Yo mama so stupid she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.

Yo mama so stupid she sold her car for gas money!

Yo mama so stupid when she saw the NC-17 (under 17 not admitted) sign, she went home and got 16 friends

Yo mama so stupid that she puts lipstick on her head just to make-up her mind

So you have never been guilty of telling someone to...Trust God...or It's God's Will?

I am making this as general as possible to appeal to EVERYONE, but feel free to use your own understanding in answering...

Do you believe in Fate (that you are destined by design to do what you do and be who you are),or do you believe in Destiny (as in you are the captain, you make your own choices and the consequences are the direct result of those choices)?

I find it fascinating that those who say they believe in destiny/free will/ whatever, have ALSO been guilty of saying a time or two that "It must have been _______'s will" (supply whatever you want here). You have been know to attribute some of life's events to a 'force outside your control'.

So what do you think?

KNOWS Chewbacca is sexy!

Bouncer

You are an adult and as such...you can choose to live your life how you please, even if that is in a drunken stupor.

No one has the right to judge you, but since you DID post this, you opened yourself up for opinions.

That said, IMHO, if you are happy with it, fine. But do NOT be surprised when all those medical, social, financial, and relationship symptoms that are the inevitable result of continuous drinking come to surface. Just because you made the choice to ignore, overlook, and deny them doesn't mean they don't exist. Just give it time.

I am not an alcoholic, nor am I in AA, just giving my opinion.

*PS - If I were to take an interest in an organization, it would be D.A.M.N....Naked Mothers Against Dyslexia!!!

An elderly couple were celebrating their ten-year anniversary in the very bar where they first met. The old man leans over and convinces his wife to sneak out back and make love against the same fence where they made love for the first time.

A cop overhears them and decides he could use some amusement, so he follows them out back. He watches as they fumble out of their clothes and has to hold back laughter as they hobble toward the fence.

All of a sudden the couple starts making the most passionate, primal, and lustful love he has ever known. For ten minutes they were clawing, scratching, and biting each other, screaming out in animal lust the whole time.

When they were done, the cop is amazed! I can't even make love like that now, he thinks. I must ask them.

After they put their clothes on, the cop steps out and asks the old man, "Excuse me sir, but I must tell you that I am humbled by what I just witnessed....can you tell me, is their some secret to youth, love, and passion the two of you discovered?"

The old man was still trembling and could barely answer, "Ten years ago.....that fence wasn't electrified!"

Gotta clarify.....I am not married...just being funny! Forgot we were on a dating site, lol.

My wife didn't think it was funny when I left that note....

Somebody just beat you to it....but here's one for you too!

* Don't worry. I think it’s sharp enough.

* Uh-oh.

* I don't know where that came from! Just put it over there.

* Better crank up that anesthesia.

* I don't think that was supposed to come off.

* Gonna have to stop here, his insurance won't pay for the
rest.

* Well, it's five o'clock! We'll just put this off till
tomorrow.

* Hey....maybe the janitor knows what this is.

Husband's note on refrigerator to his wife:

Someone from the Guyna Colleges called.
They said Pabst beer is normal.

Ha! They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist...

Don't unplug it, it will just take a moment to fix.

What happens if you touch these two wires tog--

We won't need reservations.

It's always sunny there this time of the year.

Don't worry, it's not loaded.

They'd never (be stupid enough to) make him a manager.

You can make it easy... that train isn't coming fast.

Gimmee a match. I think my gas tank is empty.

Let's see if it's loaded.

Just watch me dive from that bridge.

If you knew anything, you wouldn't be a traffic cop.

Jake was dying. His wife, Becky, was maintaining a
candlelight vigil by his side. She held his fragile hand,
tears running down her face. Her praying roused him
from his slumber. He looked up and his pale lips began
to move slightly, "My darling Becky," he whispered.
"Hush, my love," she said. "Rest. Shhh, don't talk."

He was insistent. "Becky," he said in his tired voice, "I
have something I must confess to you."
"There's nothing to confess," replied the weeping Becky.
"Everything's all right. Go to sleep."
"No, no, I must die in peace, Becky. I slept with your
sister, your best friend, her best friend and your mother!"

"I know," Becky whispered softly, "That's why I poisoned you."

My name is Will and I am a Christian. But before you bang the gavel in judgment, allow me to present my case to the non-believers, the humanists, satanists, and atheists, who believe us to be sick fanatics. I just want to ask if it is possible to like and respect someone who is a Christian? The truth is that no one does, but I want to start to change that. I promise I will not preach or try to convert - just give me a few moments.

I want to say right off the bat that I hate, detest, and abhor all forms of organized religion, especially the Christian religion. Religion has killed more people, caused more wars, and has caused more racism, separatism, and prejudice than all 'sinners' combined. I do not go to church, nor do I fellowship with religious people because they are hypocrites. People like to perform rituals and make traditions because it leaves a record of goodness in their eyes and eases their guilt from whatever bad deeds they do. But religion is empty and hollow because there isn't any spirituality behind it.

Every person on the planet looks up to someone or something because we don't believe we individually have all the answers. We are assaulted with 'facts' from books, the internet, tv, radio, even our peers, daily. But at the end of the day, we still make a decision as to whether or not we will believe and accept those facts presented to us. This applies to atheists, humanists, muslims, jews, whatever. We believe in either a person or principle we see as greater than us and attempt to adhere to their principles, beliefs, and values. This is what I do with Christianity. I do not read the Bible in order to build up my intellectual prowess and stockpile my arsenal of religious dogma. Rather, I focus on the nature and personality of God/Jesus and try to adopt that lifestyle as my own. I believe in application, not theory. This allows me to have compassion, empathy, grace, humility when I interact with the rest of the world. I honestly don't care what you believe/don't believe in, as long as it has you improving the quality of your life, great.

I will never try to convert someone, because Jesus didn't do it. I will simply let my lifestyle talk for me. The key is that this is my personal foundation for coping with life. For you it may be astrophysics or Satanism. Doesn't matter as long as you seek to uplift humanity as a whole.

Ok guys....sorry so long, but I would really appreciate any comments, feedback, opinions, so that I can really get an idea of life and people living life. Thanks.

Proverbs From First Graders

Better Be Safe Than... Punch A 5th Grader.

Strike While The... Bug Is Close.

Don't Bite The Hand That... Looks Dirty.

A Miss Is As Good As A... Mr.

You Can't Teach An Old Dog New... Math.

If You Lie Down With The Dogs, You'll... Stink In The Morning.

The Pen Is Mightier Than The... Pigs.

A Penny Saved Is... Not Much.

Laugh And The Whole World Laughs With You, Cry And... You
Have To Blow Your Nose.

Children Should Be Seen And Not... Spanked Or Grounded.

If At First You Don't Succeed... Get New Batteries.

When The Blind Leadeth The Blind... Get Out Of The Way.