And were you high on anthing when you made the changes?

Cloudy, Redneck, Dog..have you guys been changing Wikipedia?

I'd trust Rush a little more than Wikipedia.....

Rush - extreme conservative

Wikipedia - the free encyclopedia that anyone can change

"Danielle keeps repeating it over and over again. We've been back to this animal shelter at least five times. It has been weeks now since we started all of this," the mother told the volunteer.

"What is it she keeps asking for?" the volunteer asked.

"Puppy size!" replied the mother.

"Well, we have plenty of puppies, if that's what she's looking for."

"I know...we have seen most of them," the mom said in frustration...

Just then Danielle came walking into the o ffice

"Well, did you find one?" asked her mom. "No, not this time,"
Danielle said with sadness in her voice. "Can we come back on the weekend?"

The two women looked at each other, shook their heads and laughed

"You never know when we will get more dogs. Unfortunately, there's always a supply," the volunteer said.

Danielle took her mother by the hand and headed to the door. "Don't worry, I'll find one this weekend," she said.

Over the next few days both mom and dad had long conversations with her.

They both felt she was being too particular. "It's this weekend or we're not looking any more," Dad finally said in frustration.

"We don't want to hear anything more about puppy size either," Mom added.

Sure enough, they were the first ones in the shelter on Saturday morning. By now Danielle knew her way around, so she ran right for the section that housed the smaller dogs.

Tired of the routine, mom sat in the small wait ing room at the end of the first row of cages. There was an observation window so you could see the animals during times when visitors weren't permitted.

Danielle walked slowly from cage to cage, kneeling periodically to take a closer look. One by one the dogs were brought out and she held each one.

One by one she said, "Sorry, you're not the one."

It was the last cage on this last day in search of the perfect pup.

The volunteer opened the cage door and the child carefully picked up the dog and held it closely. This time she took a little longer.

"Mom, that's it! I found the right puppy! He's the one! I know it!" she screamed with joy. "It's the puppy size!"

"But it's the same size as all the other puppies you held over the last few weeks," Mom said.

"No not size ---- the sighs. When I held him in my arms, he sighed," she said.

"Don't you remember? When I asked you one day what love is, you told me love depends on the sighs of your heart. The more you love, the bigger the sigh!"

The two women looked at each other for a moment. Mom didn't know whether to laugh or cry. As she stooped down to hug the child, she did a little of both.

"Mom, every time you hold me, I sigh. When you and Daddy come home from work and hug each other, you both sigh. I knew I would find the right puppy if it sighed when I held it in my arms," she said.

Then holding the puppy up close to her face she said, "Mom, he loves me. I heard the sighs of his heart!"

Close your eyes for a moment and think about the love that makes you sigh. I not only find it in the arms of my loved ones, but in the caress of a sunset, the kiss of the moonlight and the gentle brush of cool air on a hot day.

They are the sighs of God. Take the time to stop and listen; you will be surprised at what you hear. "Life is not measured by the breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away."

I wish you all puppy "size".

Live your life every moment with love

Down south, Bubba called his attorney and asked, "Is it true theys suin them cigarette companies fer causin people to git cancer ?"

"Yes, Bubba, sure is true," responded the lawyer.

"And now someone is suin them fast food restaurants Fer makin them fat an cloggin their arteries with all them burgers an fries, is that true, Mista Lawyer?"

"Sure is, Bubba."

"And that lady sued McDonalds for millions when she Was gave that hot coffee that she ordered?"

"Yep."

"And that football player sued that university when he gradiated and still couldn't read?"

"That's right," said the lawyer."

"But why are you asking?"

"Well, I was thinkin . . ..

What I want to know is, kin I sue Budweiser fer all them ugly women I'd been hanging out with?"

A store that sells new husbands has just opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates: "You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increases as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!"

So, a woman goes to the store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign reads: "These men Have Jobs". The second floor sign reads: "These men Have Jobs and Love Kids". The third floor sign reads: "These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking."

"Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

At the fourth floor the sign reads: "These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework."

"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads: "These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak." She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads: "You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store."

To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opens a New Wives store just across the street. It too has six floors. The first floor has wives that love sex. The second floor has wives that love sex and have money. The third through sixth floors have never been visited.

A grandmother was telling her little granddaughter what her own childhood was like: "We used to skate outside on a pond. I had a swing made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. We rode our pony. We picked wild raspberries in the woods." The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this in. At last she said, "I sure wish I'd gotten to know you sooner!"



My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, "Grandma, do you know how you and God are alike?" I mentally polished my halo while I asked, "No, how are we alike?" "You're both old," he replied.



A little girl was diligently pounding away on her grandfather's word processor. She told him she was writing a story. "What's it about?" he asked "I don't know," she replied. "I can't read."



I didn't know if my granddaughter had learned her colors yet, so I decided to test her. I would point out something and ask what color it was. She would tell me, and always she was correct. But it was fun for me, so I continued. At last she headed for the door, saying sagely, "Grandma, I think you should try to figure out some of these yourself!"



A Sunday school class was studying the Ten Commandments. They were ready to discuss the last one. The teacher asked if anyone could tell her what it was. Susie raised her hand, stood tall, and quoted, "Thou shall not take the covers off thy neighbor's wife."



Our five-year-old grandson couldn't wait to tell his grandfather about the movie we had watched on television, "20,000 Leagues Under the Sea." The scenes with the submarine and the giant octopus had kept him wide-eyed. In the middle of the telling, my husband interrupted Mark, "What caused the submarine to sink?" With a look of incredulity Mark replied, "Grandpa, it was the 20,000 leaks

Thought I'd let my doctor check me,
'Cause I didn't feel quite right.

All those aches and pains annoyed me.
And I couldn't sleep at night.

He could find no real disorder
But he wouldn't let it rest.

What with Medicare and Blue Cross,
We would do a couple tests.

To the hospital he sent me
Though I didn't feel that bad.

He arranged for them to give me
Every test that could be had.

I was fluoroscoped and cystoscoped,
My aging frame displayed.

Stripped, on an ice cold table,
While my gizzards were x-rayed.

I was checked for worms and parasites,
For fungus and the crud,

While they pierced me with long needles
Taking samples of my blood.

Doctors came to check me over,
Probed and pushed and poked around,

And to make sure I was living
They then wired me for sound.

They have finally concluded,
Their results have filled a page.

What I have will someday kill me;
My affliction is OLD AGE!!!

One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people.

He said, "My son, the battle is between 2 "wolves" inside us all.

One is Evil.

It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.

The other is Good.

It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith."

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather:

"Which wolf wins?"

The old Cherokee simply replied, "The one you feed."

It was a hot day in Minnesota.

Helga hung out the wash to dry, put a roast in the oven, and then went downtown to pick up some dry cleaning.

"Gootness, it's hotter Dan hell today," she mused to herself as she walked down Main Street . She passed a tavern and thought, "Vy nodt?"

So she walked in and took a seat at the bar.The bartender walked up and asked her what she would like to drink. "Ya know," Helga said, "it is zo hot, I tink I'll have myself a cold beer"

Anheuser Busch?" the bartender asked.
Helga blushed and replied,"Vell fine, tanks, und how's yur viener?

Why is moving air cooler than still air?

ArtGurl, if I was a t that campfire, I'd follow you too!!

The FBI had an opening for an assassin. After all the background checks, interviews and testing were done, there were 3 finalists. Two men and a woman.

For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances. Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair . . .. Kill Her!!"

The man said, "You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife." The agent said, "Then you're not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home."

The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quite for about 5 minutes. The man came out with tears in his eyes, "I tried, but I can't kill my wife." The agent said, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home."

Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions, to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls.

After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman, wiping the sweat from her brow. "This gun is loaded with blanks" she said. "I had to beat him to death with the chair."

It doesn't matter what party you belong to - this is hilarious. From a show on Canadian TV, there was a black comedian who said he misses Bill Clinton.
'Yep, that's right - I miss Bill Clinton! He was the closest thing we ever got to having a black man as President.

Number 1 - He played the sax.

Number 2 - He smoked weed.

Number 3 - He had his way with ugly white women.

Even now? Look at him... his wife works, and he doesn't! And, he gets a check from the government every month.

Manufacturers announced today that they will be stocking America's shelves this week with ' Clinton Soup,' in honor of one of the nations'most distinguished men.

It consists primarily of a weenie in hot water.

Chrysler Corporation is adding a new car to its line to honor Bill Clinton. The Dodge Drafter will be built in Canada.

When asked what he thought about foreign affairs, Clinton replied, 'I don't know, I never had one.'

The Clinton revised judicial oath: 'I solemnly swear to tell the truth as I know it, the whole truth as I believe it to be, and nothing but what I think you need to know.'

Clinton will be recorded in history as the only President to do Hanky Panky between Bushes.

A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a sheriff's
deputy. He thinks that he is smarter than the deputy because he is a lawyer from New York and is certain that he has a better education than any cop from Texas. He decides to have some fun
at the deputy's expense:

Deputy says," License and registration, please."

Lawyer says, "What for?"

Deputy says, "You didn't come to a complete stop at the stop sign."

Lawyer says, "I slowed down, and no one was coming."

Deputy says, "You still didn't come to a complete stop.
License and registration, please."

Lawyer says, "What's the difference?"

Deputy says, "The difference is, you have to come to complete
stop, that's the law.

License and registration, please!"

Lawyer says, "If you can show me the legal difference between
slow down and stop, I'll give you my license and registration; and you give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don't give me the ticket."

Deputy says, "Sounds fair. Exit your vehicle, sir."

The deputy takes out his nightstick and starts beating the
ever-loving tar out of the lawyer and says, "Now... Do you want me to stop, or just slow down?"

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her
husband stalking around with a fly swatter

"What are you doing?"
She asked.

"Hunting Flies"
He responded.

"Oh. ! Killing any?"
She asked.

"Yep, 3 males, 2 Females," he replied.

Intrigued, she asked.
"How can you tell them apart?"

He responded,
"3 were on a beer can,
2 were on the phone."

Sorry if I moused-up your breakfast

I know it's mean of me to post this...but I just can't resist.

HAVRE, Mo. (UPI) -- A Havre, Mo., resident said he would never buy barbecue potato chips again after finding a deep fried mouse in a bag of Lays K.C. Masterpiece chips.

Jack Hines, 66, discovered the deep fried mouse when he reached into a bag of Lays June 19, the Havre Daily News reported.

"I just about put it in my mouth," said Hines. "I was sitting there watching TV in the dark and I grabbed for three fingers of potato chips and I grabbed a mouse. It shook me up a bit and I threw it over my head."

After finding the rodent he contacted Gary and Leo's IGA in Havre, where he purchased the chips, to see what he should do about it.

"They told me to call the 800 number on the back of the bag," Hines said. "The lady that I talked to (from the 800 number) said they wanted the mouse and the bag of remaining chips that were left. They did ask me if I was feeling sick, and I said no I am not."

He said a Frito Lay representative is scheduled to come to Havre to pick up the mouse and bag of chips.

How did it come to this?
No disipline at home
No disipline at school

Now who's gonna step up and take responsibility for this?