pay for them to learn Inglis do so.

41c at the moment going for 43c which is about 109F. Couple more temps in the 40c's to come.. Monday 41c, Tuesday 44c, Wednesday 45c (113F)

Is the way to a man's Heart really through his stomach?

http://www.murphys-laws.com/murphy/murphy-laws.html


Murphy's laws

If anything can go wrong, it will
Corollary: It can
Corollary sent by Dr. Allen Roberds
Corollary: It should
MacGillicuddy's Corollary: At the most inopportune time
Corollary sent by Earl R. Johnson
Extension: it will be all your fault, and everyone will know it.
Extension sent by Dean A. Izett
If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong
Extreme version:
If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will be the FIRST to go wrong
Extreme version sent by Neal Miller
If anything just cannot go wrong, it will anyway
If you perceive that there are four possible ways in which something can go wrong, and circumvent these, then a fifth way, unprepared for, will promptly develop
Corollary: It will be impossible to fix the fifth fault, without breaking the fix on one or more of the others
Corollary sent by Sean Cheshire
Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something
Nature always sides with the hidden flaw
Corollary: The hidden flaw never stays hidden for long.
Corollary sent by Dave M.
Mother nature is a *****
Addendum: and not an obedient one at that
Addendum sent by Paul Kekanovich
Murphy's Law of Thermodynamics
Things get worse under pressure.
The Murphy Philosophy
Smile . . . tomorrow will be worse.
Quantization Revision of Murphy's Laws
Everything goes wrong all at once.
Murphy's Constant
Matter will be damaged in direct proportion to its value
Murphy's Law of Research
Enough research will tend to support whatever theory.
Research supports a specific theory depending on the amount of funds dedicated to it.
Sent by Tony '68
Addition to Murphy's Laws
In nature, nothing is ever right. Therefore, if everything is going right ... something is wrong.
More Laws
Anything that can go wrong will go wrong.
It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious.
Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse.
Rule of Accuracy: When working toward the solution of a problem, it always helps if you know the answer.
Corollary: Provided, of course, that you know there is a problem.
Nothing is as easy as it looks.
Everything takes longer than you think.
Everything takes longer than it takes.
Sent by Jon Carpenter
If anything simply cannot go wrong, it will anyway.
Whenever you set out to do something, something else must be done first.
Every solution breeds new problems.
The legibility of a copy is inversely proportional to its importance.
no matter how perfect things are made to appear, Murphy's law will take effect and screw it up.
Sent by Mitch
You cannot successfully determine beforehand which side of the bread to butter.
The chance of the buttered side of the bread falling face down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.
Sent by Paul Breen
The chance of the bread falling with the buttered side down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.
More Laws of Selective Gravitation.
A falling object will always land where it can do the most damage.
A shatterproof object will always fall on the only surface hard enough to crack or break it.
A paint drip will always find the hole in the newspaper and land on the carpet underneath (and will not be discovered until it has dried).
A dropped power tool will always land on the concrete instead of the soft ground (if outdoors) or the carpet (if indoors) - unless it is running, in which case it will fall on something it can damage (like your foot).
If a dish is dropped while removing it from the cupboard, it will hit the sink, breaking the dish and chipping or denting the sink in the process.
A valuable dropped item will always fall into an inaccessible place (a diamond ring down the drain, for example) - or into the garbage disposal while it is running.
If you use a pole saw to saw a limb while standing on an aluminum ladder borrowed from your neighbor, the limb will fall in such a way as to bend the ladder before it knocks you to the ground.
If you pick up a chunk of broken concrete and try to pitch it into an adjacent lot, it will hit a tree limb and come down right on the driver's side of your car windshield.
More Laws of Selective Gravitation were sent by Jack from the Classic CKLW Page
The greater the value of the rug, the greater the probability that the cat will throw up on it.
Sent by Ralph
You will always find something in the last place you look.
If your looking for more than one thing, you'll find the most important one last.
Sent by Alegna
It is never in the last place you look. It is in the first place you look, but never discovered on the first attempt.
Sent by Peter
After you bought a replacement for something you've lost and searched for everywhere, you'll find the original.
Sent by Dizzy
You have to look where you lost it.
Sent by ClaytonPrc@aol.com
No matter how long or how hard you shop for an item, after you've bought it, it will be on sale somewhere cheaper.
The other line always moves faster.
In order to get a personal loan, you must first prove you don't need it.
Anything you try to fix will take longer and cost you more than you thought.
If you fool around with a thing for very long you will screw it up.
If it jams - force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway.
When a broken appliance is demonstrated for the repairman, it will work perfectly.
Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool will use it.
Everyone has a scheme for getting rich that will not work.
In any hierarchy, each individual rises to his own level of incompetence, and then remains there.
There's never time to do it right, but there's always time to do it over.
When in doubt, mumble. When in trouble, delegate.
Anything good in life is either illegal, immoral or fattening.
Murphy's golden rule: whoever has the gold makes the rules.
A Smith & Wesson beats four aces.
In case of doubt, make it sound convincing.
Never argue with a fool, people might not know the difference.
Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.
No good deed goes unpunished.
Sent by John Cougar and by getalife who asks "who wrote that?".
Illustrious Blackbird knew the answer, it was Samuel L. Clemens also known as Mark Twain.
Where patience fails, force prevails.
Sent by Woody.
Erma Bombeck
"Anything dropped in the bathroom will fall in the toilet.
Sent by Amwood1@amwoodhomes.com.
Heisenberg indetermination principle applied to ill luck:
The better you know the amount of ill luck that will strike you,
the worse you know when this will happen,
and vice-versa.
and Relativistic correction of Murphy's law:
Whether things can go wrong or not, it depends on your frame of reference.
Corollary (otherwise said: ill luck is actually absolute):
Regardless of your frame of reference, things will go wrong anyway.
Were sent by Simone Penzavalle.
If you want something bad enough, chances are you won't get it.
If you think you are doing the right thing, chances are it will back-fire in your face.
When waiting for traffic, chances are that when one lane clears the other is congested.
Just when you think things cannot get any worse, they will.
Remember the "Boomer-rang" effect; Whatever you do will always come back.
If you re-act to actions, you've acted on actions.
He who angers you controls you, there-fore you have no control over your anger.
The last SEVEN laws were sent by Leesa,
Thank you.
Any time you put an item in a "safe place", it will never be seen again.
Your best golf shots always occur when playing alone.
The worst golf shots always occur when playing with someone you are trying to impress.
No matter how hard you try, you cannot push a string.
(getting everyone in the family to the car at the same time for example)
The fish are always biting....yesterday!
You will never leave a parking space without someone in an adjacent space leaving at the same time.
Sent by Sean Murphy
The cost of the hair do is directly related to the strength of the wind.
Great ideas are never remembered and dumb statements are never forgotten.
The clothes washer/dryer will only eat one of each pair of socks.
EIGHT laws were sent by Charles L. Mays,
Thank you.
When you see light at the end of the tunnel, the tunnel will cave in.
Sent by Fridrik Bjarnason
Or in another version
The light at the end of the tunnel is a train
Sent by Steve
Cole's Law:
Thinly sliced cabbage.
Sent by Michael
Being dead right, won't make you any less dead.
and
Having the right of way, won't make you any less dead.
Sent by anonymous
Whatever you want, you can't have, what you can have, you don't want.
Whatever you want to do, is Not possible, what ever is possible for you to do, you don't want to do it.
Traffic is inversely proportional to how late you are, or are going to be.
The complexity and frustration factor is inversely proportional to how much time you have left to finish, and how important it is.
The four last laws were sent by Joe
Crespins law of observation:
the probability of being observed is in direct proportion to the stupidity of ones actions
Sent by R. Crespin esq.
If you go to bed with an itchy ***, you wake up with smelly fingers.
Sent by Chris Davidsen, from Norway.
A knowledge of Murphy's Law is no help in any situation.
If you apply Murphy's Law, it will no longer be applicable.
If you say something, and stake your reputation on it, you will lose your reputation.
no matter where I go, there I am
Sent by John Davenport
Where patience fails, force prevails.
Sent by Woody
Murphy's Law Current Revision
Any thing that can go wrong, HAS Already Gone Wrong!
You just haven't been notified.
The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new discoveries, is not "Eureka!" but "That's funny..."
Said by Isaac Asimov
A former colleague of Russell Cooper once claimed that Murphy had plagiarized his "Gamble's Law" which says that "The letter box is always on the other side of the road"
If many things can go wrong, they will all go wrong at the same time.
If anything can go wrong, it will happen to the crankiest person.
Sent by Timothy Boilard
Waxman's Law:
Everything tastes more or less like chicken.
Last two laws were sent by Del Ross
Skarstad's Observation
You will never find any more loose change than you have already lost.
Sent by Gayle
If authority was mass, stupidity would be gravity.
Sent by Greg
all good things come to those who wait...
but , don't wait too long or they will pass you by...
like 2 ships that pass in the night...
never again to return that same exact site.
Sent by Jujuakita
If anything was worth doing, it would've already been done.
Corollary: Nothing is worth doing.
Sent by D-D-D-Dave
You can do anything except light a paper match on a marshmallow under water
Sent by John
Ants will always infest the nearest food cupboard.
Sent by anonymous
Long's Law
Those who know the least will always know it the loudest.
Sent by Chris Moore
McFalls' Maxim
No degree of acceptance can ever change the facts.
Translation: You may come to terms with being screwed, but nevertheless you're still screwed.
Sent by Oliver McFalls
Hunter's Corollary to Murphy's Law:
Things always go from bad to worse.
Hunter's Observation on Beauty:
Beauty is only skin deep, fashion even shallower.
Hunter's Observation on Experts:
An expert is someone with an opinion and a word processor.
Hunter's Observation on Sugarcoating:
All pornography is air-brushed or computer-enhanced.
Hunter's Observation on hypocrites:
A person without values or standards can never be a hypocrite.
Hunter's Observation on Education and Oz:
"We can give you a diploma, but we can't give you a brain."
The last six laws were sent by Hunter
Sgt. Murphy's Law
Don't get into a pissing contest with a skunk.
Sent by Bird Waring
The Law of Stupid Tricks
Just because you CAN do something doesn't mean you SHOULD.
Sent by Zenjive
Garbage abhors a vacuum. It will grow to fill available space.
Corollary: The more space you have, the more junk you'll have.
Sent by Magycke
Paper is always strongest at the perforation.
Sent by Mike
Things are never as good as they are bad.
Sent by Scott Miller
Chaos always wins, because it's better organized.
Sent by Regards Walter citing Terry Pratchett
The Wingwalker's Rule:
Don't let go of something until you have a hold of something else.
Sent by D. Kinloch.
A bird in the hand is messy.
Sent by Ted Machler
The mud that won't come off on the doormat immediately adheres to the carpet.
Sent by Jenny Pitt
When you wear new shoes for the first time, everyone will step on them.
Sent by Pieter
If Murphy's law is correct, everything East of the San Andreas Fault will slide into the Atlantic - Steven Wright
Sent by Deke
If Murphy's Law can go wrong it will.
Sent by Mark
Cheer up, the worst is yet to come...
Sent by Yaron Budowski
If at first you don't succeed destroy all evidence that you ever tried.
Sent by Damien Hope
Mrs. Murphy's Law:
If anything can go wrong it will go wrong when Mr. Murphy is out of town....
Sent by Sharon Murphy
If all else fails, hit it with a big hammer.
Sent by Jeronimo
Warneke Law
You cannot force Murphy's Law to happen and you can't use it in reverse.
Sent by Warneke
When something goes wrong, you cannot find the solution in the instruction booklet, but someone else always does.
Sent by mark peacock
Everything in life is important, important things are simple, simple things are never easy.
Think about it, complete the circle.
Sent by Sam Diggly who's dad told her this law after she got married.
It takes forever to learn the rules and once you've learned them they change again.
Sent by Tracey Goldstein
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds,
the pessimist fears this is true.
Sent by what'd ya say?
You will find an easy way to do it, after you've finished doing it.
Sent by Conan Rock
Hofstadter's Law:
It always takes longer than you think, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.
Sent by Ben Jones
In Las Vegas, wherever you want to go in a casino, it's as far as possible from where you are, no matter where you are.
Sent by Lois Weiner
The wind will always blow opposite to your hairdo
Sent by G B
Wind velocity increases directly with the cost of the hairdo.
The probability of the toast landing peanut-butter-side-down is directly proportionate to the cost of the carpeting.
Sent by Keith Hipkins
Laundry Math:1 Washer + 1 Dryer + 2 Socks = 1 Sock
Sent by Bryan Ortiz
Window polishing:
It's always on the other side.
Sent by Jakob Sultan
Hall's Law:
Anyone who isn't paranoid simply isn't paying attention.
Sent by Colin
(Another) Hall's Law
Minor problem isn't.
Sent by Philip Hilbert Hall
A valuable falling in a hard to reach place will be exactly at the distance of the tip of your fingers.
If a valuable falls in a hard to reach place at a distance shorter than the tip of your finger, as soon as you try to reach it you'll push it to that distance.
The last two laws were sent by Luciano Quinones
If it looks good,
And it taste good,
And it feels good,
There has got to be something wrong some where,
So be careful.
Sent by Shirley Cameron
Two heads are better than one, even if one is a sheep head.
Sent by Robert Dion
The probability of rain is inversely proportional to the size of the umbrella you carry around with you all day.
Sent by GKarlitz1@aol.com
No matter how hard you try, every once in a while, something is going right.
Behind every little problem there's a larger problem, waiting for the little problem to get out of the way.
The last two laws were sent by Robert K White
When you really need something, its either not available, or can't be found. When you don't need it, its either available, or lays around in plain sight.
Sent by Robert Van Sile
Whenever you cut your finger nails, you find a need for them an hour later.
Sent by Jeff S
Law of Conservation of Filth:
In order for something to get clean, something else must get dirty.
Conclusion to the Law of Conservation of Filth:
It is possible for everything to get dirty and nothing to get clean.
Sent by Scott Tietjen, AKA, "Great Scott"
The file you are looking for is always at the bottom of the largest pile.
Sent by Larry
Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself.
Sent by G Martin
Gumperson's Law:
The likelihood of something happening is in inverse proportion to the desirability of it happening.
Sent by Ken Kaplan
Uffelman's Razor:
[Given Murphy's law, ...] One should not attribute to evil design any unfortunate result which can be attributed to error. A mistake (or series of mistakes) is the simpler and more likely explanation.
Conspiracy Corollary to Uffelman's Razor:
Nothing should be attributed to conspiracy that can be explained by error or a succession of errors.
Example 1: The alleged conspiracy to "fake" the Apollo moon landing.
Such an undertaking would be so likely to result in multiple glitches that it would be nearly impossible to pull off. Thus, conspiracy is an unlikely explanation of events. Accordingly, the "evidence" of the "faked" landing is more likely a result of the errors of those interpreting the evidence than of the evil design of the alleged conspirators.
Example 2: The Warren Report.
Any open questions in the Warren Report are more likely the result of the errors of the Warren commission, or the errors of those interpreting the Warren Report, than the result of a conspiracy to cover up the true facts.
copyright 1995, 2002. David G. Uffelman
Probability law:
Probabilities serve only and exclusively to determine the degree of improbability of the catastrophes that actually take place.
Corollary: If something is likely to happen AND desirable, it won't happen.
Sent by Sylvain Galibert
Common Sense Is Not So Common
Power Is Taken... Not Given
Sent by John Burke
Two wrongs don't make a right. It usually takes three or four.
If the truth is in your favor no one will believe you.
The last two laws were sent by Lenny Quites
When things go from bad to worse, the cycle repeats.
Sent by Rivers
Laws are like a spider web, in that it snares the poor and weak while the rich and powerful brake them.
Solon, ancient Greece
Sent by Red
key to happiness is to be O.K. with not being O.K.
Sent by Divya
The two most abundant things in all the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.
Sent by Ross Henderson
and another version to this law
The most abundant things in the universe are hydrogen, stupidity and opinions.
Sent by Martin and Henrik from Denmark
Stupidity is the fundamental driving force of the Universe, which explains why stupid people always go wrong.
Sent by Anonymousepad
Every rule has an exception except the Rule of Exceptions.
Sent by GL Roberts
If your action has a 50% possibility of being correct, you will be wrong 75% of the time.
Sent by Bob Holdegraver
If you plan for something to go wrong, and it doesn't go wrong, it would have been ultimately profitable for it to go wrong.
Sent by John Wilson
Common sense isn't.
Sent by Joe Facchini
The difference between Stupidity and Genius is that Genius has its limits.
Sent by Mark M Stevens
The universe is great enough for all possibilities to exist.
Sent by Elizabeth A. Kennedy
Those who don't take decisions never make mistakes.
Sent by Asier Zabarte
The only price you pay for greatness is knowing that it can't last forever.
Sent by Taranis Valerin
Anything that cant possible in a million years go wrong, will go wrong.
Anything that seems right, is putting you into a false sense of security.
If everything seems great, its already gone wrong.
The only time you're right, is when its about being wrong.
The only times something's right, is when everyone agrees its wrong.
The last five laws were sent by Thomas Wrobel
If a Murphy law is tried to be used to have a desired outcome, the law will backfire.
Sent by Pat M.
Its never so bad it couldn't be worse.
Sent by Raymond J. Gunn that says that his friend George Brabbs use to say it, then he died, now he wonders
Andrew's Law
When saying that things can not possibly get any worse - they will
Sent by Andrew Milbourne
Murphy's Metalaw
Knowing Murphy's Law will never help.
Occult Principle of Murphism
To know Murphy's Law is to draw its attention.
Avoidance Law
If for some reason Murphy's Law fails to operate, it is building up for something big.
Hermetic Murphism
As above, so below.
The big catastrophes are made up of smaller ones.
Buddha's Version of Murphy's Law
Decay is inherent in all things, strive unceasingly.
Fleming's corollary:
Nothing ever gets better.
Murphologist's Curse
Given time one can develop a sense of how Murphy's Law will act, but the Murphy Sense will tingle only after it is too late to keep the excreta from impacting the rotating blade based wind generator.
The last seven laws were sent by Azrias Mordax
The probability that something can go wrong is directly proportional to the square of the amount of inconvenience it can cause you
Everything that could possibly go wrong for anyone else always seems to happen to you
Law of cooperatives
In any particular situation, if three things can go wrong, they usually do in sequence, each facilitating the occurrence of the next
The last three laws were sent by Takura Razemba
Mr. Murphy warning:
Don't mess with Mrs. Murphy
Mrs. Murphy's Law:
If something goes wrong, it's Mr. Murphy's fault.
Last two laws were sent by Frank O'Neal
Mrs. Murphy's Law
If anything can go wrong it will, and when it does, the woman will get the blame
Sent by ginakell@hotmail.com
Lewis' Axiom
The person ahead of you in the queue, will have the most complex transaction possible
Sent by Robert Lewis
Every problem is replaceable with a bigger one.
Sent by Nabeel
Another name for Murphy's law: The law of conservation of misery
Sent by Achten
Carvalheiro's deduction
If in a particular circumstance Murphy's law don't apply, then something must be wrong
Sent by Filipe Carvalheiro
Sharad's Law
If Murphy's law is right then it will go wrong
Sent by Sharad Bhandari
A law about websites:
The more important it is to get to a website, the greater the chance the server is down.
Sent by Shaunna
Laws about this site:
The More the number of laws you claim to have, the more the number of laws you are going to miss.
Sent by Sathish
This site won't open when you want to show someone what exactly Murphy laws are
Sent by Dinni
Remember:
**** happens
Murphy's law is intrinsic.
Sent by wolfram
And on the eighth day God said;"O.K. Murphy, you take over!
Sent by Robert A. Silvestri
Larry Niven's summary of Murphy's Law:
The perversity of the universe tends to a maximum.
Sent by Kevin Boland
The road to success is always under construction
By Anton Figg (?)
If in a series events that could have gone wrong and didn't, It will have been ultimately beneficial for them to have gone wrong in the first place.
Sent by John Greeno
Bralek's Rule for Success:
Trust only those who stand to lose as much as you.
Sent by Don Jackson
whatever was supposed to happen, won't
Sent by TJ Engelking
You can't expect the unexpected, otherwise there would be no need for the word unexpected
You cant reason with the stupid
The last two laws were sent by Tye Boyce
If you lose something that is replaceable (textbooks, clothing etc) as soon as you buy a replacement the original will surface.
Sent by Nancy Decker
Clemens' Law
In any given situation, people will act so as to display the maximum possible amount of stupidity for that situation.
Clemens' Law short form
People are stupid.
Sent by Matt Clemens
What goes in must come out.
Unless it's the other way around.
Sent by Jeff Smith
Better to be a pessimist than an optimist because when you say the glass is half empty it will have to be refilled
Sent by Derek Drake
Sooner or later, you will spill your beer
Berneathys directional dichotomy
West is always East of somewhere
Berneathys formula fact
Instruction manuals are for losers
Berneathys guide theorem
You're only lost if you admit it
Berneathys gravitational paradox
If gravity is all around us, why can't you push a fat dog down the stairs?
Last five laws were sent by Mike Berneathy
Wet Law
A spoon placed in the sink will locate to maximize splash from the faucet
Pack Rat's Law
All horizontal surfaces shall be filled to capacity
Wife's Law
Anything worth doing is well worth over-doing
Reply:
Anything over-done isn't worth the extra effort
Last three laws were sent by Doug Ebeling
It's no the drop that kills you.... its the sudden stop
Sent by Martin Rowland
When things are going right, you won't notice
The cleverness of Murphy's Laws is inverse proportion to the number of laws
last two laws were sent by Lucky Number 11
The entropy of the universe tends to a maximum
Sent by Vikram Aphale
and never forget O'Toole's Corollary or
Sod's Law or
McGillicuddy Law
Murphy was an optimist
Well, there are a lot of people who think he was an optimist, aren't there?
Or in other words:
someone else always seems to get the credit for your work.
The harder you work the more people there will be to claim credit except when it backfires.
You get all the credit for the dumb move.
Murphy was an extreme optimist!
Says Charles L. Mays
And we'll end this page with something optimistic (don't hit me).
Don't worry about Murphy's Law, you know it's gonna happen anyway, so just get on with it and get it over with!
Sent by Ruth Beaty
The humor of Murphy's Law leaves you laughing at the end of the day.
If you make it through a Murphy Day...you win!

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