I think a few responses read things into the situation that weren't there. What they didn't see is that you were in a very emotionally needy place at the time and made a decision based on filling a need, rather than what was right or wrong for all other parties involved.

This happens, especially when someone is being hurt or being denied something crucial to their well being. People can judge you all they want, but I watched my sister go through it and understand the motivations and emptiness that can lead to it.

But if you say your husband is good to the kids, just not to you, you may want to rethink your marriage. Even if you end your marriage, you probably can't continue with this other person. To many trust factors have been harmed all the way around.

If you have any desire to repair your marriage, you need to end things and focus on the things in the marriage you do have control over. And communication your emotional needs and how important they are to your husband.

yes, I would have been the first to judge harshly if I had heard of this situation coming from someone else...BEING IN AN EMPTY RELATIONSHIP DOES MAKE ONE VULNERABLE AND DO THINGS TO SURVIVE OR KEEP HAPPY AND SANE AT TIMES... With all that said u still didn't answer the question as to what i should do wish the guy. I think when we are hurting we look to survive, we may not make the best choices but in my case, not justifying the behavior, but i made a mistake which in the situation seemed harmless in the beginning but allowed it to go too far. Your response is so on point and you show an understanding of the human condition.

Moon did answer the question.... Are you not seeing the answer you want? It happens..... Laura only you can decide what to do and what is best for you.. None of us here can give you the "right" answer.. The "right" answer only lies within each of us for our own situations and even then we don't always have the right answer...

I won't tell you what to do or think about the two men in your life, I've seen similar situations and I do not judge, but the one thing I do not waiver on is the importance of the children... they are the ONLY thing that matters... not you, not him, not even your husband.. they are not adults and cannot care for themselves, they did not ask to be brought into this world, they were brought here and deserve the best of you.. Do what you feel is right for the adults but do the only right thing for them.. And yes you deserve happiness but not at their expense and I don't consider divorce at the expense of a child b/c being in a bad marriage can be worse for a child(ren)... jmho

The other guy sounds like he knows he is getting played. He is saying he wants to know facts like the flight number. He isn't talking to you too much. Did you tell a lot of lies and promises you haven't kept and now the house of cards is falling down around you?

If I was this younger man you met I would be so hurt if you told me all the lies. Still that is the thing I would want is to know - the truth. I have a really big heart and would probably still want you to be into it. Ahh...but then the details. There would be a lot of trust issues. You have kids? They mean more to you than myself? So you are not going to move here? You have to get a divorce? You aren't sure you want one because you put so much time into the marriage? Did you write that or did I misunderstand? If you did, guess the reaction after you tell him that?

ill just say you need some profesional help and lots of it... maybe you will get out of denial after a while...

Honesty is always the best policy and as harsh as this sounds, which is more important, him or your kids

Somestimes the grass just looks greener on the other side...

Just my oppinion , but......
Are you ashamed of your kids? I could NEVER not tell anyone I had kids.
You REALLY need to open up to your husband.

Agreed

then the round up kicks in

Bottom line is you need to tell all parties the truth. Tell the guy you are having the affair with about your husband and kids. Tell your husband about the affair you are having.

Having your lover know what exactly is going on so he can make the decision for himself whether to be with you or not is the only fair and respectful way to be with him.
You might have alot invested in your marriage, but what good is it doing you if its an unhappy and unhealthy marriage? Whether you end it with your lover or tell him the truth and he ends it, you are still going to be in the same loveless marriage you had a year ago, so why not just make the decision to end your marriage so you can go on with your life and be happy once and for all? JMHO

i agree.. the cake is getting moldy time to spit it out

Tell the man you met the truth, explain why everything happened as it did, and then let him draw his own conclusions from it. He deserves that much at least, it's not fair to him to keep him hanging like this, he ought to know once and for all what the deal is. Plus if you tell him, you can put your mind at ease about it a little bit, having fessed up about the matter.

As for your husband, well there's a lot to be done there too, and he should probably know about this and why as well. You both have to figure out I think just how much this marriage, your relationship and your kids mean, and once having established that, figure out where to go from there.

never ashamed of them. They are beautiful and blessed beyond words, Everyone who meets them falls in love with them. I never denied them with the intentions of continuing the relationship and the lie...It started out as a joke and my sister and I were drinking and having a good time. I am not condoning my actions at att... I was wrong for not being honest after the first conversation,,,, just was contemplating letting him go without revealing anything....cause he is waiting and not calkling me anyway.... so even if i tell him the truth chances and he forgives me... chances are we still wont be together, maybe friends.

Maybe so, maybe not, but nothing can really be figured out until he knows what the situation is.

well he is not calling me and some times things are better left unknown... just guessing..

as a man, (mind u he is a devout Christian who honors truth and honesty....) would u be able to forgive someone for lying about there kids after a year....thats the key, "A YEAR..." we talked everyday, multiple times a day about "us". I guess i got caught up in this fantasy and really grew to like him. He fell in love with someone he thought I was.. Never lied about me being married but told him my relationship was headed towards divorce... and that I was unhappy in it... the only lie , and i am not minimizing anything, is about having children. I told him many times that I wanted to tell him something and hoped he wouldn't judge me... but never brought myself to say it.

Well........as my mom always said.......you made your bed......now lay in it!!

Isnt life grande????

Oh thats right he is religious! Well, forget any return to love. He will forgive you on a spiritual level but if there is a stone around and he can't find his script. Oooo, I'd duck.

You are still trying to justify your actions and that's ok because that head and body are attached and aren't going anywhere. You will need to find a way to live beyond this. So justify away, whatever works for you.

Your previous comment about him not wanting to know and just go away. That is cold. Why are you even here? Is this your act of cleansing so you don't have to face it with your two men? Anyways I am out of this thread. I don't think you have a problem other than your feelings of remorse. Learn something and move on in life. Gotta get back to the Olympics. The Judo last night on-line was great but that poor guy was robbed. You know what though? He is still alive and well.