On its way KimmyDoll

No wonder I didn't recognise that one.

Hello all, A small but choice group.

Are there any WOMEN from the South West?

You sound pleasant and look wonderful.

Libidinous

I hope you don't mind, I borrowed your ipod while you were out.

The next week the pastor thinks he sees a ghost as another looking armless boy knocks on his door (with his head of course). He explains he is the other boy's identical twin brother and pleads for the same job. The pastor doesn't want to, but feeling guilty gives him a trial.
Exactly the same thing happens, a crowd gathers round, and the pastor asks if anyone knows the boy.
One man says,
"No but he's a dead ringer for that other kid."

puzzle

What about the ones where you didn't get around to asking their name?

Ucello

Professorial

1. How to be a foreigner.
2. Yes and nearly all tourists, some of the worst kind.
My sympathies.
How's Cebu today? Just looked it up, sounds great.

I will look out for your jokes then, so I can post a reply saying how unfunny I find yours.
Invariably if I don't find someone else's joke funny, or (very often) I have heard it before, I pass on without comment, but be sure I shall make an exception for you.

Our marriage didn't last that long,
we still had some wedding cake.

A monkey was mocking an elephant, who, getting p*ssed off with this, eventually shook the tree hard enough to send the simian crashing to the ground.
Ticked off in turn, the monkey taunted and led the elephant to where there was a trap laid by man.
The elephant found herself caught by one leg in a twisted grass noose of surprising strength, and after some hours struggle was beginning to abandon hope, when a mouse appeared.

“Hello big girl, I can get you out of there if you want.”
“Don’t be foolish little creature, I am mighty, but even I cannot break this rope.”
“Look do you want to get out before the man comes along or not? Tell you what, if I can’t do it, you owe me nothing, but if I succeed you have to do whatever I want.” He said with a small rodent leer.
“And what would that be?”
“I’ll free you, but then you have to let me Fvck you up the ar$e.” (This would be the a$s in the US).
“You?? Yes sure, Ok see what you can do.”

So, the mouse gets to nibbling and in a surprisingly short time has chewed through the grass rope. The elephant, astonished but grateful, thanks the mouse. Just as she is about to move off, the mouse calls out.
“Hey, what about our deal?”
“You were serious? … Oh, well Ok then, go ahead.”

The mouse scampers up one hind leg and takes a grip just under the Elephant’s tail.

The monkey came back to gloat, and was annoyed to see the elephant had escaped. Taking the heaviest coconut he could throw, he hurled it right down onto the elephant’s head.
“Unngggh, OW, Hell that hurt!”

The mouse cried out, “Yeah well take it b1tch!”

A man and a little boy are walking into the woods hand in hand.
It is beginning to get dark.
The little boy looks up to the man and says,
"I am getting frightened."
The man looks down and says,
"YOU are getting frightened? I have to walk out of here on my own."

And do you like your dogs not hairy and your drinks not wet?