it was liked were you judge a man on his appearances. Or if look liked cave man. Boy I was in surprised and so was aunt. We both thought it would be well comedy and well the only person had clue what it was it was mom. First guy with well and took his shirt off that is look cross between cave man. Then whoa and wow came out. All I could do was stared and well say to myself well these guy certain do not have hair in their ear or any chest liked that of cave man. But to anyway figure out what it was that is and as they dancing to a music. I told my mom I thought we were grading them. My mom of course laugh at that. But my aunt certain had fun. It was when I was younger to say the least am I now.