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Topic:
The Meaning of Mens Names
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...My name isn`t on there  ... Wanna bet?  
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Topic:
The Meaning of Womens Names
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Bummer, no Kendra Check again..... 
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Topic:
The Meaning of Womens Names
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What about Olga, Nadezhda, Oksana?   Olga IS there. As to Nadezhda - Shy, withdrawn, but wears a see through burka on Saturday evenings. Oksana - Well built in the right areas,but smells of fish. 
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Topic:
The Meaning of Mens Names
Edited by
uk1971
on
Fri 04/01/11 03:23 PM
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Aaron - ugly but hung like a horse, prone to belly button fluff.
Able - totally useless. Adam - not very bright and not very pretty, has almost mastered hygiene. Adolph - uses very clever humour which nobody else laughs at. Adrian - usually short and very horny, watches cartoons. Ahsan - seems to have a lot of money, doesn't like spending it. Aidan - Quiet, shy, and yet the girls love him. Aiden - Quiet, shy and yet the boys love him. Alan - shy but sensitive, gets screwed over by women. Alex - cute and tall but a liar and a cheat. Alistair - likes being tied up, and really enjoys playing with train sets Amir - dirty, smelly, pecker is minuscule. Bad diet. Andres - women adore him, a shame he prefers goats. Andrew - Intelligent yet not as much as he thinks, severely stuck up . Andy - One of the boys, always the first one up for a dare/pint/curry/moon. Angelo - Womaniser as a hobby, will eventually settle down with a boyfriend. Anton - Enjoys life, maybe enjoys food a little too much? Antonio - has a great body and beautiful skin, and chicken brain. Looks in the mirror too much. Anthony - great guy and kind to all girls, smells of wee. Archie - fun loving guy, but not too bright. Arnold - puts on a brave face, but never gets the breaks. Arthur - hung like a slave and celibate. Ashley - Secretly shy, yet a very good actor. Avenir - reads too many fantasy books, wears armour to bed. Bailey - puts up too many walls and never lets anyone inside. Baron - Reads SAS books, wants to go out and shoot something or somebody. Barry - lights fires, pinches girls bottoms and is well hung. Barnaby - very big, very strong and very gentle, cries a lot. Ben - funny and can be real difficult to beat at games. Bernard - enjoys gardening, real ale, and facial hair. Bill - thinks he's really popular, thinks all the girls want him ... he's wrong. Bob - quiet and unpopular, eats with his fingers. Bobby - very blokey, can only talk about cars and imaginary girlfriends. Brad - short and squat, has bad breath. Bradley - snobbish yet has no idea what personal hygiene is. Braden - Drop out and doesn't care, will set record for longest employee at McDonalds. Brandon - good looking but uses girls. Not very academic. Brendan - quiet and sweet, gets beaten up all the time. Brendon - doesn't do anything, complete waste of space. Brent - class 'A' knob, and yet still manages to get the girls. Brett - world wide slut and really insensitive, women love him. Brian - mean and only thinks of himself, he's just a very naughty boy. Bryan - sexy, but stupid - can't spell. Bronsen - annoying and never grows up - has a stupid name. Bruce - stinks bad and thinks everyone else's name is also Bruce. Bryce - fun to be with and will make you laugh, you'll kill him within a week. Byard - Delusional neurotic, but amusing during his more sane periods. Callum - tall and geeky, very defensive. Calvin - immature in a naive way, drives a Gemini. Cameron - Australian. Big muscles. Carl - thinks he's funny...he's not, falls asleep during sex. Carlo - dark and brooding, for some unknown reason girls seem to like him! Carson - fun to be around and really sensitive. Casey - quiet, spends a lot of time wearing his sisters clothes. Chad - Good looking jock - only found in American movies, no real person has this name. Charles - can't trust him, eyes too close together. Chris - can't pull, will pay for women, but has a huge pecker and can use it too. Christen - so straight he won't even hold his own dick in the bathroom. Christian - Gay but very sexy and seductive. Christopher - bit of a Mommy's boy and always will be. Chuck - Heavy on testosterone, light on brains. Clarence - Too shy to come out of the closet. Clark - hilarious and always in trouble, problems with 'jail-bait'. Cliff - very sweet and adores girls, but very superficial. Clive - train spotter ... dull as ditch water Cole - nice, funny, and very stupid. Colin - lies to women and blows up public buildings. Connor - thick as 2 short planks, but can be amusing to watch. Conor - arrogant, just assumes that the world owes him a living. Cory - funny but ugly, probably end up running a fashion magazine. Craig - tries to fit in - he never does. Crispin - Ugly homosexual. Fancies himself. Successful Curtis - needs constant mothering and reassurance. Cyrus - Big and loud, often forgets to bathe. Dale - effeminate and yet strangely attractive to the ladies. Damien - spawn of the devil, but in a good way. Damon - total loser in a sweaty sort of way. Dan - quiet but funny, but becomes easily addicted to narcotics. Danny - Wears stylish clothes and has silky women's underwear beneath them. Dane - weird but can hold together a conversation with a mermaid. Daniel - enjoys root vegetables in every orifice. Darrell - bit of an outsider, but knows a lot of secrets. Darren - large, quiet, gentle and always smiling. Darwyn - exercises too much, favorite word Ug Daryl - pompous and overbearing, likes using big words that only he understands. Dave - extremely sexy, always funny, intelligent, stylish, trendsetter i.e. a wanker. David - kinda quiet and shy, but alright when you get to know him. Dean - full of himself and thinks with his dick. Dele - well endowed likes blondes. Looks in the mirror too much Dennis - either very nice to girls or a faggot. Derek - has a great sense of humour, and a blow-up doll collection. Dillon - Stupid but well-built, women just use him for sex. Dominic - hilarious and will do anything to please anybody. Don - dickhead, nobody likes him. Doug - has a greasy face, drinking problem and farts. Drew - bad-assed loser who never shuts up. Duffy - has his brains in his trousers, everything he does is aimed at getting himself sex. Duncan - hopeless ski bum, brains shot away long ago. Dylan - horny. bastard, who can't sing. Dwayne - cool guy to be around if you can handle his name. Earl - parents dressed him in cowboy gear, now he just wants to ride. Eddie - wants too many chicks he'll never get cos he's an arsehole. Eddy - old fashioned and probably too polite to get too much sex. Edgar - serious 'suck-up' to the boss, brown-noser. Edward - would rather bath naked with his team mates than with a girl. Elis - would rather make model airplanes than have sex. Elliott - full of himself. Eric - has many anecdotes about the past. Erwin - bit of a gossip, all the girls like him but only as a friend. Ethan - used in hospitals when the anesthetist isn't in. Eugine - the guy everyone tries to avoid in the bar. Evan - a little slow but sweet, sexy, and a model mental patient. Fernando - what he loses in size he makes up for in enthusiasm and stamina. Finn - Completely indecisive, suffers terribly with Catholic guilt. Frank - single helix DNA and it shows. Fraser - sucks pigs ***** & swallows the lot. Frederick / Fred / Freddie - wants to rule the world. Loves women Fritz - Loves playing games. Never wins. Gareth - sweet but dresses too good to be straight. Can't play rugby. Garon - Big, gentle, and not very bright. Gary - drug addict but willing to share. Garry - forever fiddling with himself and wonders why no-one will shake hands. Gavin - likes bondage, S&M with other men. Gene - cheerful soul, likes to dance. Geoff - prefers golf to sex and war to peace. Geoffrey - a tad anal, but dresses well and looks okay. George - barman who drinks more than he serves. Gerry - quiet and insecure, a doormat. Gilbert - Morris dancer, collects antique sweet wrappers. Gilleathain - Scottish zombie back from the dead to continue scaring sheep. Glen - the sweetest guy - really down to earth. Good teacher. Crap in bed. Glyn - not really into boys or girls, but fond of sheep. Gordon - big bloke in a dirty raincoat, kinda flashy. Greame - very hard to understand, likes group sex. Graham - will screw anything that moves. Grahame - thinks he's better than other Grahams because he has an extra 'e'. Grant - Short and ugly! but so sweet and you can talk to him about anything. Greg - really sweet and feels suicidally sorry for himself. Gregor - Head of his own secret society for world domination. Guy - Fun to be with but only just manages to stay the right side of psychotic. Harry - Good at sport. Women love him. Blokes hate him. Harvey - cute, but addicted to sex and/or drugs. Haydn - tries hard, succeeds rarely. Heinz - Likes variety in his life. In his fifties. Overweight. Henry - dull, dull, dull, dull ... likes trains and tweed jackets, probably a science teacher. Howard - likes small-breasted women and pornography. Howell - sings too much, hasn't got the voice for it. Hugh - pretends he's posh, he isn't. Ian - likes to stuff animals and dress up in women's clothing. Ivor - militant psychopath with homosexual tendencies. Izzy - circumcised, but they threw away the wrong bit. Jacob - serious and studious and boring. Jake - shy and sweet but a slut when drunk. Jamie - Devious scum of the earth. James - can't handle his beer, smells of mayonnaise and is decidedly flatulent. Jarrod - Arrogant, stuck-up, pompous and annoying. Loves himself totally and has lots of mirrors. Jason - Gayer than a pink fairy winning a trophy at the gayest pink fairy competition. Jay - very sweet when you get to know him well. Which is a problem because he has bad breath. Jaz - Loud and annoying but seems to do well with the ladies. Jed - Good looking, fun, and not very bright (but thinks he is) Jeff - really ugly. Jerome - gay, but very unhappy. Jeremy - loud and thinks that he's all that he says he is. Jesse - unpopular and needs to move on. Jack - stupid but hot to the ladies, one of the lads. Jeremiah - very clever, very dull. Jim - sweet, has fantasies of love and affection but wanks too much. Jimmy - Goes to the toilet twice a night, doesn't always get up for it. Joe - built like a bear, sexy but tends to lose his head. Bisexual Joel - arse. John - has few friends and no life - tends to kill small animals. Jon - Not too bright will end up married to a cousin. Jolyon - absolute raving homosexual. Jonathan - think he's good - he's ****. Looks in the mirror too much. Jordan - sexy but weird in bed. Hung like a wildebeest. Jorge - talks slowly, dresses down, and yet nice. Jose - hot boy with a love of hermaphrodites. Josh - full of himself, fun. Julian - used to be a wooden boy, but is now almost real with a big nose. Junior - Not very clever, but good at football. Justin - aggravating but lovable, insecure but successful and overweight. Kain - one of the sexiest guys alive but very stuck up. Kasey - has a knack of getting girls far better than anyone would expect. Keegan - always has a bit of his last meal displayed on his clothes. Keiran - Good looking, clever and popular ... surely he must be gay? Kev - lager lout, wears cheap and loud clothes. Kevin - always attracts really fit girlfriends and then loses them when they see his dick! Keith - good person to talk to when you have a problem - his is worse. Kenneth - very, very...anything you want him to be. Kerry - wants to be in a boy band but he's not pretty enough. Kirk - good looking, worries that he might be gay. Kurt - can kick anyone's arse. Kyle - couch potato who eats too many cornchips. Lance - appears to be heterosexual, but no-ones really sure. Larry - cute, but a wannabe player with big arse. Laurey - short and funny looking. Lawrence - one of the lads, but very opinionated. Lee - much too pretty to be a bloke, that's why he stuffs socks down the front of his trousers. Leo - Thinks he's a real man's man, but cries at any slightly sad film scene. Les - Jovial in a loud way, dressed in a loud way. Levi - same as Lee only not so pretty. Lewis - lonely, sad git, bit of a tosser. Welsh Liam - loud mouthed arsehole. Louis - strange bloke but the ladies find him intriguing. Lorenzo - fine and dresses in stolen gold. Lucas - pretty boy, more attractive to blokes than women. Luke - seems to be sweet. Lyndon - good dresser and knows it, very vain. Madison - so far up his own arse there's no room for his boyfriend. Malcolm - tall man with a tendency to lose his trousers, but only in male company. Marc - Quiet and troubled, stands in the corner at parties. Mario - loves his food and is expanding rapidly. Marion - tough guy, has to be with a name like that. Mark - Good looking and very clever. Every woman wants him. Marko - Smart guy, very quick, particularly in bed. Marshall - Never seems to age, this is because he is in fact an android! Martin - Stud. Loves himself. Would make a good lawyer. Marvin - hilarious, life and soul of the party, shame he smells faintly of urine. Matthew - serious type, enjoys filing things. Matt - the fat boy of the class, likes sweets and is full of ****. Matty - Life and soul of the party, could get a corpse dancing. Medan - Not too bright on the surface but with hidden depths. Menno - built like a horse. Will only do it doggy-style. Michael - very good looking but he'll do anything for a girl. Doesn't like to work too hard. Sexual deviant Mick - always drunk, tendency for drug abuse. Mike - strong silent type with a talent for finding excellent web sites. Mintesh - boy racer, the arsehole who drives with the stereo too loud and the windows down even though it's cold! Miriam - screwed up, parents never even gave him a chance. Mitchell - big bloke, sweats a lot, usually pure alcohol. Mohammed - small penis, but still really enjoys playing with it. Nathan - stupid as hell, and tends to make others feel dumb. Neil - sweet and will do anything in the world for you, great in bed but only on his own. Niall - works tirelessly undercover for the government, good at keeping secrets. Nick - enjoys basic sex but can't get past the missionary position. Nigel - wannabe librarian, gets an erection if he's in the same room as a woman Noel - only goes out with girls so that he can steal their clothes. Oliver - likes men but is in denial. Oscar - complete loser, hated by his parents. Otis - much prefers food to women. Owen - cute gay guy who is immature, and sings Welsh songs. Patrick - drunk, drunk, drunk. Paul - cool, calm and handsome, a quality only found in gays. Pave - Changed name. Previously known as Perv!!! Peter - Likes sheep more than girls, will probably end up married to a relative. Philip - homophobic, image conscious twat, likes to screw poodles. Poe - body odour problem that nobody will tell him about. Ramsey - thinks he's posh but is actually a knob. Raymond - doesn't like to be called Ray because it sounds too 'straight'. Regan - strong tough and butch, treats his boyfriends nice though. Rehan - Spends a lot of time hanging around outside schools. Rene - Thinks he's a bit of a playboy, in reality more of a plough-boy. Reynaud - enjoys big gestures and likes to be talked about. Rhys - Overbearing, arrogant control freak. Richard - hasn't seen his feet or his penis in years, very fat. Ricky - Tending to fat and smelly, not exactly popular. Rikki - see above, but can't even spell. Rob - constantly watches porn. Robert - Serious type, or put another way he's as dull as ditch water Robin - Ugly and not very bright, probably a teacher. Rocco - South American drug-lord, likes goats. Roger - acts like a wanker when drunk ... Permanently drunk! Ron - Big tough bloke with a soft spot for babies and kittens. Rory - men are only nice to him so they can talk to his sister. Ross - A geek role-model, happiest watching steam trains or chatting about them on line. Roy - total loser and computer genius. Rupert - arrogant twat who is crap in bed but thinks he is a stud. Russell - likes to play in the leaves which makes him an arsehole. Pantomime dame Ryan - short and stout, but popular. Sam - wannabe sex machine. Sandeep - complete anorak, owns a metal detector. Sean - thinks he's James Bond, in reality a dipstick. Scott - has serious disabilities. Likes winter sports Sean - has small deformed testicles and no friends. Sebastian - enjoys dressing up, well groomed, but a bit old-fashioned Sergio - all round genuine nice bloke. Seth - so sweet to other people but is a traitor. Shane - cute gay guy who is immature, and sings Welsh songs. Shannon - like the, river wet and full of ****. Shaun - bit of a hard bastard, thinks women love him. Shawn - small and tidy, often overlooked. Simon - likes a night out with the lads and curries. Talks bollocks. Sonny - thinks he's tough and proves it with young girls and boys. Spencer - thinks everybody wants to shag him - he's a virgin Steve - popular and funny when looked at side-on. Stephen - Mommy's boy. Stuart - loves it right up there, normally with a toilet roll and a hamster Taylor - Gay, gay, gay, gay .... Ted - In denial, but quite obviously gay to everyone that meets him. Terry - small and wiry with a nasty temper. Tim - hot but a bit strange, can never tell where he is. Toby - best blow ever. Todd - impeccably dressed, wears a suit to bed. Tom - cool but can be very arrogant. Tomas - part-druid, likes to dance round things naked. Tony - hot, sweet, and totally fun to be around. Tendency to megalomania Travis - fat and horny with the best XXX collection to be found. Trevor - sweet and funny but sometimes untrustworthy. Tristen - likes to get his own way, prone to tantrums and sulks. Troy - cute and popular. Tyrone - Big bloke with a gay mustache, but nobody dares tell him. Ty - small and kind of shriveled. Usman - Trustworthy and dependable and seriously boring. Var - adventurous type, can't sit quietly and so is very annoying. Venedikt - cool good looking type with a tendency to wear shades indoors. Victor - megalomaniac with cross-dressing tendencies. Wade - huge bloke, people jog round him and have to stop halfway for a rest. Walter - Rich, but with no taste in anything, so the money is a bit of a waste. Warwick - reliable, strong and caring (and a bit boring). Wasim - Good at sport. Likes bondage. Intelligent. Warren - cool, homosexual guy, tends to be a bit of a tramp. Wayde - likes to be in charge, but couldn't organise a piss-up in a brewery. Wayne - wayne-ker! Wesley - great guy and easy to not notice. Will - wishes he were popular. William - not very tall, but ultra-cool. Wolf - Prefers sex doggy Style. Is seriously delusional. Yass - a celebrity on his own planet but quite the opposite here. Zach - sweet and polite and twisted. Zahid - devious and sly. Not to be trusted. Zane - thinks he's so very cool, but then he always gets everything wrong.
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Topic:
The Meaning of Womens Names
Edited by
uk1971
on
Fri 04/01/11 02:59 PM
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Abby - agony aunt, always willing to explain about your confused sexuality.
Ada - blue haired, smells of wee. Adele - not only beautiful, but also very sexy. Adie - quiet and shy, but when you get to know her .. quiet and shy. Adrianna - eats like a horse yet incredibly scrawny, her girlfriends all hate her. Aileen - laughs like a demented dog. likes tic tacs. Alana - pretty and popular, but with very dark secrets. Alexandra - popular but very loud, sometimes forgets to bathe. Alice - likes horses but looks like Kermit's girlfriend. Alicia - pretty and knows it, watches herself go by in shop windows. Alison - bra and pants are the same garment, looks better with the light off. Alix - happiest in a uniform and giving orders, always carries handcuffs. Alyssa - wants to be 'exotic', but only manages to be 'strange'. Alyshia - pretty sure that the sun shines out of her arse. Amanda - I.Q. smaller than her bra size, a good shag, but she does practice a lot. Amber - stereotypical exotic dancer, not too bright but very flexible. Amy - Devious, Likes being on top, never stays the night - Not to be trusted. Likes any man not wearing trousers Amelia - A bit old fashioned, but still a goer. Anastasia - overly-loud, with delusions of grandeur. Andrea - Small breasts, small arse, drinks pints and plays a mean game of pool. Andrina - dark and sultry, pretends she's a Russian spy. Angel - face like an angel, mouth like the biker-girl from hell. Angela - Vain, Hair style more important than oxygen. Usually found hanging around toilets. Anita - Beautiful girl with perfect hair and a body to die for. Ann - bone idle, can't be arsed to put an 'e' at the end of her name. Anna - likes lists, will have to open an instruction manual before she even considers a sexual act. Annabelle - Doesn't wear knickers. Anneliese - seems shy but in reality a serious sexual deviant. Anneka - Sporty type, in and out of the bedroom. Annette - She's BIG, like really BIG!!. Anne - Looks like a horse, can't drive. Anne-Marie - Gorgeous and with a great taste in blokes, has perfectly formed breasts Annie - Drinks too much, always wakes up next to ugly guys. Ashlee - Dyslexic and spends all day thinking about secs. Aubreigh - Strange and mysterious and quite scary in an undefined way. Audrie - wants to be a lesbian but hasn't got the bottle, just goes through the motions. Aurora - Beautiful and sexy, every mans dream ,but sadly swings the other way. Azaria - Beautiful and exotic with the brain power of an orchid. Barbara - Shags like a rabbit, not fussy about appearance. Wears a lot of make up Bea - Beautiful, sexy, original, but nearly impossible to satisfy in bed. Beatrice - likes to be put on a pedestal so she can look down on her adoring fans. Becky - one of the boys, knows all about football and cars, quite tall. Belinda - Pleasing on the eye, usually has a couple of good points. Beryl - Repressed alcoholic. Beth - Empty headed, big breasted, and easy. Bettina - Dominatrix. Betty - pretty, sexy, and basically just very hot. Beverley - Trapped in an eighties time warp. Bianca - Ginger. big mouth. Birgit - big scary woman, likes small blokes she can intimidate. Bonnie - cheerful, but with a darker side that few people see. Brenda - Big hearted, in fact big everything-ed. Bridgette - Eats pizzas all day, smokes cigars. Bridie - Cute and old fashioned, until she gets into bed. Britney - Falsely improved, no use to society. Brittany - considers everyone she meets to be an inferior to use as she sees fit. Brook - Cool name, cool Lady Cait - Bow-legged country girl, really loves her horses. Cali - evil, enjoys pulling the legs off young boys. Callie - Dresses strangely, has psychopathic tendencies. Camilla - replaces the word 'yes' with 'ya'. Cara - lazy girl, eats too much junk-food and yet doesn't get fat - annoying. Carie - just like the movie, a scary freak. Carina - Looks like the back of a bus, doesn't swallow. Carla - Down to earth with good child-bearing hips. Carly - Party animal until she gets too drunk to stand up. Carol - Bubbly, life and soul of the party and the bedroom. Caroline - Lard arse, shaves her ears, picks her nose and shops at oxfam. Cassy - Giggles too much, bit of an air-head. Catherine - Attracted to the older man, needs ironing. Celine - Emits hideous noises, waste of DNA. Chantelle - Chavette, tracksuits and bling is all there is. Charis - Wears big baggy clothes and does so for valid reasons. Charli - won't even talk to a bloke unless he's wearing a burberry baseball cap. Charlotte - Enjoys tea and cake, farts the national anthem. Chaz - life and soul of the party, plays the piano and then strips to her own music. Chelsie - upmarket chav, says; "no right, I say right, etc" Cheryl - Can fit hand in mouth, eats glass. Chloe - Usually a weather-girl or a failed wannabe weather-girl. Christine - Likes men in uniform, never warm. Christina - Drop dead gorgeous and with a different bloke each night, well practiced. Ciji - strange girl, sleeps with a vibrating teddy-bear. Clare - wears dungarees and 'prefers female company'. Claire / Clare / Clair - Usually neurotic, gives good head but can have lesbian tendencies. Caoilionn - looks good and talks dirty. Colleen - dresses like a Great-Aunt on the outside, but wears wild underwear. Constance - has an evil sense of humour, but only sometimes. Corinne - Insanely curious about everybody and everything. Courtney - Bit of a 'tomboy', rolls her own tampons. Daisy - Virgin, works on a farm because she likes the way the tractor vibrates. Danni - Always happy to make up a nice three-some, often brings her sister. Danielle - Stunningly attractive, yet has a tendency to self-destruct. Darlene - Country girl, will probably marry her first cousin and have 16 retarded children. Davina - drug induced mental damage, should shave her neck. Dawn - Gets up early, smells of chips. Debra - Wannabe porn star Debby - Experienced porn star. Deborah - only really happy when tied up and being spanked.. Dee - Enormous mouth, gets a lot of work in porn movies. DeeDee - cannot understand why no-one else masturbates in Ikea. Denise - Sits on cats eyes, wears too much make up. Desiree - dresses well, but doesn't change her underwear often enough. Destiny - Chav, chav, chav, chav, in fact the epitome of chavness. Di - Party animal, forgets to breathe when talking. Diana - Cuddly, which is a shame because she smells like cheese. Diane - Enjoys company of animals. Deep as a puddle. Dina - Always cheerful, wants everyone else to be as happy as she is. Dolores - seems to know everything about everybody. Donna - 70's throw back, likes cabbage. Dorthe - smells of herrings, obsessed with over-sized sex toys. Edith - dresses down, but mighty hot beneath. Eileen - terrible flirt and yet shy deep down. Éirin - smiles with her eyes, can keep a secret. Elaine - Rides side saddle, drinks meths and likes sharp edges. Eleanor - Very posh, always washing her hands, but likes her sex dirty. Elisa - fun, fun, fun ... and yet underneath very complex. Elizabeth - Born to perform, hates chickens. Ella - Fiery temper, but when she's not shouting she's as cute as a kitten. Elle - tall and beautiful, just ask her. Ellie - Far too attractive for the swear words that come out of her mouth. Ellen - Could well have eaten all the pies. Elly - enjoys cooking and always dates fat blokes. Elma - Shy, easily dominated by men. Elsa - Kind of old fashioned, but with beautiful big hair. Emily - Wears odd socks, can have lesbian tendencies. Emma - Gullible and easily swayed by a good looker! Erminia - Small and graceful, slightly psychotic. Estelle - Likes wombles, eats grass. Esther - Plump with sagging breasts, normally heavily tattooed. Eve - Shy timid creature until she has a drink, then she becomes very loud. Evelyn - Friendly and reliable, but keeps a book with everybody's name in it and marks them out of 10. Evonne - Much happier now that the sex change operation was a success. Faith - Legs meet at knees, can't shag standing up. Fae - Small and pretty, her mind seems always elsewhere. Faye - Wears wellies, can't swim. Fee - Not very bright, talks fast to make up for it. Felicity - One of the boys .. except that she has the most enormous nipples. Fern - Posh with a large mouth, can hold a conversation whilst giving head. Fiona - Female mud wrestler, badly needs a shave. Fiyza - Very sexy, she knows it and she flaunts it Florence - pretty, but sometimes too nice .. people tend to take advantage of her. Francesca - Likes horses, not too fond of blokes. Francess - A lovely lady even if she is as common as muck! Frankie - Wears leather underwear, if it's quiet you can hear her buzzing. Freya - only really happy when inflicting pain on others. Gabriel - An arse to die for but pads her bra with tissues. Gail - Farts a lot, drinks Guinness. Gayleen - Big tall woman who talks constantly about nothing at all. Gayna - Big lady, straight, and yet still likes wearing dungarees. Gaynor - Wannabe Lesbian but just can't pull the girls. Gemma - Talks too much, even during sex, even during oral sex! Geraldine - Too posh for her own good, likes flying. Gillian - Dyes her hair green, likes clubbing. Gina - Eternal mother, eats nappies. Glenda - Eats children, hates smoking. Gloria - big hair, big breasts, big personality. Georgia - Loves her cakes, would rather have gateau than sex. Georgina - Wants to be a man and nearly there now.. Giselle - elegant and graceful, until she moves, then clumsy and uncomfortable. Grace - petite and pretty, ****s like a rabbit. Grainne - Giggles excessively, sometimes wets herself. Gwyneth - Blubs a lot, wees in the bath. Hannah - Needs to be naked at all times, eats kebabs. Harriet - Wears tweed and green wellies to the pub. Hayley - Pretty, likes fast cars and slow men. Hazel - has piercing's, wears black. Heather - Shags like a freight train, bit of a screamer. Helen - Hangs around with the wrong crowd, Kinky in bed, loves porn and is totally neurotic. Helena - Likes to be in charge, wears a lot of black rubber. Heidi - The hills are alive with the sound of music, likes gherkins, hates Nazis. Hilary - Frigid. Holly - very sexy, doesn't take any crap from anyone. Ilona - loves men, especially if they're already with somebody else. Imogen - Drinks tequila from the bottle, wets the bed. Ingrid - Right wing Nazi tendencies, never smiles. Iona - always carries a plastic carrier bag containing a bottle of strong cider. Irena - Shrew and not tamed yet. Isela - strange girl, kind of scary. Isabel - Pretty lady who likes to be dominated, needs a man, any man. Isobel - Motorbike gang leader, sells guns for pocket money. Jackie - Heroin addict, sold her child to feed the habit. Jaclyn - quiet for long periods and then every once in a while she goes nuts. Jade - I once had a Jade, but hasn't everybody?? Jalaine - Strange, introverted girl, secretly into plastic model airplanes. Jamie - Gentle and yet with a very scary temper. Janet - Massive over bite, no neck. Jane - She's hot and she knows it, a prick-teaser. Janneke - small and quiet, but incredibly gifted in the bedroom. Janice - Loud and over-the-top, tends to talk with her hands. Janine - Always takes on the 'mother role' when in a group. Jarla - Kinda like a female Ali-G only not as funny. Jasmin - Smells of sewers, eats the heads off rats. Jean - hangs around with old blokes and let's them buy her stuff. Jeanette - everyone's favourite aunt, and yet strangely wicked in the bedroom. Jemma - Does anal, wears too much eye make-up. Jen - accident prone, especially around men she fancies. Jenni - bone idle hence the tendency to shorten long words. Jennifer - Huge breasts, should shave her legs more often. Jeri - only owns one pair of knickers and they've never been worn. Jessica - Always shags on the first date and sometimes even before it. Jill - pretty tom-boy, tends to wear men's clothes. Jo - fit, and not just because she goes to the gym. Joanna - a rarity, good in the kitchen and the bedroom. Jocelyn - Scientific type, wears sandals with socks. Joelle - Lively, exciting, jolly and fun ... sometimes too much so! Josephine - Likes to be tied up and teased. Jodie - pretty and clever, therefore a ***** Jody - Dresses like a boy and eats live frogs for breakfast. Jordon - Wears a lot of make-up, nobody knows what she looks like. Joyce - Never stops talking ... for God's sake shut up woman! Judith - Big eyes, big ****, big problem with balance. Judee - dresses up occasionally, but happiest in a shell-suit. Judy - Huge ****, married to a retard. Julia - Innocent face, don't trust her, she'll steal your wallet in five minutes Juliet - Eats too many chips, has greasy hair and a hairy arse. July - nice figure, nice personality. June - high pitched voice, high self opinion, and yet will screw anything in trousers. Justine- Massive ****, likes hanging around men's toilets. Julie - Likes outdoor sex, preferably with a chance of getting caught. Kacie - cute and adorable, but prone to sulking. Karen - Nice ****, shags like a rabbit. Karly - not too bright but always means well, pretty in a tubby way. Katharine - sexy, but can be a bit too noisy in bed Kate - kisses with her tongue and can hold a conversation whilst doing it. Katherine - old-fashioned girl, giggles when anyone mentions naughty words. Kathryn - life and soul of any party until she falls asleep an hour before the end. Katey - Tom boy, likes her sex dirty, usually outdoors. Katie - likes blokes and team sports, preferably both together. Kayleigh - The Lara Croft of Essex, great in bed (practice makes perfect) Keira - person most likely to start a cult, related to Stalin. Kelly - smells of cheese, slobbers when kissing. Kelley - not very bright, can't spell Kelly. Kelsey - Very clever, wears glasses, boys scare her. Kendra - Into Kung Fu. doesn't like Asian cuisine. Kenya - Hot and wild, likes to get wet regularly. Kerran - tries to be mysterious, but everyone has been there. Kerry - pretty, cute, and changes underwear once a week. Kiersten - very sexy to look at, hard to please in bed. Kim - small and sexy, only into pretty boys. Kimberley - wants to be a bloke, drinks like a bloke, farts like a bloke and swears loudly. Kira - She's very very hot, so it's a shame about the lobotomy. Kirsty - Will eat anything, can't dance but thinks she can. Krista - Cool and pretty, tends to daydream all day and sleepwalk all night. Kristy - Shy until she gets drunk, prone to spots. Kristen - Intellectually challenged, thinks Robot-Wars is cruel and should be banned. Kristine - fairly pretty in an arrogant kinda way. Kylie - Can't sing but who cares ... lovely arse. Lana - Hated by her parents, accidental pregnancy. Lara - Fun loving girl, but doesn't find time for blokes.. Laura - Likes Nuts magazine, can't drive. Dominatrix Lauren - Pert breasts, seldom ventures out at night. Leah - Likes outdoor sex, wees standing up. Leanne - Eats a lot of raw meat, most guys are scared of her. Leaine - Seems cute until she opens her mouth and starts swearing. Leigh - outdoorsy, which is where she likes her sex very noisily. Lena - Eats food then throws up, rapidly shrinking. Leonie - Tall girl who likes short boys, it's a power thing. Leslie - Likes bondage, hates men. Leyla - Hot and horny, the girl that always will. Liberty - free spirit and yet always there when she's needed. Lily - Makes a good friend, doesn't take crap from anyone. Linda - Teenage bride can swallow oranges whole. Lindsey - Likes it doggy style, doesn't do housework. Linzi - kinda sweet and yet kinda deviant. Lisa - enjoys money and is only turned on whilst watching porn. Liz - Long legged and brainy. Lizbeth - Sensible and serious, can talk without moving her lips. Lois - Just wants to be loved but everyone seems to want to over-protect her. Lori - cute, bundle of energetic fun. Lorna - get's picked on a lot for no obvious reason. Lorraine - Constantly winges, will strip for a packet of jelly babies Lorrie - Named after the vehicle she weighs the same as. Louisa - sexy in a slappy sort of way. Louise - Likes to get around, fantastic breasts. Luci - cute and loveable Lucy - Strange dancer, wants to marry her dad. Lydia - hilarious, should seriously consider a career as a stand up comic. Lyndsey - wears 2 pairs of knickers, won't undress with the lights on. Lynn - Funny and sexy, everything a bloke wants in a woman. Lynne - Lovely girl but with appalling taste in men. Lynnette - Has the attention span of a budgerigar, likes pretty things. Madeleine - Mischievous with a smile that melts blokes. Madeline - Drives like a bloke, likes tractors. Madusa - Really likes men, preferably grilled with a side salad. Maggie - Train spotter, likes plaid. Mairi - Quiet and shy but incredibly clever, secretly planning to take over the world. Mandy - Cute and cuddly, thick as a short plank. Margaret - Lovely mother, very generous. Maria - Bangs like a barn door. Marie - Life sapping dominatrix. Likes men to do DIY. Marina - No get up and go, rusty underwear. Marion - stuffs her bra with tissue, a bit cross-eyed. Marissa - not overly bright, falls for every chat-up line she hears. Marolyn - Eats like a horse, out stays her welcome. Marriah - doesn't need anybody else so long as she has a mirror. Marsha - Big butt, small brain. Martha - enjoys cooking, a shame it's always inedible. Martina - Obvious lesbian and so proud of her life choices.. Martine - Can't act, can't sing, nice ****. Mary - Likes men with long tongues and talented fingers. Matilda - Likes dancing, mainly the waltz. Mavis - seems nice until you notice the black cat, broomstick and pointed hat. Meg - Cheesy smell, name really needs an S to start it. Megan - quite pleasant until she loses her temper ... then it's time to run! Meghan - Cold, hard-hearted *****, enjoys upsetting little children. Melanie - Can hold 2 bar vacuum orally indefinitely. Melinda - Trailer trash ... pretty, plump, and infected. Melissa - Eats dogs, has been in prison 6 times for burglary. Mercedes - pretends to be posh yet enjoys sleeping around. Meryl - Dances like an ape, doesn't realise. Mia - Cute, small, sexy, but mostly just annoying. Michaela - Likes animals, should make a video with them. Michelle - Wears white stilettos, dances round her handbag. Mikayla - Petite and shy, doesn't realise how pretty she is. Miriam - prim and proper, kinda fussy. Mojdeh - Not very bright but doesn't realise ... so shhhhh ... Molly - Pretty and naive, would like to be slimmer, wears clothes with too many flowers. Monica - Control freak, but very pretty so we'll let her off. Monique - cool, calm, collected and probably drunk. Morven - Very very loud and doesn't see to realise it. Nadine - Stunt Lady, can drink any bloke under the table! Don't mess with her. Naomi - Wannabe diva, more of a diver. Nancy - White hair, pays for her real ale in old money. Narelle - Likes dressing up as a French maid but not French. Natalie - Eats with her mouth open, farts the Nokia phone tune. Natasha - Had seven kids before age 17, needs ironing. Nell - Hasn't realised WWII has ended, lives in Kent. Nephie - Pretty, smiles a lot, not very bright. Niamh - Quiet and cute, secretly wears men's under-wear. Nicci - Pretty, blonde, nicely dressed and vacant. Nichola - quiet, studious type, wears glasses, a tiger in bed. Nicola - Slapper, alcoholic in denial. Nicole - small sweet and with nice hair, should wear underwear more often. Niki - wannabe mysterious spy but not bright enough. Nikki - wannabe lap-dancer but got no rhythm. Nina - Stuffs her bra with tissues, been single for years. Nissa - speech impediment causes her to hiss, fond of reptiles. Olga - You can park a bike in her arse crack, excessive facial hair. Olive - usually accompanied by a couple of people in white coats. Olivia - Gorgeous and knows it, has to sew herself into her trousers.. Olwyn - stupid name, welsh, just unlucky I guess. Paige - Normally much too serious, but giggles a lot in bed. Pamela - Gives amazing head, made of plastic. Patricia - Obsessive about appearances, yet denies that she's shallow. Pat - short and common, one of the lads and a bit of a laff. Paula - Transvestite merchant banker from Basildon. Peggy - Wears outdated clothes and will only do missionary position. Penelope - Pitstop queen, likes her men to be stiff. Peta - Rough and tough, seriously into bondage. Phillippa - Forest forager, likes wild boar. Phyllis - Thinks sex is dirty, always washing her hands. Polly - nice girl with really bad dress-sense, fashion disaster, it's a shame. Priscilla - likes painting with oils, Duckhams mainly. Preya - can't cook or clean but good in bed. Prudence - sensible girl, wears flat shoes, but will shag anything in trousers. Rachel - Amazing gravity defying breasts, can grip a tenner in her arse cheeks. Rebecca - Hairy armpits, orgasms without contact. Rebekah - Not very bright, pretty, but sometimes forgets to bathe. Robbie - Fun loving tom-boy with a cheeky smile. Roberta - Takes herself much too seriously, could be a fun loving tom-boy. Robyn - Sexy with an arse to die for. Renee - Huge breasts, but wishes blokes would notice her mind. Rhiannon - big and strong, prone to violence. Riza - clever and funny, makes some blokes feel threatened. Romany - Wild and beautiful, swings both ways. Rosalind - Upper-class lady but works as a secret agent when the government needs her. Rose - Can be prickly, gives good head. Rosemary - Very shy, nearly always seen with a bright red face. Roz - Only enjoys sex when she's tied up and spanked first. Rula - She measures up well. Ruth - Has stretch marks around her mouth. Sadie - Stand up if you're slim, please stand up. Sally - Drives a Mustang, fights in pubs. Samantha - Loves her brother, has 4 deformed children. Sammy - likes to be the centre of attention, clumsy. Sandra - Shags donkeys for fun, bow legged. Sara - Air-head, with a gorgeous body to compensate. Sarah - Likes pressed flowers and body piercing. Sarah-Jane - 'posh' girl, will screw anything in a BMW. Sasha - dresses like a bloke, screws like a rabbit. Scarlett - stunningly beautiful and with a temper like a nuclear explosion. Selina - Doesn't wear pants, heavy laundry bills. Shanice - Likes bling, not that bothered about knickers. Shannon - Beautiful, curvaceous, should be a model. Sharna - The original ***** queen, uses everyone she meets. Sharon - Loud; clothes, jewelry, attitude, in fact everything. Shauna - Lives in a trailer, has 16 kids each with a different surname. Sheila - Group Aunt, organises stuff and people very efficiently. Shelby - wants to be a cowboy, mainly for the horses and shooting people. Shelly - very cute, but a bit of a soft-hearted slapper. Sheree - Cute, but very loud! desperately needs a volume control. Shyan - wears lots of track-suits with fag-holes in them. Shirley - Can swallow a Curly Whirly whole, likes bananas. Shiva - tries to fit in, but only really succeeds at the weekend S&M parties. Shona - Librarian by day, exotic dancer by night. Siobhan - Ginger Minger with a severe wind problem. Sinead - Wears big knickers and a vest, but is secretly very sexual. Sian - Does great sheep impression, hates mint sauce. Silka - Appears shy, but secretly Miss Whiplash the dominatrix. Silke - Only ever has sex outdoors near her favourite tree. Simone - Used to be a shot putter from Cardiff. Siri - Mischievous, but great fun to be around. Sonya - Dirty lady of the night. Often referred to as a "carrier". Sophia - Beautiful girl with long legs, a shame her arse is the size of a small country. Sophie - Brothel manager because she's too ugly to be a working girl. Stacey - Likes cut off jeans and arseless Speedo's. Steffi - Closet lesbian, maintains heterosexual relationship for effect. Stella - reassuringly expensive, she's worth every penny! Stephanie - Eats Muppets, wears Brogues. Sue/Susanne - should shave more often, wears Denim aftershave. Very fertile. Summer - wears flowers in her hair, a pretty dress, and no knickers. Sylvia - loves the outdoors. Mad. Taleah - nature lover, prefers animals to men. Tamara - dominatrix and swings both ways. Tammy - Kind-hearted and generous, particularly in the bedroom. Tanya - Hot minx, a bit too short. Tara - Upper class slapper, enjoys random chemicals. Taylah - life and soul of the party, particularly naked parties. Taylor - wears too much jewelry and not enough blouse. Teresa - surprisingly small given the amount of alcohol she drinks. Teri - fun and flirty, sometimes annoyingly bouncy! Tessa - bubbly, warm and great company, also fairly easy on the eyes. Thelma - usually grumpy, only comes to life when bitching about other people. Therese - wears 2 pairs of knickers when she goes out ... just in case. Tiffany - likes short skirts and low tops, spends a lot of time in front of a mirror. Tina - Face like a smacked arse, should eat less. Tori - Lives in a hedge, can't water ski. Tracy - Easily swayed by alcohol. Mostly seen without underwear. Loves kittens. Tracey - Wears a lot of pink, wants to be a lesbian cos she thinks that would be cool. Trinity - very sexy and yet without being too pretty Trudy - Genuinely nice lady, everybody loves her. Tysan - From a long line of chavs.had 11 grandchildren by the age of 28. Ursula - Likes puppies,usually in a hot curry. Val - usually drunk, doesn't know where her knickers are. Valerie - quaint and old-fashioned, someone's aunt. Vanessa - Beautiful, power-crazy *****. Vera - favourite Aunty, smells faintly of lavender. Veronica - closet lesbian who sleeps around to prove she isn't! Vicky - Likes Yoga. And Women. Victoria - everybody loves her but not as much as she loves herself. Vikki - Drinks anything so long as it's got vodka in it. Wendy - works on a building site, possibly a man. Yasmin - Talks loud and fast, thinks she's gorgeous. Yvette - slightly timid, until she loses her temper and then watch out. Yvonne - control freak and yet crap at everything she does. Zakia - Wants to be a spy when she grows up, but needs to wash more often. Zoe - Talentless rock chick. Prepared to use sex as a weapon.
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Topic:
Mammogram Slam
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While conducting some business at the Court House, I overheard a lady, who had been arrested for assaulting a Mammogram Technician, say,
"Your Honor, I'm guilty but.....there were extenuating circumstances." The female Judge said, sarcastically, "I'd certainly like to hear those extenuating circumstances." I did too so, I listened as the lady told her story. "Your Honor, I had a mammogram appointment, which I actually kept. I was met by this perky little clipboard carrier smiling from ear to ear and she tilted her head to one side and crooned, "Hi! I'm Belinda! All I need you to do is step into this room right here, strip to the waist, then slip on this gown. Everything clear?" I'm thinking, "Belinda, try decaf. This ain't rocket science." Belinda then skipped away to prepare the chamber of horrors. With the right side finished, Belinda flipped me (literally) to the left and said, "Hmmmm. Can you stand on your tippy toes and lean in a tad so we can get everything?" "Fine," I answered. I was freezing, bruised, and out of air, so why not use the remaining circulation in my legs and neck to finish me off? My body was in a holding pattern that defied gravity (with my other breast wedged between those two 4 inch pieces of square glass) when I heard and felt a zap! Complete darkness, the power was off! Belinda said, Uh-oh, maintenance is working, bet they hit asnag." Then she headed for the door. "Excuse me! You're not leaving me in this vise alone are you?" I shouted. Belinda kept going and said, "Oh, you fussy puppy...the door's wide open so you'll have the emergency hall lights. I'll be right back." Before I could shout "NOOOO!" She disappeared. And that's exactly how Bubba and Earl, 'maintenance men Extraordinaire' found me... Half-naked with part of me dangling from the Jaws of Life and the other part smashed between glass! After exchanging a polite "Hi, how's it going," type greeting, Bubba (or possibly Earl) asked, to my utter disbelief, if I knew the power was off. Trying to disguise my hysteria, I replied with as much calmness as possible, "Uh, yes, I did but thanks anyway." "OK, you take care now" Bubba replied and waved good-bye as though I'd been standing in the line at the grocery store. Two hours later, Belinda breezes in wearing a sheepish grin. Making no attempt to suppress her amusement, she said, "Oh I am sooo sorry! The power came back on and I totally forgot about you! And silly me, I went to lunch. Are we upset?" And that, Your Honor, is exactly how her head ended up between the clamps...." The judge could hardly contain her laughter as she said "Case Dismissed!" 
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Topic:
WHY I Fired my Secretary
Edited by
uk1971
on
Thu 03/31/11 08:42 AM
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Last week was my birthday and I didn't feel very well waking up on that morning.
I went downstairs for breakfast hoping my wife would be pleasant and say, "Happy Birthday!", and possibly have a small present for me. As it turned out, she barely said good morning, let alone "Happy Birthday." I thought... 'Well, that's marriage for you, but the kids.... They will remember.' My kids came bounding down stairs to breakfast and didn't say a word. So when I left for the office, I felt pretty low and somewhat despondant. As I walked into my office, my secretary Jane said, "Good Morning Boss, and by the way Happy Birthday! " It felt a little better that at least someone had remembered. I worked until one o'clock, when Jane knocked on my door and said, "You know, It's such a beautiful day outside, and it is your Birthday, what do you say we go out to lunch, just you and me." I said, "Thanks, Jane, that's the greatest thing I've heard all day. Let's go !" We went to lunch. But we didn't go where we normally would go. She chose instead at a quiet bistro with a private table. We had two martinis each and I enjoyed the meal tremendously. On the way back to the office, Jane said, "You know, It's such a beautiful day...We don't need to go straight back to the office, Do We ?" I responded, "I guess not. What do you have in mind ?" She said, "Let's drop by my apartment, it's just around the corner." After arriving at her apartment, Jane turned to me and said, "Boss, if you don't mind, I'm going to step into the bedroom for just a moment. I'll be right back." "Ok." I nervously replied. She went into the bedroom and, after a couple of minutes, she came out carrying a huge birthday cake ... Followed by my wife, my kids, dozens of my friends and co-workers, all singing "Happy Birthday". And I just sat there... On the couch... Naked !!!!!!  
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Topic:
Big Eyes
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Little Red Riding Hood is skipping down the road
when she sees the Big Bad Wolf crouched down behind a log. "My, what big eyes you have, Mr. Wolf," says Little Red Riding Hood. The surprised wolf jumps up and runs away. Further down the road Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again; this time he is crouched behind a tree stump. "My, what big ears you have Mr. Wolf" says Little Red Riding Hood. Again the foiled wolf jumps up and runs away. About 2 miles down the road, Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again, this time crouched down behind a road sign. "My, what big teeth you have Mr. Wolf," taunts Little Red Riding Hood. With that the Big Bad Wolf jumps up and screams, "Will you get lost?.......I'm trying to take a dump!"
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Topic:
Sex After Death
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A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other if there is sex after death. Their biggest fear was that there was no afterlife at all.
After a long life together, the husband was the first to die. True to his word, he made the first contact: "Marion...Marion..." "Is that you, Bob?" "Yes, I've come back like we agreed." "That's wonderful! What's it like?" "Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex. I have breakfast and then it's off to the golf course. I have sex again, bathe in the warm sun and then have sex a couple of more times. Then I have lunch (you'd be proud - lots of greens). Another romp around the golf course, then pretty much have sex the rest of the afternoon. After supper, it's back to golf course again. Then it's more sex until late at night. I catch some much needed sleep and then the next day it starts all over again" "Oh, Bob are you in Heaven?" "No...I'm a rabbit in Arizona!" |
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Topic:
Her Revenge
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A woman and her boyfriend are out having a few drinks.
While they're sitting there having a good time together, she starts talking about this really great new drink. The more she talks about it, the more excited she gets, and starts trying to talk her boyfriend into having one. After a while he gives in and lets her order the drink for him. The bartender brings the drink and puts the following items on the bar: A salt shaker, a shot of Baileys, and a shot of lime juice. The boyfriend looks at the items quizzically and the woman explains. "First you put a bit of the salt on your tongue, next you drink the shot of Baileys and hold it in your mouth, and finally you drink the lime juice." So, the boyfriend, trying to go along and please her, goes for it. He puts the salt on his tongue........salty but OK. He drinks the shot of Baileys........smooth, rich, cool, very pleasant. He thinks........this is OK. Finally he picks up the lime juice and drinks it.... In one second the sharp lime taste hits... ... At two seconds the Baileys curdles... At three seconds the salty, curdled taste & mucous-like consistency hits...... At four seconds it feels as if he has a mouth full of nasty snot. This triggers his gag reflex, but being manly, and not wanting to disappoint his girlfriend, he swallows the now foul tasting drink. When he finally chokes it down he turns to his girlfriend, and says, "Jesus, what do you call that drink?" She smiles widely at him and says, "Blow Job Revenge." 
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What you can do is, on your Search results, check about halfway through the list to see when the 'last time on' is. If at that point, you are already into the 'Not seen in over 30 days' profiles, go further forward in the list. As you can go further backward if they are more current. I believe the Search results are 'ordered' by when they last visited. Hence, the more current, the closer to the top of your Search results. Once you see someone who has not been there in over 30 days, all others beneath them are at least that noncurrent. Noncurrent?  I guess being AC/DC kinda minimizes my chances then? 
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Topic:
Penis Van Lesbian
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A good looking man walked into an agent's office in Hollywood and said
'I want to be a movie star.' Tall, handsome and with experience on Broadway, he had the right credentials. The agent asked, 'What's your name?' The guy said, 'My name is Penis van Lesbian.' The agent said, 'Sir, I hate to tell you, but in order to get into Hollywood , you are going to have to change your name.' 'I will NOT change my name! The van Lesbian name is centuries old, I will not disrespect my grandfather by changing my name. Not ever.' The agent said, 'Sir, I have worked in Hollywood for years......you will NEVER go far in Hollywood with a name like Penis van Lesbian! I'm telling you, you will HAVE TO change your name or I will not be able to represent you.' 'So be it! I guess we will not do business together' the guy said and he left the agent's office.. FIVE YEARS LATER... The agent opens an envelope sent to his office. Inside the envelope is a letter and a check for $50,000. The agent is awe-struck, who would possibly send him $ 50,000? He reads the letter enclosed... 'Dear Sir, Five years ago, I came into your office wanting to become an actor in Hollywood. You told me I needed to change my name. Determined to make it with my God-given birth name, I refused. You told me I would never make it in Hollywood with a name like Penis van Lesbian. After I left your office, I thought about what you said. I decided you were right.. I had to change my name. I had too much pride to return to your office, so I signed with another agent. I would never have made it without changing my name, so the enclosed check is a token of my appreciation. Thank you for your advice. Sincerely, Di ck van Dyke |
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Edited by
uk1971
on
Wed 03/23/11 11:53 PM
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Archduke Ferdinand of Austria found
ALIVE WORLD WAR ONE A MISTAKE!!!! |
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Topic:
AIDS WARNING
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To all of you approaching 50 or who have REACHED 50 and past, this is especially for you...
SENIOR CITIZENS ARE THE NATION'S LEADING CARRIERS OF AIDS! HEARING AIDS BAND AIDS ROLAIDS WALKING AIDS MEDICAL AIDS GOVERNMENT AIDS MOST OF ALL, FINANCIAL AID TO THEIR CHILDREN! And finally Not forgetting HIV (Hair Is Vanishing)
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Topic:
Satan v Jesus
Edited by
uk1971
on
Mon 03/21/11 08:11 AM
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Satan and Jesus sat down at the keyboards and typed away.
They faxed. They e-mailed. They e-mailed with attachments. They downloaded. They did spreadsheets. They wrote reports. They created labels and cards. They created charts and graphs. They did some genealogy reports. They did every job known to man. Jesus worked with heavenly efficiency and Satan was faster than hell. Then, ten minutes before their time was up, lightning suddenly flashed, and the power went off. Satan stared at his blank screen and screamed every curse word known in the underworld. Jesus just sighed. Finally the electricity came back on, and each of them restarted their computers. Satan started searching frantically, screaming: “It’s gone! It’s all GONE!! I lost everything when the power went out!” Meanwhile, Jesus quietly started printing out all of his files from the past two hours of work. Satan observed this and became irate. “Wait!” he screamed, “that’s not fair! He cheated! How come he has all his work and I don’t have any?” God just shrugged and said, “Jesus saves"
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Topic:
As I Have Aged
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When I was 16, I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend with big ti ts.
In college, I got a girlfriend with big ti ts, but there was no passion, so I decided I needed a passionate girl with zest for life. When I was 25 I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional. Everything was an emergency; she was a drama queen, cried all the time and threatened suicide. So I decided I needed a girl with stability. When I was 30, I found a very stable girl but she was boring. She was totally predictable and never got excited about anything. Life became so dull that I decided that I needed a girl with some excitement. When I was 35, I found an exciting girl, but I couldn't keep up with her. She rushed from one thing to another, never settling on anything. She did mad impetuous things and made me miserable as often as happy. She was great fun initially and very energetic, but directionless. So I decided to find a girl with some real ambition. When I turned 40, I found a smart ambitious girl with her feet planted firmly on the ground, so I married her. She was so ambitious that she divorced me and took everything I owned. I am older and wiser now, and I am looking for a girl with big ti ts.
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Topic:
Libya Crisis
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I don't see why David Cameron hasn't got British Airways in to deal with the Libya crisis.
Afterall, they're the real experts when it comes to airstrikes.
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Topic:
Drug Rehabilitation
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Two young guys were picked up by the cops for smoking dope and appeared in court on Friday before the judge.
The judge said, "You seem like nice young men, and I'd like to give you a second chance rather than jail time. I want you to go out this weekend and try to show others the evils of drug use and get them to give up drugs forever. I'll see you back in court Monday." Monday, the two guys were in court, and the judge said to the 1st one, "How did you do over the weekend?" "Well, your honor, I persuaded 17 people to give up drugs forever." "17 people? That's wonderful. What did you tell them?" "I used a diagram, your honor. I drew two circles like this... o O ...and told them this (the big circle) is your brain before drugs and this (small circle) is your brain after drugs." "That's admirable," said the judge. "And you, how did you do?", he asked the second boy, "Well, your honor, I persuaded 156 people to give up drugs forever." "156 people! That's amazing! How did you manage to do that?!?", "Well, I used a similar approach. (draws two circles) O o I said (pointing to the small circle) "this is your butthole before prison |
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Topic:
The Purple Flower
Edited by
uk1971
on
Sun 03/20/11 03:38 PM
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One day this kid was walking to school and this punk was walking behind him.
Well, the punk kid threw a rock at him and the kid turned around and called him a purple flower. The punk ran ahead and when the other got there the teacher wanted to talk to him. She asked what happened this morning. "Well see, this kid threw a rock at me and I called him a purple flower" "A purple flower!!!???!!! You're going to the principal's office!" So he went...and the principal asked what happened. "Well this kid threw a rock at me and I called him a purple flower." "A purple flower!!!???!!! You're suspended!" His mom came and picked him up and asked why was he suspended. "See, this kid threw a rock at me and I called him a purple flower." "A purple flower!? Wait till your father gets home!" His dad came home, understanding and ready and he asked what had happened. "Well, this kid threw a rock at me and I called him...a...a purple flower." "A purple flower?!! You're going to boarding school!" Years later and at graduation they're asking the students how they got there. His turn... "Well, it all began one day when...um...this kid threw a rock at me, yeah, and I called him a purple flower." "A PURPLE FLOWER!!???!!", the crowd said in astonishment, "You're not graduating!" Well, the kid walks gloomily onto the road and sudenly this car comes and hits him. When the kid walks up to the pearly gates. St. Peter asked "So what happened?" "Well, Years ago I called a kid a.... Purple flower" "Purple flower?! You're going to hell!" So.... the kid ends up in Hell. And Satan asks him "What are you doing here?!" The kids explains "so I called some kid a purple flower, then I got kicked out of school, I was sent to boarding school, I got hit by a car, I couldn't go to heaven... Now will you PLEASE, tell me what a purple flower is?!" The Devil chuckled, and told the kid "A purple flower, is an infinite joke, with absolutelly no punchline"
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Topic:
How many gay guys...
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Have you heard of the two Irish gays?
Patrick Fitzwilliam, and William Fitzpatrick
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