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| Topic: Could I be doing this on purpose? | |
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I just started realizing it recently. I don't WANT to do that, but I guess after so many goes at trying to be "the perfect woman" you kinda shut yourself off from honest attempts. I can't say I've met one man in the last year who honestly cared about me and wanted me for more than one thing. I think its like I'm going for those guys to justify not trusting men. I don't NOT trust EVERY man, it just seems that the ones I meet are worse than "bad boys" if you get what I mean. I'm just tired of trying to figure out this whole dating thing... I hate dating. I'm a relationship type of woman, I can't do drama... |
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Edited by
izzie
on
Mon 08/25/08 10:08 PM
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Do you think its possible that I'm subconsciously picking emotionally unavailable men to protect myself? I mean, if its someone that I pretty much know isn't going to be down for a relationship, then I already am prepared for it to NOT happen. Is it possible that after being hurt so many times I'm sabotaging myself to avoid getting close? |
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I just started realizing it recently. I don't WANT to do that, but I guess after so many goes at trying to be "the perfect woman" you kinda shut yourself off from honest attempts. I can't say I've met one man in the last year who honestly cared about me and wanted me for more than one thing. I think its like I'm going for those guys to justify not trusting men. I don't NOT trust EVERY man, it just seems that the ones I meet are worse than "bad boys" if you get what I mean. I'm just tired of trying to figure out this whole dating thing... I hate dating. I'm a relationship type of woman, I can't do drama... KYLE!! You are reading my mind again!! |
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Edited by
JaceKnows
on
Mon 08/25/08 10:27 PM
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Maybe you could convince the NEXT "emotionally unavailable" guy you come across to give you a Dodge Stratus in the mall parking lot like that one guy you "used".
Either way, YOU asking for less drama is like taking Stevie Wonder to Driver's Ed. Puhleeze! |
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Do you think its possible that I'm subconsciously picking emotionally unavailable men to protect myself? I mean, if its someone that I pretty much know isn't going to be down for a relationship, then I already am prepared for it to NOT happen. Is it possible that after being hurt so many times I'm sabotaging myself to avoid getting close? Ive done the same thing over and over again.Self protection ...And thats exactly why alot of people, men and women do it.I think Im still doing it as of now.... One day perhaps, we'l all be set free of our pasts. 
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Whats the payoff? What do you get out of relationships that go nowhere?
YOU keep doing it, and you must get something out of it. |
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Edited by
JaymeStephens84a0lc
on
Tue 08/26/08 05:13 AM
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Who's life doesn't have drama? I don't LIKE it, but sh!t happens. Who are you to judge me? The guy psyched me out and made me think I coulda been preg even though I KNEW in my heart I wasn't. I came here to vent about it and work it through in my head so that I didn't have to bother anyone in my daily life with it. With the guy who offered me a car... did I take it? NO, am I human enough to have considered it? YES. Longhair, you seem to always have something mean to say about me and its time you give it up. I'm not the horrible person you wish I was, and I'm not a drama queen by any stretch of the imagination. If something is bothering me I come here or blog about it to work through it so that I can keep my real life as drama free as possible. How strange is that? By my account I'm not the only one who does it...lol. You see me and there's something about yourself you see in me that you don't like. Guess what, tough. Get over it dear, because I'm not any of your concern. If you don't like me, post somewhere other than on my threads.
May I also point out that I did NOT start this thread to argue with a single soul. I was curious if I was the only one who does this, or if anyone had any advice how to stop it. I did not ask you to come in here and attack my character as if you actually know anything about me whatsoever, which you don't. |
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Whats the payoff? What do you get out of relationships that go nowhere? YOU keep doing it, and you must get something out of it. Thats an excellent question, one I very much intend to figured out the answer to. Thank you for that, I'll definitely consider your words.
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Jayme, check out the book I mentioned "Getting the Love You Want". It really is fascinating reading. When I read it, I blew off the first few chapters as nonsense, but then I felt like I had an awakening. People have tried for years to understand why we choose mates that are bad for us. Hendrix provides a compelling explanation. So much so, I gave the book to each of my adult kids. Don't listen to the people on this thread that come down on you because, whether they realize it or not, EVERYONE chooses their mates based upon their parent's behaviors. They'll never understand why people repeat the same mistakes in partner selection over and over unless they accept that. One thing I'll aways remember from the Hendrix book is his question (words to the effect); have you ever said to the person you are with "I feel like I've known you my whole life." That statement comes from similar characteristics a new love can have to one or both of your parents. That why we feel we've known someone new all our lives. It's not that we actually have known them that long, but we've witnessed the same characteristics in our own families that long!
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Bobby_J, that makes soooo much sense. You're really smart. Now tell me why I get so bored with jobs...lol. I'm not quittin the one I have til I have another one, but dammit I get bored really easily. Maybe I'm slightly ADD... which isn't completely impossible.
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Bobby_J, that makes soooo much sense. You're really smart. Now tell me why I get so bored with jobs...lol. I'm not quittin the one I have til I have another one, but dammit I get bored really easily. Maybe I'm slightly ADD... which isn't completely impossible. I think I can explain why! I spent 25 years consulting in Information Technology going from company to company. I loved it because I was always in new envoronments and learning new things. In '99 AT&T convinced me to join them as an employee. I had four different director positions with AT&T. The first two positions, I stayed in for just over a year each. In my third position, my boss asked me a question during my annual review that caught me by surpise. She asked; "Bobby, I know you have shifted positions often. What will it take to keep you in our group?" My response; "Don't let me become bored!" In my response I realized that I have an insatiable need to always be learning something new. Once I knew everything about a position, I became bored and felt compelled to move on to a new challenge. I think that's what you may feel, too! My advice, get yourself into some sort of consulting type position where you'll always be happy learning new things. |
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Who's life doesn't have drama? I don't LIKE it, but sh!t happens. Who are you to judge me? The guy psyched me out and made me think I coulda been preg even though I KNEW in my heart I wasn't. I came here to vent about it and work it through in my head so that I didn't have to bother anyone in my daily life with it. With the guy who offered me a car... did I take it? NO, am I human enough to have considered it? YES. Longhair, you seem to always have something mean to say about me and its time you give it up. I'm not the horrible person you wish I was, and I'm not a drama queen by any stretch of the imagination. If something is bothering me I come here or blog about it to work through it so that I can keep my real life as drama free as possible. How strange is that? By my account I'm not the only one who does it...lol. You see me and there's something about yourself you see in me that you don't like. Guess what, tough. Get over it dear, because I'm not any of your concern. If you don't like me, post somewhere other than on my threads. May I also point out that I did NOT start this thread to argue with a single soul. I was curious if I was the only one who does this, or if anyone had any advice how to stop it. I did not ask you to come in here and attack my character as if you actually know anything about me whatsoever, which you don't. Perhaps, all you need is a good perving? 
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Do you think its possible that I'm subconsciously picking emotionally unavailable men to protect myself? I mean, if its someone that I pretty much know isn't going to be down for a relationship, then I already am prepared for it to NOT happen. Is it possible that after being hurt so many times I'm sabotaging myself to avoid getting close?
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Of course it is. We all do this sometimes. Just slow it down, relax, and be yourself. Overthinking can hurt too. I've done all that....
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Bobby_J, that makes soooo much sense. You're really smart. Now tell me why I get so bored with jobs...lol. I'm not quittin the one I have til I have another one, but dammit I get bored really easily. Maybe I'm slightly ADD... which isn't completely impossible. I think I can explain why! I spent 25 years consulting in Information Technology going from company to company. I loved it because I was always in new envoronments and learning new things. In '99 AT&T convinced me to join them as an employee. I had four different director positions with AT&T. The first two positions, I stayed in for just over a year each. In my third position, my boss asked me a question during my annual review that caught me by surpise. She asked; "Bobby, I know you have shifted positions often. What will it take to keep you in our group?" My response; "Don't let me become bored!" In my response I realized that I have an insatiable need to always be learning something new. Once I knew everything about a position, I became bored and felt compelled to move on to a new challenge. I think that's what you may feel, too! My advice, get yourself into some sort of consulting type position where you'll always be happy learning new things. You're a genius!! You're soooo right!!! Thats it!! |
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