Baby Phat

humor,personality,music,honesty,wieght,art





money,ride,sex.

Q
How do you stop choking on a cube of ice?

A
Drink hot water;and PRESTO!
It's gone.

I was looking for a mate.........
now,I'm just enjoying my friends.

some people have nothing better to do;than mess up other peoples property..............

HECTIC!!!
I'M HAVING SURGERY MONDAY;THEN JUNE 5TH,JUNE 12TH,
AND JUNE 19TH.

SO,RIGHT NOW,THINGS ARE HAYWIRE!

I'm good at giving advice too,sometimes,I think I should talk to that lady in the mirror

I thought this was gonna make him feel worse........

but..........

it seems like you want to make him feel happy!

way to go!!!!!!!!!!!

{This is hysterical! If it had been presented this way, I don't believe any of us would have done it!!!}

POSITION NEEDED:
Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma
Dad, Daddy, Dada, Pa, Pop

JOB DESCRIPTION :

Long term team players needed, for challenging,permanent work
in an often chaotic environment.
Candidates must possess excellent communication
and organizational skills and be willing to work
variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends
and frequent 24 hour shifts on call.
Some overnight travel required, including trips to
primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and
endless sports tournaments in far away cities!
Travel expenses not reimbursed.
Extensive courier duties also required.

RESPONSIBILITIES :

The rest of your life!
Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily,
until someone needs $5.
Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.
Also, must possess the physical stamina of a
pack mule,
and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat
in case, this time, the screams from
the backyard are not someone just crying wolf.
Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges,
such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets
and stuck zippers.
Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and
coordinate production of multiple homework projects.
Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings
for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.
Must be willing to be indispensable one minute,
an embarrassment the next.
Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a
half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices.
Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst!
Must assume final, complete accountability for
the quality of the end product.
Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and
janitorial work throughout the facility.

POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION :

None.
Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills,
so that those in your charge can ultimately pass you!

PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE :

None required unfortunately.
On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.

WAGES AND COMPENSATION :

Get this! You pay them!
Offering frequent raises and bonuses.
A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because
of the assumption that college will help them
become financially independent.
When you die, you give them whatever is left.
The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that
you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.

BENEFITS :

While no health or dental insurance, no pension,
no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and
no stock options are offered.
This job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth, unconditional love,
and free hugs and kisses for life if you play your cards right.


Forward this on to all the PARENTS you know, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis,
letting them know they are appreciated
for the fabulous job they do...
or forward, with love,and laughter
to anyone thinking of applying for the job.

** A FOOTNOTE **

THERE IS NO RETIREMENT -- EVER!!!
If you are fortunate enough you will become grandparents
AND YOU MAY HAVE TO RAISE THEM TOO!!!

A MORNING NAP ALWAYS HELPS....................

I AM!
EVERYDAY,I DUST,SWEEP,MOP,WASH,WIPE,SPRAY,ECT...............

VITAMINS:
APPLES
BERRIES
B2
COFFEE
DONUTS
EGGS
FISH
GUM
H2O
ICE CREAM
JELLY
KIDS
LOVE
MONEY
NICE-N-EASY
OPTIONS
PERKYNESS
QUIRKYNESS
REST
SLEEP
TIME
UVB 30
VAPOR
WATER
XANEX
YAK
ZANTAC

it sounds like she wants to reunite or set up a visiation schedule...........

{This is hysterical! If it had been presented this way, I don't believe any of us would have done it!!!}

POSITION NEEDED:
Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma
Dad, Daddy, Dada, Pa, Pop

JOB DESCRIPTION :

Long term team players needed, for challenging,permanent work
in an often chaotic environment.
Candidates must possess excellent communication
and organizational skills and be willing to work
variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends
and frequent 24 hour shifts on call.
Some overnight travel required, including trips to
primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and
endless sports tournaments in far away cities!
Travel expenses not reimbursed.
Extensive courier duties also required.

RESPONSIBILITIES :

The rest of your life!
Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily,
until someone needs $5.
Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.
Also, must possess the physical stamina of a
pack mule,
and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat
in case, this time, the screams from
the backyard are not someone just crying wolf.
Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges,
such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets
and stuck zippers.
Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and
coordinate production of multiple homework projects.
Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings
for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.
Must be willing to be indispensable one minute,
an embarrassment the next.
Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a
half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices.
Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst!
Must assume final, complete accountability for
the quality of the end product.
Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and
janitorial work throughout the facility.

POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION :

None.
Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills,
so that those in your charge can ultimately pass you!

PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE :

None required unfortunately.
On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.

WAGES AND COMPENSATION :

Get this! You pay them!
Offering frequent raises and bonuses.
A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because
of the assumption that college will help them
become financially independent.
When you die, you give them whatever is left.
The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that
you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.

BENEFITS :

While no health or dental insurance, no pension,
no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and
no stock options are offered.
This job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth, unconditional love,
and free hugs and kisses for life if you play your cards right.


Forward this on to all the PARENTS you know, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis,
letting them know they are appreciated
for the fabulous job they do...
or forward, with love,and laughter
to anyone thinking of applying for the job.

** A FOOTNOTE **

THERE IS NO RETIREMENT -- EVER!!!
If you are fortunate enough you will become grandparents
AND YOU MAY HAVE TO RAISE THEM TOO!!!

the Smurfs!!!!!!!!!

be careful............it might bounce back..........

cat...dog

LOVE....HATE

I'm trying the new 'cheesecake bites'

until then....its Hershey with Almonds

okay dirty minded people

cats--felines

MEOW

like 'Tankk'