Good morning Good People....

The saga continues....

My "friend" and I had that talk yesterday. He called me yesterday and asked if I wanted to go shopping with him and them cook Italian chili...He had read some of the advice you fine folks have given me. Here is where we are...

I went over, walked in the door, and was greeted with the sweetest kiss and hug ever. (as friends with benefits, the kissing was not usually passionate)We walked his dog, and shopped for chili stuff. He held my hand (and I happily let him) the entire time we were in the store. We did run into a friend, and he introduced me as his friend, Melissa. We went back to his place and cooked together. He was very affectionate, stopping to hug me occasionally, smack my butt, muss my hair....stuff he does not usually do. We ate (with the tv off) watched a movie cuddled up (that is not unusual) and then he asked me to stay....I did...and it was so very different than usual (trying to keep it clean here) He woke me up this morning with another sweet kiss and made breakfast before we left for work. He even packed me some chili for my lunch today. WTF?? Could his actions be saying what he cannot? Am I just a sap? He pretty well knows I am a "sure thing" as far as he is concerned so why all of the extra stuff??

Good God, people, he is making me nuts!!

~Melissa

He READ this meaning, he is following our advise to be with you, because it gets him his way. NOT because he wants to have you as his "girlfriend"

he did read some of it...I was careful to pick and choose the parts I wanted him to read, just for that reason....I have a "real date" tonight, and that seemed to bother him some, but maybe he is just afraid he won't have my undivided attention anymore...

Thank you very much for the compliments yall

Secondly be careful of the information you share with him Missy. I know sometimes it's hard since you want to be close to him so badly. But the more he sees why you are doing things, the more control he has over the situation. The unknown is a very powerful force, and could be your biggest ally or greatest foe.

Try like hell to get it in your head to move on. Seriously. Don't tell him, show him that you are moving on. Spend some time with friends, and date around. HAVE FUN. Emotional dependency is becoming detrimental to you right now. You need to convince yourself, as well as him, that you don't NEED him.

If he want's to earn you back he should have to try a bit harder than to give you a few pats on the butt or a few kisses. Get that in your head. If he's begging for a relationship that's one thing, but stop reading into all his body signals it's just gonna drive you insane. Besides, your attention should be elsewhere.

Well, after the phone call I just got from him, I think you are dead on. Has anyone ever heard the expression "Don't ever make someone a priority while allowing them to make you an option..."
I now know that is the deal here...and I am done! Period!

Thanks for all the advice!

We have it in writing folks! You've so much to offer someone who will really adore you, MissyAnn ... so on behalf of all of us who have settled in the past ... DON'T DO IT AGAIN! It'll only be tough for the first few weeks and then the satisfaction of taking better care of YOUR NEEDS will be your reward. Hang tough, girl ... we're all rooting for you!

MUAH!!!!!

I'd love to say I am happy about this decision...but alas, I am not...I have made it anyway, and will stick to it. I will miss my sex life, that's for sure....LOL

You guys are awesome!

I think I speak on behalf of everyone who's participated in this thread when I say that you won't be alone for long, girl! You have such a magnetic personality -- so fun, sincere and generous that you will draw the right man to you if you're patient (and choosey ) enough!

Just think how proud you're going to feel when you can write and tell us about Mr. Wonderful who has swept you off your feet, who can't commit to you fast enough because he doesn't want to lose you knowing what a gem you are ... trust me ... this will all be a blip on the radar screen when the right one comes along!

I wish you the best. Don't ever accept less than the very best for yourself.

Ok, folks...so far so good...I am getting ready to go out with someone else tonight for dinner and a movie..and to be perfectly honest, I hate that it is not "him." He has called at least half a dozen times to hang out this weekend and I have managed to find excuses to not go over...ARGHHHHHH!! This ain't easy, people, but I suspect it is doable....so far, I think, (who in the hell am I trying to convince here, me or you guys? LOL)

hugs and kisses to all of you!

~Melissa

OK, so I am weak! I did not cave until yesterday... So yesterday, I went over, we cooked and ate dinner together, drank a little too much, and I finally asked him wtf he problem was...you know the "why don't you want me" question...Damn that Cuervo!

Anyway, the answer that I got seemed genuine, he told me that I deserved better than him...and while that is true...I am sure that was just an excuse...

Good God, why am I so crazy about this man?

BTW, I have not had sex with him since Thurdsay...

~Melissa

Personally, I think you should stop. Friends with benefits can be tricky. If you really care for him then you shouldn't do it, you are just gonna get hurt. Some people can do it while others can't, sometimes they can or can't depending on the person.

Your best bet would be to move on. If somewhere deep down he wants you, he is not really gonna know it until you are gone.

LISTEN TO THIS!!!!!

Have some respect for you, even he sees he is not good enough. Why don't YOU believe it?

I had to go back and read this whole thread before commenting. Sadly I have to say that if the sparkle isn't there in the beginning it won't develop at a latter date. Love develops, sparkle is either there or it isn't. Good sex aside, I have to ask why you would stay with someone and try to build something when it is apparent you don't have the same needs from the "friendship"? I think I would feel severely used in this situation. Sex isn't an even trade off for self respect. And everyone deserves to feel they are the highest of priorities in thier relationships. If you aren't from the beginning there is very little chance you will be down the road. Don't waste valuable time or precious emotion on someone who isn't there with you. As hard as it is let go and move on. There is someone out there who will cherish you for what you are truly worth, but you won't find them hanging on to someone who doesn't.

Best of luck gurlie~

Hard facts:

Grow up, accept what is going on or STOP spreading your legs.
All this boo hoo BS, is just that.
You know the score; "you deserve better" BS what a line.
He is either:
1. not looking for a relationship
2. just using you till he finds better.

I am upfront, I will never marry again, still love Gwen. Ladies either accept me as I am or not.
Have never/will never do it anyother way.

Sorry to be so hard, just disgusts me deals like this. You both need to be up front with eachother.
If you enjoy the sex, use him till you find better, but tell him that.

My thoughts on this sort of thing.
"What happens behind closed doors, should STAY THERE."

WOW, this is a really interesting thread. It just shows how confusing relationships can be. Possibly the guy is confused. I find myself in a similar situation, but I am the guy and the girl is the strong one. Of course us guys are weaklings when it comes to sex. So, I guess it is good she can stand her ground. We are friends after the break up of a 6 year relationship. The benefits have ended or are on hold, not quite sure. The spark was fading prior to the breakup. Now that we have broke up and remained friends, it appears there is a spark, but we are in spark suppression mode. We are still affectionate and get along well. But, at times I feel like we should either make it or break it. Being such good friends and helping each other out, makes it seem silly to just end the friendship. But, I know things are going to have to go one way or another at some point in time. So what does one do when in reality there spark is probably there, but we try to ignore it? To say the least life is strange.

Actually the "Old Sage" is telling it like it is. But emotions can cause things to become cloudy and not so cut and dry. IMHO

the "You deserve better than me" is the lamest excuse a man can use instead of telling you the truth...as long as you keep putting out Im going to take advantage of the "no strings" attached situation...
It works great for him, hes got his cake and gets to eat it too...time to send him to another bakeshop honey, he's only going to break your heart.
But you already know this..you're here looking for reasons to justify your actions, your hopes and your desires instead of accepting the truth.
Enjoy the ride while it lasts, when you cant stand what you see in the mirror anymore, then you'll have the strenth to move on.
good luck

I had a FWB for a couple of years and it worked great for us but I dont think it can work for everyone!!! And sage is right, either accept the circumstances or cut the ties, he is feeding u a line of crap!!!

tried the friends with benefits in the past , guess where it got me, heart broken and with the guy as my new BROTHER N LAW!!!!!