I think we often confuse our WANTS with NEEDS. What I take from my own observations are that people who prescribe to the “love the one your with” mentality feel that they NEED romantic love and in the absence of romantic love, substitute with doses of physical affection.

On the other hand, people who recognize romantic love as a WANT or desire will tend to wait for what they WANT. Some itemize the qualities their ideal romantic love partner will possess, while others simply look for the romantic feeling they desire.

No matter which thought you prescribe to, we are all, at the base, very much the same. We all WANT to be loved romantically and have someone to WANT and accept the love we have to offer another.

Therefore, coming back to the question, I can’t take being too “picky” as a put down. If anything it’s a lift up/compliment. It means I won’t settle for anything less than the type of respect and romantic love from a partner than I deserve.

A certain amount of compatibility is definitely important. No matter how amazing the sex may be, it will never be enough to bridge between two opposite thinking people. If you cannot communicate with one another or you disagree on every subject, your relationship will be forever fought on the battleground and who wants that?

On the opposite end of the spectrum, total compatibility would be like having a relationship with your twin. In this relationship there is little need to communicate at all. Who wants that? I believe there has to be a balance of compatibility that keeps minds from clashing but communication flowing.

Regarding realistic expectations...

...if you want a super model, for the sake of her being a super model, then you will never get to really know her...this is not a REALationship.

If you want a prince, for the sake of him being a prince, you will never get to really know him...this is not a REALationship.

There is nothing REAListic in a relationship that is forged from anything but a true and very personal knowlege and acceptance; reciprocally so.

A disclaimer for the spell mongers in attendance:
No words were harmed in the writing of this posting, but were temporarily misspelled for emphasis only.

I totally agree with you Claire!...Healthy egos feel no need to place blame or broadcast every detail of their relationship problems...They are more interested in looking inward to identify and correct their part in the rejection...

I am VERY picky, that's why I'm with Leigh

hi Greeneyes, I like how you put it.. pushy and needy people who are after most anyone... but do you think it's just out of boredom, and not out of financial or material gain, especially in today's downward spiraling economy?

May be from your side of the world. On my side, most women(remember not women) talk as a form of nagging and to 'share information'

I've thought about it some. Sometimes I think that the ones I keep coming across are desperate. They are afraid to be alone. That desperation makes them try to hard. Makes them try to grab whatever they think they can get. Here in not to long I will be 51. I've been single most of my life. I was only married for six years. I guess I'm used to being alone. So, When I come across someone who tries to hard to get me, They really wind up pushing me away.

I think this is the main reason I don't fall in love very easy. They try to hard, They push to hard and it comes off looking like desperation. Desperation runs me off. When you are dealing with a man or a woman that has been alone as long as I have, You have to be careful with them. You have to go at them the right way. They are use to being alone. They may even like it that way. No one to answer to but yourself, Come and go as you please, You're free as a bird. If you want a person like that to fall in love you, Well, Like I say, You gotta go at them the right way.

Yes, I do think so...I have a friend who is going through the guilt trip "game" right now...

Have you considered that she might be nervous? I know guys and girls that do that on dates?

I don't think anyone likes pushy or controlling people, some are just more willing to be controlled or less able to deal with aggression...In my dating experiences, time constraints or the lack of them were different for each relationship, but the progression was ALWAYS mutually agreed upon....When one or the other starts trying to force things, it's usually the beginning of the end...

For me, It takes a while. I'm not one to fall a$$ over tea kettle very easy. I think I got some issues. I don't trust very easy. It takes some time to win my trust. Also, I've got issues with how the great majority seem to want to move to fast. I'm not the type that takes to well to pushy people.Maybe it's just me, I seem to come across women that want to try to lead me around by the nose. I don't take to well to that either. I don't take to well to women who want to try to tell me what I am/am not going to do. I seem to find a lot of women that for some reason unknown to me, Have just got to see if they can get away with trying to boss me around. They usually find out as the door knob is hitting them in the rump, Doesn't work with me. I've even had more than one to try to use sex to get there way with me. Doesn't work either. I think I am going to wind up alone.

taking the time to get to know someone & becoming friends is so much easier than being Desperate & rushing into something with your eyes wide Shut! If that makes sense....

As people age they erect walls to protect themself from being hurt. Yes, young individuals are more naive but they experience love much easier. As people (yes, men and women) age our likelihood goes down because we (men and women) do not trust each other.

The game of love rewards risk-taking with pleasure. Staying single rewards caution with safety. Being too picky is a way of playing it safe to avoid losing again.

As we age we latch onto two protective walls:

1. I can't find someone worthy of my love.
2. I can't find the love that doesn't ask me to risk losing out again.

I saw this in single people of my parents generation as they passed the 50 year mark. Unfortunately, most never experienced true love again. Not trying to sound like Johnny Rain Cloud: just observations of life.