a soldier goes awol because he is being sent to Iraq. He is being chased
by the MP. He runs across this nun standing on a corner. He says maam
please help me I dont want to go fight this war. I have no problem with
these people and I have a family back home. Can I please hide under your
habit?
She nods and he climbs under. Just then the MPs come around the
corner. She tells them he went down that street. He climbs out and
thanks the sister. He says "Sister I hope I am not insulting you but I
couldnt help but notice how strong your legs are. I didnt know you got
that much exercise."
She replies "If you would have looked a little higher you would have
noticed how big my c**k is. I dont want to go to Iraq either."

A couple of rednecks are just married. On the honeymoon she tells her
new husband she is a virgin. He jumps out of bed and runs home. His
father asks why he is home.
"Dad, She told me she was a virgin."
"You did the right thing son. If she aint good enough for her family she
aint good enough for ours"

Here is another to add to your list.
Why do they call it a television set when you only get one?

ever had anyone lick your belly button?....from the inside?


Lick you finger and touch her shirt. Then say hey lets go to my place
and get you out of those wet clothes.

You have beautiful legs. What time do they open?

good one I like that.

What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you?
Run like hell she has a grenade in her mouth

a cop pulls a biker over for speeding. He starts giving him a hard time
about having long hair and he says "you probably dont even have a job"
The biker says "Yeah I have a job. I am a rectum streacher. People
call me up and want to get streached and I start out with one finger
then 2 and I just keep working it till its 6 feet across."
"What is someone going to do with a 6 foot a**hole?"
" Usually we give them a radar gun and put them on the side of the
road."

A blonde decides to see if she will still get sterotyped if she changes
her hair color. She dies it brunette and goes for a walk. She sees a
farmer watching his sheep. She asks"If I can guess how many you have can
I have one?" The farmer agrees adn she looks them over ans says 492.
The farmer is shocked but a deal is a deal. She makes her selection
and the farmer asks "Maam" If I can guess your natural hair color can I
have my dog back?"

Two polish guys are looking to buy a used car. They only have 50 bucks.
The salesman tell them "THe only thing I have is this camel. A shiek
traded him in on a Mercedes. Hes really trained well. He stops on the
red lights, goes on the green. Steer with the reins."
They take the camel and when the salesman is on his way home he sees
the two guys on the street. No camel. He asks where the camel is and
they reply "We were sitting at the red light when someone yelled Hey
look at the assholes on the camel. We got off to look and the light
turned green."

two men are driving home from work when they see 2 dogs going at it. One
guy tells his buddy how hed like to get his wife like that.
His friend repies "Thats easy. give her two shots of tequila and shell
be asking for it."
The next day he asks if he tried it. "Yeah man it worked like a charm
4 shots and she was ready to go."
"4? Was she that set against it?"
" well 2 to get her in that position and 2 more to get her in the
front yard.

lol thats great.

A little girl is riding her bike when she is approached by a mounted
police officer. He says "That is a very nice bike did Santa bring you
that for x-mas?"
"yes he did" she repies. The officer writes out a ticket and tells her
to tell santa to put a reflector on it next time.
She looks at the horse and asks" That is a very pretty horse did Santa
bring that to you for x-mas?"
"Yes he did" he replies laughing.
"Next year tell Santa the d**k goes underneath not on teh back."

A brunette is talking with her blonde neighbor. She tells her "My
husband broght me home a dozen roses last night. I know darned well he
is going to want me on my back with my knees behind my ears for the next
week."
The blonde repies "why dont you have a vase?"

A man says to his wife "you never tell me when you are having an
orgasm."
She says "you are never home."

Three blondes are stuck on an island. One day a bottle washes up. They
pick it up and a genie pops out. He tells them all they can have one
wish for getting him out of there.
The first one says "I want to be 10 percent smarter so I can get off
of this island." Poof turns into a redhead and swims away.
The second says "wow that was cool. I want to be 20percent smarter so
I can get off of this island." Poof turns into a brunette and builds a
raft.
The third says "I want to be 75 percent smarter so I cna get off of
this island." Poof turns into a man and uses the bridge.

I banged a bag of weed because I am sexy as hell

A boy walks in on his parents ahving sex. He asks his dad "what are you
doing to mommy?"
Dad replies "you know that little baby brother you wanted? I am
putting him inside your mommy." The boy goes to bed all happy.
Dad gets home from work the next day and hes on the steps crying. Dad
asks whatd wrong. He says "You know that baby brother you put in mommy
last night? The mailman came by and ate him today."

Johnny walks in on his mother while she is getting dressed. He points at
her breasts asks "Mommy what are those?"
She replies "those are baloons when I die they will blow up and carry
me up to heaven." He is satisfied and leaves.
A few days later he comes running in and says "mommy mommy aunt Sarah
is dying!"
"What do you mean she is dying?"
"Shes lying on the floor in the garage dads blowing up her baloons and
she keeps screaming God Im coming God Im coming!"

How many women does it take to change a light bulb?
Its an unknown fact they would rather sit in the dark and complain about
it.