We've all been there but don't like to admit it...
We've all kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly felt something brewing down below. As much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise, the *WORK POOP* is inevitable. For those who hate pooping at work, following is the Survival Guide for taking a dump at work.

*CROP DUSTING* When farting, you walk really fast around the office so the smell is not in your area and everyone else gets a whiff, but doesn't know where it came from. Be careful when you do this. Do not stop until the full fart has been expelled. Walk an extra 30 feet to make sure the smell has left your pants.

*FLY BY* The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping.
Walk in and check for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come back again. Be careful not to become a *FREQUENT FLYER*. People may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.

*ESCAPEE* A fart that slips out while taking a pee or forcing a poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of embarrassment. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are a man and are standing next to the farter in the urinal,
pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee. It is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy.

*JAILBREAK* When forcing a poop, several farts slip out at a machine gun pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this should happen, do not panic. Remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.

*COURTESY FLUSH* The act of flushing the toilet the instant the poop hits the water. This reduces the amount of air time the poop has to stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the *WALK OF SHAME*.

*WALK OF SHAME* Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just stunk up the bath room.. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in and busts you. As with farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist. Can be avoided with the use of the *COURTESY FLUSH*.

*OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER* A colleague who poops at work and is Doggone proud of it. You will often see an Out Of The Closet Pooper enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under their arm. Always look around the office for the Out Of The Closet Pooper before entering the bathroom.(hehehe this is you!)

*SAFE HAVENS* A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering the bathroom.

*TURD BURGLAR* Someone who does not realize that you are in the stall and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments that can occur when taking a poop at work. If this occurs, remain in the stall until the *Turd Burglar* leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.

*CAMO-COUGH* A phony cough that alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a *WATERMELON*, or to alert potential *TURDBURGLAR*. Very effective when used in conjunction with a *SHIRLEY TEMPLE*.

*SHIRLEY TEMPLE* A subtle toe-tapping that is used to alert potential *TURD BURGLARS*that you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall is occupied. If you hear a *SHIRLEY TEMPLE*, leave the bathroom immediately so the pooper can poop in peace.

*WATERMELON* A poop that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This is also an arrassing incident. If you feel a Watermelon coming on, create a diversion. See *CAMO-COUGH*.

SOME VARIETIES OF POOP YOU SHOULD BE AWARE OF:

*The King Poop* = This kind is the kind of poop that killed Elvis. It doesn't come until you're all sweaty, trembling and purple from straining so hard.

* Bali Belly Poop* = You poop so much you lose 5 lbs.

*Cement Block* =You wish you'd gotten a spinal block before you poop.

*Cork Poop* = Even after the third flush, it's still floating in there. How do I get rid of it? This poop usually happens at someone else's house.

*The Bungee Poop* = The kind of poop that just hangs off your rear before it falls into the water.

*The Crippler* = The kind of poop where you have to sit on the toilet so long your legs go numb from the waist down.

*The Chitty Chitty Bang Bang* = The kind of poop that hits you when you're trapped in your car in a traffic jam.

*The Party Pooper* = The giant poop you take at a party. And when you flush the toilet, you watch in horror as the water starts to rise...

NOW EVERYONE TRY TO GO POOP IN PEACE

QUIT LAUGHING... POOPING IS A NATURAL PROCESS

In all fairness to the ladies because of yesterday's post.....



1. He does not have a 'BEER GUT' - He has developed a 'LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.'


2. He is not a 'BAD DANCER' - He is 'OVERLY CAUCASIAN.'


3. He does not 'GET LOST ALL THE TIME' - He 'INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.'


4. He is not 'BALDING' - He is in 'FOLLICLE REGRESSION.'


5. He is not a 'CRADLE ROBBER' - He prefers 'GENERATIONAL DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS.'


6. He does not get 'FALLING-DOWN DRUNK' - He becomes 'ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL.'


7. He does not act like a 'TOTAL ***' - He develops a case of 'RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION.'


8. He is not a 'MALE CHAUVINIST PIG' - He has 'SWINE EMPATHY.'


9. He is not afraid of 'COMMITMENT' - He is 'RELATIONSHIP CHALLENGED.'


10. He is not 'HORNY' - He is 'SEXUALLY FOCUSED.'


11. Its not his 'CRACK' you see hanging out of his pants - It's 'REARCLEAVAGE'

1. She is not a 'BABE' or a 'CHICK'- She is a 'BREASTED AMERICAN.'


2. She is not a 'SCREAMER' or a 'MOANER'- She is 'VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE.'


3. She is not 'EASY' - She is 'HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.'


4. She is not a 'DUMB BLONDE' - She is a 'LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.'


5. She has not 'BEEN AROUND'- She is a 'PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION.'


6. She is not an 'AIRHEAD' - She is 'REALITYIMPAIRED.'


7. She does not get 'DRUNK' or 'TIPSY'- She gets 'CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED.'


8. She does not have 'BREAST IMPLANTS' - She is 'MEDICALLY ENHANCED.'


9. She does not 'NAG' you - She becomes 'VERBALLY REPETITIVE.'


10. She is not a 'TRAMP' - She is 'SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED.'


11. She does not have 'MAJOR LEAGUE HOOTERS' - She is 'PECTORALLY SUPERIOR.'


12. She is not a 'TWO-BIT HOOKER' - She is a 'LOW COST PROVIDER.'

His dizzy aunt -------------------------------------- Verti Gogh

The brother who worked at a convenience store ------ Stop N Gogh

The grandfather from Yugoslavia ------------------------- U Gogh

His magician uncle ---------------------------- Where-diddy Gogh

His Mexican cousin ---------------------------------- A Mee Gogh

The Mexican cousin's American half-brother ---------- Gring Gogh

The nephew who drove a stage coach -------------- Wells-far Gogh

The ballroom dancing aunt ---------------------------- Tang Gogh

The bird lover uncle ------------------------------- Flamin Gogh

The fruit-loving cousin ------------------------------- Man Gogh

An aunt who taught positive thinking --------------- Way-to-Gogh

The little bouncy nephew ------------------------------ Poe Gogh

A sister who loved disco ------------------------------- Go Gogh

And his niece who travels the country in an RV - Winnie Bay Gogh



There ya Gogh!

Time to Gogh!

A man walked into a very high-tech bar. As he sat down on a stool he noticed that the bartender was a robot. The robot clicked to attention and asked, "Sir, what will you have?"

The man thought a moment then replied, "A martini please."

The robot clicked a couple of times and mixed the best martini the man had ever had.

The robot then asked, "Sir, what is your IQ?"

The man answered "oh, about 164."

The robot then proceeded to discuss the 'theory of relativity', 'interstellar space travel', 'the latest medical breakthroughs', etc.......

The man was most impressed. He left the bar but thought he would try a different tact.. He returned and took a seat. Again the robot clicked and asked what he would have? "A Martini please."

Again it was superb. The robot again asked "what is your IQ sir?"

This time the man answered, "Oh about 100". So the robot started discussing Nascar racing, the latest basketball scores, and what to expect the Dodgers to do this weekend.

The guy had to try it one more time. So he left, returned and took a stool..... Again a martini, and the question, "What is your IQ?"??

This time the man drawled out "Uh..... bout 50".

The robot clicked then leaned close and very slowly asked,

"A-r-e y-o-u p-e-o-p-l-e s-t-i-l-l h-a-p-p-y w-i-t-h O-B-A-M-A?

A notable gynecologist once said,

"The best engine in the world is the vagina.

It can be started with one finger.

It is self-lubricating.

It takes any size piston.

And it changes its own oil every four weeks.

It is only a pity that the management system is so damn temperamental".

A young guy from Texas moves to Florida and goes to a big everything-under-one-roof department store looking for a job.

The Manager says, 'Do you have any sales experience?'

The kid says 'Yeah, I was a salesman back in Texas .'

Well, the boss liked the kid and gave him the job. 'You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did.'

His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down. 'How many customers bought something from you today?'

The kid says, 'One.'

The boss says, 'Just one? Our sales people average 20 to 30 customers a day. How much was the sale for?'

The kid says, '$101,237.65.'

The boss says, '$101,237.65? What the heck did you sell?'


The kid says, 'First, I sold him a small fish hook. Then I sold him a medium fishhook. Then I sold hi m a larger fishhook. Then I sold him a new fishing rod and tackle. Then I asked him where he was going fishing, and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat. We went down to the boat department, and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4x4 Expedition with the Tow Package.'

The boss said 'A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you ended up selling him both a BOAT and a TRUCK?'

The kid said, 'Oh no. The guy came in here to buy Tampons for his wife, and I said, 'Dude, you ain’t gettin none this weekend, you might as well go fishing.’

A mortician was working late one night. He examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, about to be cremated, and made a startling discovery.

Schwartz had the largest private part he had ever seen!

'I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz,' the mortician commented, 'I can't allow you to be cremated with such an impressive private part. It must be saved for posterity.'

So, he removed it, stuffed it into his briefcase, and took it home.

'I have something to show you won't believe,' he said to his wife, opening his briefcase.

'My God!' the wife exclaimed, 'Schwartz is dead!'

Dear Employees:

It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals throughout the company have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their co-workers.

Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated.

We do, however, realize the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with co-workers.

Therefore,a list of 18 New and Innovative 'TRY SAYING' phrases have been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner.


Number 1
TRY SAYING: I think you could use more training.
INSTEAD OF: You don't know what the f___ you're doing.


Number 2
TRY SAYING: She's an aggressive go-getter.
INSTEAD OF: She's a f___ing bit__.


Number 3
TRY SAYING: Perhaps I can work late.
INSTEAD OF: And when the f___ do you expect me to do this?


Number 4
TRY SAYING: I'm certain that isn't feasible .
INSTEAD OF : No f___ing way.


Number 5
TRY SAYING: Really?
INSTEAD OF: You've got to be sh___ing me!


Number 6
TRY SAYING: Perhaps you should check with...
INSTEAD OF: Tell someone who gives a sh__.


Number 7
TRY SAYING: I wasn't involved in the project.
INSTEAD OF: It's not my f___ing problem.


Number 8
TRY SAYING: That's interesting.
INSTEAD OF: What the f___?


Number 9
TRY SAYING: I'm not sure this can be implemented.
INSTEAD OF: This sh__ won't work.


Number 10
TRY SAYING: I'll try to schedule that.
INSTEAD OF: Why the f___ didn't you tell me sooner?


Number 11
TRY SAYING: He's not familiar with the issues...
INSTEAD OF: He's got his head up his a__.


Number 12
TRY SAYING: Excuse me, sir?
INSTEAD OF : Eat sh__ and die.


Number 13
TRY SAYING: So you weren't happy with it?
INSTEAD OF: Kiss my a__.


Number 14
TRY SAYING: I'm a bit overloaded at the moment.
INSTEAD OF: F__ it, I'm on salary.


Number 15
TRY SAYING: I don't think you understand.
INSTEAD OF: Shove it up your a__.


Number 16
TRY SAYING: I love a challenge.
INSTEAD OF: This f___ing job sucks.


Number 17
TRY SAYING: You want me to take care of that?
INSTEAD OF: Who the f___ died and made you boss?


Number 18
TRY SAYING: He's somewhat insensitive.
INSTEAD OF: He's a pr_ck.



Thank You,

Human Resources

A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but always talked about having a son.

They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted.

The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy.

The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son. He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen.

He told his wife: 'There's no way I can be the father of this baby.
Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered! Have you been fooling around behind my back?'

The wife smiled sweetly and replied: 'No, not this time!'

One of them was known as Sister Mathematical (SM),
And the other one was known as Sister Logical (SL).

It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent.

SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past thirty-eight and a half minutes? I wonder what he wants.

SL: It's logical. He wants to rape us.

SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at the most!
What can we do?

SL: The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster.

SM: It's not working.

SL: Of course it's not working. The man did the only logical thing. He started to walk faster, too.

SM: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one minute.

SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and
I'll go this way. He cannot follow us both.

So the man decided to follow Sister Logical.

Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is worried about what
has happened to Sister Logical.

Then Sister Logical arrives.

SM: Sister Logical! Thank God you are here! Tell me what happened!

SL: The only logical thing happened. The man couldn't follow us
both,so he followed me.

SM: Yes, yes! But what happened then?

SL: The only logical thing happened. I started to run as fast as I
could and he started to run as fast as he could.

SM: And?

SL: The only logical thing happened. He reached me

SM: Oh, dear! What did you do?

SL: The only logical thing to do. I lifted my dress up.

SM: Oh, Sister! What did the man do?

SL: The only logical thing to do. He pulled down his pants.

SM: Oh, no! What happened then?

SL: Isn't it logical, Sister? A nun with her dress up can run faster than man with his pants down.






And for those of you who thought it would be dirty, I'll pray for you!

A teacher is explaining biology to her 4th grade students.

'Human beings are the only animals that stutter', she says.

A little girl raises her hand. 'I had a kitty-cat who stuttered', she volunteered.

The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could become, asked the girl to describe the incident.

'Well', she began, 'I was in the back yard with my kitty and the Rottweiler that lives next door got a running start and before we knew it, he jumped over the fence into our yard!

'That must've been scary', said the teacher.

'It sure was', said the little girl.

'My kitty raised his back, went 'Fffff, Fffff, Fffff' and before he could say 'F**k', the Rottweiler ate him!'

Two medical students were walking along the street when they saw an old man walking with his legs spread apart. He was stiff-legged and walking slowly.

One student said to his friend: "I'm sure that poor old man has Peltry Syndrome. Those people walk just like that."

The other student says: "No, I don't think so. The old man surely has Zovitzki Syndrome. He walks slowly and his legs are apart just as we learned in class."

Since they couldn't agree they decided to ask the old man. They approached him and one of the students said to him: "We're medical students and couldn't help but notice the way you walk, but we couldn't agree on the syndrome you might have. Could you tell us what it is?"

The old man said, "I'll tell you, but first you tell me what you two fine medical students think."

The first student said, "I think it's Peltry Syndrome."

The old man said, "You thought......... but you are wrong."

The other student said, "I think you have Zovitzki Syndrome."

The old man said, "You thought........ but you are wrong."

So they asked him, "Well, old timer, what do you have?"

The old man said, "I thought it was GAS, but I was wrong, too!"

2007 - Chinese year of the Chicken - Bird Flu Pandemic devastates parts of Asia

2008 - Chinese year of the Horse - Equine Influenza decimates Australian racing

2009 - Chinese year of the Pig - Swine Flu Pandemic kills hundreds of pigs around the globe.

Has any one else noticed this???

It gets worse... next year......

2010 - Chinese year of the **** - what could possibly go wrong?

What Gets Longer When Pulled,

Fits Between your Boobs,

Inserts Neatly in a Hole

AND Works Best When Jerked?



















A SEAT BELT you pervert! Buckle up!

For the record, I am only SHARING this with everyone. I got this in an email, found it interesting, and am wondering what the readers opinions are. PLEASE, do not direct comments to me. I have decided to post this to learn what others may think of what was written.


Dr. Sam Vaknin is an Israeli psychologist. Interesting view on the new president.

Dr. Vaknin has written extensively about narcissism 'narcissism' a noun; exaggerated self-admiration; exaggerated self-love).

Dr. Vaknin States, "I must confess I was impressed by Sen.Barack Obama from the first time I saw him. At first I was excited to see a black candidate. He looked youthful, spoke well, appeared to be confident - a wholesome presidential package. I was put off soon, not just because of his shallowness but also because there was an air of haughtiness in his demeanor that was unsettling.

His posture and his body language were louder than his empty words. Obama's speeches are unlike any political speech we have heard in American history. Never a politician in this land had such quasi-"religious" impact on so many people. The fact that Obama is a total incognito with zero accomplishments, makes this an inexplicable infatuation alarming.

Obama is not an ordinary man. He is not a genius. In fact he is quite ignorant on most important subjects. "Barack Obama is a narcissist.

Dr. Samnalysis Vaknin, the author of the "Malignant Self Love" believes "Barack Obama appears to be a narcissist." Vaknin is a world authority on narcissism. He understands narcissism and describes the inner mind of a narcissist like no other person. When he talks about narcissism everyone listens. Vaknin says that Obama's language, posture anddemeanor, and the testimonies of his closest, dearest and nearest suggest that the Senator is either a narcissist or he may have narcissistic personality disorder NPD).
Narcissists project a grandiose but false image of themselves.

Jim Jones, the charismatic leader of 'People's Temple', the man who led over 900 of his followers to cheerfully commit mass suicide and even murder their own children was also a narcissist. David Koresh, Charles Manson, Joseph Koni,Shoko Asahara, Stalin, Saddam, Mao,Kim Jong Ill and Adolph Hitler are a few examples of narcissists of our time. All these men had a tremendous influence over their fanciers.

They created a personality cult around themselves and with their blazing speeches elevated their admirers, filled their hearts with enthusiasm and instilled in their minds a new zest for life. They gave them hope! They promised them the moon, but alas, invariably they brought them to their doom.

When you are a victim of a cult of personality, you don't know it until it is too late. One determining factor in the development of NPD is childhood abuse. His parents went through a divorce when he was an infant (two years old). Obama saw his father only once again, before he died in a car accident. Then his mother re-married and Obama had to relocate to Indonesia, a foreign land with a radically foreign culture, to be raised by a step-father. At the age of ten, he was whisked off to live with his maternal (white) grandparents. He saw his mother only intermittently in the following few years and then she vanished from his life in 1979. She died of cancer in 1995.

One must never underestimate the manipulative genius of pathological
narcissists. They project such an imposing personality that it overwhelms those around them. Charmed by the charisma of the narcissist, people become like clay in his hands. They cheerfully
do his bidding and delight to be at his service. The narcissist shapes the world around himself and reduces others in his own inverted image. He creates a cult of personality.

His admirers become his co-dependents Narcissists have no interest in things that do not help them to reach their personal objective.
They are focused on one thing alone and that is power. All other issues are meaningless to them and they do not want to waste their precious time on trivialities. Anything that does not help them is beneath them and do not deserve their attention.

If an issue raised in the Senate does not help Obama in one way or another, he has no interest in it. The "present" vote is a safe vote. No one can criticize him if things go wrong. Those issues are unworthy by their very nature because they are not about him. Obama's election as the first black president of the Harvard Law Review led to a contract and advance to write a book about race relations.

The University of Chicago Law School provided him a lot longer than expected and at the end it evolved into, guess what? His own autobiography! Instead of writing a scholarly paper focusing on race relations, for which he had been paid, Obama could not resist writing about his most sublime self.

He entitled the book "Dreams from My Father". Not surprisingly, Adolph Hitler also wrote his own autobiography when he was still nobody. So did Stalin.

For a narcissist no subject is as important as his own self. Why would he waste his precious time and genius writing about insignificant things when he can write about such an august being as himself?

Narcissists are often callous and even ruthless as the norm, they lack conscience. This is evident from Obama's lack of interest in his own brother who lives on only one dollar per month.

A man who lives in luxury, who takes a private jet to vacation in Hawaii, and who has raised nearly half a billion dollars for his campaign something unprecedented in history) has no interest in the plight of his own brother. Why? Because, his brother cannot be used for his ascent to power.

A narcissist cares for no one but himself. This election is like no other in the history of America. The issues are insignificant compared to what is at stake. What can be more dangerous than having a man bereft of conscience, a serial liar, and one who cannot distinguish his fantasies from reality as the leader of the free world? I hate to sound alarmist, but one is a fool if one is not alarmed. Many politicians are narcissists. They pose no threat to others. They are simply self serving and selfish.

Obama evidences symptoms of pathological narcissism, which is different from the run-of-the-mill narcissism of a Richard Nixon or a Bill Clinton for example. To him reality and fantasy are intertwined. This is a mental health issue, not just a character flaw. Pathological narcissists are dangerous because they look normal and even intelligent.

It is this disguise that makes them treacherous.

Today the Democrats have placed all their hopes in Obama. But this man could put an end to their party. The great majority of blacks have also decided to vote for Obama. Only a fool does not know that their support for him is racially driven. This is racism, pure and simple. The downside of this is that if Obama turns out to be the disaster I predict, he will cause widespread resentment among the whites. The blacks are unlikely to give up their support of their man. Cult mentality is pernicious and unrelenting. They will dig their heads deeper in the sand and blame Obama's detractors of racism. This will cause a backlash among the whites.

The white supremacists will take advantage of the discontent and they will receive widespread support. I predict that in less than four years, racial tensions will increase to levels never seen since the turbulent 1960's.

Obama will set the clock back decades. America is the bastion of freedom. The peace of the world depends on the strength of America and its weakness translates into the triumph of terrorism and victory of rogue nations.

It is no wonder that Ahmadinejad, Hugo Chavez, the Castroists, the Hezbollah, the Hamas, the lawyers of the Guantanamo terrorists and virtually all sworn enemies of America are so thrilled by the prospect of their man in the White House.

America is on the verge of destruction. There is no insanity greater than electing a pathological narcissist as president.

An elderly man in West Ohio had owned a large farm for several years
with a large pond in the back. It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees.

One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond and look it over as he hadn't been there for a while. He grabbed a 5 gallon bucket to bring back some fruit.

As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond.

He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end.

One of the women shouted to him, 'We're not coming out until you leave!'

The old man frowned, 'I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked.'

Holding the bucket up he said, 'I'm here to feed the alligator.'

Some old men can still think fast.

You left out Dry Prong, Louisiana
and Transylvania, Louisina

Two Swedes from Minnesota, Sven & Ole, walk into a pet shop near Brainerd. They head to the bird section and Sven says to Ole, "Dat's dem."

The owner comes over and asks if he can help them.

"Yah sure, ve'll take four of dem dere little budgies in dat cage up dere," says Sven.

The owner puts the budgies in a paper bag.. Ole and Sven pay for the birds, leave the shop, get into Sven's pick-up and drive to the top of some big cliffs near Brainerd Lake

At the cliffs, Sven looks down at the 1000 foot drop and says, "Dis looks like a grand place." He takes two birds out of the bag, puts them on his shoulders and jumps off the cliff. Ole watches as Sven falls all the way to the bottom, killing himself dead.

Looking down at the remains of his best pal, Ole shakes his head and says: "By yumpin' yiminy, dis budgie yumping is too dangerous for me."

VAIT!!! Dere's MORE!

Moments later Knute arrives up at the cliffs. He's been to the pet shop, too, and walks up to the edge of the cliff carrying another paper bag in one hand and a shotgun in the other.

"Hey, Ole. Vatch dis." Knute says.. He takes a parrot from the bag and throws himself over the edge of the cliff. Ole watches as half way down, Knute takes the gun and shoots the parrot. Knute continues to plummet down and down until he hits the bottom and breaks every bone in his body.

Ole shakes his head and says, "And I'm never trying dat parrotshooting either."

BUT VAIT!!! Dere's MORE , you betcha!!

Ole is just getting over the shock of losing two friends when Lars appears. He's also been to the pet shop and is carrying a paper bag, out of which he pulls a chicken.

Lars grasps the chicken by the legs, holds it over his head, hurls himself off the cliff and disappears down and down until he hits a rock and breaks his spine.

Once more Ole shakes his head. "First der was Sven with his budgie yumping, den Knute parrotshooting ..and now Lars, hengliding ......"

Dats all. Dere ain't no more!

Doctor Dave had slept with one of his patients and felt guilty all day long.

No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he just couldn't. The guilt and sense of betrayal was overwhelming. But every once in a while he'd hear an internal, reassuring voice in his head that said:

"Dave, don't worry about it. You aren't the first medical practitioner to sleep with one of their patients and you won't be the last. And you're single. Just let it go, Dave."

But invariably another voice in his head would bring him back to reality, whispering:







"Dave...............................




Dave......................





Dave..........





You're a Veterinarian, you sick bastard".