AQUARIUS - Jan 20 - Feb 18:

You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be progressive.
You lie a great deal.
On the other hand, you are inclined to be careless and impractical, causing you to make mistakes over and over again.
People think you are stupid.

PISCES - Feb 19 - Mar 20:

You have a vivid imagination and often think you are being followed by the FBI, CIA, IRS, MI6 or Mossad.
You have a minor influence over your associates and people resent you for your flaunting it at your peers.
You lack confidence and you are generally a coward.
Pisces people do horrible things to little animals.

ARIES - Mar 21 - Apr 19:

You are the pioneer type and hold most people in contempt.
You are quick tempered, impatient and scornful of advice.
You are not nice.

TAURUS Apr 20 - ay 20:

You are practical and persistant.
You have a dogged determination and work like hell.
Most people think you are stubborn and bullheaded.
You are a communist.

GEMINI May 21 - June 20:

You are a quick and intelligent thinker.
People love you because you are bi-sexual.
However, you are inclned to expect too much for too little.
This means you are cheap.
Geminis are known for committing incest.

CANCER June 21 - July 22:

You are sympathetic and understanding to other people and their problems.
They think you are a sucker.
You are always putting things off.
That is why you'll never amount to anything.
Most welfare recipients are Cancer people.

LEO July 21 Aug 22:

You consider yourself to be a born leader.
Others think yoare pushy.
Most Leo people are bullies.
You are vain and dislike honest criticism.
Your arrogance is disgusting.
Leo people are known thieves.

VIRGO - Aug 23 - Sept 22:

You are the logical type and hate disorder.
Your nit-picking is sickening to your friends.
You are cold and unemotional and sometimes you fall asleep while making love.
Virgos make good bus drivers.

LIBRA - Sept 23 - Oct 22:

You are artistic and have a difficult time with reality.
If you are a man, you are more likely to be gay.
Chances for employment along this line and monetary gain are excellent.
All Libras die of a sexually transmitted disease.

SCORPIO - Oct 23 - Nov 21:

You are shrewd in business and cannot be trusted.
You shall achieve the pinnacles of success because you totally lack ethics.
Most Scorpio people are murdered.

SAGITRARIUS Nov 22 - Dec 21:

You are optimistic and enthusiastic.
You have a reckless tendency to rely on luck.
The majority of Sagittarians are drunks and dope fiends.
People laugh at you a great deal.


CAPRICORN - Dec 22 - Jan 19:

You are conservative and afraid of taking risks.
You don't do anything and are lazy.
There has never been a Capricorn of any importance.
Capricorns should avoid standing too long, as they tend to take root and become trees.

wow sag was spot on

ARIES - Mar 21 - Apr 19:

You are the pioneer type and hold most people in contempt.
You are quick tempered, impatient and scornful of advice.
You are not nice.



Missed me competely with this one.

Best Horoscopes I've ever seen:

AQUARIUS - Jan 20 - Feb 18:

You're Gonna Die.

PISCES - Feb 19 - Mar 20:

You're Gonna Die.

ARIES - Mar 21 - Apr 19:

You're Gonna Die.

TAURUS Apr 20 - ay 20:

You're Gonna Die.

GEMINI May 21 - June 20:

You're Gonna Die.TWICE

CANCER June 21 - July 22:

You're Gonna Die.

LEO July 21 Aug 22:

You're Gonna Die.

VIRGO - Aug 23 - Sept 22:

You're Gonna Die.

LIBRA - Sept 23 - Oct 22:

You're Gonna Die.

SCORPIO - Oct 23 - Nov 21:

You're Gonna Die.

SAGITRARIUS Nov 22 - Dec 21:

You're Gonna Die.


CAPRICORN - Dec 22 - Jan 19:

You're Gonna Die.

finally a horoscope that is being honest.

TAURUS Apr 20 - May 20:

You are practical and persistant.
You have a dogged determination and work like hell.
Most people think you are stubborn and bullheaded.
You are a communist.