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| Topic: Friends with Benefits | |
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Melissa, I would end the friendship and look elsewhere.
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Just end it, tell him it is not appropriate and that you need to move on. End it with no "what ifs"... clear boundaries.
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Edited by
katiekat83
on
Tue 05/20/08 08:26 AM
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I'd say its time to find someone new.
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There are two ways you can handle this situation.
1. Pop smoke, break contact. Peace out. C-ya later. Get the picture? 2. Don't break contact. People are funny. 50 bucks says if you start getting remotely serious with someone else he's gonna start persuing you. If you sit there and say, no more sex, he will start to resent you. If you start seeing someone else and back off the sex as a result of you seeing someone then he will more than likely understand and come to the realization that he was taking you for granted. The backasswards thing about that is when you start getting remotely serious with someone else you are going to be less interested in this guy. Funny how this works huh? This will more than likely lead to you persuing that new person which, again brings us back to choice number 1. So i guess you should move on either way. Be careful about giving him ground rules and trying to spend every waking minute with him when there is no physical contact permitted. This could make things a bit ugly. If you want things to go smoothly, then simply move on. Find other things to do. Spend more time with other people. Then he will be a victim of his own cicumstance instead of resenting you for new rules you set that he has to follow. Do you see where i am going with this? Move on, find someone new, spend more time doing other things. Lose your emotional dependency on him because you are seriously just wasting your time. The "spark" he speaks of doesn't just occur after you reach a "comfort" stage in a relationship. This is why they say it's bad to move too fast physically. If the sex exceeds the emotional (romantic) part of the relationship you kinda lose that spark and jump into a comfort zone. The same goes for the other way as well. If the romance exceeds the physical part of the relationship for too long you still lose. They are both kinda dependent on one another. Another thing to take into consideration is this "spark" is just infactuation. It's most powerful at the beginning of a relationship. On a side note: Also, keep in mind that people are animals. Here is something kinda nifty to think about. Animalistically, women are the choosers and men are the pursuers. Men sometimes need to feel like they are men. They need to feel like they are pursuing you, and beating the odds. Sometimes, when anyone throws themselves at someone, it kinda makes them second guess things. This information is extremely circumstancial though. Give them something to chase, just a little, and it may feed into infactuation. But there is a thin line you must walk to do this. Go overboard and you are just playing head games and making your partner, or potential partner, stress out. Kinda like with women. If you make your female partner think she is the only woman on earth things may get boring and dull. If you let her know, yes, there are other women, yes many of them are attractive, but you are better, more attractive to me, and next to you these other women just cant quite compare, you will make her feel like a million bucks. Just a guess, after all, what do i know? |
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If you let her know, yes, there are other women, yes many of them are attractive, but you are better, more attractive to me, and next to you these other women just cant quite compare, you will make her feel like a million bucks.  Damn, that was like foreplay to me, guy! 
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Call me crazy, but I found this last post profound! You have a good handle on our situation. We were worried that because we stated out kinda hot and heavy that things would fizzle out...I think I am going to take some of this advice to heart...You people rock!!
~Melissa |
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Call me crazy, but I found this last post profound! You have a good handle on our situation. We were worried that because we stated out kinda hot and heavy that things would fizzle out...I think I am going to take some of this advice to heart...You people rock!!
~Melissa |
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Good morning, Looking for some input here. I just broke up with a man after knowing him for some time, but only dating him exclusively for a few weeks. He and I are compatible in so many ways, enjoy each others company, have the same warped sense of humor…well, I could go on, but you get the picture. We spend almost every waking moment together that we are not working, and some sleeping moments, as well. He was concerned that the “spark” wasn’t there…that he did not get that little “pitter-patter” in his chest when he sees me. We have continued to be, well, friends with benefits, and I am not sure I can do this anymore. We are both dating other people when we want to, but I have come to the conclusion that I want him and not another person. So I think I am hanging on to him in hopes that we will find that “spark.” He looks into my eyes a lot, and I can’t help but wonder how someone can look at you that way and there not be something. I think I am going about this the wrong way. Now, I have friends tell me that he is just using me…and I tell them that I am using him to, so what’s the difference? My Daddy tells me to back off (though he calls me most of the time, and run right over like a little puppy) Daddy says that I need to not make myself so available, and that maybe he will miss me. We do other things besides the “benefits” stuff. We eat out, cook together, go to the movies, shop, talk for hours…It’s not all about sex. I guess my question is can that spark develop? He says if it does, that I will be the first to know. Bottom line, I want this man! Is he just not into me? ~Melissa A woman whos willing to have sex but doesnt badger him about "where our relationship is going" is a guys dream come true secondly when a waman ends up doing it with a guy she had previously considered "just friends" and she says "it just happened" thats BS the guy planned it for months, he had that whole situation where "it just happened" planned down to every sentence he would say prior to the act Ladies: When it "just happens" its cause he damn near sat in a war-room with maps on the wall and little figures on a big table moving em aound until he was sure he had a plan, detailed down to every syllable and bit of body language, all to seduce u, believe me im a guy |
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OMG, too funny...and true, I am sure!
You guys are awesome! |
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Edited by
ElaineSeekingJerry
on
Tue 05/20/08 11:08 AM
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lizardking19 said ...
A woman whos willing to have sex but doesnt badger him about "where our relationship is going" is a guys dream come true secondly when a waman ends up doing it with a guy she had previously considered "just friends" and she says "it just happened" thats BS the guy planned it for months, he had that whole situation where "it just happened" planned down to every sentence he would say prior to the act Ladies: When it "just happens" its cause he damn near sat in a war-room with maps on the wall and little figures on a big table moving em aound until he was sure he had a plan, detailed down to every syllable and bit of body language, all to seduce u, believe me im a guy FINALLY, ladies! We have an insider and he's willing to spill all their dirty little secrets!  Someone pull up a chair for him and fetch the boy a drink! 
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done it, been there, not worth it.
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Edited by
lizardking19
on
Tue 05/20/08 11:59 AM
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FINALLY, ladies! We have an insider and he's willing to spill all their dirty little secrets! Someone pull up a chair for him and fetch the boy a drink! I wont spill more secrets for anything less than payment with sexual favours See thats MY plan at work
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FINALLY, ladies! We have an insider and he's willing to spill all their dirty little secrets! Someone pull up a chair for him and fetch the boy a drink! I wont spill more secrets for anything less than payment with sexual favours See thats MY plan at work Hmmm, another one...they really are all alike, ladies...LOL 
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OK, people...I tried to take everyone's advice last night...I really did...I am weak! I even printed this and let him see what everyone said. So what did I get..."let's see if we can work on things." Does he mean it? No comittment, just that statement.
What do you guys think now?? An I being bamboozled? ~Melissa |
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OK, people...I tried to take everyone's advice last night...I really did...I am weak! I even printed this and let him see what everyone said. So what did I get..."let's see if we can work on things." Does he mean it? No comittment, just that statement. What do you guys think now?? An I being bamboozled? ~Melissa With all due respoect ((((((Missy))))) dump his sorry arse  He's stringing you along, worse form of Manipulation,,one that involves the heart. Ya buddy,,you wanna work on it? Then COME GET ME for a change  Or BEAT FEET!!!! Your too beautiful for this game
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Thanks for the hug! And I am trying, I swear...I am just so darn crazy for this silly man that has this way of making me feel beautiful and wanted and sexy....ARGH~!!!!!!!!
I have even asked God to give me some strength...I did manage to tell him I was busy tonight, but I hated every minute of it. I am so weak! 
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Let me just say that once you have sex with someone, you are not only thinking you care because of the way you feel but also you have the way you guys react with the sex involved!! Sex really boggles the mind!! Thats why when you are trying to figure out things, you really need to take sex totally out of the picture and then see where things would be.
If you told him that you still wanted to be friends BUT no more sex, do you think he would hang around? If your answer is no, then you really need to get rid of him. People use people for sex, there is no easy way to say that. If you are going to put out, they will take it!! My dad always says, why would someone buy the cow when the milk is free...so why in the world would anyone commit IF you are giving them free sex? Get a committment and then have a sexual relationship!! Girl you need to stop seeing this person and having a sexual relationship if you both are going to date around. Is that fair to anyone else that becomes involved with either one of you? Absolutely not!! Dump him and move on, I promise you it might not feel good at first but in a few months you will feel much better...atleast you won't be playing a guessing game on how he feels!! Good luck
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Guys are always willing participants...LOL! So not true.... 
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Thanks for the hug! And I am trying, I swear...I am just so darn crazy for this silly man that has this way of making me feel beautiful and wanted and sexy....ARGH~!!!!!!!! I have even asked God to give me some strength...I did manage to tell him I was busy tonight, but I hated every minute of it. I am so weak! There is no TRYING here. In my opinion, there is loving yourself enough to demand respect and do what is right for you, and there is everything else. Start loving you and stop expecting it from others. (Being tough 'cus you need it)
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You go girl
!!! One step is better than none. And the fact your here, say you KNOW he's not into you  Can I ask a question? How does that make you feel beautiful, wanted and sexy?
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