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| Topic: How to be a Jerk... Instead of the Nice Guy routine. | |
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Generalizations usually have some basis in fact, but are no more attractive than any other stereotype. "Women only want guys that treat them badly", "All nice guys are whiny pu$$ies", etc. I have dated a lot of women and been lucky enough to have known the love of my life. I also have a great many female friends and I'm smart enough to listen to what they say. Women want respect, the same as a man does. What they don't want is some fawning yes man who constantly decalres his undying love, can't stand to be away from her, etc..... and men don't usually want those things from a woman either. It's unhealthy and almost parasitic. So- I could be wrong, (it happens a lot) but I'd suggest to all the nice guys that they treat there lady with respect, not deference and just be a ****in' man! I apologize for any general staements made above- I try to avoid them as I hate being lumped into them myself, but a little hard to avoid with this topic.  
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I believe in "Reap what you sow" and this applies to this topic as well. If you treat another with respect, 9 out of 10 times you will be treated in the same manner. Shallow thinking leads to shallow lives. Granted, there are exceptions to everything, but I have been a "nice guy" pretty much my whole life and have hed wonderous relationships. My marriage did not go south only because of her, I had a part in it also. When you lose touch with the way you are supposed to act and start expecting some sort of praise for it, you will be destined for doom. |
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any woman that treats a man this way and gets away with it only does so because he lets her...and for the 'women swarm these kinds of guys'...i disagree also. i mean to have someone play a bit hard to get is one thing..but if someone were to treat me that way..i'd simply leave the date. there is a middle ground between being 'the nice guy' and being a schmuck. agreed ... (( Deb )) |
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Generalizations usually have some basis in fact, but are no more attractive than any other stereotype. "Women only want guys that treat them badly", "All nice guys are whiny pu$$ies", etc. I have dated a lot of women and been lucky enough to have known the love of my life. I also have a great many female friends and I'm smart enough to listen to what they say. Women want respect, the same as a man does. What they don't want is some fawning yes man who constantly decalres his undying love, can't stand to be away from her, etc..... and men don't usually want those things from a woman either. It's unhealthy and almost parasitic. So- I could be wrong, (it happens a lot) but I'd suggest to all the nice guys that they treat there lady with respect, not deference and just be a ****in' man! I apologize for any general staements made above- I try to avoid them as I hate being lumped into them myself, but a little hard to avoid with this topic. It gives me so much hope to know there are guys like you out there; and to really illustrate for us that not all guys are whiny, "she made me treat her badly" types. |
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Lilith is right.. People will only treat you the way you allow them to... If you do not set boundaries of what you will and will not accept and you're with a person of less that gracious values/ethics then they will treat you wrong... We can't complain about how we're treated b/c we are in charge of ourselves and what we will allow... I do not think women just go for bad guys and I do not think women get away with a lot... I think that some do and some don't BOTH SEXES.. Why must we always be so 'general'.. A general statement really says nothing b/c the statement itself is impossible to prove. JMHO true be that  (( Joy ))
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Edited by
cflbikedog
on
Tue 08/12/08 05:13 AM
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I believe in "Reap what you sow" and this applies to this topic as well. If you treat another with respect, 9 out of 10 times you will be treated in the same manner. Shallow thinking leads to shallow lives. Granted, there are exceptions to everything, but I have been a "nice guy" pretty much my whole life and have hed wonderous relationships. My marriage did not go south only because of her, I had a part in it also. When you lose touch with the way you are supposed to act and start expecting some sort of praise for it, you will be destined for doom. |
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Here is the thing - I treat people - male and female - with respect and kindness because that is what I need to do FOR MYSELF. If they chose to treat me badly for it, that is their business and no concern of mine, really. I still have to be true to myself. If you are treating people well because you think that will get you what you want, it's really no different than treating them badly for the same reason.
What about treating people well because it's the right thing to do? |
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"If you really loved me.....You'de get off your ass and get me a beer"
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Edited by
SVImager
on
Tue 08/12/08 07:31 AM
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I believe in "Reap what you sow" and this applies to this topic as well. If you treat another with respect, 9 out of 10 times you will be treated in the same manner. Shallow thinking leads to shallow lives. Granted, there are exceptions to everything, but I have been a "nice guy" pretty much my whole life and have hed wonderous relationships. My marriage did not go south only because of her, I had a part in it also. When you lose touch with the way you are supposed to act and start expecting some sort of praise for it, you will be destined for doom. Well yes... I partially agree. If you are a Door Mat (nice guy), than you attract people stepping on you... or create a situation where you invite the person to step on you (kinda Conditioning the person to step on you)... Law of Attraction... Book "The Secret" |
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The truth is, if you get played. Thats your own falt.
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Edited by
SVImager
on
Tue 08/12/08 08:20 AM
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....Women want respect, the same as a man does.... Men wants UnConditional Respect... the kind that even if they fail to achieve their goals or in life.. their spouse is there to help pick them up and encourage them with words, not shove him down and bury him like the rest of the world. Women wants UnConditional Love... the kind that say you will LOVE her no matter what, even when she doesn't deserve it. A Women never ask, do you respect me... she always check even after 16 years.. "Do you Love me?". A men never ask, do you love me... but always graves the respect for doing. "Love & Respect" Book... forgot the Author. To me, This subject is mainly for maintaining a healthy Long Term Relationship. The Nice Guy issue is the initial stages of attraction. It sets the tone for the relationship. Some mentioned you like Nice Guys and there is nothing wrong. Did you ever get sick of him being so nice all the time? Girls like nice guys (who doesn't love being treated like a Princess... some straight guy), but they don't respect them. And, women have to respect their man. |
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....What they don't want is some fawning yes man who constantly decalres his undying love, can't stand to be away from her, etc..... and men don't usually want those things from a woman either. It's unhealthy and almost parasitic.... You are right. From "Ways of a Superior Man", The words he used is focus. The Feminine don't want the man to be focused on her. The energy should be focused on God or Goals. Because she doesn't want his happiness base on her satisfaction. She want to see that he will and can go on without her.... (paraphrased) |
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Generalizations usually have some basis in fact, but are no more attractive than any other stereotype. "Women only want guys that treat them badly", "All nice guys are whiny pu$$ies", etc. I have dated a lot of women and been lucky enough to have known the love of my life. I also have a great many female friends and I'm smart enough to listen to what they say. Women want respect, the same as a man does. What they don't want is some fawning yes man who constantly decalres his undying love, can't stand to be away from her, etc..... and men don't usually want those things from a woman either. It's unhealthy and almost parasitic. So- I could be wrong, (it happens a lot) but I'd suggest to all the nice guys that they treat there lady with respect, not deference and just be a ****in' man! I apologize for any general staements made above- I try to avoid them as I hate being lumped into them myself, but a little hard to avoid with this topic. I think you are spot on Cute kitty btw.... 
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Ask her if she wants a drink and than tell her Great... get me one too. Wait for her to open the door for you. Look away when the check hits the table... or run. Talk or Text, after she pays the meal... setup next date... with someone better. Ask her to spring for the Hotel, so you can have sex. Finish her drink. Look at every Hot azz that walks by... whistle a couple of times too. Talk about your EX and how you ditched her. Talk about your past conquest and how you ditched them. Are you my husband? 
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When a woman tells a guy he is too nice, she does not, DOES NOT mean nice.
When a guy calls himself nice, HE ISN'T. Nice usually means doormat. Get a grip!!!! |
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When a woman tells a guy he is too nice, she does not, DOES NOT mean nice. When a guy calls himself nice, HE ISN'T. Nice usually means doormat. Get a grip!!!! Thas why i say i'm sweet 
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When a woman tells a guy he is too nice, she does not, DOES NOT mean nice. When a guy calls himself nice, HE ISN'T. Nice usually means doormat. Get a grip!!!! So....I'm not actually nice?? I am a doormat?? Sorry. I AM a nice guy, and I am far from being a doormat. I can be an ass and do things that aren't very " nice guy " like just like almost every other guy. Like I said before, there is a line a guy has to walk between " nice " and " a**hole " The problem is, if you are nice, you are seen as weak ( as illustrated by Lilith's post ) and if you wind up doing the other " not so nice " things, you are seen as a jerk. Guys are in a no win position for the most part. The best thing we can do is just be who we are. If you are a " nice " guy....then that's who you are. If you are a jerk...stick with it. Because either way, someone will find you attractive enough to be with you. Some of the problem, I think, is that " nice " is being equated with " needy ". |
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Nope, your problem is you are labelling yourself.
If you say you are nice, that tells me nothing.... only that you are not very self aware. Nice is generic. It means nothing. You think you are nice. I doubt it. Because it means nothing and describes nothing, and has only negative connotations to women. You are SO not seeing the bigger picture. |
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nicely put
Nope, your problem is you are labelling yourself. If you say you are nice, that tells me nothing.... only that you are not very self aware. Nice is generic. It means nothing. You think you are nice. I doubt it. Because it means nothing and describes nothing, and has only negative connotations to women. You are SO not seeing the bigger picture. |
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Guys are in a no win position for the most part. That is not true. It is how you frame it in your mind and what you believe. Are you trying to prove to her you are the guy for her? If you are, than you already lost... because you are proving to her. A successful sort after Man has women proving to him that she is worth it. He is not needy. He barely has time for her. He doesn't have time to text a million msg saying he loves her. The Nice Guy does. Successful guy is not a jerk. It is the issue of FOCUS. He has better important things to do... which also attract women. Law of Attraction... The Secret. If you think you lack, than you lack. If you think you are in a no win position, than that is where you are or will be. |
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