Ah but she is not yet 18.

Makes the Parent/Guardian responsible.

You have every right to remove said license from her possession.

I bought a car for my youngest daughter. I control how much she drives
it by limiting her to gas she pays for.

it all sounds good but......her dad would tell her to give me hell.

He's real mature

Yes but she doesn't live with her dad...she lives with you...Don't let
her control you....Take charge and let her know who the parent is that
makes the rules!!!!!!!!!!!

One place to learn about parenting without arguing is loveandlogic.com.
It's helped a lot in my house. My favorite saying is "love you too much
to argue"... if there is one thing kids love to do it's draw you into an
argument about family contributions. Having a clean room is for their
own health and benefit, but what I've learned to do is to ask if they
can have their room clean by 3 pm on a certain day or would noon be
better? (And if they want friends over a clean room is a MUST in my
house... it's amazing how they will clean for a friend!) Close the door
to the room so you don't have to see the mess every day. Remind
yourself that a clean room didn't matter when 911 hit and it won't
matter when Christmas comes either. When you get the time, listen to
some of the audio they have online. I found some really great advice
there. Hope this helps! :)

I agree...

I try to not argue with my children. I am the parent there is no
arguement.

I have done my best to raise them without anger but my discipline is
swift.

Anger and discipline are two different things.

well therer is always the unruley child issue

is she doesn't wanna listen tell her
you will make the phone call

end of discussion

i don't know about yer state but ohio says
you may not own a motorvehicle if not an adult

someone has to sign the title

and then there isthe insurance issue
gotta have it but i would not but her
on yours so refuse to sign the title

let dad do it and if he says no
tell her give him hell not you

Kim this is this over a bedroom or is it a control issue.If your ex is
gonna interfere in every decision then ship her over there and let him
take some heat for awhile.You need to sit her down ,draw up a contract
which states clearly her responsibilities in the house and the penalties
for not doing them then stick to your guns.Take those keys,the cell
phone etc.she may get mad but she will respect you more than if you let
her draw you into a shouting match .then get on the phone and chew the
ex a new a$$ for not supporting your ground rules and encouraging your
daughter to talk back.

I cannot say that I have the solution for you. I divorced when my son
was 14; he lived with me. Not only was he a slob, but his bedroom had
many odors. I would pick up the house (not his room) before leaving for
work and come home to another mess. I'd pick up again and by morning,
another mess was waiting for me.

He's now 23 and asked if he could move back for a few months to save
some money. I don't know how long I can handle him here again, but
thank goodness we get along much better now. He has matured, so
hopefully . . .

jax it is about her perpetial messes it ids bad i mean graphically bad.

She is a great human soul

she is struggling to grow up and she knows everything.....she thinks.

I try not to argue with her no point in it..

I set rules..

But i have alot of guilt with kelly,

So I try to be constant but not alway possible because she is so
involved with acedemic school. activities.


For example she had a major lead in acolllege play.

she was wore out from all the rehearsals her moods were everywhere I
punished her.

then when the play was finally done with they had a party .....etc

so my guilt and her hard work got the best of me.....


So as in child rearing you have to pick the battle that is most
important.etc.

No it is not about control jax.

It's true concern, as to being so gross as a young adult or

i do not know how to gauge her disgusting bad habits..


so she can learn that alittle mess is cool but disgusting habits .....


are un acceptable.....

this whole topic is of concern for her ..Not boundries and control.

she is a very responsible young girl just sooooooooo nasty>


I am not a neat freak but I can't stand filth. (sp)

I have had two teenagers, and I have two to go.

How did/do I manage the 'messy' years?

I asked them to clean up...twice...then I left it alone, and shut their
bedroom door...what was in their room was theirs..it was their space,
not mine.

In the rest of the house the deal is and was, and always will be , we
are a houseful of personalities that live together. We share a house,
and as housemates we work as a team.

Is pretty simple, I ask can someone washup please and I will do the
laundry, and can someone else grab a broom

Sometimes I dont want to wash up...well, sometimes neither do they, so
we just swap jobs. And as to picking up the stuff around the house that
wasn't put away?

A one time reminder if it is still there in the morning, it is
binned...and it is.

No dramas, no yelling, we are a noisy house but yelling gets me and them
nowhere, so I don't, I ask, once maybe twice.

And may I add, they are nice, polite, respectful kids, all of them, to
me and everyone they meet.

The way I get my kids to do stuff, first of all, don't just hammer them
for not doing what you want or ask of them but reward or praise for a
job well done.

Another thing that works well for my kids, is to tell them to clean the
room one time, let them know if you have to repeat yourself, you will
clean it up and anything that is not put away in the proper place goes
into the garbage, and enforce that rule. I tell my kids one time after
that I take care of business and more often than not it shows them that
I mean what I say and I will do what I say.

Everyone is different in some circumstances and similar in others so it
may work and may not.

good idea lee.my son is six and i got sick of straightening up so i just
closed his door.my daughter was a pig too.now that she's a mommy she is
a little more neat but not much.
kim count your blessings.Sounds like you have a good kid there.When she
goes off to school and has a roomie ,she will be cleaner.I've noticed
that the really smart peeps arent concerned with trivialities like
cleaning.as long as she showers and does some housecleaning ,god
bless.Brandon loves to dust and help with the dishes.Good luck Kim andI
still say the ex needs to back you up when needed.

Hello Jax I guess for me, I just wondered why I was
always doing this manic stuff all the time, and why was I always
cleaning up so crazily like 'Better Homes and Gardens' photo shoot team
where about to arrive?

Cause they weren't and didn't.

SO I kind of just figured it was a HOME, not a house, and we all lived
there...all of us, and we are different. And surprisingly, it works, we
can almost always see out of the windows, see the floor, and have clean
plates, and clean clothes.

I guess it was a case of don't sweat the small stuff, they were gonna
grow up and be on their way quick enough...

BIG SISTER HUGS LILSISTER!!!!
I get 0 help let alone a decent RESPONSIBLE dad on this end but not all
dads OR moms are bad. Just ours ya know! I
tell ya i was a real wildchild and put my mom thru hell during those
years. Know what worked for her? She told me to get a job.

Smart woman! She knew where i was, no walking on egg shells, fights,
pffffts, i was making money, had my OWN pocket money for girly things
and my own CAR but most importantly she KNEW where i was and i was not
getting into trouble. You might calmly suggest she think about working
as car expenses, insurance, gas isnt exactly FREE.
and you too can have the same bliss my MOTHER had every night i
was working. HAHAHA!!!

I appreciate what both of you are saying this goes way beyond cleaning
rooms shttttt I would just shut the door in that case...

But yes jax she has poetry published in books on book shelves at
stores.....she is that grand.......



But somewhere I lost her...

I don't want her spirit brokeI just want her to take care of disgusting
gross stuff. that I would not dare put on the forum..

you didnt lose her she is just going her own way.

yep Diane she is going to work too.

The child has to be busy......or she goes nuts.....


She gives me hell and love.....

My heart rules my head...

I don't know why I think I have it that bad really she is so damn
gifted.

I guess I just depressed from teen age stuff.

my son wasn't easy .but this one is tough.......


My mom warned me what goes around comes around..

So here I sit with alil mini me....but I was not disgusting..

I know jaz it's killin me. Now you made my eyes tear up brb.

lilsister when i get done with this parenting class for unruly teens and
juvenile delinquents....(yea like this fits for my 8yr old hey?!)
i will be happy to forward this workbook on to you. Its full of
wonderful advice and like fedman said you got to give her some POSITIVE
STROKES as you mentioned she is academically involved. Sometimes being a
single mom or dad we forget those three words everyone including our
youngins wanna hear. I LOVE YOU!
Mine hears it about a trillion times a day and he tells me about a
trillion Xs he loves me. When he is a real keester and i am beyond livid
i tell him i dont like what you are doing, behaviour, etc, but i still
love you. Understand lilsister?!

barbie i hear ya...i always tell my kids that I hate the act but will
always love you no matter what.
I think Kim is afraid of the upcoming empty nest....