3 OLD MEN

"Sixty is the worst age to be," said the 60-year-old man. "You always feel like you have to pee and most of the time you stand there and nothing comes out."

"Ah, that's nothin," said the 70-year-old. "When you're seventy, you don't have a bowel movement any more. You take laxatives, eat bran, sit on the toilet all day and nothin' comes out!"

"Actually," said the 80-year -old, "Eighty is the worst age of all."
"Do you have trouble peeing, too?" asked the 60-year old.

"No, I pee every morning at 6:00. I pee like a racehorse on a flat rock; no problem at all."

"So, do you have a problem with your bowel movement?"
"No, I have one every morning at 6:30.

" Exasperated, the 60-year-old said, "You pee every morning at 6:00 and crap every morning at 6:30. So what's so bad about being 80?"

"I don't wake up until 7:00."

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A mobile phone on a
bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker-function and begins to
talk.
Everyone else in he room stops to listen...........
MAN: "Hello"
WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"
MAN: "Yes"
WOMAN: "I'm at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat.
It's only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"
MAN: "Sure, ..go ahead if you like it that much."
WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new
2007 models. I saw one I really liked."
MAN: "How much?"
WOMAN: "$65,000"
MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."
WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing .... The house we wanted last
year is back on the market. They're asking $950,000."
MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer, but just offer
$900,000."
WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you!"
MAN: "Bye, I love you, too." The man hangs up.
The other men in the locker room are looking at him in astonishment.
Then he smiles and asks: "Anyone know whose phone this is?

One evening a husband, thinking he was being funny, said to his wife, "Perhaps we should start washing your clothes in Slim Fast. Maybe it would take a few inches off of your butt!!"

His wife was not amused, and decided that she simply couldn't let such a comment go unrewarded. The next morning the husband took a pair of underwear out of his drawer.

"What the Hell is this??" he said to himself as a little "dust" cloud appeared when he shook them out. "April," he hollered into the bathroom, "Why did you put talcum powder in my underwear?"

She replied with a snicker...

"It's not talcum powder......

It's 'Miracle Grow'."

1.) A shrimp's heart is in its head.
2.) The "sixth sick sheik's sixth sheep's sick" is said to be the
toughest tongue twister in the English language.
3.) Rats multiply so quickly that in 18 months, two rats could have over
a million descendants.
4.) Wearing headphones for just an hour will increase the bacteria in
your ear by 700 times.
5.) If the government has no knowledge of aliens, then why does Title 14,
Section 1211 of the Code of Federal Regulations, implemented on July 16,
1969 make it illegal for U. S. citi zens to have any contact with
extraterrestrials or their vehicles?
6.) In every episode of Seinfeld there is a Superman somewhere.
7.) A duck's quack doesn't echo, and no one knows why.
8.) 23% of all photocopier faults world-wide are caused by people sitting
on them and photocopying their butts.
9.) Most lipstick contains fish scales
10.) Like fingerprints, everyone's tongue print is different.
11.) If you sneeze too hard you can fracture a rib. If you try to
suppress a sneeze you can rupture a blood vessel in your head or neck and die. If you keep your eyes open by force they can pop out.
12.) In a study of 200,000 ostriches over a period of 80 years, no one
reported a single case where an ostrich buried its head in the sand.
13.) It is physically impossible for pigs to look up into the sky
14.) A pregnant goldfish is called a twit.
15.) More than 50% of the people in the world have never made or rec eived
a telephone call.
16.) Horses can't vomit.
17.) Butterflies taste with their feet.
18.) In 10 minutes, a category three hurricane releases more energy than
all of the world's nuclear weapons combined.
19.) On average 100 people choke to death on ballpoint pens every year.
20.) On average people fear spiders more than they do death.
21.) Ninety percent of New York City cabbies are recently arrived
immigrants.
22.) Thirty-five percent of the people who use personal ads for dating
are already marrie d.
23.) Elephants are the only animals that can't jump.
24.) Only one person in two billion will live to be 116 or older.
25.) It's possible to lead a cow upstairs... but not downstairs.
26.) Women blink nearly twice as much as men.
27.) It is physically impossible for you to lick your elbow.
28.) The Main Library at Indiana University sinks over an inch every year
because when it was built, engineers failed to take into account the
weight of all the books that would occupy the building.
29.) A snail can sleep for three years.
30.) No word in the English language rhymes with "MONTH."
31.) Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears
never stop growing.
32.) The electric chair was invented by a dentist.
33.) All polar bears are left handed.
34.) In ancient Egypt , priests plucked EVERY hair from their bodies,
including their eyebrows and eyelashes.
35.) An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
36.) TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters on
only one row of the keyboard.
37.) "Go," is the shortest complete sentence in the English language.
38.) If Barbie were life-size, her measurements would be 39-23-33. She
would stand 7 feet, 2 inches tall.
39.) A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out.
40.) The cigarette lighter was invented before the match.
41.) Americans on average eat 18 acres of pizza every day.
42.) Almost everyone who reads this email will try to lick their elbow.

join the club qwicher

hey.. and goodluck

JIF creamy mmmmmmmm.. gooood

and DC sorry

definately

i would. ive been married before.. and i know what real love and commitment is. i would like a ring...but i dont need one.

i hope so

yea.. change your pic.. it looks ok. but you do have the puppy dog look going on. Look happy.. this is a first impression.

oh yeah... welcome

you will not know until you try your hand. I just speak to them anyway.. if they are interested they respond. . if not.. then oh well..... NEXT

sometimes.. that will make them more sad and nuts...

I'm telling you

Let me handle it.. I will not be mean.. I will just explain.. I am your long lost sister (by marriage of course)... and I don't want her calling my brother again.

I got you.. believe me.. it will work..

Believe me..lol

Give me her info.. i will handle it for.. very nicely

Hey

You may need to tell her to chill with all the calls. I don't see the point in changing your number for pressed people. Just explain to her that you recieved "all" of her messages.. but it is kind of annoying to see 13 missed calls and a bunch of messages.

Those are serious "STALKER TENDENCIES"

She just likes you wayyyyy tooooo much.

If she doesn't stop..then change it.

You are right though... good thing she doesn't know where you live.

VEE

jill scott
the real thing

i think ideally I would like to love someone that loves me equally.. would go the distance as much as i would.. because i know how I love.. but....If I had to choose.. I guess I would have to say.. I would rather someone loved me more than them. Only if I had to choose.

Vee